For the Love of Ash (38 page)

I washed my hands in the bathroom, drying them with a blue towel off the rack. I was spent, starving, and emotionally exhausted. I found Maggie in the kitchen, boiling water. She was in the middle of unwrapping a package of frozen meatballs when I surprised her from behind and wrapped my arms around her.
 

"Luke!" She grabbed a dish towels and snacked me across the chest with it. "You scared me."

"Sorry, I just couldn't resist."

"Ash should be home soon," she said as she dumped the meatballs into the steaming water. I couldn't tell if she was disappointed or not, but she didn't sound happy.
 

"Are you excited for tomorrow?" I asked as I hopped onto her counter.

"Yeah. I can't wait to see everyone and just relax. Last year on Thanksgiving Day is when my parents got into the accident, so it's rough. I'm not sure how Asher is going to deal with it, so I just want him happy."

"Understandable," I muttered as Maggie leaned against the counter, slowly stirring the meatballs. "Hey, so, I have some good news."
 

"Oh, yeah?" She crossed her arms over her chest as she questioned me.

"I found an apartment that I really love, and it's not too far. It has two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a really nice kitchen. I sign the lease on Friday." She should've been smiling but strangely she wasn't. I couldn't get a gauge on her reaction.
 

"Are you mad?" I jumped down from the counter and took both of her hands in mine. She looked down at the ugly tiled floor, refusing to look at me. I put my hand under her chin and lifted it up so she had no choice but to look at me.
 

"It's just…I don't want you to find a better life. As shitty and selfish as that sounds, what if you have, like, a really cute neighbor or something who seduces you and you fall in love with?"
 

"Maggie…" I kissed her, hoping to squash her insecurities. "You're perfect for me, and I love the life we're building together. You know that. I love
you.
You and Ash are basically going to be there all the time to fend off against handsy neighbors anyway."
 

"But look at all my baggage." She pulled away from me and walked into the living room. She brought back with her a nearly full Stop and Shop bag of papers. "These are my bills." I stared at her in awe. "Exactly."

"I can help you," I told her as I stepped forward.

"I don't want help. I just want you to know that this is what my life is."

"Why don't you let someone help you?"

"Because I have to do it myself to prove that I can."

"I respect that," I said, pulling her against my chest. "But I love you, and I take care of those I love."

"I know." She nodded against me. "And I love you very much for that." Just then, the pot started boiling over. She yelped and ran over to turn the heat down and stir. I was about to help when there was a knock at the door.

"I'll grab it," I told her as I ran over and pulled it open. Ash stood there, headlights from what I guessed was Janet's car lighting him up. "How was the arcade?"

"It was so cool." He ran in past me and threw his jacket on the floor next to the door. "They had this game where you sit on a motorcycle and you can race. I beat Eric. He got third, and I got first. It was insane."

"We'll have to come with you next time."
 

Asher walked right past me into the kitchen and stopped next to Maggie. She wrapped one arm around him and tugged him to her side while she stirred.
 

"Can we go next weekend?" he whined as Maggie kissed his head.

"Sure," she said. "Do you mind putting him to bed? I'll finish cooking, and we can eat when he's all set." She shot me a pleading look, even sticking out her bottom lip.
 

"No problem. Come on, Ash. Let's get ready."
 

"Night, baby," Maggie said as she kissed his cheek and then the other.

"Love you," Ash said back as he skipped up the stairs in front of me. I glanced back at Maggie, but she was too occupied with cooking to notice.
 

I got Asher ready fast. He flossed, (mostly just the front teeth, but I let it slide) brushed, and then swirled around mouth wash. I shut off the light to the bathroom and found a pair of pajamas with moons and cows on them in his dresser drawer. I threw them at his head, and he caught them and quickly changed.
 

"Did you have a good day?" I asked as he snuggled under the covers. I sat at the edge of his bed and pulled the covers right up to his chin, making sure he was comfortable.

"Yeah, it was really fun. Tomorrow is the party, right?"

"Yep. Everyone's going to come, and we can play games, too. You know Liam loves games."

"He's really cool."

"Not as cool as me, though, right?"

"No, you're my favorite." He yawned wide and covered his mouth with his hand. "Are you going to be here tomorrow?"

"Yeah. All day."

"Can we play outside?"

"As long as it's not raining or snowing or anything, yep. We'll let Mag and Lindsay do the cooking while we play. How does that sound?"
 

"Really good." He yawned again, this time wider.

"Go to sleep. I'll see you tomorrow, buddy."

"Love you, Dad."

"Love you, too," I mumbled, the name making my heart nearly stop. I felt like I had been kicked right in the stomach and balls at the same time, on the verge of vomiting.
 

Asher shut his eyes, and I ran out of his room without making a scene. I went right to the bathroom and shut the door behind me. Dad? Oh God. I wasn't ready to be a dad. Hell, I wasn't even a good brother. I couldn't keep a human from danger. This was fucked up.
 

I had to get out of here and clear my head. I had to talk to someone. I couldn't do this. I couldn't be a parent yet. I had shit I wanted to do, and I knew I would never go if I stayed here. I had to run.
 

"What's wrong?" Maggie asked as I walked into the kitchen. I felt numb, my mind swimming and overthinking scenarios.
 

"Lindsay had a problem at home," I lied easily. "I have to run."

"I just made dinner," she whined as she turned to face me.
 

"I'm sorry, babe." I leaned forward and kissed her on the lips, but it was empty. I had no passion left inside of me. "I'll see you later." I didn't wait for her to say anything. I just ran.
 

I got into my car, started it, and drove down her street. I didn't know where I was going; I just knew I had to distance myself. I had to clear my stupid head that couldn't stop the constant buzzing.

Before I knew it, I was in the middle of the state, driving through ghost town after ghost town on a Tuesday night. I found a motel, checked in, and dove into what was likely a bed bug-infested bed.
 

I didn't know what to do. I just knew I couldn't go back to Norwalk. I couldn't face Maggie when so much indecision was on my mind.
 

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Maggie

I smelled entirely of fried food and bacon as I unlocked the door to the apartment. I looked behind me and saw Asher still sulking in the car. Today had not begun well—work was busy, and then Asher gave me shit for not letting him to go free skating.

I waved towards the car to get him out. He slammed the door of the car as he jumped out. "Please, don't break the car." I stepped inside the house as he ran in the door.

"You're the worst! All I wanted was to go see my friends. Eric was going."

"Well, we have plans today Asher," I told him as I took a deep breath. "I can't just drop everything to take you there."

He glared at me with hatred in his eyes. He stuck out his tongue, ran up the stairs to his bedroom, and slammed that door.

"Starting the day off great…" I muttered as I walked upstairs to change. It was barely twelve thirty, and I already was exhausted. I threw on a pair of yoga pants and a graphic tee that said "I am Groot" and laid down in my bed.

I didn't want to fall asleep, but I just needed a second to calm down. Before I knew it, a loud banging from down the stairs jolted me up. Thinking it was Luke, I ran downstairs and swung the door open.

"Don't look so disappointed," Lindsay said as she pushed past me, her arms full of groceries. Her white Audi was parked behind my car. Lilly hopped out of the passenger side and waved before grabbing more groceries from the trunk.
 

"Where's your brother?" I asked as I walked over into the kitchen.

"I thought he was with you," she muttered as she pulled out a carton of eggs and began lining all the ingredients on the counter. "I bought two small turkeys because I didn't know the size of your oven. And I figured we could make a green bean casserole, pumpkin pie, homemade whipped cream, some mashed potatoes, and—"
 

"Don't forget the sweet potatoes!" Lilly yelled as she came in two or three bags per arm. "Those are my favorite."
 

"Direct me," I said as I put a pot of strong coffee in my old maker. I had to fight back my tiredness because tonight was going to be great. "I'm a good cook, I promise."

"I'm going to glaze the turkeys. Why don't you start with the mashed potatoes?"
 

"Lil, do you want to do me a huge favor and hang out with Asher? He's mad at me, so he might need a friend."

"Hell, yeah. I'd much rather chill with Ash than cook with you two. No offense," she said as an afterthought. "Liam is on his way over. He said he'll be here in like ten minutes. Send him up."

"She sure knows how to make you feel loved," Lindsay mumbled. She pulled out a red apron from one of the bags and threw it over her head and tied it around her waist. She grabbed another and threw it at me.

"Thanks for doing this," I told her as I put my own apron on. It was blue with little stars and moons on it, dotting the navy in bright yellow.
 

Maggie
: Where are you?
 

 
Delivered

I was upstairs, changing into a long-sleeved black dress when I felt a panic rise in the pit of my stomach. Something was wrong. Even though Luke and I had separate lives, he always texted me good morning, or randomly in the middle of the day to see how I was.
 

When I went back into the kitchen, I saw June. She smiled and rushed over, hugging me hard. "I'm so glad you came!" I told her as I held onto her tight.
 

"Trust me. I'd rather be here than at my fucking parents'."

"Language," I growled. Asher giggled from the sofa as he and Liam watched
Guardians of the Galaxy
. The swelling had gone way down on Liam's face, his eye a faint reddish purple from the hit. He seemed happier, too, which was good.

"Lindsay, can I talk to you?" I asked as I plucked a green bean from the casserole and ate it in one bite. It was delicious, salty and crunching, but soft and juicy at the same time. Linds had cooked those to perfection.
 

She nodded and followed me up the stairs and down the hall, so I knew that nobody could eavesdrop.
 

"Can you call Luke? I'm getting worried. He hasn't texted me at all, and he should've been here by two at the latest." She could hear the worry in my voice because she pulled her cell from the front pocket of her apron and dialed him fast.

She sighed as the phone connected and rang and rang and rang. She finally put the phone back in her pocket, and my heart almost felt like it stuttered.
 

"He could be stuck in a meeting or busy." She shrugged her shoulders.

"You and I both know that's not the case." I turned and faced the wall, trying to come up with an explanation as to why he wasn't here. The dramatic part of my brain immediately jumped to the conclusion that he got into a car accident or was hurt. But the sane part of me knew something else was going on.
 

"He was acting weird last night. He left before dinner after he put Ash to sleep. Do you think something maybe happened? He said you needed him last night and ran out. Did you?" I turned, facing her and saw the fear in her bright aqua eyes.