For Better or For Worse (9 page)

***

Lucy/1997

The music boomed in the two
bedroom apartment, there were people crowded around drinking,
smoking, and bumping to the beat blasting from the stereos in the
small living quarters. One of Grants friends was throwing a party
in Cedar Park and Grant and I decided to come through. There were
people everywhere from inside, to outside, to on the block just
hanging and chatting amongst one another. It was Christmas break
for me so I tried to spend as much time as possible with Grant.
These few months away from him had become unbearable, although he
had made plenty of efforts to call and come see me as much as
possible it still wasn’t the same. I needed to be with him in
person and what better way to do that than on New Year’s Eve. We
made our way to the bartender for the night and he handed us two
red cups.

“
Sip it slow.” He told me
knowing I was new to drinking. I looked around, everyone seemed
pretty chill just feeling the vibe with one another in the ambiance
of it all. I wore my best outfit tonight, a silk red dress with
matching shoes, my hair was pinned up in a way That Grant wasn’t
used to seeing exposing my neck and shoulders. He watched and
admired my appearance while I did the same towards him. He wore a
black sweater and dark jeans and that Burberry cologne that I loved
so much. “You feeling this baby?” he leaned over and whispered in
my ear. I looked up at him and nodded. I wasn’t used to the party
scenes… especially not house parties having heard horror stories
about them, but as long as I was with Grant I didn’t seem to mind.
A slow R Kelly song hit the speakers and I couldn’t stop my hips
from swaying to that seductive music. Grant took notice, put his
hand on my lower back and guided me to the dance floor. I took a
sip from my red cup and followed his lead. He pulled me close to
the point where his chest was on my back. He placed his strong
hands on my belly and kept me close to his body as we moved to the
beat.

I felt his warmth breathe
on my neck and cradled his arm. My lips eventually found his and we
came together adding another instrument of music to the already
playing sounds. I turned and grabbed the back of his head while his
hands slid down the slinky silk fabric that covered my body. He
pulled away and for a moment and just stared at me with his dark
penetrating eyes. “Let’s go somewhere.” He whispered. A cold
uncertain feeling entered the pit of my stomach knowing the plans
he must have had in my mind for us. I didn’t know if I was ready
for what he was asking but my feet still followed. He led me back
to one of the empty rooms and closed the door behind us. The drink
I had must have been wearing off because I was leery of being in
here with him alone. I watched him as walked around me with a smile
on his face and his eyes roaming my body slowly. This wasn’t
romantic; it was more like a vulture lurking on its
prey.

I felt so uneasy but I
didn’t move, Grant approached me from behind and placed gentle
kisses on my neck and slid the straps of my dress off. Instantly
the gown hit the floor and I stood there with nothing but panties
and heels on. He nibbled on my ear and I had to hold on to the
sides of his legs trying to keep steady. His hands found their way
into my underwear and stroked the softness of my flesh. “Oh God,”
managed to escape my lips as Grant went further, I placed my hands
on his thighs and dug my nails into his jeans. I rested the back of
my head against his chest why he fondled me. As my breast hardened
I felt liquid began to pour down thighs it became difficult to
breathe, I grabbed his hands stopping the unbearable pleasure. He
showed mercy on my inexperienced body and turned me to face him. He
planted his lips on to mine and walked me backward; we eased back
unto the strange bed while Grant planted sweet kisses on my face,
neck, and breast.

He slid off my underwear
and slowly removed my heels one by one. I watched him work like an
artist, slowly imagining and creating a master piece. My heart was
pounding viciously not knowing what to expect and I feared the
rapid beating was going to split my chest open. “Grant...” I barely
managed to get out due to the adrenaline rushing through. “Shhh...”
he said with a finger to his lips. He removed his shirt and tossed
it aside; I tensed up and yet marveled at his beautiful built body.
It is one thing to imagine making love to a man but it’s another to
actually do it and the anxiety was setting in. Grant undid his belt
and as his pants lowered. Unable to take the pressure I decided to
speak up as tears spilled form my eyes. “I can’t. I can’t do
this…I’m not ready.” I sat up in bed under his disapproving glare.
“C’mon luce don’t do this. We have come this far already don’t shut
down on me now.” He begged. I shook my head and continued to wipe
tears from my eyes. “I can’t, I’m sorry I can’t.” Grant rubbed his
hands down his face as if he were trying to snatch the skin off his
skull.

“
What the hell is wrong
with you?” His voice roared at me, I didn’t know if the room was
shaking or if I was. “All this time we have spent together and
you’re still not ready?” He paced the floors back and forth while I
continued to sob to myself, not wanting to endure any further
humiliation. He looked at me like I was absolutely pitiful. “Why
the hell I am calling you a woman for if you chose to remain a damn
girl? I have no use for you.” I wiped the continuous tears from my
face, no longer able to withstand the berating I was getting; I
hopped off the bed, quickly slipped on my dress and grabbed my
shoes before running out the door. I bumped into and trampled over
party goers until I found my way out. Into the dead of night I
raced until my feet could no longer carry me or my breath had given
out. I found myself blocks away from where I started and in the
worst part of Lake City I had ever seen. There were loud cars
blasting hip hop beats, crack heads were begging, pleading with
dope dealers for another fix, and prostitutes hollered cars down
hoping to turn a trick.

I have to get out of
here
, I thought as my mind scrambled on
where to go. “Hey…hey lil mama…what’s your price.” I heard some guy
on the corner hollering at me. I looked at him giving pounds to his
friends as if he had me in the bag. I backed up not wanting any
part in what he was planning. “Hey girl what you gonna charge to
hit that.” I looked around trying to find somewhere to go, but
every street looked worse than the next. The obnoxious man began to
walk towards me not wanting to let him get any closer I made a run
for it...“Hey…Hey!” I could still hear him calling for me but I
would not let up. I turned numerous corners and finally hid in a
nearby alley until I lost him…or so I thought. “Damn girl.” The
strange man grabbed my wrist and turned me to face him. “You run
fast huh? Now I thought we were discussing payment.”

I tried to snatch away from
him but he was too strong. “Let me go!” I yelled. He towered over
me a wicked grin spread across his face. “C’mon girl I’ll make it
good for you.” He shoved me to the ground and straddled on top of
me. “No…Get off. Get off of me.” I screamed bloody murder while
looking for the nearest weapon. He got angry and smacked me across
the face causing me to wince in pain. “Relax bitch…be grateful I’m
even paying for this shit. Now hold still.” He ripped open my dress
and began to kiss on my neck. “No…Get off me…No...Stop” I tried to
force him off, scratching and clawing but he didn’t even budge. I
gave him one more push and he flew across the alley. I was wiping
tears and snot from my face, marveling from where that strength
came from when I realized it didn’t come from me at all. Grant
stood over the strange man like he was about to do the some serious
damage. The look that’s was on his face was unreal. The man got to
his feet. “Who the fuck are you?” Grant wasted no time and cold
clocked the dude back down onto the ground.

He attempted to get up but
Grant quickly tackled him and began raining down blows. I could
hear his fist pounding down on the guy’s skull and he was yelling
in pain. I struggled to get to my feet while managing to cover
myself with the remaining cloth on my body. I yelled for Grant to
stop in fear he may murder this guy. When he realized I was still
standing there he eased up off of the bloodied adversary. Grant
wiped his stained hands on his shirt and turned to me. “Let’s go.”
It was more of a command than a question. He grabbed my arm and I
having no other option followed. Grants face was blank and he said
nothing on the drive back. “I’m taking you home.” He didn’t even
look at me. “You can’t.” I protested not realizing how drained my
voice was from screaming. “I told my dad I was staying with a
friend from school.” He shook his head and kept his eyes on the
road. We drove to his aunt and uncle’s house out in the country
area knowing that they were at a family function.

Grant unlocked the door and
I followed behind him. He went to the nearest bathroom and cleaned
off his hands while I sat on the couch sobbing at how awful this
once perfect night had ended. I felt so alone and the one person I
loved more than anything now hated me. He came back into the room
face still blank and handed me a towel and wash rag. “Go get
cleaned up…you can sleep in my room.” I nodded at his generosity
although is eyes were cold. I attempted to appease him. “Grant I’m
sor…” “Just go get cleaned up.” He cut me off. “We’ll talk in the
morning.” With that he walked into the kitchen and raided the
fridge. I lowered my head and did as I was told; I quickly showered
and walked into his room in my towel. Grants room was nothing like
I expected it to be, it was nice and clean with a small bed and
ocean blue walls. I grabbed one of his t shirts from off the bed,
put it on and searched for warmth within his cold sheets. My eyes
feeling heavy closed against my will and drifted me off to sleep
without warning but my body barely let me slumber for thirty
minutes.

Even in the cold midnight
air I woke up sweating and aching for Grant, he touched still
lingered with me and I wanted to feel it again. I fought so hard to
ignore the yearning in my body but to no avail. I sat up in his bed
finally striking up the nerve to go to him. I removed his shirt and
wrapped myself in his sheets. He was asleep in his underwear on the
couch which couldn’t accommodate his large body. I made my way over
and sat beside him. I touched his shoulders and placed a kiss on
the nape of his neck. As he began to move around I nibbled on his
ear causing him to come to full attention. “Lucy…what are you
doing?” He whispered. I allowed the sheet to drop around my waist
revealing my naked breast. Grant who was half asleep was fully
awake now and sat up and took notice.

I pulled his lips into mine
and eased onto him. Our mouths intertwined as my nipples hardened
and so did his penis. Realizing what was about to take place Grant
stopped us abruptly. “No...Lucy you don’t have to do this?” He said
trying to push me aside, now it was my turn to hush him. I placed
my hand on his hardening and began to stroke while tasting his
tongue again. He no longer put up a fight and gripped my hair in
his hands pushing his mouth closer to mine. Seeing that I was
adamant Grant picked me up off the couch. “Not here…my room.” I
held on to him as we made it to his bed. He gently laid me down on
the bed and mounted on top me. “Are you sure?” he eyes were soft
again and full of concern as he whispered. I nodded. “Yes. I want
you.” His lips pressed down against mine as his finger found my
clitoris and circled it; I closed my eyes and let his fingers work
their magic until that familiar wetness began to form.

Grant slipped on a condom
and eased himself inside me slowly. I held on to his lower back
letting him know it was ok, Grant placed one hand on the headboard
and the other on the pillow beside me and began thrusting. I held
onto him for dear life even when tears slid out of my eyes. “Oh
God...” I moaned as his speed picked up, I wrapped my legs around
his waist and enjoyed the friction our lower regions were causing.
Grant leaned in further and I screamed. I was surprised I didn’t
set off
the house alarm. As we both
reached our climax Grant fell on top of me and we struggled to
catch our breath. I took in the weight of his body before he rolled
over beside me. Our eyes grew weary again and sleep captured us…now
I could sleep. As morning came I watched Grant slumber as I lay
naked on his chest. Even the turmoil of last night couldn’t sour
this moment for me, he woke up to me staring at him and smiled.
“Good morning.” “Good morning.” He wrapped his arms around my body
and held me close. I noticed his hands sore and bruised from last
night. “Grant…Grant I love you.” He was silent for a while then
kissed my hair. “I love you too baby.”

***

Chapter 9

Too
little Too late

Grant

“
We would like to thank
you all for coming out tonight and celebrating the success of Good
and Weldness, we hope you all have enjoyed yourself and continue to
help Good and Weldness Corporation grow into the successful company
we know it will be.” The announcer addressed the audience who
applauded as they rose from their seats. The fancy restaurant that
Gilman and Marshall picked was decked out in finery, with crystal
chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, works of art from old dead
painters on the walls, and I could have sworn the silver ware was
real silver. I had never beheld such expensive stuff in my life; I
tried not to look so amazed by all these rich cats throwing their
money around but my wide eyes tended to give me away. I looked at
the notecards in my pocket and ran through them again, tonight was
my big night to show the executives of my corporation the
innovative plans I had come up with to further the company’s
profit.