Flat-Out Matt (3 page)

So why had he jumped into the backseat of Erin’s car that day? How could he have done something so stupid? He should have been less rash. Finn could have gotten into the front seat, couldn’t he? And then pulled the emergency brake twenty feet from the house? He could have done something besides allowing Erin to careen around on icy roads. Of course, it was easy for Matt to run through hundreds of alternatives. That was the nature of things like this, wasn’t it? The gift that keeps on giving. Hours, days,
years
, of agonizing thinking ahead of him.

Gee, the future just looked brighter and brighter all the time.

The doorbell rang. Matt frowned. Who in the world could that be? As he started for the door, he heard the surprising sound of Celeste’s footsteps tear out of her room and down the stairs. And even more shocking, the sound of absolute jubilation as she yelled out, “He’s here! He’s here!” She couldn’t possibly have invited someone over, could she?

He stopped at the top of the stairs and listened, but the conversation lasted mere seconds before Celeste slammed the door. Only one set of footsteps thundered through the entryway and into the kitchen.

“Matty! Matty! You must witness the grand reveal! You must be here for… for the unveiling! Everything is going to turn around.”

Unnerved by the now-uncharacteristic thrill in his sister’s voice, he made his way hesitantly into the kitchen. No guest was with her, but Celeste looked undeniably happy. Her eyes were bright and her face flushed with excitement. She stood in the center of the kitchen, hands on both cheeks, staring at the large rectangular shipping box on the floor. Considering how long and flat the package was, Matt had to wonder what sort of party supply this could be. More importantly, what had she ordered that had lifted her spirits so dramatically? Well, whatever it was, Matt was damn happy it was here.

As he opened his mouth to speak, Matt realized that he didn’t know how to address this version of Celeste. Speaking to a happy girl had become unfamiliar to him. He watched as she rummaged in a drawer and located a pair of scissors.

“I am going to use significant caution as I remove the tape that is sealing these edges. Cuts, tears, and other tragedies would be a result of my rushing ahead. I cannot let my enthusiasm impair my performance.”

“What…uh…” Matt cleared his throat. “What do you have there, Celeste?”

She knelt down, poised with open scissors, as she assessed the package. “I am having difficulty determining how to approach this.” Celeste looked at Matt, real happiness in her eyes. “Would you please assist me? My hands appear to be trembling, and I would not want to ruin this moment with an injury inflicted upon myself or him.”

Who the hell was
him
? Who cared right now? Celeste was interacting with him, reaching out to him in a way she hadn’t in months. He noted that it was now impossible to ignore that her speech patterns had become noticeably more odd over the past few months. He hadn’t had much of an opportunity to hear her voice given how little she’d had to say recently, but he shrugged it off. He was just pleased to see her so animated.

“Yeah. I… I guess so. You’ve got me curious.” He walked to her side and squatted down next to her.

Celeste handed him the scissors. “Now, you must promise to use the utmost care when severing the packaging. Okay? Okay, Matty?”

He smiled at her. “Sure. Of course I will.”

Matt confidently slid the scissors between the folds of the brown cardboard. It must be some sort of giant poster, although considering the cost, he was pretty sure she’d completely overpaid. No matter. It was nice to be doing anything with his sister that didn’t involve stony silence, cutting comments, or catatonia.

“There! You have done it!” Celeste announced. “I will lift the top off myself. I do so appreciate your assistance with this.” She took her hand and placed it on Matt’s knee.

Matt took his hand and put it on top of hers, looking at her with curiosity.

Celeste lifted her face and flashed a smile. “This is going to make a profound difference. Everything is about to change, Matthew. I am flooded with genuine anticipation and optimism.”

“Then… then so am I,” Matt agreed. “Let’s see what you bought yourself.”

“It’s not an
it
,” she said, clearly affronted, and she pulled a long, flat shape from the folds of the shipping cardboard. Celeste lifted up the object as she stood. “It’s a
him
.”

Matt felt his stomach tighten and his pulse pick up

“Oh my God, Celeste.” He wasn’t smiling anymore. “What have you done?
What
have you done?”

 Matt started to shake his head back and forth, struggling to understand. In front of him stood a flat, life-sized cutout photograph of Finn.

The prodigal son returns.

Celeste had positioned some sort of flap near its feet so that this creepy replica of his brother stood on its own. She stepped back and admired her purchase. “Matthew, meet Flat Finn. Flat Finn, meet Matthew.” She spun to face Matt and waited expectantly.

He could feel his whole body beginning to tremble, and he continued shaking his head.

Celeste wrinkled her nose in irritation and whispered in Matt’s direction. “I believe that it is considered polite to introduce yourself or to otherwise impart some words of greeting upon meeting someone for the first time.”

What did she want him to say?
Oh, good. Finn’s home! At last!
All he could do was feel positively ill. He was surrounded by pain all the time, and now he was being asked to converse with this… this nightmare version of his dead brother? It was hard enough to look at pictures of Finn without being overwhelmed with grief, but this was too much. It was too crazy.

“No. No way, Celeste.” Although he spoke slowly, his voice was harsh. “Get it out.”

“What? What is the matter?” She took a step closer to Flat Finn.

“You’re not doing this. Get rid of it. Why would you want that? Why?”

Celeste’s face fell. “I do not understand why you are so angry with me. You are not responding the way I had envisioned you would.”

“You thought I would like this? God! Wh…what exactly do you plan on doing with this thing?”

“It is not a thing.
He
is Flat Finn. He is going to be my sidekick and accompany me as I participate in daily activities. Flat Finn will watch over me as I sleep, he will have a place at the dinner table, and I have a feeling that he will be quite helpful with my history homework.” She leaned her head in closer to the picture, positioning her ear by the mouth in the photograph. “Oh.” She giggled. “He says that he has arrived to rescue me, just like the real Finn would do if he could. That is very kind of him. Matt, this is symbolism at its finest, I believe. Flat Finn will stay with me as a representative of my real brother.”

“
I’m
your real brother!” Matt could hear himself screaming now. “I’m real! I’m here!”

“I… I… I know that, Matthew. I did not mean to imply—”

Matt moved swiftly across the room and grabbed the cardboard cutout with both hands. Celeste had gone insane. This was going into the trash right now.

“No! NO! Matty, no!” Celeste grabbed Matt’s arm and dug her feet into the floor. “I need him!”

“No way. You are not doing this to yourself. Or to Mom and Dad. I’m putting this piece of crap out front in the garbage.” Nearly blind with emotion and from the tears that were clouding his vision, he started for the front door. “This
never
happened. It’s done, okay? It’s all done.”

He was almost at the entryway when he heard a noise come from Celeste that stopped him cold. An excruciating, mournful howl. He closed his eyes as a wave of nausea swept through him. A thud sounded as Celeste dropped to the floor and released another guttural moan. Somehow he managed not to vomit. Matt left the Flat Finn thing where it was by the door and went back into the kitchen.

Celeste lay in a heap on the floor, choking on her sobs.

“We can’t have this in the house! It’s not normal, Celeste. You’re not doing this to us! You’re not keeping that!” Matt had no idea how he was forming words right now. His thoughts were fuzzy, all rationale drowned out by the piercing ringing in his head. He cringed as she slammed her hands into the floor over and over.  

He took a few steps toward her, and she lunged at him, pushing her fists into his chest as she tried to rush past him to reach Flat Finn. Matt chased her to the front door and reached out reflexively, grabbing her around the waist, pulling her back before she could touch the grotesque cardboard cutout. “Forget it. Consider it gone. This is over.”

“Matty!” she screamed through sobs. “Just this one thing! Let me have him!”

“Absolutely not! Are you kidding me with this?”

“STAY AWAY FROM ME! HE BELONGS TO ME, NOT TO YOU! I GET TO HAVE THIS. MATT! I GET TO HAVE THIS! I DO!”

Matt froze, but kept her in his grasp. He had never heard her like this before. “Celeste….” His voice was softer now. From his own grief. From his own fear.

She spun around and fell into him, hitting his arms hard and still screaming. “YOU HAVE TO LET ME! YOU HAVE TO LET ME! I cannot do this without him! I cannot! I cannot! You must let me have him!” Her knees began to give out, and Matt lowered her to the ground, cradling her while she cried. He could feel her struggling to breathe. “I need to feel better. Help me, Matty. Please.”

Matt held her tightly while he tried to pull himself together. “Okay. It’s okay. Everything will be fine. You’ll keep Flat Finn.” Her breathing eased. “You’ll keep him.”

They stayed on the floor together as Celeste recovered. As they both recovered. She lay down, using his lap as a pillow, and Matt wiped her face dry with his hands.

Matt was too scared to say anything else, but finally she looked over at Flat Finn, towering above them, and spoke. “I know that your initial assessment of him is not exactly stupendous, but I truly believe that he is going to find a place in your heart. He means a great deal to me. I have missed Finn so profoundly, and it is reassuring to have him back.”

“Honey,” Matt started. “That’s not….”

“I am fully aware that is not the real Finn. He is a placeholder. Like when a child has a favorite blanket, Flat Finn will be my security object. Only with more character than an unhygienic, unattractive, dirty fabric scrap.”

Matt just nodded.

“I want to talk about Finn right now,” she said.

“Okay.” He paused. “Let’s talk about Finn.”

“Where do you think that Finn would be now? He was going to travel, remember? Mom and Dad were going to be furious, correct? They would not have been pleased that he was going to spend a full year exploring the world instead of studying at college, but I think that it would have been thoroughly fascinating. Do you remember what he planned for this adventure?”

“I do.”

“If I were to hazard a guess, I would say that Finn would quite likely be in Portugal right now.”

Matt took her hand in his. “And what would he be doing there?”

“A strenuous bike tour through indescribably beautiful landscapes.” She shut her eyes. “Where would he go next?”

“After he’d romanced all the available women?”

Celeste laughed softly. “Yes.”

“Finland, of course.”

“He would not! You are very funny, but that location was not on his list.”

“Fine. Then he would go to the Netherlands.”

“And next winter he would ski in Austria. I know that would be a favorite of his. Can we go online later and look at pictures?”

“Sure. That would be fun.”

Celeste rolled onto her side, letting him rub her back. “Tell me more, Matty. Tell me about all the adventures that Finn would have. I like how you describe things. Can you do that for me?”

Matt smiled. “I can do that. Sure. I’ll do whatever you need.” He took a deep breath. “Well, Mali has a number of volunteer opportunities….”

Flat-Out Love
, Chapter 8, Matt’s Point of View (MPOV)

Matt Watkins
This status update is way too condescending. That means it's talking down to you, you may not have known that.

Finn is God
Ugh. Is there a shorter word that means “uncooperative” and can be spelled with letters cut out from an assortment of magazines? Getting really tired here.

Julie Seagle
Everything should be open 24 hours a day, all the time. I can't be expected to know in advance when I'm going to need anything.

Matt took his time walking home. Even though he had a ton of work to do that night, even though his messenger bag was now cutting deeply into his shoulder after the T was delayed, and even though he was starving and desperately wanted to scrounge for food, he wasn’t eager to get home. She was there. Julie. The girl who had invaded their family and disrupted the delicate balance Matt had fought so hard to establish.

Her presence here was a reminder of everything Matt had lost. They were all lying about Finn again, the way they always did to those who didn’t already know.
He’s off traveling, that wild boy! Such an adventurer and humanitarian!
It was really disgusting. If it weren’t for Celeste’s fragile state, Matt wouldn’t put up with this, much less actively participate. Julie being here made their dysfunction all the more pronounced. The way she responded to Flat Finn’s presence was so kind—and Julie was so smart—that it was certain she must look at them all with utter dismay. What made it all worse was that she had an appeal that tugged at a distant part of him, although he was fully aware she would never look at him with any hint of a romantic overtone. That was just a fact. Maybe a few years ago it could have been different, because Matt had been different, but certainly not now. Nor did it really matter because Matt didn’t have the desire, nor the capability, for anything outside of what he was already dealing with. Julie would be gone in a few days, and they could go back to hiding out in their controlled, insulated world.

As much as having her around threatened the equilibrium of the household, Matt would miss Julie. That didn’t make sense, considering he’d only known her for a few days, but he couldn’t deny that she had an energy and light about her that brought Celeste noticeable happiness. No, perhaps not happiness, exactly. But he saw a spark in Celeste that he hadn’t seen in a long time. Watching the two of them on the couch the other night while they went through Julie’s course book and photos on her computer terrified him, but he also saw Celeste press Julie for interaction in a rather wonderful way. His terror had more to do with how Julie was going to respond to this kid who carted around a cardboard brother. The truth was that Julie’s ability to navigate so seamlessly around the Flat Finn issue ticked him off. How she was able to relate so well to Celeste (well, and to Flat Finn) seemed profoundly unfair after Matt had done everything that he could for his sister with minimal progress. Plus, it was plain embarrassing. What Julie must think of them all ….