Forced Out of the Darkness (15 page)

“Man, I am ok…I just
have a lot of things on my mind. Do you have a minute?”

“Of course man. What is
going on?”

“It’s about the guy I
met a couple months ago.”

“I did not know that
you both were still even talking. You have not mentioned anything about him in
a long time. What about him?”

“This kat got me
tripping. I am feeling him and all that but when he goes to work, my mind keeps
going. I don’t know what he is doing and it is driving me crazy.”

“What does he do?”

“He’s a flight attendant.”

“You mean…a
stewardess?”

“Yes, but they are
called flight attendants now.”

“Oh well, whatever they
are called, you know what they say about them dudes…they fuck all over the
world. He ain’t nothing but an international hoe.”

“Yeah, I heard that before.
You just don’t know how this dude is though. He is cool and sexy as hell. He
brought the standard of flight attendants up when he got his job. He is a class
act.”

“Sounds to me like you
want to be with this dude. You just have to focus on what is in front of you. You
always go to the negative and that is going to have you in a bad place all the
time. You are going to have to take time to work on yourself before you are
going to be able to be good for someone else.”

Monti began to reflect
on what Dee had to say. He knew what he said was the truth and he needed to
work on himself; however Monti was in denial. He would not admit that there was
something wrong with him. In Monti’s mind, he was the person that people always
messed over. He was the one whose father hated him and without the love of a
father to a son, the son was left trying to fill that void. Monti equated sex
with love. As long as someone gave him attention or affection he was ok. Monti
did not like other people to challenge him. He would rather stay in the status
quo before he was willing to tackle the demons in his life that he was
harboring.

“Yeah, I hear you.”

“You hear me? The
bigger question is, are you going to act on it?”

“I’ll do what I have to
do.”

“What have you been up
to lately? We need to hang out sometime soon.”

“I am not doing much. Cameron
is supposed to be home today. I have some making up to do.”

“What do you mean
making up?”

Monti told Dee what
happened earlier today. He was honest and sincere in his description of the events
that happened; however he was not able to see the err of his ways. Would anyone
be able to reach Monti before he self-destructed? Who would be the casualties
of his destruction?

“You are going to have
to figure it out or you are going to lose another guy.”

“Man, I got this…I will
be ok. Most guys only want to be taken care of sexually and my skills in bed
are on point.”

“You are going to have
to do more than just bring a guy to sexual climax to keep him. Men are no
different from women; you have to reach them at more levels than just sex. That
is only if you have a quality man. You will always have the ones that just want
to hit it and keep it moving.”

“I am ok…it will be
alright. I know what I am doing.”

“Monti, how is that
working for you?”

Monti was getting
upset. He always knew that Dee was able to see through his façade. He would
also challenge him, but this is not what he wanted or needed at this time. He
wanted to be legitimized in his current state. He never received legitimization
from the man who was supposed to empower him to be all that he could be, the
one that was to show him how to be a partner, a lover, and a confidant. Monti
wanted to stay in his comfort zone, he didn’t want to have his life interrupted.

“I have to go…I will
talk to you soon.” Monti said dismissively.

“You need to listen to
what I said and stop being hard headed. We will talk soon.”

“Later.”

Chapter Twenty

C
heck
Y
our
B
aggage

Cameron’s flights went
well despite him being pissed off at what had happened between him and Monti. Cameron
came home and called his best friend.

“Hey Shaine. How are
you?”

“I am well. What is
wrong with you?” Shaine always knew when something was wrong with her best
friend.

“I had an interesting
conversation with Monti this morning and he made me very angry.”

“What was the
conversation about?”

“Deleting our hook-up
account. I woke up with the intention of deleting the account but I had some
emails when I logged on. I read them and then another email came through from a
new account. I responded to the new email and then a small insignificant conversation
transpired between this person and me. Then, my phone rang and when I answered
it was Monti. He asked me how I was and how long I had been up. Then, the other
person responded when the email came through the alert on the laptop chimed. This
other person ended up being Monti, acting like he was trying to catch me doing
something. The thing that bothers me is that he had called me and acted like
there was nothing going on and then tried to check me.”

“OMG…are you serious?”

“Yes, I am serious. No
joke.”

“Are you all in a
committed relationship?”

“No, we have been
seeing each other but we have not decided as a couple about being committed to
each other. We did have a conversation about where we want the relationship to
go though.”

“What are you going to
do?”

“I am going to take my
time and think about the situation and figure out what I need to do.”

“You know what I
say…take time to talk to God about this situation and let him tell you what you
should do. You have to take some time to think about what is going on and to
clear your head. You know I love you and all that, but you do make some
irrational decisions when you do stuff on impulse.”

“You know you didn’t
even have to go there right? I am going to just take some time during my time
off to chill and think about the situation.”

“Ok, honey. You know I
love you and wish you nothing but the best. I’m always here to talk or listen,
if you need me.”

“Thanks, Shaine. I love
you too.”

“Bye.”

“We will talk soon.”

Cameron hung up the
phone and he turned on the bath water. He put in some lavender scented bath
salts and poured himself a glass of Riesling. He lit the candles around the tub
and got into the tub to soak his stress away. As he settled into the warm
fragrant tub, his phone rang. He looked at the caller ID and declined the call
that registered to Monti. The phone rang again and he sent it to voice mail
again, this time instead of laying it down he turned it off. He did not want to
have any more distractions. He wanted to be alone; he needed to get his
thoughts together.

Cameron had drifted off
to sleep as the water soothed his body allowing his mind to relax. Cameron
stayed in the tub until the cold water forced his exit. He dried off with his
Egyptian cotton towel set and put on his plush terry cloth robe. He walked back
into his room and got into his king sized pillow-top bed. He pulled his
European-styled down comforter up to his neck.

As he laid under the
comforter in his bed, his mind would not stop figuring and calculating. He
reached for the remote for his Bose system and pushed the power button. The
lyrics came through saying:
its just another lonely love song.

Cameron laid there
listening to the music. He needed to take time out for himself. He didn’t know
why but he felt depression coming upon him. He and Monti were not seeing each
other exclusively. Monti declared that he was only seeing Cameron. Cameron
never verbally committed to a monogamous relationship with Monti. There were
some things that Cameron needed to get resolved before he would be able to
commit to a monogamous relationship with Monti. Cameron wanted to be in a
relationship but he did not have the mental go ahead to enter into one with
Monti just yet. Cameron pondered his situation and prayed:

Father God, I thank you
for being who you are. I know I have not lived like I should all the time and I
have not done all that I should have but I come to a forgiving God looking for
help. Please show me what I must do to get some clarity about this situation. Please
show me what I must do to get through this situation. Amen.

With that prayer, a
peace came over Cameron and he went to sleep. Cameron slept through the night. The
next morning when Cameron woke up, he remembered that he had turned off his
phone the night before. He turned his phone back on and was greeted with 45
voice messages. Cameron dialed into his voice mail to see who called him
throughout the night.

“Hey Cameron, it’s
Monti. I wanted to talk to you…”
Cameron hit #3 to delete the message.

“What are you doing?”
Delete.

“Look, I need to talk
to…”
Delete

“What’s going on?”
Delete

After going through 44
messages all from Monti, Cameron listened to the last one.

“Cameron, look, I’m
sorry for what I did. I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but my
insecurities got the best of me. I won’t ever do anything like that to you
again. I know you are upset with me, but if you can find it in your heart,
please forgive me. Call me when you get this message. I won’t bother you anymore.
I do hope you are alright and know that I am thinking about you.”

Cameron felt the
emotions behind the voice message. He even thought he heard some wavering in
Monti’s voice, as if he was crying. It was time to have a conversation. Cameron
didn’t know if Monti was working today or not but he needed to give him a call.
He wanted to speak to Monti face to face. He needed to be able to see his body
language as they talked about this situation.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Monti.”

“Hey, Cam. I am so glad
you called. I have been worrying about this and about you. How are you?”

“I have better days but
I am ok. What are you doing today?”

“Nothing, I called off
work because I could not focus on work without knowing the state of where we
are.”

“Want to meet me for
breakfast?”

“Yes, where at?”

“Meet me at the Coney Island
on Telegraph just south of Wick road.”

“I will be there in
about thirty to forty-five minutes.”

“Alright, see you
there.”

“Oh and Cam…you just
made my day.”

“Is that so…I would not
say that until after breakfast.” Cameron said dryly.

Cameron got up and took
a shower. He was feeling relaxed and composed. He wanted to look like he was
prepared for business. He brushed his pearly whites and ran the electric shaver
over his baldhead and went to his walk-in closet. He pulled out his favorite
pair of Nautica jeans and put on his grey Nautica limited edition t-shirt. He
threw on his 2004 Detroit Pistons Championship hat and a pair of brown and
black boots. He put on his signature fragrance Marc Jacobs Men. He loved the
woody and aromatic tones of this fragrance. He felt confident when he was put
together 100 percent and today he needed confidence.

Cameron looked at his
watch and saw he had about twenty minutes before Monti should arrive. He knew
Monti would probably break speeding laws to get to him. Cameron decided to stop
off at the store and pick up some flavored coffee creamer. He liked coffee but
needed his flavored creamer to fully enjoy it. Cameron got the creamer and made
it to the restaurant before Monti got there.

Cameron was sitting in
a booth when he saw Monti’s Jeep pull up in the parking lot. He watched as
Monti got out the Jeep and walk to the other side. “What is he doing?” Cameron
thought. When Monti emerged from the other side of the Jeep, Cameron knew what
he was doing. Monti entered into the restaurant and found Cameron. He looked
like he had not slept all night. Cameron could see the weariness in his eyes
and the redness from not sleeping, but when he looked at Cameron, his eyes lit
up and he seemed to get a spark back in his eye. Monti handed Cameron a dozen
long stem red roses and a box of Godiva chocolate covered caramels.

Cameron felt warm on
the inside and he thanked Monti. This was something that was out of the normal
for Monti. Monti was still a closeted man. He did not do public displays of
affection. When he went on his late night hook-ups, they were done in the
darkness of night or in the dimly lit dark rooms of the adult bookstores. Cameron
knew that this was a different side of Monti. How long would Monti be able to keep
this going?

“I am really glad to
see you. You smell delicious enough to eat.”