Fooling Around (20 page)

He tried to remind himself that this was a good thing. He’d been the one in the driver’s seat here. He’d made the decision to end it. It was hard now, but each day it would get better.

It had to get better than this.

Julie was pretending to read, but she was secretly watching Eric. She was also getting more and more resigned to the fact that she would never be a real part of his life.

At the beach, he’d seemed more human, more like she was, but back here in Charlotte he was different. He was the rich, successful superstar who’d never failed at anything in his life. He was a figure out of her daydreams. He wasn’t a man she would ever actually have in real life.

She’d let herself hope last weekend, but that had been her own foolishness. She knew now. He’d told her so himself.

Yes, she could do more than she’d ever thought herself capable of doing, but that would only go so far.

She couldn’t be anyone other than who she was. Julie Nelson. Quiet. Average. Not particularly noteworthy in any way. Certainly not an appropriate match for Eric Vincent.

She was feeling heavy as the meeting broke up. Eric had done a great job. These people were obviously going to invest in his new game and company. He would have everything he needed to make another huge success, to earn another billion dollars.

And she would go back to her regular life. At least she’d have some money at the end of it. She could set up a comfortable future for herself. Be who she’d always been, without the constant worry about finances.

Eric was offering drinks on the terrace, so he and the investors all went out there, leaving behind Julie and the assistant of one of the investors to pick up the room. Julie would have done it herself, but the other woman had offered to help.

She was very pretty, with dark hair and eyes, and she had a genuine smile. Her name was Kathy, and Julie liked her immediately.

When they’d picked up and returned the chairs to their positions, Kathy looked out through the French doors at the people on the terrace and said, “He’s something, isn’t he?”

Julie’s eyes widened. “Who?”

“Eric.” Kathy smiled at her. “Jim, my boss, wasn’t sure he should come, since he’s not too impressed by athletes and sports stars, but I told him it might be worth it. I could see he was blown away by Eric just now.”

“Yeah,” Julie said, feeling a silly swell of pride, like the compliment had been for her as well as Eric. “He’s pretty sharp.”

“Is he dating anyone?”

Julie gave a little start. “N-no. Not that I know of.”

“Well, you’d know, wouldn’t you?”

“Probably.”

Kathy smiled again. “I went out with him a few years ago.”

“Really?” Julie wondered if she should even have this conversation, but she was too curious to end it.

“He didn’t tell you that?”

“No.”

Kathy gave a little shrug. “I guess that was wishful thinking. He probably didn’t even notice me today. We met when I was working for my old employer, who did some business with him. Part of me kind of hoped that seeing me again now would spark his interest, but it obviously didn’t.”

“He’s been…really busy and distracted lately.” Julie was searching the other woman’s face for any sign of cattiness or subterfuge, but she couldn’t see any. Kathy obviously was being sincere.

And she also obviously couldn’t even fathom that there might be anything between Julie and Eric.

“Yeah. I’m sure. But even if he wasn’t, he never goes back. Once he’s moved on, he’s moved on for good.”

Julie’s heart clenched hard. “You think so?”

“Yeah. I know so. I’ve talked to a few other women he’s dated, and they all say the same thing. He makes you feel…Oh my God, you wouldn’t believe how he makes you feel. Like you’re the most beautiful, special woman in the world, like he could never have eyes for anyone else. And you start to think that maybe he’s actually falling for you, but then it’s over before you know it, and you have no idea what happened.”

Julie stared at Kathy, her stomach churning, shocked by how perfectly the other woman had articulated her own experience with Eric.

Kathy smiled ruefully. “And it hurts like hell when he moves on, but he always does. That’s just his way.”

Julie knew it was his way. It had been his way in everything else in his life before—with the exception of his daughter.

And she suddenly saw so clearly how utterly foolish she’d been to believe, even just for a few moments, that he was serious about her.

Of course he wasn’t. She’d known it from the beginning, but she’d let herself be deceived by her feelings anyway.

“At least he always gives the women he dumps something nice,” Kathy added. She held up her arm to display a pretty diamond tennis bracelet. “He gave me this. It’s the nicest present I’ve ever had, even if it was a parting gift.”

“That’s beautiful,” Julie murmured, staring at the bracelet, knowing she had to say something so Kathy wouldn’t see how crushed she was by this conversation.

It had hurt enough to know that Eric didn’t want to continue a relationship with her. But it hurt even more to know she wasn’t even someone special in his life.

She was just one in a long line of women who had fallen for him, who had believed he would change for them.

But of course he wouldn’t. Not Eric Vincent.

Not for her, anyway.

That evening Julie was trying to act natural, but she wasn’t sure she was doing a very good job.

Eric was in a dark mood. She had no idea why, except he’d closed himself up in his office for an hour just after dinner. She’d thought he was on the phone, and when he’d come out he had been cold, curt, and completely closed off.

Julie couldn’t help but wonder what had happened. Maybe he’d talked to Maddy, and he was upset again about her. Or maybe he’d heard from the doctors at Johns Hopkins and gotten bad news.

The thought terrified her, distracting her even from her own heartbreak.

As she was helping him get out of the jacket and tie he’d put on for the business meeting earlier, she couldn’t help but ask, “Is everything all right?”

“What do you mean?” he asked, sounding a little hoarse.

“I don’t know. It just seemed like something was wrong.”

“I’m fine.” He yanked his tie off. “You don’t have to look at me like you’re feeling sorry for me.”

She gasped. “I’m not feeling sorry for you.”

“I’m not a complete invalid, you know.”

“I know that. What’s got into you?”

He sighed and shook his head roughly. “Nothing. Nothing. Sorry. I’m fine.”

“Well, something’s wrong. You don’t have to tell me, but there’s no sense in lying to me.”

“I can lie to you as much as you want.”

She felt a sharp pain in her heart but tried to ignore it. “I know you can,” she murmured.

“I’m sorry,” Eric said, his face changing. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you.”

“It’s no big deal,” she said, relieved he was apologizing but still worried about him, since something had happened when he was in his office alone. “That’s what you pay me for.”

His face flickered slightly. “Right.”

She told herself his strange expression didn’t mean anything significant. He was in a bad mood. He was dealing with a lot. She wasn’t a real part of his life. He’d made that more than clear.

Trying to return them to their normal interaction, she went to get his crutches. “Why don’t you walk over to the bathroom from here?”

He scowled. “I don’t want to. I hate those things.”

“I know you hate them, but you’ll be doing a lot better if you can move around on them some more. It will make it a lot easier when you get the cast off.”

“I don’t see how.”

She had no idea why he was so stubborn about using the crutches. He seemed like the kind of man who would want to be mobile as soon as he could. He’d kept working out, even with a broken leg, exercising the rest of his body. Surely he would want to walk on his own if he could, even if it meant using the crutches. “You don’t have to see how. You just need to know that it will.”

She positioned the crutches for him. “Here you go.”

“I said I don’t want to use them,” he snapped.

She frowned at him. “Well, you don’t have to be mean about it.”

“I can be mean if I want. I’ve told you I don’t want to use them. Who’s in charge here, anyway?”

Julie swallowed her reaction and murmured, “You are. Of course.”

She brought the crutches over to the bathroom door, where they were normally kept. “We’ll do it your way.”

Eric’s face was strange—twisted for a minute as he looked at her. Then he grumbled under his breath and wheeled himself toward her, heaving himself up on the crutches and then limping into the bathroom and closing the door behind him.

Julie stared at the closed door.

This was terrible. Emotional torture. She wasn’t sure how long she’d be able to stay around Eric when he was acting this way.

But her only other choice was to leave, and she wasn’t sure she was ready to do that.

That evening, after Eric went to bed, she finally got a chance to go back into her own bedroom. It had been a long, busy, emotionally exhausting day and she was about ready to fall over.

She stopped short when she saw there was a book on her bed that hadn’t been there before.

It was a lovely hardback edition of a history of the Outer Banks.

She picked it up, momentarily delighted by its appearance, the thick pages, the beautifully written historical anecdotes, the glossy pictures.

Then she realized Eric must have given it to her.

This was her gift. She hadn’t rated a diamond tennis bracelet, but she’d gotten a book.

This was her parting gift.

All of her churning confusion coalesced into absolute certainty. Whatever had been between them was over, as surely as it had ever started.

There was no hope now. No lingering questions about whether he would be sweet to her again, smile at her that way again, want her in his arms again after the three months were over.

She wasn’t any different from any other woman, except her gift had been a lot less expensive.

Normally, she would have loved the beautiful book, but right now it stood for everything she wanted but couldn’t have.

Julie was trying to talk herself out of this realization when her phone rang.

She reached for it, expecting it to be either Ned or her sister, since those were the only people who ever called her, when she saw the screen said “Maddy.”

“Hi, Maddy,” she said, making sure there was a smile in her voice. She’d told the girl she could call whenever she wanted, and she needed to make sure Maddy felt like her call was welcomed.

“Hi, Julie.” Her voice was infinitely serious, the way Maddy often sounded.

“How is everything? Did your mom like the seashells we picked out for her?”

“Yes. She did. She put them on her top shelf.”

“Good. How has school been?”

“Okay.”

“It was really nice to meet you last weekend.”

“It was nice to meet you too.”

Julie waited, since it seemed like Maddy was about to say something else. She was suddenly deeply worried, afraid Maddy was going to say something bad.

When the girl didn’t say anything after several seconds, Julie asked softly, “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

“My new procedure isn’t working.”

Julie gulped over a sudden tightening in her throat. “Well, it’s still really early, isn’t it? It’s only been a few days?”

“Yes.”

“So they can’t really tell this early, can they?”

“I don’t know. Everyone seems upset, though. Mommy is crying in her room.”

Oh, shit. That was what Eric had been doing in his office. Getting bad news. No wonder he’d been in such a dark mood afterward.

He’d sworn to her that nothing was wrong, but Julie couldn’t bring herself to focus on that right now.

Searching for something true to say that was also comforting, Julie murmured, “Well, I’m sure there’s going to be a lot of ups and downs. That’s what happens when you’re sick and trying to get better.”

“I guess so. Daddy sounded upset too.”

“They’re both really worried about you. I’m sure it’s too early to tell for sure whether the new treatment is working.”

“Is Daddy crying too?”

“I…I don’t know. I didn’t see him crying.”

“I don’t want him to be all by himself.”

“He’s not all by himself. He has lots of friends. And he has you.”

“But if I die—”

“You’re not going to die. There’s no reason to think that you’re going to die. The best doctors in the world are working on it.”

“Yes, but if I do, will you take care of Daddy?”

Julie moved the phone away from her face briefly because she was suddenly racked with a sob that caused her features to contort and her breath to come out in a shaky rasp. “Maddy, your daddy is okay,” she said, when she’d gotten her composure. “You need to keep being positive and focus on getting better.”

“But I don’t want Daddy to be alone.”

“He won’t be alone, sweetheart. I promise.”

“You promise?”

Julie prayed she wasn’t lying to the girl, but there was absolutely nothing else she could say. “I promise.”

“Okay. I have to go. Mom’s coming in to say good night.”

“Okay. Good night, Maddy.”

As she hung up, Julie felt weird and sad and angsty. The poor little girl genuinely thought there was something real between Eric and Julie. She’d been confused by how domestic and intimate they’d all been over the weekend.

Just like Julie herself.

But Julie was a grown-up. She couldn’t let Maddy be hurt any more than she already would be.

She couldn’t let herself get hurt any more either.

There were five more weeks left now on their contract. She could make it. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, Eric still needed her, at least until he was out of the cast.

She could suffer through it. She’d made it through years of taking care of her parents, watching them die, even though it was hard, even though it was agonizing. They had needed her, and that had been enough.

She could make it through a few more weeks here, and then she could walk away.

She would just work harder at closing off her heart. And she would try to think of a way to smooth things over with Maddy so the girl wouldn’t keep holding out hope for something that was never going to happen.

She changed into a red knee-length silk gown and a matching robe to give herself some encouragement and confidence, and then she went over to the book that Eric had left lying on her bed.

She picked it up, stroking the cover. It was beautiful. And it was exactly the kind of thing she would like. But she didn’t want a parting gift from him.

It only cheapened her memories of what had happened between them.

She felt overly emotional as she slid the book into the drawer of the nightstand. She would think about it later. It was too much to deal with tonight.

She felt parched all of a sudden, so she opened her bedroom door. On seeing the hallway was dark and silent, she walked out toward the kitchen.

Eric was already in bed. She wouldn’t have to see him and pretend that everything was normal between them.

Everything wasn’t. Everything had fallen apart.

Or, not really. Since what she’d been hoping had never actually existed between them.

She was thirty-one years old. She should be smarter than this.

Vaguely, she wondered if she would ever be any different from the shy girl who had worked so hard and had always lost herself in daydreams.

Did people ever really grow up and get smart? If so, when did it finally happen?

She’d grabbed a bottle of water from the kitchen when a sound behind her surprised her. She whirled around to see Kristin, who was picking up a portfolio from the kitchen counter.

“Oh, hi. I thought you’d gone home.”

“I had,” Kristin said with a polite smile. “I left this here and I wanted to work on it first thing tomorrow morning, before I come over.”

“Okay. Sure.”

Kristin had always been rather cool with her, but she didn’t exude as much animosity toward Julie as she had at the beginning. Maybe she’d gotten used to her. Maybe she’d decided that Julie wasn’t some conniving bitch who was planning to take advantage of Eric.

Julie hoped so. It wasn’t like she’d ever be friends with Kristin. But Eric genuinely valued the other woman, so she couldn’t actually be that bad.

“He’s been in a really bad mood lately, hasn’t he?” Kristin asked, lingering with the portfolio in her hand, which was surprising, since she always seemed to be busy and on the go.

“Yeah.” Julie smiled, feeling a flicker of connection with the other woman for the first time. “I think he’s worried about a lot of things.”

“I know.” Kristin turned to go, but then she stopped and looked back. “He’s not really mean, you know.”

“What?” Julie had heard the words but she was so surprised by them that she couldn’t say anything else.

“He’s not really mean. I know he talks that way. I’ve heard him be really rude to you lately. But it’s not intentional. That’s just his way.”

Julie felt soft and aching at the same time. “I know it is.”

“He really cares about us a lot—the people who work for him, I mean. He’s incredibly loyal. He’ll do anything for us, take care of anything we need. I had to put my mom in a nursing home a few years ago, and it was really expensive. Eric completely covered the cost. The rudeness doesn’t mean anything.”

“I know it doesn’t.” Without warning, Julie was afraid she was going to cry.

“Working for him is great. It’s the best decision I ever made in my life. I hope you don’t regret it.”

Julie wondered then if she hadn’t been hiding her feelings as well as she should—if she’d looked tired and sad and about to give up lately, and Kristin had noticed. There wasn’t any other explanation for Kristin’s words now.

It was nice. It was the first gesture of real kindness Kristin had made toward her.

“Thank you,” Julie managed to say, suddenly consumed with loss and confusion, a storm of feelings deeper and harder than she could remember. “I appreciate it.”

Kristin nodded and said good night, and she was gone without another hesitation.

And Julie was left alone with a lot of tumultuous thoughts.

Just five more weeks. Thirty-seven days, to be exact. That was all the time left in her contract with Eric.

She would earn a million dollars then. Everything would be different. She could make at least a few of her fantasies come true.

She could suffer through anything. She could put aside her own feelings. She could do what she’d always done, push back her own needs and desires to do what she had to do.

Staring at the closed refrigerator with its polished stainless-steel surface, she realized she didn’t want to do it.

She didn’t want to just suffer through. She didn’t want to push aside how hurt she was, how hard it was to be around Eric now, when she couldn’t have what she wanted.

For once, she was going to do what she wanted, even if it meant she’d be sacrificing something important.

She had a half million dollars in her bank account right now, from what Eric had paid her at the midpoint. It was a lot of money. It was plenty. She could be perfectly happy with that amount, if it meant she didn’t have to suffer like this for thirty-seven more days.

She made up her mind. She was going to leave. She was going to leave tonight.

It just wasn’t worth it to her. Being around Eric when she could never have him. Confusing Maddy even more. Knowing that Eric would never really share his life with her for real.

He’d already moved on. She could too.

She was going to do it right now.

She put the bottle of water back in the refrigerator and returned to her room. She pulled out her suitcases and started throwing her clothes in. She could be out of here in fifteen minutes. She could go to her sister’s. She could be who she’d always been, the Julie she knew, the Julie who had always been safe.

Once she’d made the decision, nothing could stop her. She cleared all the drawers except the one in the nightstand, where she left the book on the Outer Banks. She wasn’t going to bring that. It would keep the memory of Eric fresh in her mind.

She was about to leave her room when she realized she was still wearing her nightgown. With a groan, she stopped. She needed to put something else on if she was going to walk to the parking garage where she’d left her car.

Eric was in bed. Asleep. He would wake up tomorrow and she’d be gone. No one would be here to help him. He’d have to face his grief about Maddy’s condition alone.

Her chest hurt so much that she couldn’t even breathe for a minute.

She wanted to see him again. Even if it hurt. Just one more time.

It was probably stupid. It would probably make things worse. He might even reject her. But she was doing what she wanted right now, and she let that knowledge make the decision.

Instead of changing clothes, she walked barefoot down the hall toward his bedroom.

She knocked on the door.

This was it. Just one more time.

She was going to say goodbye.

Eric was lying in bed, awake, miserable, yearning for Julie. She must have gotten the book by now, and he wondered if she’d liked it. He’d ordered it a few days ago, from the beach house, and it had arrived this afternoon. He’d hesitated about giving it to her, not wanting to confuse things between them even more, but he wanted her to have it.

He was wondering what she’d thought about it when he heard a knock on the door.

He raised his head. “Yes?”

Maybe it was Julie. Maybe she was just thanking him for the book. Or maybe she felt just as needy as he did. Maybe she couldn’t stop herself from coming to him.

His heart thrilled at the possibility, even though he knew the feeling was incredibly dangerous.

All of this filled his mind as Julie stepped in. The room was mostly dark, but his eyes had adjusted, so he could see she was wearing a robe that she slid to the floor as she approached the bed.

His heart and his body ached for her. Need for her consumed his senses. “Julie,” he began, his voice thick, clearly revealing how much he wanted her.

“Shh.” She pulled back the covers and climbed into bed with him.

He tried to make himself say that this was wrong, that they’d agreed not to do this again, but he was completely incapable of it. Because she was on top of him, kissing him, sliding her hands into his hair.

And she was everything he’d ever wanted. He couldn’t stop himself from claiming her, now that she was within arm’s reach again.

“Julie,” he murmured, this time an expression of feeling, of desire, as his hands slid down her body, hungrily tracing her curves, cupping the soft swell of her butt.

“Shh,” she said again, against his lips. “No talking.” She was sliding her tongue along his lips, rubbing herself against him.

He would give her anything she wanted. If she didn’t want to talk, then they wouldn’t. He didn’t need to talk. He just needed her. Exactly like this.

Her mood felt different from before. It wasn’t as warm and provocative. It felt deep and full and strangely emotional. But it matched the turmoil that had been going on in his mind, so he took comfort in her touch, in the way she seemed to need him, in the fantasy that he could have someone, like this, with him all the time.

That he could pour himself into someone and have it last. No fear. No walking away.

His instinctive fear at the idea of committing to someone else who could hurt him was drowned by how much he wanted to do exactly that.

He felt so emotionally out of control that he was hard before he expected it. And then he couldn’t seem to hold back. Before he could tell himself he needed to spend some time on her, make sure she was enjoying this, make sure she was ready, his hands were moving of their own accord, parting her legs, moving aside her panties.

Julie was still kissing him, emotion he didn’t understand shuddering from her body. He felt her intimately and was surprised and pleased to discover that she was already wet.

She grunted into his mouth as he caressed her.

After a moment, she raised herself up and reached for the condom she’d brought with her. She ripped it open quickly, almost clumsily, and her hands were shaking as she rolled it on over the length of him.