Forced Out of the Darkness (17 page)

Chapter
Twenty-One

So
Pissed Off

Cameron woke up at 8:00
am so that he could pack his bag for his trip this afternoon. He was feeling
more and more tired of his current employer. He was tired of being in the
negotiating stage of this epic battle between Management and Labor. The union
claimed they were fighting for the rights of flight attendants working now and
those that are to come. Management was looking at their bottom line. They even
went as far to send out a message to the flight attendant staff that said:

On behalf of
management, we are committed to working with the current Union leadership to
come to an amicable labor agreement with the flight attendants to provide
equitable wages and other benefits. We want the rank and staff members to know
that time is of the essence for the survival of our company. Every work force
employed on company property will be asked for concessions to get our company
through these economic hard times. As it stands there are three more unions on
the property that management is negotiating with and we hope to wrap up
negotiations within a few more months.

To address the current
policy, if a flight attendant were to become incapacitated on a layover or on
duty, the company will fly the body back to the employee’s home of record. Once
that is complete, the company will send a bill for service to the next-of-kin
for payment for these services. This is different from non-employees who must
pay prior to shipment of remains.

If there are any
questions, please direct them to your Union representatives or your respective
flight attendant manager.

Senior Management

It was at that moment
where Cameron knew that he had to make a change. This company did not care
about its employees and had no problem adding insult to injury. Cameron was
still enraged at the statement made by the CEO, in a town hall meeting, that
flight attendants should “live within their means” instead of demanding higher
pay. Something had to change, because Cameron could not give management a human
heart, he decided to work on changing careers. Added to this equation was the
now four-month relationship between him and Monti.

Monti still had concerns
and issues with Cameron being a flight attendant. Though he did not go to great
lengths as before, he did make it known to Cameron on a regular basis that he
didn’t like that he was gone all the time. Cameron only worked about sixteen
days a month on average and was home at least two weeks each month but that was
not the issue. The issue was Monti’s insecurities that continued to grow and
get the best of him.

Cameron had run his
errands and was back at home preparing for work. He took the plastic off his
uniform he just picked up from the cleaners, and laid it out on his bed. He
pulled out his black Kenneth Cole shoes he had bought at the outlet mall last
month when he landed his interview. Cameron loved the look of his uniform with
the perfect creases in his pants. He loved heavy starch on his shirt. Cameron
loved listening to music…it motivated him and always put him in a good mood. He
used music as therapy. If he was feeling some type of way, he was able to find
in his vast music collection something to counter his mood. Cameron put on
Angie Stone’s
Mahogany Soul
cd before he jumped in the shower.

Cameron remembered back
to when he first was introduced to Ms. Stone. He went to a friend’s house for
New Year’s Eve 2001 to 2002 after he left watch night service at church. His
friend asked him had he heard Angie Stone’s new album. Cameron had not even
heard of Angie Stone, yet alone her new album. He played the song
Bottles
& Cans
and Cameron was hooked to the point that he went and picked up
the CD when the stores opened the next day. Cameron missed the soul in music. Many
of the singers that were coming around did not have soul. Music seemed to have
lost the message but Ms. Stone surely brought back the message and soul to
music.

Cameron listened to
Soul
Insurance
as he showered and got ready for work. Today was going to be a
good day for him, he was feeling empowered. Cameron had a good life, bills were
paid and a new job on the horizon. His relationship was rocky, at best, but he
was dedicated to making it work. Cameron drove his ten-minute drive to the
airport and was waiting on the shuttle bus to come when his phone rang. He
looked at the caller ID and saw that it was Monti. Cameron answered the phone.

“Hey Monti. What’s up?”

“Not much here man. I
am at work and just took a break. I wanted to talk to you.”

“No problem, I am just
waiting on my bus to come to take me to the terminal. I have about twenty
minutes before I have to be there. What did you want to talk about?”

“I have been thinking
about this situation.”

“Situation?”

“You know what we have
together…our relationship.”

“Ok. What are your
thoughts?”

“I think you are a cool
guy and you are going to make someone happy one day.”

“Someone happy one
day…what do you mean by that Monti?” Cameron interrupted.

“I mean that I have
been thinking about this and I can’t handle dating a flight attendant. I know
you are probably not doing anything but when you are gone…I can’t concentrate
or function because I just don’t know what you are doing. There are too many
unknowns. I don’t know if you are cheating on me or what. I just can’t deal
with this. I am sorry to have wasted your time. I hope you don’t have hard
feelings for me but I just can’t be in this type of relationship. I will leave
your house key on the dresser today so it will be there when you get back from
your trip. I wish you the best.”

Cameron could not
believe what he was hearing. He was under the impression that this was a good
situation and he was committed to making this work despite all the insecurity
issues that Monti had presented. He was in this situation for the long haul.

“You mean to tell me
that you are calling me, as I am getting ready to start work and be gone for three
days to tell me that you are breaking up with me?”

“If you want to put it
like that…”

“How the fuck else
could I put it? Were you calling me to say hello or have a nice day?”

 “I was just thinking
about this and I know it is not good for me that I continue to pursue this
relationship.”

“You are such a coward,
Monti. You did not even have the decency to have a conversation with me to my
face but you choose to break this off over the phone before I have to deal with
all these needy passengers. I see how you are…you coward.”

With that Cameron hung
up the phone as his face burned with anger and his eyes filled with tears. He
stood there stunned as the shuttle bus pulled up in front of him. It took the
bus driver to say something to pull Cameron out of his shock. He sat in the
back of the empty bus feeling hurt, betrayed and stupid. He didn’t know which
way he wanted to go or how he was going to cope with this. He had lost his
relationship with Guy a few months ago and now this one. Cameron’s mind was
calculating what the best way to handle this situation with minimal hurt to his
already fragile heart. He felt his phone vibrate in his uniform coat pocket. He
looked at the display and saw that it was a text message from Monti that said:

Cameron, I am sorry for
hurting you. You are right I was being a coward. I will keep the key. Call me
when you have some time today. I will be there for you when you get back from
work. You have to believe me…I will be there.

Cameron did not know
how to take it. He was having one hell of an emotional day and he had yet to
get on a plane and see a passenger. The lyrics to Angie’s
So Pissed Off
came to Cameron’s mind.
So pissed off lookin' at life
through the glass that you shattered.

Monti was not bringing
any stability to Cameron’s life. Along with Monti came a string of emotional
brokenness that was slowly attaching itself to Cameron. Monti continued to
carry his insecurities without regard to how they were influencing his
relationship. He was so used to carrying the baggage that being insecure became
his natural state of being. He could not remember a time when he didn’t have
insecurities.

Cameron went on to
work, though his mind was not there for it. Cameron was on automatic as he went
through the motions of work for the three flights he had that day. He was
reserved and aloof. He had two days to process this and he vowed to not call
Monti during this time. He needed to do some soul searching about this
relationship again. Six weeks ago it was the A4A account, now it was this.

Cameron knew that his
relationship with Guy, though only just over two year, was a healthy one. He
knew he was loved and gave love freely. He knew Guy was secure in both himself
and his relationship. He did not add worry to Cameron’s plate, if there were
ever any worry he had. He was the perfect partner for Cameron, but Cameron
wanted what Cameron wanted and when Guy was not able to leave his life in San
Diego, Cameron broke it off. If only Cameron had learned patience and the power
of love, he would have still been with Guy and would feel love even through the
distance. Cameron’s heart hurt…maybe he made a mistake.

Chapter Twenty-Two

F
orced
o
ut
of
the
D
arkness

“What did I do?” Monti
asked himself as he paced the floor of his condo. He had just gotten home from
work and he was in a panic. He knew that Cameron was a good guy and that he
would be a good partner. Monti was stressing because he wanted to call Cameron
to make sure that he was ok and that he was still committed to the
relationship. Monti’s mind was all over the place. He knew that he sent his guy
to the world angry, upset and possibly single. Monti did not know what to
expect from Cameron. They had been together for close to 4 months now but it
was still new for him.

“I know I just broke up
with him right before work and that was a bad decision, but when I texted him
he did not respond.”

Monti was in a bad
headspace and he knew that this was going to be a long two-day wait to see if
Cameron would talk to him again. He thought about going to Cameron’s place to
set up some surprise for him when he returned to show him that he loved him and
wanted to be with him, but he did not want to risk being rejected. How could he
explain what was going on and how could Cameron understand what Monti was going
through?

The thought of
uncertainty was giving Monti a panic attack. He was starting to become confused
because he thought something terrible was going to happen. He was at home in a
place where he felt safe but he started to have chest pain as his heart started
pounding harder and harder. After about ten minutes, his symptoms began to
subside and he started to get more mental clarity so that he was able to
complete rational thinking.

“I need a drink.” Monti
thought as he changed his clothes. He went into the closet and picked out a
pair of jeans freshly pressed from the cleaners and a button up flannel shirt
that he also had sent to the cleaners.

Within fifteen minutes,
Monti was changed and in his Jeep. He was headed to a place on the east side of
Detroit called Capers. Capers was a neighborhood joint that had been a fixture
on Gratiot for over twenty years. Though it is situated in a nondescript
building that looked seedy, they were heavy handed in their pour and Monti
needed a heavy drink right now. He didn’t want any food tonight but he wanted
to numb his brain for the time being. The small steakhouse offered giant fish
bowl sized glasses that held more than 45oz. Monti would need all seven shots
of tequila that made up their “Shady Lady” margarita.

Monti pulled into the
restaurant parking lot that was small and manned by this caramel colored
security guard named Michael. Michael was quite familiar with Monti as he was a
regular and would bring his current dates to the restaurant. Typically one or
two times a week. Initially, Michael liked Monti and wanted to get to know him
better but the constant stream of dates that Monti had was a turn off to
Michael. Michael had a friend that knew Monti and would keep him up to date on
Monti’s relationship status. Michael knew that even though Monti was supposed
to be in a committed relationship many times over, he was still running the
streets and sleeping with anything that would look his way longer than the
simple what’s up. Michael knew that a relationship with Monti was not possible
so he dismissed the thought and decided to remain cordial. Michael spoke to
Monti as he got out the Jeep.

“Hey Monti.”

“What’s up sexy.” Monti
replied trying to lay on the charm to Michael. Monti always wanted to holler at
Michael but Michael never expressed interest beyond friendship; however that was
not going to stop Monti from trying. He loved the chase and Michael was a
master of evasion.