For Everly (31 page)

She took his hand and pulled him around to the other side of the sofa. Then she sat on the ground so she could reach the food. He joined her.

“Tell me about your weekend,” she said.

“Okay.” He paused. “Everly, is everything okay?”

She should have known she wasn’t acting naturally enough. Still, she couldn’t seem to stop herself. Her defenses were up.

“Everything’s great,” she lied, reaching for a slice of pear. Smoothing some brie on it, she looked over at him. “Did you have a good weekend?”

He studied her before he responded, “Yeah, it was good. Javier’s party was pretty kick-ass. Most of the team was there. The guys asked about you.”

Smiling, she said, “That was sweet of them.”

“Rebecca was there, too. Abigail invited her.”

Everly paused in mid-chew. She looked at him, but couldn’t read his expression. After a moment, she swallowed the bite in her mouth.

“She was?”

“Yep.” He reached for a cracker. “Wasn’t too thrilled about being targeted by the police.”

She considered that. “Do you still think she did it?”

“I don’t know.” He popped the cracker into his mouth and ate it before continuing. “Her response seemed genuine. But if she didn’t do it, who did?”

That was quite the question. It actually turned her appetite right off. Setting her wine glass to the side, she lifted herself up so that she sat on the sofa.

“This isn’t fun Christmas talk,” she said, affecting a cheerful tone. “I don’t know about you, but unopened presents are just an enormous distraction. What do you say about opening them?”

“I’m cool with that,” he said, rising to sit beside her. “Will you tell me what’s bothering you once we do?”

Surprised, she caught his gaze. Her shoulders slumped a little when she realized she wasn’t fooling him at all.

“Sorry,” she said. “I had a rough weekend. I know pretending like it didn’t happen won’t help, but can you indulge me for few minutes?”

One corner of his mouth lifted. “For you? Sure.”

“Thanks. Since you’re being so accommodating, you can open your gift first.”

Now, he grinned. “No, no, no. Ladies first.”

She didn’t argue when he got up and retrieved the gifts from the kitchen island and placed her gift in her hands. She took her time unwrapping it, wanting to preserve the paper. It was a silly, feminine desire, but there it was. When she opened it and saw what the box contained, she blinked several times.

“It’s every Marvel movie ever made on DVD,” he said. “I thought it would remind you of our first date.”

She leaned over and kissed him. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. If it gets me more kisses, I’ll buy you all the movies you want.”

She smiled to cover up the increasing wariness caused by his words and reached for his present. The smile sat on her face as he tore into the paper and opened the box only to find a second wrapped box inside of it. By the time he got to the fourth box, he was glowering and she was laughing.

“Just one more, I promise,” she said.

Finally, he opened the last box and pulled out its contents. When he didn’t react, her humor faded. Why wasn’t he pleased?

“It’s the original gold version of Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out,” he said.

Biting her lip, she asked, “Isn’t that the one you said you didn’t have?”

“Yes.” Still, his gaze was unreadable. “How’d you get this?”

“Rayshawn’s mom works with a guy who collects video games. Well, he hoards all kinds of things, actually. He happened to have it, so we made a deal.”

He stared at the game for another long minute. She continued to nibble on her lip as she watched his bizarre reaction. She’d pictured him as much more excited than this.

“Do you already have it?” she asked at last. “Maybe we could sell it—”

“No,” he said, reaching out and touching her hand. “I don’t already have it. I’m just…stunned. I don’t know that I’ve ever received a gift that’s so…perfect.”

Relieved, she smiled. “Oh, thank goodness.”

“Thank you, Ms. Wallace,” he said.

He leaned over to kiss her. Since she didn’t want to raise his suspicions even more, she sank into the kiss, savoring it. As far as she was concerned, that kiss could have gone on forever and she wouldn’t have complained.

Too quickly, it seemed, Cole’s hands began to roam. She stiffened and broke off the kiss.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“I’m sorry,” she said, getting to her feet. She started pacing beside the sofa, trying to shake off the negative thoughts and feelings rushing through her. “As I said, I had a rough weekend. It’s put me in a strange state of mind.”

“Why don’t you tell me about it?” he said, sliding back to the floor and picking up his wine.

Since he appeared unruffled by her behavior, her pacing slowed. She took a deep breath as he drank a sip of wine and reached for a strawberry.

“Cole, what are your thoughts on our relationship?” she blurted.

He raised his eyebrows. “What?”

“I mean, I know you’re attracted to me,” she said, her hands waving as she paced. “But is that all there is to this?”

He frowned. “That’s a hell of a thing to ask.”

Her chest tightened over his response. She started wringing her hands. “I didn’t intend to put you on the spot. But this weekend made me think about things. And now you’re acting like the only reason you want me here is for sex.”

“Now just a minute,” he said, his tone disbelieving. “You think I only want to be with you for sex?”

Oh, she was making a mess of this. “You’ve made a number of suggestive references and—”

“How is that any different than usual?”

Now he was angry. She could hear it in his voice and see it snapping in his eyes.

“Okay, but what about the gift you bought me?” She couldn’t prevent some irritation of her own from coloring the words. “Don’t you know that I don’t own a DVD player? How serious can this relationship be if you don’t even know that much about me?”

“You’re right, Everly,” he countered. “I don’t know a whole hell of a lot about you. But that’s because you won’t tell me any damn thing.”

She froze and looked down at him. She’d never seen him so furious.

“Like the fact that your father hit you on Friday after you left here,” he said in cold tones. “I had to find out from your grandfather, who called me to let me know in case your father decided to come over here. A courtesy, I might add, that you didn’t bother to extend to me, despite the fact that we texted back and forth a number of times.”

Guilt flooded her. “I’m sorry—”

“I find it incredibly ballsy of you to insist that I share my feelings about our relationship when you can’t even tell me something like that.” His jaw tightened and released. “Hell, you haven’t even talked about your dead brother, and I’ve known about him for weeks.”

She staggered back. Of all the things he could have said to shatter her, that was it.

Turning, she ran. She grabbed her purse and dashed down the stairs to the gym, not even bothering with her coat. Then she launched herself across the pool deck and out the side door.

She didn’t look back as she peeled out of the driveway and drove away.

Chapter 42

The doctors said her instinct to flee was another defense mechanism. It was why they kept her in a secure facility after Aiden’s funeral. She’d wanted to run away from it all.

Cole’s last words sent her into an emotional tailspin. She drove without thought, just wanting to get away. Her phone vibrated in her purse, but she ignored it. The only thing running through her mind was escape.

Escape the questions. Escape the past.

Escape the pain.

She was over two hours outside of the city on I-75 North when she slowly returned to her senses. Realizing what she was doing, she pulled over to the shoulder. She stared out the windshield into the darkness, penetrated only by her headlights and the few oncoming headlights of the sparse Christmas Eve traffic.

This wasn’t going to solve anything. Still, the instinct to keep driving pulled at her. She didn’t want to deal with any of this. Not now. Not ever. She’d done a good job of immersing herself in school, work, and caring for her grandpa just so she didn’t have to deal.

Which was exactly why she was sitting on the side of the road instead of enjoying a happy Christmas Eve with Cole.

Tightening her grip on the steering wheel, she eased back onto the expressway. She got off at the next exit, topped off her gas tank, and turned around.

Without conscious thought, she drove to the place she’d avoided since her mother’s funeral. Not surprisingly, the cemetery where her mother and Aiden were buried was empty and dark. Since cars were allowed inside the gates regardless of the time of day or day of the week, she drove out to the section where her family was buried.

She put the car into park and sat there. Outside, the wind was still. Clouds blocked the moon and stars, coating everything in inky darkness. Even the caregiver’s cottage was dark, telling her that he was either off for the holiday or already asleep. She’d lost all track of time.

As her phone buzzed again, she turned the engine off and opened her car door. She stepped out, leaving the lights on so she wasn’t alone in the darkness. She knew she had to do this before she talked to Cole again. She had to do this if she wanted any chance of having a solid, healthy relationship with him.

She shivered and remembered that she’d left her coat at Cole’s. Opening the trunk, she grabbed the workout hoodie she kept stashed there. Paired with her turtleneck sweater, it was barely enough to keep her from freezing to death.

Her hands were stuffed into her hoodie’s pockets as she approached the two tombstones marking the graves she had come to visit. She had to force her feet forward, each step causing emotion to rise within her. It took a monumental act of will to keep herself from turning around and getting back into her car.

Finally, she stopped at her mother’s grave.

Victoria Stowe Wallace
, the simple, rectangular stone read. It listed the dates of her birth and death and nothing else.

No one looking at the tombstone would know that Vicky Wallace was a prom queen and class valedictorian who married her high school sweetheart—Mason Wallace, the ace pitcher of the baseball team—right after graduation, giving birth to her first child at the age of nineteen. They wouldn’t know that she tried for years to have another child, suffering through a number of miscarriages before she finally delivered a baby girl at the age of twenty-seven.

The plain stone couldn’t possibly capture the depth of pain that the young mother experienced as her life unraveled not long after her fortieth birthday. She would turn to prescription drugs and alcohol to get her through each day, forgetting in her grief over the death of one of her children that she had another who needed her.

In the end, her “coping mechanisms” would kill her. But she’d leave behind a positive legacy due to her work in the community. Everyone who knew her as a suicide prevention advocate would never know the reality she hid from the world.

“Merry Christmas, Mom,” she said, bending down to trace her mother’s name. Her words produced a vapor that floated around her head. “I’m sorry I don’t come out here more often. I’m sure you understand why.”

She reached over to touch the fresh flowers in a tube beside her mother’s tombstone. Judging by their vibrant color, they must have been changed earlier that day. She’d insisted on adding the daily floral into the burial package even though her father wanted to spare the expense. Her mother had loved flowers.

“Pee Paw’s doing well,” she said. “I’ve got a job that allows Jonette to come over more often, so we’re not out at the specialist’s so much. He seems content. He doesn’t know it, but I’m planning on getting him started on some physical therapy exercises now that his lungs are stronger. He’s sure to pitch a fit, but I want him strong enough to go to a ball game with me.”

She paused and found a small smile.

“I’m dating a baseball player. A pitcher.” Even out here in the deserted cemetery, she spoke quietly to be sure she wasn’t somehow overheard. It made her feel like she was having a girl-to-girl conversation with her mother. “His name is Cole Parker. I slept with him. It was beyond amazing. He’s beyond amazing.

“In fact, I’m in love with him.”

The words were out before she thought about them. Her eyes widened when she realized what she’d just said.

Well, hell. No wonder she’d run.

Jesus, she was a mess.

“Anyway, I wish you could meet him. Pee Paw can’t believe it. We’ve been watching Cole on TV for years. There are still days when I wonder how this all happened.” Shaking her head, she once again ran her fingers over the icy stone and stood back up. “I miss you, Mom.”

Now, she turned to the tombstone beside her mother’s. This one was large and elaborate, decorated with weeping angels and poignant quotes that would have embarrassed Aiden when he was still alive. In Everly’s opinion, the most significant etchings on the stone were the dates of his birth and death.

Just twenty-two years between them.

Swallowing hard, she stuffed her fists in her pockets and took the few steps required to put her in front of Aiden’s grave. And there, she fell to her knees.

“Hello, Aiden,” she said.

Just those words had tears gathering in her throat. She hadn’t spoken his name out loud in nearly eight years.

“If you don’t know, it’s Christmas Eve. Or maybe Christmas. I’m not really sure what time it is. Anyway.” She took a deep breath to try and steady herself. Still, two tears fell. “This will be the eighth Christmas since you died. I can’t say they get any easier.”

It took her a moment to collect herself so she could speak again. “I’ve met someone. His name is Cole. You would have liked him. I think he would have been like the little brother you never had.”

She wiped her tears and sat on the ground so she could touch Aiden’s name. It felt like a blade slicing her heart.

“Oh, Aiden,” she said, the words hitching on a sob. “You would have been so great at anything you did if you hadn’t given up.” She wiped away more tears. “Why did you give up?”