For Mac (33 page)

Branson

B
RANSON
AGONIZED
over the decision for the next several days. He had decided he wanted a chance to talk to Dr. Luxton about it before actually deciding anything. Not because he thought she would actually tell him anything, but because it would give him one more time of talking out his thoughts. Someplace he could say anything he thought or felt and didn’t have to keep up appearances for anyone or have to censor what he said around other people who knew Mac. Or any number of other reasons. He wasn’t completely sure why he felt the need, but he did, so he launched into that discussion almost from the moment he set foot in Dr. Luxton’s office.

He didn’t actually say anything he hadn’t already expressed to Amy or Andy or Liam, but he felt better about taking this one last time to think it all out. He left Dr. Luxton’s office with new resolve.

The rest of the week was relatively uneventful. Mac had a few more seizures, but his heart didn’t stop for more than a couple of seconds each time. Branson found himself hoping Mac would hang on long enough for Bran to put his new plan in order. He talked to Liam and asked the doctor what they needed to do to go forward with his plan, then waited until Sunday. He wanted one more day with his brother. One whole day. He wanted the opportunity to say good-bye.

T
HEY
HAD
a good Sunday with Mac, if it could be called that. Branson had gathered all of Mac’s favorite westerns. Neither Branson nor Liam liked those kinds of movies, but Mac did, and Branson felt he owed his brother one more day of activities he would like. He sat in the chair beside Mac’s bed, unmoving and silent most of the day. Liam was right there the whole day, clinging to Branson’s hand while Bran held Mac’s with the other. He wasn’t at all used to someone who supported him no matter what. As wonderful as it was, it was still going to take some getting used to.

They went out back and ate lunch under their tree, since it was an unseasonably warm March day, but that was the only time Branson left Mac’s side. He wasn’t sure what he hoped to accomplish by sitting there all day, but he felt he had to do what he was doing, to be exactly where he was.

T
HE
DOCTOR
came in around four o’clock. Branson had asked him to be as late as possible. He stood in Mac’s doorway for the longest time until Branson nodded and asked him to come in. While the doctor was doing that, Branson turned toward Mac while Liam started gathering everything they had brought with them that day.

“Mac.” Branson’s voice caught with emotion. “I think it’s time to go now, Mac. I’m not sure you haven’t been trying to do that for a long while, and I’m sorry I’ve hung on to you for so long, if you didn’t want me to. I’ve been so afraid of losing you, Mac. I wasn’t sure who I’d be without you. But I’ve been working on that, on becoming who I’m supposed to be, on living my life without you. I love you, Mac. I always will. And a part of me will die with you today. But I’m going to be okay. You’d hate the relationship I have that’s going to get me through this, but I’m going to be okay.” He brushed the errant lock out of Mac’s face one more time and kissed his forehead. “Sleep well, brother.”

Branson couldn’t keep his composure anymore, and he collapsed into Liam’s arms. The doctor seemed to be waiting for more of a clue, so when Liam whispered as much into Bran’s hair, Branson nodded to the doctor to proceed. He and the nurse began disconnecting Mac from all the machines. Maybe the doctor himself normally wouldn’t have helped with that part, Branson wasn’t sure, but since Silver Linings was such a small community, Dr. Brooks seemed to want to provide an extra bit of care.

Branson forced himself to watch while the doctor himself turned off the ventilator. It felt like only a second before Mac’s heartbeat became erratic and then stopped. The nurse allowed the machine to make that horrible sound only long enough for the doctor to call time of death, then turned that off as well.

That was it. Branson’s brother was gone.

B
RAN
FELT
like he sleepwalked through the rest of the day. He had already arranged with Tom to be off the next week, and he had plenty to do, with arranging for Mac’s funeral and everything, but he wouldn’t have made it without Liam. Liam was his rock. Whenever he thought he’d fall apart, Liam was right there with a hug or a smile or an encouraging word.

Family night at the funeral home was on Tuesday. They had a closed casket affair. Branson didn’t want people to remember Mac the way he was now. He had picked out a picture of Mac that they both especially liked and was going to set that on the casket, but Liam took it upon himself to have the picture enlarged and put it on a stand beside the casket instead. On the way out the door that night, Branson had picked up the framed picture of himself on Mac’s shoulders that had been sitting by the sofa and brought that along. Before they let anyone in, Branson had opened the casket, brushed the lock out of Mac’s face, this time truly for the last time, and slipped the photo under his hands.

Many of Mac’s friends and employees from work came by that evening, as well as quite a few of the neighbors. Mama White and her family, along with Andy and Amy, were there. Dr. Brooks and the staff of Silver Linings who were not working showed up, and even Dr. Luxton came. Tom and many of Branson’s coworkers and some of the clients Branson worked closely with came by throughout the viewing time, and of course, Liam was right by Branson’s side the whole evening.

The people who surprised Branson with their appearance were the Sullivans. The whole family was there: Aideen and Collin; Patrick, his wife, and Shawn; Katie, her husband, and Aaron; and Lizzie. They stayed most of the evening.

At his surprised expression, Ma smiled and said, “You’re family, so you are, Branson, dear. And we Sullivans? We’re all about family. We’ll be there for you every time you need us.” She smiled wider and tried to lighten the mood. “Sometimes even when you don’t want us to be. We can be a hard lot to get rid of, so we can.”

Branson barely grinned, because that was the only physical reaction he could muster, but he was more touched than he could express. He’d had people in his life, surrogate family like Amy and her mom, and later Andy, who were there when he needed them, but he had shared them with Mac too. The Sullivans weren’t there to support both brothers. They were there for Branson alone. They hadn’t even met Mac, not the real Mac, but they were there anyway, and Branson was moved almost to tears at the gesture.

The funeral was Wednesday morning, and the Sullivans were in the congregation. Mac and Bran had never been devout churchgoers, didn’t belong to any church. But they attended Mama White’s church from time to time, so when Branson had asked to have the service there, the pastor was more than happy to oblige.

It was a nice service, Branson supposed, what little he could remember of it. He was aware of Liam’s strong but gentle arms holding him up through most of it. Was aware of Liam’s ma hugging him at the gravesite. He remembered thinking that they must have made a strange sight, such a tiny woman all but holding up a man a foot taller than she. But she didn’t seem to care what they looked like, and Branson was past caring about much of anything.

L
IAM
STAYED
with him constantly throughout the rest of the week and into the weekend. Branson would have to go back to work on Monday, and, while he wasn’t sure he was ready, with Liam’s support, Bran thought he’d be able to do it.

Life went on. Not back to normal, per se. It could never go back to the way it used to be. It would never be the same without Mac there, but it found a new kind of normal. Branson asked Liam to move in. Liam stayed there most of the time anyway, and while he never complained about money, it seemed ridiculous to pay rent on an apartment he didn’t use. Bran wasn’t sure why he hadn’t suggested it long before then. It possibly had something to do with still thinking of the house as Mac’s more than his, but it was truly Branson’s alone now, so two and a half weeks after the funeral, the Sullivans and Whites, along with some of the staff of Silver Linings and some of Branson’s coworkers, assembled again to move in all of Liam’s belongings.

Branson was surprised at how well he accepted Liam’s place in his life and was doubly surprised that he had very little problem with everyone knowing he and Liam were in a relationship. He’d grown up so much in the last year and a half. He was more comfortable with who he was. He still had spells where he was unsure. Having Liam hug him so blatantly in the church during the funeral would have still terrified him if he hadn’t been so out of it at the time. But gradually Bran became more comfortable with showing the world who he was too.

Branson

A
MONTH
after the funeral, Branson decided there was one more milestone in his relationship with Liam that he wanted to reach.

After a wonderful dinner out that Friday evening, Branson led Liam into their bedroom, slowly undressed both Liam and himself, and lay down beside his lover.

Liam enfolded him in his arms, as he always did at the start of their lovemaking, and pulled Branson on top of him, but this time Branson had other plans.

Branson peppered kisses across Liam’s shoulder and then breathed against his neck. “I want you inside me tonight.”

Liam caught his breath and said into Branson’s hair, “Are you sure,
mo chroí
?”

Branson nodded, then slid to one side of Liam and propped himself on his elbow. He smiled a wicked grin and opened the door of the bedside table to retrieve a brand-new bottle of massage oil, a bottle of lube, and a whole pack of condoms. He tossed them to Liam and flopped onto his stomach.

Liam took the massage oil and began massaging Branson’s back and arms.

“You’re gorgeous, Branny.” Liam moved down his body inch by inch, kneading the firm globes he found at the base of Branson’s spine but avoiding anywhere intimate.

Branson became totally lost in what Liam was doing as he continued down Branson’s legs and spent a good amount of time on his feet. When he was finished with them, he nudged Branson.

“Turn over,
mo chroí
.”

Bran huffed a surprised and slightly irritated sigh. “Liam, isn’t this the easiest position for the first—”

“Shhh.” Liam gave him a playful swat. “We’re not ready for that yet. You have muscles on the front that need massaging. Turn over.”

Branson wanted Liam to get on with it, but this felt so great, he couldn’t really muster a protest. Besides, he really did have a muscle on the front that he wanted massaged.

But Liam avoided that particular muscle entirely. He massaged Branson’s thighs and abs and worked up to his chest, paying particular attention to his nipples.

“Liam.” Branson was worked up from this alone, and Liam hadn’t touched him anywhere especially intimate yet. “You’re killing me.”

“Patience.” Liam leaned in for a kiss and, before it could turn too passionate, peppered kisses down the length of Bran’s neck, then his chest and stomach, reversing the path his hands had taken, with one exception.

Where Liam’s hands had avoided Bran’s rigid penis, his mouth made up for the slight. He licked and nibbled and nipped the length of it, while he used his hands to make it up to Branson’s balls for the previous snub. Liam worshiped Branson’s intimate places as if he had found the most precious treasure.

“Gah,” Branson groaned as Liam captured that treasure in his mouth and swallowed him down.

It didn’t take long for Liam’s worship to have its desired effect. Branson sighed and felt like he was going to melt into the mattress as he breathed Liam’s name at the moment of his release, then said, “God, you are wonderful at that.”

Liam looked up and smiled, then crawled up to kiss Branson. It was an interesting sensation, Branson thought, tasting yourself on someone else’s lips. He was so relaxed that he didn’t resist, but he also couldn’t assist when Liam finally rolled him back over and kissed the back of his neck.

“Are you sure, Bran?” Liam whispered into his hair.

Branson’s brains were so melted, it took a while to realize what Liam was talking about. Then he remembered what he had asked of Liam earlier. “Oh yeah,” he cooed. “Very sure.”

Liam kissed Branson’s neck again and down his back. Branson tensed only a moment when he felt Liam’s hands spread his butt cheeks apart. He’d never done anything like this before, and he had a moment of slight panic, but it passed quickly. He wanted this; he really did. Bran loved Liam more than he’d ever thought possible. He wanted to give Liam this, wanted Liam to give
him
this.

He realized that Liam had stopped when he had tensed.

“It’s okay, Liam,” Bran whispered. “I want this. I just startled.” When Liam still didn’t move, he added, “Please don’t stop.”

Liam moved again, kissing Branson’s backside. At some point, Liam must have laid down the bottle of massage oil and gotten the lube because Branson heard the lid pop moments before he felt Liam’s slick fingers. Liam circled his entrance for a moment before dipping just the tip of his finger into it. Branson tensed once more, as he was breached for the first time, but he calmed immediately.

He didn’t stay calm long, as Liam proceeded to work him up all over again.

Liam moved his finger farther and farther into Branson’s passage and then added another, scissoring and stretching, getting Branson ready for the grand finale.

Branson nearly leapt off the bed when Liam first found his prostate. Liam chuckled and put a hand on the small of Branson’s back.

“No jumping off the bed.” Liam chuckled again but then got back to the work of driving Branson crazy.

He found that sweet spot over and over, massaging it just as slowly and thoroughly as he had the rest of Branson’s body. But no matter how much Bran begged, Liam refused to pick up the pace. After an agonizingly long period of careful preparation, Liam removed his fingers, and just as Bran was going to protest the loss, he felt Liam poise himself at Branson’s entrance.