Flaw Less (16 page)

—
Sullivan Webb

 

 

Sullivan studied the calendar. It had been almost six weeks since her encounter with Vaughn, and her period was officially five days late. She didn't want to get her hopes up too high. It had been late before. Unlike the previous times, however, this time was a welcome surprise. The only dilemma would be pinpointing the exact date she conceived. Not that it mattered, though. For all intents and purposes, any child that came out of her body would only know Charles Webb as its father.

Charles dragged into house looking downtrodden and defeated. “Hey, honey.” He gave Sullivan a peck on the lips.

“You look sad, but I think I have news that will cheer you up.”

Charles sighed and sank down onto the sofa. “My spirits certainly could use a lift.”

Sullivan rushed to his side, laying a hand on his shoulder. “What's wrong, honey? What's going on?”

He reached for her hand. “My doctor called with my test results from my physical a couple of weeks ago.”

Sullivan covered her mouth with her free hand and braced for the worst. “Charles, please don't tell me it's cancer.”

Charles patted her hand and chuckled a little. “No, nothing like that, sweetheart.”

She exhaled, relieved. “So what did he say? Does he want you to lose some weight, start working out more?”

“Yes. My cholesterol and blood pressure are a little higher than he'd like it to be, and he's worried about atherosclerosis.”

“My God!” gasped Sullivan. “What's that?”

“It's buildup of plaque in the artery walls. Sometimes it can lead to a heart attack or a stroke, but that's not what concerns me.”

“Well, that's what concerns
me!
” exclaimed Sullivan. “I keep telling you those hens at the church aren't doing you any favors by cooking all that fried, lard-infested soul food.” Charles didn't say anything. “What's the matter, honey? What aren't you telling me?”

He took a deep breath and looked Sullivan in the eyes. “The doctor says I might not be able to have children, Sullivan. He says most of my sperm aren't active and haven't been for a long time.”

Sullivan froze, the air and life seemingly sucked out of her. She began trembling. “Did you say the doctor said you were sterile?” She had to make sure she'd heard him correctly.

“Well, not completely sterile, but it's definitely what the doctors consider to be a low sperm count. Without some intervention, there's a very slim chance of you getting pregnant the old-fashioned way.”

“Wa-wa-wait, Charles,” she stuttered, clutching her chest. “Doctors can be wrong. Those tests can be wrong!”

Charles shook his head. “He ran the test twice, honey.”

“It's a mistake!” denounced Sullivan. “There's got to be some kind of mix-up or something!”

She began panting. Thoughts began racing through her mind. She'd slept with Vaughn. She didn't use any birth control, and now her period was late. She was prepared for the letdown of not being pregnant. She was even prepared for a possible miscarriage or a stillbirth. Being pregnant with no possible way to pass Charles off as the child's father was the one scenario she hadn't considered.

Charles folded Sullivan into his arms. “I know you're disappointed, sweetheart, but there's still hope. I'm already taking steps to remedy the problem.”

“How?” she wailed.

“Well, the doctor's got me started on these fertility pills to increase my sperm count. That alone will increase our chances by about 25 percent. But, Sullivan, there are so many children out there who need homes and two parents to love them. Maybe God wants us to take in and love one of those children instead of trying to make some of our own.”

Tears sprang to her eyes. “How could this happen?” Sullivan wondered aloud. “Is this some kind of sick joke?”

“I'm just as disappointed as you are,” said Charles and released her. “But the Lord knows His plans for us. He's always right. Don't ever question that. We have to trust Him.”

“Charles, I want you to get that doctor on the phone. No—we need a different doctor. We need a second opinion.” She began rummaging through the room looking for a telephone directory. She found one inside the ottoman. “That test can't be right. It just can't be!”

Charles took the phone book out of her hands. “Another test is not the answer, sweetheart.” He felt her hands. “You're trembling, Sullivan. What's wrong?”

Sullivan swooned, falling back a little. “All of sudden, I don't feel so good.” Charles caught her, and she leaned on her husband for support.

“Come over here and sit down.” He walked her back to the sofa. “Take it easy.”

Sullivan tried to breathe normally. Then she felt bile rising in her throat. She muttered, “I think I'm going to be sick . . .” before vomiting all over their sofa and coffee table.

Charles held her hair back while she hacked up everything she'd eaten that day. “Did that make you feel a little better?”

Sullivan sat up and nodded. “A little bit.”

“I'm sorry, Sullivan. I didn't mean to upset you this much.”

“It's fine,” she croaked. “I just need to clean all this up, brush my teeth, and jump in the shower.”

“Baby, you go on upstairs and take care of yourself. You need to go lie down. I'll clean this up and come check on you in a few minutes.”

“Okay, thank you.” Sullivan stepped over the mess and made her way upstairs to her bathroom.

“It's just stress,” she told herself to calm down. “That's all it is.” Stress, virus, terminal illness—anything would've been preferable to the reality that she might actually be pregnant with a baby no one would ever believe was her husband's.

—
Sullivan Webb

 

 

“See, it's like I told you on the phone,” Charles explained to Lawson as they watched Sullivan swaddled in their bed, crying softly. “She won't talk; she barely eats; and she won't get out of bed.”

Lawson touched Sullivan's shoulder. “Sullivan, are you all right?” Sullivan didn't respond.

Charles sighed. “She's been like this for the past two days, ever since we got that doctor's report.”

Lawson swung around, alarmed. “What doctor's report?”

“Oh, I thought she told you.” Charles seemed a little embarrassed. “I'll spare you all the details. Suffice it to say that it's not going to be as easy to conceive as we'd hoped.”

Lawson's heart went out to him. “I'm so sorry, Charles.”

“I'm still praying for a miracle, nothing is too hard for God. It was a major setback to Sullivan, though. She had her heart set on being pregnant by Christmas.”

“Is it okay for me to have a few minutes alone with her?”

“Of course. I actually have to get over to the church, but I didn't want to leave her alone. If you could sit with her for a little while, I would certainly appreciate it.”

“Okay, you go do what you need to do. I'll keep an eye on Sully.”

“Thank you, sister.” Charles leaned down and kissed Sullivan on the forehead. “I'll be back in a couple of hours, sweetheart.”

Lawson listened for the door to close behind Charles before saying anything. “Okay, Charles is gone, so you can stop the drama queen act. What's going on, Sully? What's this all about, other than a pathetic attempt to get some attention?”

“It's over,” sobbed Sullivan. “It's all over.”

“What is—this charade?”

“My life, my marriage,” she groaned.

“Is this about the baby? Sully, Charles isn't going to leave you if you don't have a child. If he was going to leave you, it would've been because you slept with Vaughn.”

This made Sullivan bawl harder.

Lawson sat down next to her. “What in the world is wrong with you? Do I need to call in the troops?”

Sullivan sat up and wiped her eyes. “No, don't call them, especially not your stupid sister.”

“If you want any sympathy from me, you'll need to refrain from calling my sister stupid.”

“Well, she is, Lawson!”

Lawson rose from the bed. “Okay, I'm going to leave now that I see what this little stunt of yours was all about. I strongly suggest you find more productive uses for your time, Sully. You might want to consider getting a job.”

Sullivan shooed her away. “Go on, leave! Walk out like everybody else!” she cried.

Lawson rolled her eyes. “You know these hysterics only work on Charles, right?”

“You would be knocking on hysteria's door too, if you knew . . .” Sullivan buried her face in the pillow.

“Knew what? That you and Charles may have to adopt? Look at it this way—at least you wouldn't ruin your stick figure with pregnancy pounds. If you don't like that option, you could exercise your faith and wait for God to bless you and Charles with a child of your own.”

Sullivan propped her head up. “When have you ever known me to wait on God or anyone else to make things happen?”

“That's the part that frightens me.” Lawson reached for her phone after hearing it vibrate. “It's Angel.” She answered the phone. “Hello?”

“Did you and Sully forget that you're supposed to be meeting Kina and me for lunch? We've been waiting thirty minutes!” barked Angel through the other end of the phone.

Lawson slapped her hand over her forehead. “I'm sorry. I totally forgot; I'm sure Sullivan did too. I'm at her place right now. You two may want to come over. She's in the middle of another meltdown. I haven't quite gotten to the bottom of it, other than knowing it has to do with Charles and the baby.”

“Is she pregnant?”

“Why don't you two just swing by, and we'll let the first lady explain it for herself.”

Minutes later, with Kina in tow, Angel pulled her car up to Sullivan's gated entrance. Lawson let them both in and led them to Sullivan's bedroom.

Angel squeezed Sullivan's hand. “Sully, Lawson told us the doctor's report about Charles. I'm so sad to hear that.”

“There's still a chance you could get pregnant,” Kina reminded her. “Plus, there are so many children just waiting for a couple like you and Charles to adopt them.”

“It may already be too late for that,” disclosed Sullivan.

“Why, because of the application and waiting process?” asked Angel. “I know that sometimes adoptions take years, but if you go ahead and get on some lists now or start looking into foster care—”

Sullivan stopped her. “It may be too late for me to worry about getting pregnant because . . . I may already be pregnant.”

“Oh my God, really?” exclaimed Angel. “Sullivan, you should be praising the Lord! That's wonderful news.”

Lawson was bewildered. “Sully, if that's the case, then what have the long face and the tear faucets been about? Are you afraid something could be wrong with the baby and don't want to get your hopes up?”

“No, I'm praying to God that I'm not pregnant at all!”

Angel squinted her eyes, confused. “What? Five minutes ago, you wanted a baby with Charles and now you don't?”

“Yes, I want a baby
with Charles
, and no one else,” stated Sullivan.

Lawson shook her head. “Sweetie, you're talking in circles. One minute, you want a baby, the next you don't. Now you want a baby with Charles, but you're praying that you're not pregnant. Just come out and say whatever it is you're trying to tell us.”

Sullivan moaned. “You know that scripture that says, ‘Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed?'” asked Sullivan.

“Yes, that's somewhere in James, I think,” answered Angel.

Sullivan threw up her hands in capitulation. “Well, I'm confessin', and you heifers better get to prayin'!”

Lawson dropped her head. “How did I know another one of your deathbed confessions was coming next? To be honest, I don't even want to know all the dirty details. Just tell me which side it falls on, illegal or immoral?”

“Lawson, don't be mean,” admonished Kina. “Let Sullivan get whatever this is off her chest. Remember, the Bible says we are called to bear one another's burdens. It shouldn't matter that Sullivan makes us bear more burdens in a week than most people do in a lifetime.”

Sullivan smacked her teeth. “Kina, I'm really too stressed out right now to try to figure out whether you're trying to insult me. All I know is what I'm about to say may be a little bit shocking and my methods slightly unorthodox, but remember that everything was done with the best intentions.”

Angel closed her eyes. “Sullivan, just so we can be prepared, on a scale of one to ten, how bad is it?”

Sullivan thought for a moment. “Possibly an eleven.” They all groaned and grimaced. “Hear me out before you make those judgmental faces, all right?”

“I probably need to sit down for this,” said Angel, scooting in next to Sullivan.

“What exactly did you do?” grilled Kina.

“Well, I was ovulating. As you know from being a nurse, Angel, there was a very small window for me to conceive if I wanted to get pregnant within that month.”

Angel nodded. “Okay, so what's your point?”

“With Charles being knee-deep in paperwork, he hasn't exactly been in an amorous mood when I need him to be, so I helped the situation out,” Sullivan took in a deep breath, “by going to my local sperm bank.”

“Jesus Christ!” sputtered Lawson. “Please don't tell us that you had yourself artificially inseminated!”

Sullivan chewed on her nails. “Well, it wasn't exactly artificial . . . and it wasn't actually a sperm bank.”

“This just keeps getting worse by the second,” uttered Angel.

Lawson shook her head. “Sullivan, please explain what you mean by, ‘wasn't actually a sperm bank' and ‘wasn't exactly artificial' because it almost sounds like . . . I can't even say it. The thought is just too crazy, and I know you would never do anything that reckless and stupid.”

Angel gestured her hands toward Sullivan. “Lawson, look who we're talking about here! Reckless is a way of life for her.”

“Angel, don't talk like I'm not in the room,” snapped Sullivan. “I'm upset enough as it is.”

Angel exhaled. “Okay, Sully, you're right. We just really need to hear you say that you had yourself inseminated with Charles's sperm. As sick as that it, it's a lot better than the alternative.”

“Which is what?” demanded Sullivan.

“
You being inseminated with someone else's sperm!
” answered Lawson.

Sullivan silently looked away, fiddling with the tassels on one of her decorative pillows.

Angel studied Sullivan's body language. “Oh no! Whenever she's quiet and fidgety, that means she's either plotting or she's guilty.”

“Stop being ridiculous!” retorted Kina. “Sullivan would never do anything like that, would you, Sully? She loves Charles too much, and she would never hurt him that way. Go on, Sullivan, tell them.”

“If you'd stop and look at this thing from my point of view, you'd see that I did it
for
Charles,” rationalized Sullivan.

“So, it's true,” concluded Lawson. “You could possibly be carrying another man's baby.”

“Sullivan, no . . .” The disappointment registered on Kina's face. “How could you do that to Charles?”

“I didn't do anything
to
Charles. I did it
for
him!” she insisted.

“No, you did this for
you
, Sullivan!” argued Lawson, pointing her finger at Sullivan. “I don't even know what to say to you right now.”

“It would absolutely crush Charles to find out,” said Kina. “It would more than crush him, it would kill him.”

“Don't you think I know that, Kina? I wasn't thinking about the magnitude of what I'd done. That's why I've spent the last two days praying I'm not pregnant and hoping at least one of Charles's convalescent sperm was able to beat all odds and make it to my eggs before Vaughn's did.”

“Vaughn!”
spewed Lawson. “
You slept with Vaughn of all people?
”

“How long having you been sleeping with him again or did you never end the affair in the first place?” questioned Angel.

“It was one time, I swear.” Sullivan raised her hand as if taking an oath. “Yes, I admit I didn't think the whole plan through.”

Lawson clasped her hands together. “What in God's name was the plan, Sullivan?”

“It was just some insurance,” detailed Sullivan. “I was desperate, and I knew that Vaughn was moving away and taking all of that untapped sperm with him. It was a shot in the dark, just an added measure to ensure I got pregnant.”

“As ridiculous as this plan of yours sounds, you knew there would always be a chance that it would be Vaughn's baby,” said Angel.

“Biologically, yes, but he was simply a surrogate. It would be Charles and my baby in every way that mattered.” She sighed. “Of course, now that we know he's practically sterile . . .”

“It'll be a lot harder to pass off this bundle of joy as Charles's,” summed up Lawson. Sullivan nodded her head in agreement.

Kina broke her silence. “Sullivan, I don't think I've ever been this disappointed in you—in anybody! I mean it. This is as low as it gets.”

“Hopefully, this whole debacle never has to be brought to light,” implied Lawson. “She might not even be pregnant.”

“Have you been feeling any different? Any nausea or tiredness? Have you missed a period?” interrogated Angel.

“I threw up when Charles told me what the doctor said, but that was brought on by the shock of it all. I'm a few days late, but that happens from time to time.”

“There's only one way to be sure,” said Lawson. “You've got to take a pregnancy test.”

Angel shook her head. “This is too big to chance like that. Sullivan, you need to go see your doctor. If he does an ultrasound, he may be able to pinpoint the conception date by the size of the baby.”

“I can't go to my doctor,” Sullivan objected. “He's a member of the church.”

Lawson massaged her temples. “This is such a nightmare.”

Angel hopped off the bed. “Let me make some phone calls. I may be able to get you in somewhere.” She walked out into the hallway as she scrolled through the contacts on her cell phone.

“Kina, you're being awfully quiet,” noted Lawson.

“I just . . . I don't know what to say. I mean, Sully, you're my friend, but Charles is my pastor and my boss. How am I supposed to keep something like this from him?”

“You'll find a way,” commanded Sullivan. “Charles can't know anything about this, Kina. My marriage would be over, and you know it.”

“How can you knowingly let him raise another man's baby?” questioned Kina.

Sullivan flung back her comforter. “First off, we don't know that I'm pregnant. Second, if I am, we don't know for sure it's Vaughn's child. Furthermore, this is between my husband and me. It's not up to you to say anything.”