For Now (Broken Promises #1) (12 page)

Alexis

“You know what he’s going to want to drink?” Braydon asks from across the table. We’re meeting Lane here for dinner tonight because apparently he has something to tell us. He wouldn’t let us go with him to the doctor appointment, and he wouldn’t tell us anything over the phone other than to meet him here. We’re both at a loss as to what he needs to tell us that couldn’t have happened at our usual diner, but he was persistent that we switch it up tonight. As usual, he’s never early, so here we sit.

I shake my head ‘no’, because lately Lane’s eating habits have had to change daily, just depending on how his body reacts to certain foods.

“Is he on his way yet?” he asks, obviously nervous that we’re going to get bad news tonight. I shrug and look out across the restaurant, watching the everyday life of normal L.A. citizens pass us by.

Braydon thinks he switched to a fancy restaurant because he has bad news and knows I won’t throw an emotional fit in a swanky place.

I like to think it’s because he has good news and wants to celebrate.

Either way, I’m here, Bray’s here, and Lane isn’t.

“So if it’s bad news… I mean… Al, you gotta prepare yourself for it.” Braydon’s sad eyes glance over me and he clenches his jaw. “I know you two are crazy for each other, but you need to be able to step away from your feelings for him and look at reality.”

“I do. I… I can,” I whisper, not wanting to find his gaze.

These past few months have been rough, but they’ve been bearable. Sure, he got ill from the treatments each time, but aside from that we’ve been doing great. He finally cleared the air with his family, and he’s been doing some great photo shoots on the days when he feels good. Things haven’t been too bad. It’s hard for me to think that he could be gone any minute when I look at him and see a strong man still.

“Al.” Bray’s warning tone tells me he’s seeing straight through my lies. He’s good for that… seeing through the facade I put up. He’s been a rock for me these last few months. When I couldn’t cry to Lane because he was going through his own hell, I’d lean on Braydon as a friend, because he’s going through the same thing I am. We’re both watching a loved one slip, but I refuse to believe he’s dying this soon.

I refuse to let him go.

“I know, Braydon.”

“Do you? Do you know that you could wake up one morning and he could be gone? Right there. In bed with you?”

“Oh Braydon,” I huff, “That’s morbid.”

“It happens, Alexis. I need you to be prepared for the worst, even if it doesn’t happen.”

His jaw is tight and I wonder if that’s how he found his mom. He has a look in his eyes that tells me it is so I don’t push it, but I don’t apologize for my harsh words, either. Lane isn’t old and sick. Lane is young, he’s fit, he’s healthy… he’s going to make it through this.

He has to.

“It’s going to be ok, Bray,” I say, sighing and sitting back in my seat. He doesn’t respond. He doesn’t budge. He just sits there, watching me with a tight jaw. Finally, he shakes his head and changes the subject to something less dark.

“So you think he’s cool with his family now?” He takes a drink and watches the patrons of the restaurant mingle and laugh. Like there’s nothing wrong or dark in this world at all. The fact that we’re sitting here talking about our best friend’s life like it’s going to end soon is a sign that there’s plenty of dark.

Plenty.

“I do,” I say. “The visit was awesome. They talked everything over. He seems less on edge when talking about them… I really think he’s at peace with the whole thing.”

And he is. I guess I have more of an open mind than him because when he told me why he left, I was a little dumbstruck by it all. It’s not like they are siblings. They are third cousins, removed a few times. It’s not illegal, and I have a hard time finding it to be weird, but maybe that’s just me. I could see him hating them if he had a terrible childhood, but he didn’t. From the sounds of it, they were a normal happy family until the truth about it all came out.

That’s when shit hit the fan.

Luckily though, it all seems to have hammered itself out and Lane is on the track to actually having some type of relationship again with his parents. That’s good… I’m not sure what I would do without mine in my life. Even if I don’t see mine regularly and only talk to them once a month, I know they’re there to help. 

“That’s good,” Braydon mumbles, watching a bean pole blonde with boobs the size of her head walk by.

“Fresh meat?” I mumble to myself. I hate when he checks out chicks in front of me so blatantly. I mean, I shouldn’t be jealous… and I’m not… but... just don’t do it.

“What was that?” His eyes come back to mine and there’s a smirk playing on his face that pisses me off.

“Nothing,” I say, smiling sweetly and watching the sly grin slide over his features. He’s really a good looking man. He’s just so smug, and there are times I just want to slap it right off his face. The amount of women he goes through, the drinking and partying he does with his band. He’s responsible, he’s sexy, he’s a badass, but he’s a little too wild for me.

“Hey, guys.” Lane’s voice comes from behind me which causes me to immediately stand to greet him.

He’s dressed in jeans and a grey long sleeve shirt. It’s not cold outside, but I know since he’s started treatments he’s always cold so this isn’t surprising. He’s wearing a stocking hat and he has a look on his face that I can’t place. What’s going on with him? Even the way he’s walking is different. The way he sits and smiles at us has me thinking that maybe Braydon’s right. Maybe there isn’t hope anymore and I should start planning life after Lane. Jesus… that’s the most depressing thought I’ve had in a long time.

Fuck you, Braydon. He’s not going anywhere.

“So how’s it going?” Braydon sips on his water while watching Lane intently. He sees it too. Something’s different. This isn’t the Lane we’ve gotten used to being around. This is almost like the Lane… before the cancer.

“Fine, how’s it going with you two?” Lane grins and watches Braydon’s eyes narrow. He’s playing with his patience and enjoying every second of it. I knew this Lane once... the Lane that’s happy and carefree. It’s been a long few months, but I’m happy he seems to be back.

At least for now.

“We’re just waiting on you,” he says, irritated that we don’t have the news already.

Personally, I find it humorous. If it were bad news, Lane wouldn’t look so carefree tonight. If it were bad news, he wouldn’t have wanted to go out in public. If it were bad news, he wouldn’t be grinning right now at Braydon.

Right?

“Hey, everything ok?” I manage, trying not to show the emotion and worry rolling through me. Reaching out, his hand he takes mine and he gives me a genuine smile.

“Yea. It’s all good. Let’s order, I’m starving.”

“Dude, you’re leaving us in the cold about this?!” Braydon’s voice starts to raise and I raise my eyebrows at him. He’s passionate about his friends, the ones he holds close, and I’m sure not knowing is eating at him. I guess I’m just being naïve, but the longer we sit here in ignorance the better things are because I’m not being forced to deal with bad news right now. Right now, I’m just enjoying a meal with my best friend and my boyfriend. That’s all. Because if he tells us this is the end and there’s nothing we can do anymore I might not be able to walk out of this place on my own two feet. I can’t live without him. I’ve loved him for so long… I can’t imagine a world without him in it.

“Well… the news isn’t going to change from now to the time we get our food, and I’m fucking starving.” He shrugs like it’s no biggie and takes a drink of water, ignoring the gaping look Braydon’s giving him and the tightening of my hand in his. Why’s he being like this? What’s he not telling us?

We order a barrage of food ranging from burgers to steaks to salads. It’s always interesting going out with these boys because they can eat all they want but they never seem to gain weight! I eat a serving of fries and my ass starts to explode out of my jeans.

“So are you going to make us wait until you’ve eaten the entire menu, or are you planning on telling us the results from today?” I ask, smiling but inwardly shaking from fear that even though I’ve told myself over and over again things are going to be ok, I still can’t shake the feeling I’m about to be completely shattered.

“I was planning on it,” he says, shoving a chip in his mouth and smiling.

“Oh come on,” Braydon groans. “Don’t be an asshole, Sheridan.”

Lane chuckles and takes a drink then grabs my hand and smiles.

“Would you like to know now, or later, baby?”

The look on his face can’t be a look of bad news. He looks too happy right now. Taking a breath, I whisper, “Now”.

He smiles again and nods his head, turning slightly so that he can speak to both of us, then he takes a breath and begins.

“As you both know, I had my scan today to see how I’ve been reacting to the chemo.” He pauses and Braydon looks like he’s about to hulk out on Lane, who’s being very lackadaisical about this all. “Apparently results from these scans are damn near close to immediate at this hospital, so it only took a short amount of time in the grand scheme of things to see what we’re dealing with.” He smiles again and shakes his head. “It’s… it’s crazy, you know… how one day you can wake up and be ready… ready to go… then be given news that it’s just not your time. It’s… it’s mind boggling.” He lets out a laugh and can’t stop smiling. I, on the other hand, can’t decide if I’m going to pass out, puke, cry, or scream.

My heart’s racing at the news that he’s ready to go… to die… but I’m slowly digesting those last words of his ‘
it’s just not your time’.

It’s not his time.

“Oh my God, Lane… Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” Eyes wide, voice barely a whisper from the knot growing in my throat. All of my prayers are about to be answered by the look on his face. I can’t look away. It’s such a beautiful sight, his baby blue eyes tearing up as he starts to slowly nod his head.

It’s not his time.

Braydon clears his throat, and I see now his red rimmed eyes. This is news none of us were expecting. It’s completely caught us off guard.

“I mean, I’m not cured by any means, but it’s shrinking so much that they’ll be able to go in and surgically remove the main tumors. The spots in my brain are gone, the small amounts of bone spots are still there but they haven’t grown. I mean... I’m not out of the woods… but I…” He sniffles and shakes his head. “I have a fighting chance to live a normal life, baby.” He turns to Braydon and I feel like I should look away. These two are like brothers. Connected at the hip. Ever since Lane’s diagnosis things have been different between them. They are still close, but Braydon’s inability to separate his experience with his mom from his experience with Lane has put a damper on things, but the look on Bray’s face right now tells me he’s over that.

He never got this news with his mom. This is totally different. This is … hope.

Hope for a future.

There’s so much joy inside of me I’m practically shaking from it. I’m happy it looks like things are finally looking up. Prayers have been answered.

He’s not out of the woods yet and he has a long road ahead of him, starting with the surgery in a week, but he’s on his way to being able to live a long life. With me… if he’ll have me.

“Hey, I rode here with Bray,” I say as we all stand up. Lane scrunches his eyebrows at me. “Because I didn’t want to drive three cars home.” I grin and take his hand. “Are you ever going to let me drive your baby?”

Braydon lets out a boisterous laugh and claps Lane on the back.

“Balls in a vice, dude. She’s never gonna let you forget that you don’t trust her driving.”

Lane sighs and looks at me through narrowed eyes.

“It’s nothing personal, baby,” he grins. “I just…”

“I know,” I laugh. “It’s fine. I like it when you drive me, anyway.”

It’s foggy when we leave, which isn’t new to us living where we do. Lane’s car is valet parked so we all wait to retrieve it before Braydon takes off for his car in the lot across the street. Buckling in and sliding into the deliciously soft leather seat, Lane reaches across the console and takes my hand, bringing it to his lips.

“I love you, baby,” he whispers, kissing the top of my hand gently. “You’ve made me so fucking happy, Al. I promise you… PROMISE… when we get through all this I’m getting you a huge fucking house, a dog, a ring the size of Texas, and everything else you’ve ever wanted.”

A tear slips down my cheek and I lean across the console, kissing him gently. I can’t believe how much things can change so fast. A few months ago I never thought I’d be happy with my life because the one man I want would never want someone like me. Now, here we sit after some life changing experiences, planning a future. Together.

“I’ve only ever wanted you, Lane.”

“I know.” He grins then puts the car in drive and revs the engine. “Come on, let’s get back so I can show you just how much I love you.” He raises his eyebrows a few times and I laugh at his lightheartedness. Pulling out of the parking lot, Braydon pulls out right behind us and we make our way back home.

The roads are slick, wet and dark fog make it hard to see, and in a car like Lane’s it’s easy to go way too fast without even knowing it. A driver like Lane, one that likes to show off the sporty style of his car, isn’t the safest to be on the roads in this condition. These cars are meant to go fast.  They zip around corners with ease… when the roads are dry. Lane isn’t a bad driver, but he likes to show off like any man with a new toy he’s proud of. I love it, typically, but tonight it’s making me nervous.