Forever Loved (Forever Lost Book 2) (7 page)

Chapter Six

“You’re doing so well in our sessions. Why aren’t you making more progress at home, Leo?” Mrs. Jones, the psychiatrist, watched intently from behind her square glasses. Her hand was poised, as always, to write down his answer, and he despised her for asking. It might be her job to determine his state of mind, but Leo hated that it gave her permission to pry into his personal life.

“I can’t offload my shit onto Cassie, I just can’t. She doesn’t even know I come here.” Leo rolled his eyes. “I’m a monster, plain and simple. I’ve hurt people, used and abused them, and then thrown them away when I’d had enough. I already dragged her into my crazy once before, and I can’t do it again.”

“Then why not just tell her that? Explain to Cassie how you feel about yourself and the past? It’ll help you accept the changes you’re going through as well as make her understand your transition better.”

“I’ve killed people, and I’m not talking about a long time ago. I don’t want her knowing what a cold, heartless murderer I became after she tore my world apart. I don’t care about anyone anymore, and it scares me. There’s only one. It’s a single purpose I have in this entire world, and that’s Cassie. I live and breathe because she needs me to. I function and survive, because
she
needs me to. I love with all my heart, because she loves me.” Leo knew he was ranting, but it was all scarily true.

“There’s no need to try and convince me you’re an obsessive sociopath, Mr. Solomon. I already know that,” Mrs. Jones said. “You cannot fool me, and I don’t believe for a second that you’re fooling her. Open up, what’s the worst that can happen?”

“She’ll leave me again.”

“That might happen anyway, it’s only a matter of time.” The pity in her smile made Leo want to trash her perfectly laid out office. “Our hour’s up. See you next week, Mr. Solomon.”

Leo left the psychiatrist’s office with a scowl. He tried hard to lock down those emotions again, and cursed again how as part of his parole he’d agreed to attend regular sessions with the shrink. He was happier just letting it all go, but Mrs. Jones had to drag it all up again week after week. Cassie didn’t need to know how fucked up he was. That is, if she hadn’t already figured it out, of course.

The mixed emotions stayed with him as he stalked through the crowded street back to his casino, and he let the flow of people guide him. Leo had learned soon after beginning the sessions to walk there and back. He wasn’t much company until he’d calmed down, and didn’t want anyone from his office to see beneath his cool, hard shell. Leo was pretty certain that the time spent walking by himself was actually as necessary as the session itself.

His mind was racing. Might Mrs. Jones be right? All that he said and did was meticulously planned and orchestrated, but lots of people were like that. He was a control-freak. Could it really be a matter of time before he ruined everything and broke Cassie’s heart again? He couldn’t be that guy who opened up to his girl about each and every emotion he had. He certainly wasn’t the type to sit up all night talking about his past and crying on her shoulder about it. Every time an emotion welled inside, he quashed it. That’d always been his nature, and what did it matter if it made him an obsessive sociopath, as Mrs. Jones had delightfully put it? He’d cared about others when it truly mattered.

She was wrong anyway. As far as Leo was concerned he couldn’t be a sociopath. He had empathy and remorse for the things he’d done—but only when it came to Cassie. Everyone else meant nothing to him, it was only her.
That’s something else entirely, an obsessive sociopath with only the one catalyst. What a lucky girl she is to have you fixating over her day and night.

Leo shook off his antagonizing thoughts, not caring that he was a mess. He could still love with every fiber of his being. He could still put another person before himself at every turn. Everything Leo had done since getting off the plane from New York had been for Cassie, and he didn’t intend on ever stopping.

Romance and affection he could do easily. Picnics in the park, movies and date nights were effortless. He’d made it his mission to fill Cassie’s world with laughter and love, and watching her smile was the only reward he needed. Well, then there was the sex. Leo’s heart beat fast even thinking about their lovemaking, and he had to adjust himself in his pants just envisioning how different she was now.

Cassie had truly been awakened since they’d last been together, and he loved how they’d not only rekindled their physical love for one another, but started a fire so strong it was now unstoppable. He still couldn’t believe she’d made the moves on him that very first night he’d come back. She was so confident, beautiful, and incredibly sexy. He’d gone weak at the knees just catching sight of her wearing nothing but his jacket over her tiny, perfectly curvaceous frame. At the time, he hadn’t remotely expected their physical relationship to begin again so quickly, but had adored her eagerness for more, and remembered that night with a smile.

There still was one aspect that’d been a hard realization recently. He’d thought for a long time that she’d learned to own her past and had moved on, but now he knew she was far from it. When he’d first met Cassie years ago, she’d been haunted by the monstrous memory of Jonah, the addiction-addled husband who had mutilated her body while out of his mind. How she’d let him stay in her life was beyond Leo’s comprehension, and she’d insisted all along she wasn’t a victim—when clearly that’s exactly what she was. Cassie had made Leo wait so long to be with her that it’d driven him crazy. He still hated that he’d used a whore to satisfy those needs she couldn’t, but that was in the past. There was only one woman for him now, and he knew he’d never so much as look at another one again.

Cassie hadn’t really moved on from being that timid girl she once was. Only her monster had changed. The metaphorical dog that bit her and made her scared to pet another one had turned into a wolf, and he’d hunted her and preyed on every one of Cassie’s weaknesses. Victor was that wolf. Leo knew he had to have genuinely fallen in love with her, or else he would’ve never married and protected her the way he did. When he’d taken Cassie away, it was to be a whore, and they’d all known it. However, something had changed, and Leo still didn’t truly know exactly how or why Victor had altered his plans for her. But, that obsessive love had been his undoing in the end, and they’d all lost something along the way.

Yes, Cassie no longer trembled and hid her scars from him, but Leo had been forced to see for himself that it wasn’t because she’d overcome them. It was because the scars now ran deeper than simply on her skin. She was riddled with them inside and out, just like he was, and he hoped that despite his downfalls, he could be the one to help her overcome the past.

Together they’d move on and be happy. Leo relied on her for that at least. His only chance at redemption was to die knowing he’d done everything he could to make things right by Cassie. The empire he’d built in New York, and that which he was cultivating in London, meant nothing, whereas they had once meant everything to him. Leo still wanted wealth and power, those needs were in his blood, but only if he got to share them with Cassie.

Coming to a stop, he steadied himself, took a deep breath, and then pushed through the doors to his huge casino. With his icy demeanor back in place, Mr. Solomon headed straight upstairs to get back to business.

***

Cassie waited patiently for Leo in his office, having been assured by Brian that he’d be back in no time. It’d been almost an hour. As far as she knew he didn’t have anywhere else to be other than the casino, though, and Cassie was growing impatient. Part of her thought about quizzing him when he got back, but she was loathe to turn into that girlfriend who wanted to know where he was and what he was doing all the time.

When he stormed in and almost threw his jacket onto the coat stand, Cassie flinched. He seemed colder and more distant than ever. Leo was hiding under not just his normal layers of closed-off indifference, but an extra few for some reason.

He jumped when he caught sight of her on the sofa, reading through a manuscript she’d been sent—her newest project. Cassie tried her best to stay relaxed, and she smiled over at him. She began gathering up her things, sensing the tension rolling off him, figuring it might not be a good time to visit after all.

“Hey, I thought I’d stop by and see if you wanted to grab a bite to eat, but…”

“Sorry, love. I’ve been out.” She wanted to roll her eyes and point out that he was stating the obvious, but stopped herself. Cassie went over to him and stared up into his hard face. The lines seemed deeper, and his eyes held no warmth. She didn’t like the man standing before her, it wasn’t her Leo. “I’m too distracted tonight. How about we do it another time?” he offered.

“Okay.” She smiled, despite her hatred for the big, bad gangster persona he was wearing. Cassie never had been a fan of Mr. Solomon, and wasn’t too disgruntled at being dismissed from his presence. “I’ll go and meet Shiv for drinks instead.”

He agreed and let her go with nothing more than a chaste kiss on her cheek. Normally, she’d wrap her arms around him and wait for the calm, gentle Leo to return, but this time she was more than ready to get away from the closed-off man she knew wouldn’t answer her questions. She had no idea what was eating him, and guessed he wasn’t about to enlighten her.

Cassie left the casino, and was glad to be out of there. She had to shake off the memory of his soulless stare. He still hid so much away, and she hated the unpredictability of him.

She called Siobhan and arranged to meet her at a bar just around the corner from her apartment, then hailed a cab. She rang Roger as well, informing him of the change in her plans. He wasn’t impressed to hear she’d left the casino without a chaperone.

“Leo let you leave without checking you were covered?” he barked down the line. She could hear the rustling of him presumably dressing while maintaining their call. “Go back to the lobby and wait for me.”

“Too late, I’m already in the cab,” she informed him, and heard him curse. “Meet me at the bar, okay?” Cassie added before ending the call. She spent the cab journey checking her emails and messages, keen for a distraction from the memory of the pain in Leo’s eyes, or his eagerness to get rid of her. She had to wonder where he’d been or with who. It had to be someone who had the power to chill him so effectively. It hadn’t been his cousin; Brian was at the casino with her. God, she wanted Leo to dig deeper, and hated knowing she probably wouldn’t get him to even if she begged him.

When she reached their chosen venue, McGill’s Irish Bar, she hovered outside, looking for her friends. Cassie suddenly felt an icy chill sweep over her, and she peered up and down the street. It was busy enough that she felt safe, but something still made her feel uneasy. It was as though she was being watched.

“Hey,” José’s kind voice called from across the street. He crossed over to join her when the traffic slowed. “Are we the first ones here?” Cassie guessed Siobhan must’ve invited him along. She didn’t mind, but in all honesty she’d wanted some girl time to discuss her closed-off man with her friend in confidence. Cassie nodded and accepted a kiss on the cheek from Siobhan’s fiancé in greeting, once again pushing her doubts about him aside. He’d sensed them, though, and evidently decided it was time to address her unease. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you, so it’s good we’ve got a minute,” José said, and her heart lurched.

“Let me guess, you’re not quite who you say you are?” she jumped in, unable to bite her tongue. José looked shocked, but his smile stayed on.

“Yeah, I suppose so,” he answered. “Listen, I do work in the city center, but I travel a lot more than I can talk about. My job has taken me to many, ah…obscure places.”

“Like Mexico?”

“
S
í
, like Mexico.” He softened the “x” as he pronounced it properly, whereas she’d refused to use her knowledge of the language when she’d spoken. It was a silly act of defiance, and yet she could never resist doing it.

“Are you here to hurt me or my friends, José? I’d appreciate a heads up if I’m in trouble.” Cassie wasn’t afraid; in fact her cold numbness had returned and she felt ready for anything he might try and throw at her. It was a handy reaction to being under pressure. Utterly calm and collected, she regarded the man standing before her.

“No, nothing like that!” José held up his hands to signal he meant no harm. “I just know who you are, that’s all, and I wanted to be honest. I think you’re incredibly courageous.”

“I’m no one, José. I survived something terrible—end of story. Please remember that.” Cassie could hear the ice in her tone. She wasn’t ready to discuss her past with someone she barely knew, yet who appeared to know who she was beneath the new name and persona, and had all along.

Roger appeared at that moment, stepping out of a cab in black pants and a shirt that actually made him look rather handsome. She was used to his bodyguard combo of white shirt and chinos, and had to admit he scrubbed up well.

“Hey, you two okay?” he asked with a concerned look on his face, and Cassie guessed she must be scowling. She let go of the anger that’d been building inside of her and forced a smile.