Follow You Down (23 page)

“So, how was it?” My mom, Jasmine, Jason, and Todd are all sitting on my living room watching a Channing Tatum movie.

Jasmine pauses the movie and my mom scoots over some on the couch so I can sit down.

I’ve just walked back into my apartment from the date Jasmine set me up on. Adam is a thirty-year-old stockbroker who wore a suit and tie when he picked me up. His blond hair was brushed back with gel so it stuck down to his head and looked wet.

“Well, ya know how some first dates are bad? The guy’s breath smells like feet, he ‘forgot’ his wallet at home so you have to pay, and you get green stuff stuck in your teeth. Those are signs you’re on a bad date. Then there’s the date I had. It puts all bad first dates to shame.”

Todd laughs and reaches up from his spot on the floor and pats my knee. “You poor thing, tell us all about it!”

Everyone starts laughing, including me. “It’s really not funny. He’s such a dickhead. First, he asked me if I would change shoes because mine looked like stripper heels.” A collective gasp falls over everyone. “Oh, I know! But I did it anyway. I figured it was just a poor choice of words. Then, we get to this insanely glitzy five-star restaurant and he orders a bottle of wine. I tell him that I would much prefer a whisky on the rocks, and he tells me that whisky is for men, and women should only drink wine and champagne.”

“Holy shit.” Jasmine’s eyes are huge and her mouth is partially open.

“Oh no, it gets so much better! Then, when we order dinner, he orders me a salad. I tell him that I was really looking forward to a steak, but he says that he thought from the way my dress fit so tight, that I should probably stick with the salad since it had less calories.”

My mother literally spit out her wine. “Rich fucker said what now?”

“Oh yeah, just wait till you hear this part. After dinner, we go to some snotty jazz club for drinks. Before he even had a chance to order me a glass of wine, I walked to the bar and ordered a whisky sour.”

My mother beams with pride. “That’s my girl.”

“He starts in again about how classy women don’t drink whisky. I couldn’t even stomach dealing with him anymore, so I had the bar call me a taxi and left him there.”

Jason looks appalled. “You didn’t tell him you were leaving?”

“Nope.” I pop the p and stand, walking to the fridge to grab a beer. After I have one in my hand, I take my seat back on the couch. “It was the worst date I have ever been on.”

Jasmine is trying to hide her laughter. “I’m so sorry, honey. I swear I will find you someone better for the next one.”

“There won’t be a next one, Jasmine.”

Jason gives my knee a nudge. “Oh, come on, sweetie, you got to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince.”

I shake my head. “I’m not ready to kiss frogs or princes. I miss Lucas. You all know it, and now I’ve admitted it, so can we please drop all of this. I don’t want to go on any dates, and I don’t want to talk about my feelings. I just want to drink beer and forget about it. Is that okay with everyone?”

They all agree and we continue the Channing Tatum mini movie marathon.

The next morning, I’m loading the dishwasher when someone starts pounding on my door.

“Who the fuck is that?” Something better be on fire for someone to be beating on my door like that.

“I don’t know, but I’ll get it.” I hear Jasmine say from the couch before she gets up to answer the door.

I only hear her side of the conversation. “Hey, uh, yeah, come on in.”

When I walk into my living room, I see Lucas standing by the front door.

“What are you doing here?”

He raises his eyebrows at me and wrings his hands together before setting them on his hips. He looks fucking furious. “How was your date with Richy Richy?”

Is this really happening? Who does he think he is? “Are you fucking with me right now, Lucas?” I wave my hand between the two of us. “We aren’t together. You don’t get to show up at my door and throw a hissy fit about me going on a date. You lost that ability when you lied to me!”

“Oh, step off your high horse. I’m not the only one who lied; am I, Dani?”

There is something about the way he says Dani that hurts my heart and knocks the breath out of me. He has never called me Dani; he always called me Red.

“What are you talking about?” My eyebrows pull together in confusion. What have I lied to him about for him to think he has the right to storm into my apartment and show his ass like this?

“I think I can shed some light on this situation.” My mom steps out of the hallway into the living room. I didn’t even realize she had been listening this whole time.

“After your date last night, I got Lucas’ number out of your phone.”

She did what? “Why the hell would you do that, Mom? This is my business, my life! I don’t need you sticking your nose in it!”

She closes the small gap between us until she is standing in front of me.

“Now, Dani Gail, I know you’re not happy with me right now, but I’m your mother, and you will not disrespect me like that.” She takes a step away from me so she can see both Lucas and I to address us both. “I called him because you admitted last night that you missed him. I was calling him to just tell him to not give up on you; that you would come around in your own time, but I found out a funny thing when I talked to him. He didn’t know about the money Reggie had given you. The money you used to buy this apartment.”

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
She raises her eyebrows at me and takes a step toward Lucas. This is her way of showing me she is siding with him. I should be pissed off; my own mother taking my ex-boyfriend’s side instead of her own daughter’s, but I’m not. I have been a hypocritical bitch, and I don’t deserve for her to be on my side right now.

“I think there’s some things you two need to work out. Come on, Jasmine, there’s gotta be a place around here where I can get a good Mimosa.” She grabs her purse and keys off the coffee table and heads for the front door with Jasmine on her heels. Before shutting the door, Jasmine flashes me a sad smile and mouths “I’m sorry.” I know from the expression she is wearing that she had no idea what my mother had done, she would have told me if she did. She’s my best friend; we don’t keep things from each other.

“What the fuck, Dani. What. The. Fuck. You bought this apartment with his money. I slept in this apartment. I fucked you in this apartment. I told you I loved you in this apartment! And it was bought with another man’s money?”

“Lucas, I’m so sorry. I—”

He quickly cuts me off, “I’m not done, Dani. You left me for hiding from you the fact that I fucked Nikki, which I did before we were officially together, but you hid something huge from me. Something fucking massive. I can’t believe you.” He paces around my living room, running his hands over his dirty blond hair.

For the first time since he stormed through my door, I take a really good look at him. He’s even more breathtaking than I remembered. He’s wearing his favorite shirt and the dark jeans I always told him made his ass look good. One side of his jeans is partially stuck inside one boot, like he rushed putting them on and didn’t even pay attention to untucking them. He’s not wearing a belt either. He literally looks like he ran out of the door to get here.

“When did she call you?”

He looks slightly confused. “When did who call me?”

“My mom, when did she call you?”

“This morning. I left as soon as we got off the phone. I was going to call you, but I knew you wouldn’t answer. And I needed to see you.”

Now it’s my turn to look confused. “Why did you need to see me?”

He stops pacing and looks me directly in the eyes. My knees buckle slightly from their intensity. My mouth waters and I swallow, trying to calm my heart that is now beating a mile a minute. He looks angry, and beautiful, and furious, and in love, all at once.

“I needed to see if I still loved you.”

I stand in place, not sure what to say. Do I want to know if he still loves me? Does it matter? Do I still love him?

“I do. I do still love you, Dani. I don’t know if I want to anymore, but I do. I still love you.”

“Does it matter that I still love you too?” The words pour out of my mouth before I can stop them.

He stares at me for a moment, chewing on the inside of his mouth, running his eyes from my head to my feet, almost like he is studying me. “I don’t know anymore, Dani.”

“Stop calling me that.”

“Calling you what?”

“Dani. You’ve never called me Dani. You’ve always called me Red. Stop calling me Dani!” I storm away from him and head toward my kitchen. I don’t have to look behind me to know he’s following me.

“Are you fucking with me, Dani? Really, that’s what you’re going to get upset about right now? You’re unbelievable.”

“Me? I’m unbelievable? You fucked her, Lucas! That was hard enough to forgive but you saw her daughter, who you thought was your daughter at one time, and you hid that from me. How am I supposed to forgive that, huh? I was always supportive of you seeing Lisa, but you hid it from me anyway. You lied!”

“So did you! Quit with this pity me bullshit. You lied too. We both fucked up, okay? We both did our part in ruining this relationship, so don’t just blame it all on me. Why didn’t you tell me about the money? I knew about Reggie. I knew about the dancing, so why hide the money?’

I place the last cup in the dishwasher and slam it shut, spinning around to face Lucas. There is so much pain written across his face, which I put there. I want to keep yelling at him. To fight him. I have imagined how this fight would go over and over in my head. In most versions, I verbally assault Lucas, and then kick him in the nuts, but this version, the real version, isn’t going like that at all, because he’s right. I fucked up too. I fucked up more. I preached honesty but was never fully honest with him.

I sigh in defeat and hang my head, wringing the dishtowel I’m holding between my hands. “I didn’t want you to think that I was a whore. I let a man buy me, Lucas. That makes me a whore. I didn’t want you to think of me like that.”

He sighs and shakes his head. “Red, I would have never thought that. I love you too much to ever judge you like that.”

I feel a tear roll down my cheek but I let out a small chuckle.

“What’s so funny?”

I look up at him with a sad smile. “You called me Red.”

He sighs and stares at the floor, “so what do we do now? We know we still love each other, but we also know that we don’t fully trust each other either. How are we supposed to make this work without trust?”

“I, I don’t know.” I look at my feet again and can feel the tears rushing down. I want this with him. I have been trying to bullshit myself and everyone else for weeks into thinking I don’t care anymore, but I do. I care too damn much. I love him. He loves me. Why can’t that be enough?

Lucas’ voice breaks into my thoughts, “it can be.”

“What?” I realize I must have been thinking out loud. He takes a step toward me, closing the space between us so that I am backed against my counter. “You said that you love me Red, and I love you. That can be enough. We can work on the trust part. It will be hard, and it won’t happen overnight, but we can do it if we try. Sometimes loving me will mean following me down into my own personal hell. I need to know what that happens you’ll follow me and save me from myself, not run. So what do you say, so you want to try, Red?” He’s braced on the sides of the counter, his strong body covering mine, his mouth just inches away from my lips. I can smell the toothpaste on his breath. “What do you say, Red?”

I lean up on the balls of my feet, pressing myself against his chest, and place my lips barely away from his. “Lucas, I would follow you anywhere. I say okay.”

With those three words, he crashes his mouth to mine and lifts me up on the counter, standing between my legs. He kisses me for all the time he hasn’t in the past few weeks, placing his hands on both sides of my face to deepen our kiss, nipping at my lips before pulling away to make his way to my neck. He kisses my sensitive skin that is already covered in goose bumps.

“Fuck. I missed you, Red.” He pulls away from me so that we are looking in each other’s eyes.

“I missed you, Lucas. I’m so sorry for all of this.”

“No apologies, okay? We’ll figure it out. You’re moving though.”

I think about arguing, but I know it’s futile. He’s right. I should move. “I’m not moving into your man cave, Lucas.”

He laughs softly and places a hand on my cheek. “Okay, we’ll get our own place. Sound good to you?”

“Yes, sir, it does.” I smirk at him.

He growls and places both hands on my hips, pulling me closer to him so that I can feel his dick is already hard. “Don’t make me fuck you right here, Red.”

“Ya know, I kind of like that idea. I’ve always wanted you to fuck me on this counter top.”

“Your wish is my command, Red.”

He quickly removes my shirt and bra and begins palming my breasts and pinching my nipples while devouring my mouth. He drops down to his knees and slides off my shorts so that he is now face to face with my needy pussy. He licks his lips and looks up at me with a smirk on his face and a raised eyebrow. “Fuck, I’m hungry.” With that short statement, he dives into me headfirst, using his mouth and tongue until I am screaming, shaking and calling his name over and over. He stands up and begins to make quick work of his pants when the door opens and Jasmine walks in the kitchen.