Following Your Heart (23 page)

“I don't think so.” James shook his head. “I can ask my own girls home.”

“There you go!” Thomas led the way toward the barn. “That's much better. Just step right up and ask her.”

S
usan sat in the back of the buggy with Teresa and baby Samuel as the family drove home from church.
Daett
held the reins in the front seat.
Mamm
was seated beside him, the doors of the buggy open. Rattling down the dirt roads, the early spring weather poured inside the vehicle.

The baby was awake and wiggling under the blanket that was keeping him warm.

“He wants to see the nice day,” Susan asserted.

“I don't want him to catch cold,” Teresa said, looking down at the squirming baby. “It's nice out, but there's still a chill in the air.”

“It'll do him good to get his head out,”
Mamm
said, turning around to watch as Teresa cracked the blanket open. Samuel blinked his eyes and ceased his struggles.

Susan laughed and closed the buggy door on her side.

“There's no use taking chances, I guess,”
Mamm
said, closing her own door.

“What's all the talking about?”
Daett
asked. “Am I also supposed to be closing my door in this nice weather?”

“Please don't,” Teresa said. “I'll pull the blanket back over Samuel's head if it gets too breezy back here.”

Daett
slapped the reins, nodding his head with the bounce of the buggy.

“So how did the instruction class go today?”
Mamm
asked Teresa.

“Very good, I think,” Teresa said. “The ministers were quite nice. There were a lot of us, so I hope I blended in. That was after falling on the stairs. I'm sorry if that caused any disturbance to the church time.”

“That's okay,” Susan said as
Mamm
nodded in agreement. “I was going to come up and help, but you got up by yourself.”

“You looked okay when you came back down,”
Mamm
added.

“I can't believe I was so clumsy,” Teresa said. “And on such an important day.”

“Did you understand the questions the ministers asked in German about the instructions?”
Mamm
asked.

“Not all of them,” Teresa said. “Oh my, I just thought of something. Is there an exam at the end of this thing?”

Susan laughed. “I don't think so. The ministers will just be interested in whether you agree with the instructions.”

“I'll agree with anything,” Teresa said.

Susan groaned but didn't say anything.

“You are learning your German fast enough, from what I can tell,”
Mamm
offered. “I know I'm not worried. You're a smart woman.”

“Too smart for Yost Byler,” Susan muttered, but
Mamm
didn't act like she heard.

Teresa held her finger to her mouth. “Shh…”

Behind them the rattle of another buggy could be heard. Menno leaned forward and slapped the reins again, urging Toby on.

Mamm
laughed as a buggy pulled out and passed them. “You look like you're standing still there, Menno.”

“I'm too old for that kind of foolishness,” Menno said, settling back into his seat.

“I saw you trying to speed up,”
Mamm
teased. “And don't you think about buying a faster horse some week when that shifty
Englisha
horse trader comes around. You know it wouldn't work anyway. He'd sell you some horse that might have some speed but comes with a bad shying habit that'll land us all in a ditch.”

“I'm leaving all that to the young boys,” Menno assured her. “No more fast horses for me.”

“Just keep remembering that!”
Mamm
said, pulling her bonnet strings tighter under her chin. “One never knows when wild ideas will spring into a man's head.”

“Did you see who that was going around us?” Susan asked Teresa, keeping her voice low.

“No, I didn't see,” Teresa said. “Who was it?”

“That was Deacon Ray's boy, James,” Susan said. “He was staring at you all during church. I wonder what that is all about.”

“Shh…” Teresa said again, her face growing bright red.

Susan raised her eyebrows but didn't say anything more.

Daett
pulled back on the reins as he turned into the driveway, coming to a stop out by the barn.

Susan climbed down, taking Samuel from Teresa's arms while
Mamm
got down and helped
Daett
unhitch.

“We're going inside,” Susan hollered over her shoulder, ushering Teresa ahead of her and then upstairs.

“What is going on?” Teresa asked as they entered her room. “Why the rush?”

“That look on your face, that's why the rush. Now let's get to the bottom of this, Teresa!” Susan said, laying baby Samuel on the bed. “Why is James watching you? And why did you turn red when I mentioned it? Has he spoken to you?”

“Of course not!” Teresa sounded horrified. “I wouldn't dream of such a thing. I'm an engaged woman, remember?”

“
Yah
, but that's not how it seemed today,” Susan said. “Although I couldn't see your face, James couldn't stop looking in your direction. And I'm sure Eunice noticed. You should have seen the look she gave James. That's all we need—rumors floating around that you and the deacon's son are making eyes at each other. Do you know what people will say about that?”

“But I wasn't doing anything!” Teresa protested. “Believe me. And for part of the time I was in the instruction class trying to do good.”

“And you said they were nice to you,” Susan said. “Did anyone make trouble?”

“No. Susan, please,” Teresa said, “it was fine. Even that Deacon Ray was nice, and the bishop couldn't have been nicer. He even asked if I could understand the questions being asked about the
Ordnung
. I kind of nodded and muttered something. I'm not lying to him, but at the same time I did understand words here and there.”

“Understanding German is not the problem, Teresa,” Susan said. “Making eyes at an Amish man is. If anyone notices, they will descend upon your head with a fury like you have never known.”

“Is everything okay up there?”
Mamm
's voice came from the bottom of the stairs.

“
Yah
,” Susan replied, getting up and closing the bedroom door. Below them the stair door also clicked shut.

“So you think I'm up to my old ways?” Teresa accused, sitting down on the bed. “You think I'm trying to lure men in?”

“Look, Teresa.” Susan took both of her hands. “I don't think that, and no one thinks like that around here. It's different than it is out in your world. Here we're thinking about marriage, about children, and about what is the right thing to do. Do you understand what I'm saying?”

Teresa answered, “
Yah
, I do and I also understand who I am and what is to become of me. For a few moments, yes, it was delicious to think otherwise. But how can I undo the life I have lived? I know I deserve Yost Byler. I deserve everything about him. In fact, I know that it's right that I should be thankful he even deems me worthy of his attention. That's the real me, Susan. Have I made that plain enough for you to understand?”

“Oh, Teresa...” Susan sat down on the bed again. “I'm sorry. This situation is really horrible. I know you're not the kind of person who would try to lure a man. You're very wonderful, and sweet, and beautiful. You deserve a good husband. And that's what makes it even more difficult.”

“In my dreams, I do,” Teresa said. “But I know what is real, and this is what is real, Susan: Yost Byler. Not that young man who was looking at me today. So you don't have to worry about him and me.”

“Sometimes I think you should go back to your own world and find yourself the kind of husband you deserve,” Susan moaned. “There has to be one out there, Teresa.”

“Susan, you still don't understand yet? Not after all this time? I
can't
go back. My life was awful and growing worse. Even Mom couldn't have saved me from it. If I went back, in no time at all I'd be just another sad statistic in the newspaper. And someday so would Samuel. That's not going to happen to us! It just isn't!”

Susan sighed. “There has to be some way out of this mess, but I have racked my brain and haven't found one.”

“Come, come,” Teresa said. “Don't worry your head about it. I'm going to be fine.”

“I hope so. I pray so. But please know that one of these Saturday nights Yost will come by now that you're attending the instruction classes. And if for any reason you want to call this whole thing off, I'll take you to the bus station and buy you a ticket to Asbury Park. I'll write a letter to Laura, and I'm sure she'll take you in. I might even go with you!”

“You are very sweet,” Teresa said, a tear running down her cheek. “All of you are, but I'm not turning back. I know where my place is, and I know what's good for Samuel.”

“Then I'll come with you to clean that old bachelor house of Yost's,” Susan declared. “I can do no less, even if it stinks to high heaven in there. And it probably does!”

Teresa relaxed and smiled. “Aren't you thinking a little far ahead? I just had my first instruction class.”

“Your wedding will come before you know it,” Susan said. “And keeping that man's house will take all the help you can get.”

Below them they heard the sound of the stair door opening again.

“I have popcorn made!”
Mamm
hollered up. “Come get some if you want.”

“I don't feel like eating popcorn right now,” Susan said.

“Come!” Teresa picked up Samuel. “I think popcorn would cheer us all up. Now wouldn't it, little man?” she said as she smiled at her son.

Baby Samuel wrinkled his face into a broad smile.

“He's such a little darling,” Susan commented. “Maybe even I would marry Yost Byler if Samuel were my child and needed saving.”

“You know you would,” Teresa said, holding Samuel against her shoulder. “
Your
sweetheart was in class today. Are you sure you don't want to join us? I really don't see why you're holding back.”

“Well,” Susan said, “you do make my troubles seem kind of small.”

“I wouldn't say that,” Teresa said, opening the bedroom door. “Just different, that's all.”

Susan said nothing as she followed Teresa down the stairs. In the living room
Mamm
had bowls of white fluffy popcorn sitting by the couch, along with two glasses of orange juice.

“I'm going to be spoiled and pampered yet!” Teresa said, seeing the bowl and drink set aside for her.

“I doubt that,”
Mamm
said with a laugh. “Sit down and eat while the popcorn is still warm.”

“Teresa and I are not going to the hymn singing tonight. Or to the youth supper,” Susan said.

“Why not?”
Mamm
looked up in surprise.

“Too many things going on.” Susan shrugged and looked away.

“Teresa, do you want to stay home?”
Mamm
asked as she glanced over at her guest.

“I think so,” Teresa said after a moment's thought. “Susan is right. It's been a little stressful today with the class and my falling on the stairs and all.”

“You're not changing your mind, are you, Teresa?”
Mamm
asked.

“I'm not changing my mind about anything,” Teresa said. “I'm not even thinking about changing my mind.” She shot a glance at Susan.