Forbidden Fruit (32 page)

I got into the shower and when I got out the phone was still ringing. I picked it up from the nightstand and looked at the caller ID. It was Maya, and she sounded funny.

I dropped the phone and threw up all over myself. “Daddy,” I gasped. I could see him in my mind. I couldn’t believe he was actually gone. I felt so selfish for not going to see him like I used to. He was really dead, and that was so permanent.

* * *

“Yanna, you need to eat,” Maya said sounding like she was my mother. She was trying to force me to eat some baked macaroni and cheese that she’d cooked. A week had passed since my daddy’s funeral, and I was trapped in a deep depression.

“Why didn’t we go and see him?” I asked her in a hoarse whisper.

Maya sighed and stared at me with wet eyes. She blinked once and fresh tears streamed down her cheeks. “Stop Yanna, please,” she demanded rather than asked. “You’re pregnant and you need to eat.”

“You sound just like Ablo’s ass. I don’t wanna have this baby Yanna. Especially not now. Did you forget that I don’t know who the daddy is? Don’t you get it? I’m not getting rid of this baby for selfish reasons this time. Havin’ this child could really ‘cause some major problems for me and everybody else involved.”

“Isn’t it obvious Maya. Or are you blind? You can be so simple sometimes. I don’t know why I tried to keep you outta the streets, ‘cause you ain’t go no common sense,” I snapped at her in anger. I wasn’t mad at her, but she was there, so I took it out on her.

She looked hurt, but the tears were gone. “Fuck you Yanna. Everything you ever did to fuck up your life is your own fault. You a grown ass woman, so stop blamin’ our parents for every damn thing that’s ever gone wrong in your life. Don’t take it out on me ‘cause you got a grudge against the world. I lost my daddy too, not just you. I can accept that it was just time for him to stop sufferin’. I grieve too, but I know I gotta keep on livin’. Be a woman Yanna and deal wit’ your mistakes. Turn those mistakes into lessons. You don’t ever do that. You just go around pointing your fingers blaming everybody else, but yourself. Take responsibility for your actions. Forgive daddy for leavin’ us again. It was just his time. To make it in life you need more than street sense big sister, and I got both. Do you?” With that said she got up and left me in my bedroom. I heard the front door slam.

Damn, she’d just given me an earful, but she was right. I guess I’d deserved it. I rubbed my belly and sighed. Was I really the way Maya had said I was? I couldn’t see the errors of my ways. Could I take the chance of having the baby? The only reason that I didn’t want to have it was because it could’ve been El’s.

I thought about what Diablo must’ve been going through since Ace had been missing. He’d called a week ago and asked if I’d talked to Shamira. Shamira hadn’t seen or heard from Ace either. It was really crazy. I decided to give Diablo a call to see how he was doing.

“Hello,” he answered out of breath.

“Busy?” I asked hoping that he wasn’t. Despite what he’d put me through I still loved him deeply.

“No. I had to run to the phone. I didn’t have it on me. How’re you doin’? I haven’t talked to you since the funeral. You holdin’ up okay?” He sounded genuinely concerned.

“I’m okay I guess, considering,” I said.

“Yeah, me too. We been lookin’ for Ace and shit. Ain’t nobody seen him. It’s weird yo’. It’s like he just disappeared into thin air.” He let out a frustrated sigh.

“Yeah, I was callin’ to ask about him. You think sumthin’ bad happened? Maybe he had beef wit’ somebody or sumthin’ and…” My voice trailed off. I didn’t want to say it out loud.

“Could be possible. I mean, the Cues do have a lot of enemies. That shit’s ill as fuck though. I can’t believe don‘t nobody know nothing. Somebody gotta know sumthin’.”

He sounded so hurt. I felt bad for him because he and Ace had been so close. I could still remember the first day I met him. Ace was there then, and he had always been there for Diablo.

“Well, I’ll let you go. I’m tired as hell and all I wanna do is go to sleep.”

“You didn’t have the…”

I cut him off. “Not yet, but I am goin’ to have it done soon.” I hung up before he could say anything else. I turned the phone off because I knew he’d call me back.

I thought about the baby inside my belly and cried. I wasn’t a monster. I had a conscience. I never felt that an abortion was the right thing to do, but sometimes it was the best thing to do. I was doing what I felt was best for the child. How could I raise a child the right way leading the life I lived with Diablo? We’ll just be passing down an illegal way of life to our child. That was exactly what our parents had done to us. To me that seemed selfish; even more selfish than ending a pregnancy for all the right reasons.

My mind drifted to what my father had said to me. There was no way in hell I’d end up like him or my mother. Was I any better than them though? I’d stayed out of prison, and I wasn’t strung out on drugs. I knew that I wouldn’t be like them in that way. I’d avoided a lot of things my parents had done. Could I avoid being a fucked up parent too? The good side of me thought about the life that was growing inside of me. I didn’t know what to do.

“God help me…please,” I prayed out loud. I had lost so much. Maybe having the baby would be my gain. I could do it. It wasn’t impossible. I had stacked enough money to live good the legal way. I’d gotten something good out of staying with Diablo. Maybe he’d given me my baby too. Maya was right. It was time to face the music. I needed a plan and fast, but I was too tired to think about it. I needed sleep even more.

* * *

The scream woke Tre’ out of a peaceful sleep. Princess was having another one of her recurring nightmares. He held her shaking body until she calmed down.

“It’s okay baby. I’m here,” he said rubbing her hair. He planted soft kisses on her tear streaked face. She finally caught her breath and was able to speak. “Oh my God. I’m used to death Tre’, but I’m really trippin’. I feel so guilty,” she sighed and continued in tears. “Ace was Diablo’s boy. I feel so bad because he has no idea what happened to him and I can’t say a word.”

“Don’t worry ‘bout it baby. Besides, if I hadn’t shot him first you, me, or the both of us might not be here right now. He won’t shit anyway for bonin’ my woman while I was in the fuckin’ pen,” he said angrily.

Princess rested her head on Tre’s chest. “I let him bone Tre’. I don’t know why I did it. I guess I was just in it for the money. There was no feelings though. That was a lie. If it’s all about loyalty why you still wit’ me? I was just as wrong as Ace.”

“I don’t care about what you did baby. You like a cold ass glass of iced water and I’m a nigga in hell. It’s that fuckin’ good, and I need you. I ain’t just talkin’ about sex either. You my soul mate baby, and I appreciate how you been there for a nigga. I didn’t kill that nigga because ya’ll fucked. Shit, he had a piece too. It was us or him, and I chose for it to be him.”

“So you don’t think Ablo will find out and come after us?” She asked.

“He still ain’t got back wit’ Yanna yet. He too preoccupied with her. He’ll think some rival nigga deaded his ass. He’ll never think I did it. Unless you give it away by actin’ all nervous and shit around that nigga. Don’t sweat it. If they find the body he’ll just be the victim of a random crime. Sad, but true. One more fatality on the streets won’t mean shit to the cops. They want us to kill each other off anyway, so they probably won’t even investigate. It’ll be an open and shut case. I promise.”

“It just feel so wrong, that’s all.”

“Don’t be stressing yourself out about that shit. You goin’ be lookin’ all old and I’m goin’ have to get myself a young tender roni to replace you,” he laughed and ticked her under the covers.

He stopped tickling her and leaned over to give her a kiss. “I’ll hold you all night, so don’t be afraid. I’ll never leave you again, and I’ll be damned if I let anybody hurt you. Not even Diablo. I promise.”

His words comforted her. He was the only man she’d ever loved and she trusted him one hundred percent. She finally drifted off into a dreamless sleep wrapped in his strong, chocolate coated arms.

Chapter 16

After I had told Maya my plan she looked at me like I’d gone bananas.

“What the hell you mean you goin’ leave and have the baby? You been in ATL your whole life Yanna. You always said you would never leave. If you go somebody goin’ have to go wit’ you. It ain’t no way you leavin’ here pregnant with no family. So, I’m comin’ wit’ you if you must go. I’m gonna make sure you take care of yourself and the baby,” she said.

“What about ma?” I asked.

“Bring her too,” Maya said.

“You sure? I don’t think it’ll be good for her to be moved. She just started getting better and the program is workin’. I don’t want to mess it up. I can’t leave her here by herself though.”

“Vernice and Princess will be here, and I’ll probably be back and forth. You know me and Kevin getting’ pretty serious. I couldn’t just completely brush him off.”

I nodded in agreement. “Have ya’ll done it yet?”

Maya smiled. “Yes, and it’s so different.” She stared off into space. “I wasn’t gonna do it at first. I mean, that was the mistake I’d made with Ju, and Mel. I had let sex get in the way. Kevin’s not like them. He’s more caring, and gentle. I never experienced making love before him. What I did wit’ Ju and Mel was just fuckin’. I know the difference now. I’m really feelin’ him Yanna. I still think I did it wit’ him too early, but other than that…I guess everything is cool.”

I was happy for her. “I’m glad you found somebody that’s good for you and to you. I can’t wait to meet him.”

“Thanks, and you’ll get to meet him real soon. So, how you goin’ get the test done? I know you ain’t goin’ ask Diablo for no blood. Then he goin’ know that you cheated on him. El thinks you had the abortion done. What, you goin’ let the child get older and go off which one he or she looks like? If it look like Diablo you goin’ tell him? What if it look like El? What if you really can’t tell because the child looks like you? Damn Yanna.” She shook her head.

“I think I’m just gonna tell El that I didn’t go through wit’ the abortion. If I get his blood Diablo never has to know. If it’s El’s I’ll just have to stay away and let him have a relationship wit’ the child if he chooses. I’m hopin’ I don’t have to go that route. I wish I didn’t have to tell El nothing. I don’t really want him involved wit’ the child if it’s his. I just wanna move on wit’ my life. If the baby is Ablo’s I’m not sure if I’ll move back to Atlanta. I want a new start in a different place,” I said thoughtfully.

“So, where you goin’ move to? I mean you don’t know nobody nowhere else do you? We ain’t got no family we know of.”

“Yes we do. We have a cousin named Demetris who’s a little older than me. She moved to North Carolina when we was little kids. Vernice put me in touch wit’ her today. She’s Vernice’s half sister. They haven’t talked in years, but she suggested I give her a call. She felt that she could help me. I called her and she told me I can stay wit’ her until I can find my own place. She promised to look out for me.”

“Okay, if that’s really what you want to do,” Maya said looking doubtful. I guess she thought I would change my mind, but I didn’t. A couple weeks later I was on my way to Chapel Hill, North Carolina. Maya promised me that she would come down every other weekend and then move with me after I had the baby.