For Mac (10 page)

“That’s because you and I were never attracted to each other like that, and I’m not gay.” Andy smirked and sank back into his chair smugly.

Branson hit the roof. “I’m not either!”

“You keep telling yourself that, bro.”

“I’m not!” Branson all but yelled back, and when Andy sneered, he
did
yell. “I’m not fucking gay, Andy!”

“Liam is,” Andy pointed out. “Proud of it too. I don’t know why you can’t be—”

“It’s perfectly possible to have a friend who’s gay and not actually be gay!” Branson was getting more and more worked up.

“I know,” Andy scoffed. “I’m friends with you, and I’m not gay. That ‘rule’ doesn’t happen to apply to you and….”

Branson picked up the water pitcher on the table near where he was standing, and threw it against the wall and yelled again, “
I am not gay
!”

Andy narrowly ducked the splash of water and wasn’t quick enough to grab Branson as he rushed from the room.

Branson wasn’t watching where he was going. He just had to get away from Andy, from Mac.
My God, what if Mac had heard Andy say that. He’d shit a brick.
When he ran into solid flesh, he didn’t know who it was at first… until the person spoke.

“What’s going on, Bran? What happened?” Liam asked, while taking hold of Branson’s upper arms.

“I’m not fucking gay! Where do you get off telling people we’re dating? That’s bullshit.”

“Bran, I never—”

“Stop calling me that. Only friends get to call me that.” Branson spit the words out with as much acid as he could muster, pulled his arms from Liam’s grip, and headed out of the building.

Liam

L
IAM
WAS
at a loss.

When he finally shook himself out of his stupor, he went into Mac’s room and found Andy.

“What did you say to him?” Liam gestured toward the hallway, though Branson was no longer there.

“What?” Andy asked.

“You didn’t hear that?” Liam gestured again. “Branson yelled at me for telling people we were dating. I never did that, Andy, and I don’t know where else he’d get that idea but from you, since he came from here.”

Andy scooted forward. “Well, shit. I was teasing him. I didn’t mean anything by it, and I certainly didn’t tell him you said anything like that.”

Liam was dumbfounded. “Why would you take the piss about something like that? Even I can see it bothers him. You’ve known him far longer. You’ve been mates forever.”

“I wasn’t thinking, okay?” Andy finally answered. “You’re right. I do know that he doesn’t like to be thought of that way, but at some point, he needs to admit certain things.”

“I think I just lost a mate, Andy.” Liam was crestfallen. “I worked so hard to get him to be comfortable around me, regardless of me being gay. He’s a borderline homophobe, lad. This isn’t something that you should have—”

“He’s not a homophobe. He’s a homosexual,” Andy blurted before he thought that Branson wouldn’t want that known. “He just hates himself for it.”

Liam shook his head. “That would be the homophobe part, man.” Liam hadn’t for a second thought that Branson might actually be gay, but it did sort of make sense. It was all the more reason Andy shouldn’t have teased him about it, especially if he knew Branson was fighting it.

Andy got up and started toward the door. “Let me see if I can find him.”

Liam shook his head, not knowing what else he could do. It wasn’t like he could leave right then to find him, and he was pretty certain Branson wouldn’t want to talk to him if he could. He had never felt this dejected. He hadn’t realized how much Branson had come to mean to him until he might have lost him.

Liam had to shake himself out of all that. He still had a job to do, so he went to Mac’s bedside and checked his vitals and looked over the tubes and machines like he always did. But he couldn’t help taking the man’s hand and asking, “What is with your brother, lad? Why does he hate himself so much for being gay?”

Of course, thinking about what Branson had said about how opinionated Mac could be, Liam thought maybe he knew why Branson wouldn’t want to admit to being gay, if he truly was. Liam still wasn’t sure Andy wasn’t mistaken or was just saying that to tease Liam.

Liam knew enough about the brothers’ relationship to know that Branson usually did almost anything Mac said, tried to be anything Mac wanted him to be. Liam had the opinion that Branson was almost totally dependent on Mac emotionally, even as an adult. Liam wasn’t sure he understood why. Bran was one of the strongest people he knew, seemingly independent and capable, but it seemed to be the case nonetheless.

“Mac, me boy.” Liam talked to his patient again. “I think you did a number on your brother, man. If what Andy’s saying is so, Branson practically hates himself, or at least hates a big part of himself. That’s not good, Mac. Why would you want to create a situation like that?”

Liam regretted chastising Mac even if he hadn’t heard or understood it. It probably wasn’t really his fault, not completely. Liam couldn’t imagine that Mac had actually set out to make Bran hate who he was. But it had that result.

Liam finished what he needed to do to care for Mac and went on to his next patient.

L
IAM
WAS
barely inside the doorway of Mr. Johnson’s room before Mr. J. asked, “What’s wrong with Bran?” Liam could now understand him with ease, maybe as well as Branson, who still spent a considerable amount of time with the old man.

“I don’t truly know, Mr. J.,” Liam answered honestly. Even if Andy was right and Branson was fighting against being gay or just didn’t like being perceived as gay, Liam still didn’t know why he’d got the brunt of it like that, or why the reaction had been so strong. “I don’t understand it at all.”

Mr. J. nodded, seemingly aware that Liam might know a bit more than he let on, but understanding Liam was trying to keep a confidence.

“Let me know when he gets back, okay?” Mr. J. asked. “I want to know he’s all right. That young man has been a godsend, helping me whenever he can even if it’s only to combat loneliness. I’d like to return the favor if I could, help him if he needs it. Tell him he has my ear to bend if he wants it.” Then Mr. J. grinned. “Or, better yet, tell him to get his skinny young butt in here to visit. We still have numerous old movies the boy hasn’t seen.”

Liam couldn’t help but grin too. But he tried not to think of Branson’s butt, skinny or otherwise.

Andy

A
NDY
FELT
awful for being the cause of Branson’s outburst and especially about Branson taking it out on Liam. Andy chastised himself the whole time he was looking for Bran. He should have known better than to pick on him about this. He knew how strongly Branson felt about being gay, and he knew that Liam didn’t mean the night out as a date.

Andy,
old boy
, he told himself as he made his way outside the building after coming up empty on his search inside,
you royally screwed the pooch this time
. Then he thought of something else and suddenly felt worse.
Oh shit, Amy’s going to kill me.

He finally found Branson out behind the facility, pounding the shit out of the wall.

“Stop!” Andy yelled and rushed forward when Branson ignored him. He grabbed him around the middle and pulled him away from the wall, only to have Branson take a swing at him. “Branny, stop!”

It was like the man’s strings had been cut. Branson fell to the ground and started sobbing. Andy sank down with him and cradled Branson’s hands.

“Aw, man. You’ve made mincemeat out of these things.”

Branson didn’t answer.

“Branny, I’m not sure you didn’t break your hands here, man. These look awful.” Andy was extremely concerned. He knew Branson was fighting his sexuality, but he hadn’t realized it was this bad. He really had been kidding, though he knew, now, that was exactly the wrong thing to tease about. He didn’t mean to cause this. “Branny, look at me.”

Branson finally got enough control over himself to do at least that, but not much else. He still wasn’t talking and still didn’t seem to notice the mess he had made of his hands.

“Branson.” Andy used his full given name. “You have to stop doing this, man.” Bran still didn’t answer, so Andy continued. “I shouldn’t have picked on you. I get that. I know you’re sensitive about all of this, and Amy and I have been tiptoeing around this issue for years. If you don’t want to act on your sexuality, you certainly don’t have to, but you have to admit it, at least to yourself. This much anger isn’t good, man. You can’t keep doing this to yourself.”

“I’m not gay,” Branson whispered and dropped his head.

“Branny.” Andy lifted Branson’s chin so he was looking him in the eye. “That’s not gonna fly, man. You’re gay. You are. You don’t want to be, and I know why, but you have to admit that you are gay. And you’re attracted to Liam.”

“No, I—” Branson stopped and pulled away.

“Bran.” Andy had to clear up a point. “Liam never said you were dating. That was all me. I shouldn’t have teased you like that. And I won’t ever again.” He made Branson look at him again. “But you owe Liam an apology.”

Branson shook his head. “I can’t face him again.”

“Well, you’re going to have to, man… unless you’re not going to see Mac again, because, you know, the man is your brother’s CNA. You can’t avoid him forever.”

“I can try.” Branson smiled a tiny, sad smile.

Andy wasn’t sure what to say to that, so he changed the subject. “Come on, Bran, let’s go have those hands looked at.”

He led Branson to the nurse’s station and asked whether they could see to Branson’s hands or if they needed to go to the hospital. The lead nurse took a look, cleaned the scrapes, and applied ice to the swelling. She immobilized the hands as best she could and told Bran to elevate them, and she told them they needed to go get an X-ray. She told them she could call the doctor who was in the building making rounds, but they didn’t have an X-ray machine at Silver Linings, and the doctor would probably say the same thing.

Andy figured it would probably be better to head on to the emergency room and hope that they didn’t have to wait too long there, instead of waiting for the doctor at Silver Linings and then still having to wait at the ER for the X-ray.

“Could you let Liam know what’s going on,” Andy asked, “so he won’t worry? Bran was a little upset the last time Liam saw him.”

The nurse looked pointedly at Branson’s hands. “I’d say a bit more than a ‘little upset.’ But, yes. I’ll tell Liam what’s going on.”

As it turned out, Andy needn’t have bothered asking because on their way out they passed Liam, who looked, startled, at Branson’s hands. He started to ask what had happened but then must have thought better of it. When Branson looked away, Liam passed by without comment, but not before Andy saw his face fall like he had lost his best friend. Andy couldn’t help but think that, thanks to him, Liam may have done exactly that.

Amy

A
MY
WAS
getting off work when Branson and Andy arrived at the ER.

“What happened?” She rushed over to them as soon as she saw them.

“Branson decided that the wall outside of the nursing home deserved a beat down,” Andy answered snidely.

“Why?”

“Don’t ask.” Andy’s look showed Amy that he would tell her later.

Amy knew, had known for a while now, that Branson was almost constantly angry with himself. He didn’t want to be gay. He didn’t want to be what he considered to be “the weak one.” He didn’t want to be anything but Mac’s perfect little brother. Branson idolized Mac, always had, and had always looked to Mac to tell him who he should and shouldn’t be. Being gay was definitely in the latter group.

She thought Bran had been handling it okay, though, until the accident. She knew that he blamed himself for that. He blamed his sexuality for that, thought Mac was in that coma now because Branson had looked at another man. Then they took Mac to a facility where Adonis himself worked, and Branson was clearly smitten, from the first time he saw him. But he had been fighting that attraction so hard.

With all the lunches and movies and finally the dinner out, Amy had thought that Branson was becoming more comfortable with the fact that he liked Liam. She knew he didn’t plan to act on it besides being friends, but even that was a big step, as far as Amy was concerned. The fact that Branson came into the ER with mincemeat for hands the day after the first dinner out with Liam couldn’t be a coincidence.

And, as surely as she knew that, she knew her husband had had a hand in it. He was always too hard on Branson about the gay issue. Andy was the least bigoted person she had ever met, but he felt everyone else should be the same way, and they weren’t, least of all Branson. And the fact that Bran basically hated himself for leaning “that way” had never signaled to Andy that it should be an off-limits topic. She loved her husband, she really did, but sometimes he could be such a putz.