Forever Loved (Forever Lost Book 2) (8 page)

“Sure, just waiting on Shiv and we can head inside,” she answered, pointedly ignoring José. “You boys wanna go grab the drinks and a table while I give her a call to see where she’s got to?”

They did as she suggested, but Roger didn’t look happy. He stayed near the door and kept watch over her, even when Cassie could see José attempting to make conversation.

Just as she pulled out her cell, Siobhan arrived, walking fast around the corner that led to the tube station. Cassie hugged her.

“Hey, what’s up? I thought you were heading over to see Leo?”

“He’s snowed under,” Cassie lied. “I thought I’d leave him to it. Gives me some time with you guys,” she added with a wide grin. She still couldn’t figure out what was up with him, and his dismissiveness of her company weighed heavily on Cassie’s mind. He’d never let her leave without either him or Roger before, and her imagination immediately went haywire with thoughts of trouble back in the States, or perhaps run-ins with the police here in the UK.

She hadn’t heard from Hanna for a few days, and made a mental note to text her as soon as she had a free minute. She and Jamie were due to visit soon, and Cassie wondered if Leo might try to keep Cassie at arm’s length because of something to do with them. Were they still coming? Had Jamie gotten in some kind of trouble? Cassie hoped it was all her frenzied mind playing tricks on her, fooling her into thinking the worst. She jumped when Siobhan laid her hand on her shoulder.

Cassie forced another smile, then followed her friend inside. They joined the guys in the bustling bar, where two large glasses of chardonnay awaited their attention.

“Come to momma,” Siobhan whispered, grabbing her glass and then taking a long sip. Cassie giggled and snatched her own from the bar.

“We eating or just having a liquid dinner tonight?” she asked, and Roger’s raised eyebrow informed her that she’d better prepare for an interrogation very soon. For a man whose job it was to remain stoic and mysterious, he didn’t hide his emotions well at all. He could blend in with any crowd, yet was never able to mask his concern for her wellbeing. She guessed he could read her like a book too, and he seemed to know that things weren’t quite right.

José didn’t ask any questions. He simply ushered them to a table, where he handed each of them a menu in answer to Cassie’s question regarding whether they were having a “liquid dinner.” After rolling their eyes playfully, the two women admitted defeat and made their decisions.

They enjoyed plates piled high with burgers and fries, followed by chocolate sundaes with cream and hot fudge sauce. Cassie ate so much she felt like she might fall asleep right there at the table, but the flowing wine kept her with a nice buzz, and she found herself relaxing thanks to the wonderful company.

After a long session of what Cassie could only describe as “eye-fucking” Siobhan and José made their excuses and left. Roger then leaned forward, watching her intently from across the table. She envied Siobhan in that moment, and wondered what Leo was up to. Cassie missed him. When she grabbed her purse to leave, Roger shook his head.

“Tell me what’s bugging you. Why did you leave Leo’s, and what was going on between you and José outside?” he demanded without showing even a flicker of guilt over his intrusiveness.

“Leo was being cold, emotionless and distant—so nothing new there,” she snapped, and regretted it instantly. Whatever Leo had going on behind those walls of his, she knew he wasn’t doing any of this hiding because he preferred it that way. Cassie understood that he stayed guarded out of necessity, and just hoped he’d open up when the time was right. She took a deep breath and sighed. “I didn’t mean that. It’s just sometimes it feels like he’s so very far away. Like…”

“Like maybe he simply moved from one prison into another?” Roger finished her train of thought.

“Yeah, and it’s one that only he can break out of. No matter what I do—or don’t do—he’s trapped until he decides it’s time to open up.” Roger reached across the table and gave her hand a little squeeze, and Cassie was reminded once again just how great the man sitting opposite her was. She felt a tear slide down her cheek and quickly wiped it away with her free hand, but she knew Roger wouldn’t draw attention to it anyway. He certainly wasn’t the type to cause a scene or encourage her to “let it all out,” but he was there for her when she needed it, and that was what mattered. Cassie was grateful for the lack of fuss he caused whenever she had a girly moment in his company, and his calm demeanor helped to keep her grounded.

“And what’s the deal with José? You looked upset when I got here.” Roger moved the conversation on effortlessly, but kept his hand over hers on the table.

“There’s something about that guy I don’t trust,” she replied. “The way his accent sometimes changes, and he’s aloof when it comes to talking about his job. He told me right before you got here that he ‘knows who I really am.’ What the hell is that about? I couldn’t figure out if it was a threat or a warning…”

“He asked me about your history a few weeks ago,” Roger interjected, putting a stop to Cassie’s rambling. “I did some digging, and that guy does have a past that seems a little too clean. There wasn’t much I could find on him, but his financial career seems legit, and he has travelled the world at the behest of his company’s wealthiest clients. It’s quite probable he’s worked with Victor’s cartel, or perhaps his colleagues did back in the day. You’ve got to remember, despite you changing your name and moving across the world, you were big news a couple of years ago to anyone watching the money scene.”

“I was big news?” Cassie was surprised by Roger’s comment. “There was hardly any press coverage of my trial, and the only thing that really made the headlines was Leo’s arrest. It was mentioned that he took down Victor in the process, but otherwise my involvement was kept quiet. The US authorities took care of that.”

“I know, but it was still newsworthy that one of the largest drug cartels was almost taken down in one night by the leader’s wife and her lover. José told me once how he’d seen a photograph of you and Victor during a visit to one of his Brazilian clients, and then he’d heard you’d dropped off the radar—until he met you here in London.”

“Will I ever be able to leave it all behind, Rog? Or is Victor going to haunt me forever?” she asked, and her voice was almost a whisper.

“You’ll always have him hovering over you, Cassie. But that’s why you hired me, and why Leo keeps tabs on you like he does. Safety can only be maintained by being careful and staying strong. The moment you do something foolish is the moment you’re potentially in trouble.” Roger’s whole demeanor had changed. He was in full protective mode, and Cassie knew he was right. No matter what, there would always be a risk of the past catching up with her. All that mattered was that she was prepared and protected as much as possible when, and not if, that time ever came.

“I think I’m ready to go home,” she told him, and Roger waved to the waitress to bring them the check. He said nothing else, but stayed close and watched over her as they rode in the back of a cab to her apartment. He saw her inside, gave the place a once over, and made to leave, but she stopped him. “Stay and have a cuppa with me?”

“Sure.” He ditched his jacket and took a seat at the dining table while Cassie made them a pot of Earl Grey tea.

They’d switched back to cheerful, chatty mode by the time Leo came home. Roger had Cassie howling with laughter over a story he was telling, and both of them greeted Leo with a smile.

“Hey, love. You two having fun?” Leo asked as he poured himself a shot of vodka from the freezer and joined them. Cassie leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek, having decided against pulling him up on his cold behavior from before. There had to be times she let it go, even if everything inside her wanted to shake him and scream at her man to tell her what was going on.

“Just keeping your lady company is all,” Roger informed him. “Tonight was supposed to be my night off, but instead I got roped into dinner with her, Shiv, and José. Turned out to be a fun night, you should’ve come.”

“Too much on, but maybe next time,” Leo replied as he stood and replenished his glass. He was giving off an icy vibe that both Cassie and Roger picked up on, but she knew he just wanted to be alone with her. After helping her clear up their cups and teapot, Roger waited for her to give him a nod, and then left.

Cassie hovered by the doorway to the kitchen in silence. Leo was hunched over the counter, staring down into his empty glass. “You just gonna stand there and stare?” he growled, but didn’t bother turning to look at her, and it shocked Cassie to hear his cruel tone. He’d never held on to his angst for so long before, and she didn’t feel equipped to deal with his offhandedness right now.

“No, actually, I’m going to bed,” she retorted, and turned on her heel. She headed for the bedroom, where she stripped off, showered, and then slid on a set of pajamas. After tying her damp hair back in a long ponytail, she took a deep breath and set off in search of Leo again. No matter what she’d said, she refused to leave him to wallow, regardless of whether he’d tell her what was eating him.

He was exactly where she’d left him, and however many shots more inebriated. Without saying a word, she pushed her way between him and the counter top and wrapped her arms as tightly around his waist as she could. Leo didn’t say anything, but after a few minutes she felt him start to relax and lean into her hold. He buried his face in the crook of her neck, and Cassie held on for as long as he needed.

When he eventually pulled away, she led him to the bedroom. Leo followed her without a fuss, and let her strip him in tense silence. There was nothing sexual about how they both felt. Instead, Cassie was soft and gentle with her touch. He needed it, she could tell. They then climbed beneath the sheets on their huge bed. A hundred questions were rolling around in her head, desperate to be asked aloud and answered at last, but she forced them away.

“I’m sorry,” Leo’s voice reached her ears, and it was nothing more than a sigh.

“I know,” was all she mumbled in reply before sleep claimed them both.

Chapter Seven

Cassie was gone. She’d left in the clutches of that monster, and there had been nothing Leo could do to stop her. He’d begged, pleaded, and even prayed for his death over her imprisonment, but it hadn’t been granted. After months of rehabilitation, his wounds were healed, and he could properly walk again. Pain still shot through his thighs every now and again, but they were his reminder of what a failure he was, and Leo relished the pain he felt he deserved more of. He’d failed everyone, including himself. His life meant nothing without her, but Cassie had gone. She’d left him behind.

And now she was married. Mrs. Fucking. Victor. Sanchez. Cassie had become the wife of the man he hated more than anyone else in the world, and she’d said yes—willingly. She’d posed for pictures and screamed his name while he’d fucked her on that live stream Leo had been forced to watch. Hardly a powerless victim like he’d thought. Hate surged through him, giving Leo the shakes. He wanted to punch something, to lay ruin to something beautiful.

Leo needed a distraction. He knew he should’ve called for a tall blonde, but instead the dark-haired, big-breasted girl lay on the bed. She’d been his favorite for months—no guessing why. Spread before him on her belly, her long hair draped over her curvy ass, it could almost be Cassie lying there. And wasn’t his gluttony for punishment just the reason why he’d chosen her time and again?

“Don’t make a sound, and don’t look at me,” he ordered, climbing behind her. The girl didn’t respond. She kept her face buried in the pillow of Leo’s guest bed—like the good whore she was. After pulling on a condom, he palmed her ass cheeks and pulled her hips up to meet his. Leo hesitated, wanting to stop what he was about to do. This wasn’t helping him move on. If anything, being with her was keeping one foot in the past he was so desperately trying to run from. He felt like curling into a ball and crying, but his stubbornness forced him to see it through. He pushed himself inside, over and over without a care for the act itself—only the gratification his tainted heart demanded. He was hard and fast, but didn’t care. The softer, gentler Leo had gone away, probably never to return again.

He couldn’t finish. The emotionless fucking was doing nothing to curb his needs, and he guessed he should’ve known the release he was looking for wasn’t ever going to happen with the dirty slut bent over before him.

Leo wrapped her hair in his hands and pulled her up off the sheets, relishing in her shocked gasp. “You’re loving this aren’t you? You filthy whore.” He tugged harder. His hips still moved, but they felt like they were on autopilot. The only enjoyment he was getting was the sick satisfaction of having this slut completely at his command. She cried out and he rammed her harder with his unsatisfied hard-on. “You’re a whore, Cassie. Look what you’ve done to me! Nothing but a fucking whore,” he screamed at her, and the girl just trembled before him, evidently too scared to say a word.

Leo woke up drenched in sweat and tears. His hands were fisted in the sheets, his body was trembling, and his cock was so hard it was painful. That dream, just like the others, had hit him where it hurt. The memories he’d been trying so desperately to force away returned to him over and over again each night, and he knew he had to do something. He had to learn how to open up.

He looked around, glad Cassie wasn’t in bed with him, and wondered if it was morning already, but then movement in the shadows by the end of the bed caught his attention. Cassie was stood there watching him with wide eyes that told Leo she was terrified of what she’d just seen. Her arms were wrapped around her body tightly, as though shielding herself, protecting herself—from him.

“Don’t,” she whispered when he climbed up off the bed. He wanted to go to her, to wrap her in his arms and make her feel safe again. Leo didn’t listen to her plea. He climbed closer but was immediately halted in his tracks when she flinched.

“No, please. I need you, Cassie. I need you to understand, and to love me despite all my shit. Please,” he begged.

“I’m trying, Leo. God knows I’m trying.” She sighed, turned on her heel, and stomped toward the doorway, where she stopped for just a second and peered over her shoulder at him. “So, I’m nothing but a whore, am I?” Cassie added, and just like that, she broke through his barriers.

His heart sank. Leo knew then that he must’ve been shouting out in his sleep, and he wanted to make her understand that he hadn’t said it to her per se. He hadn’t been thinking those things while lying asleep next to her in bed. Maybe a long time ago when he was hurting and lost, but not now. The dream flooded his senses again, as did the memories of that time in his life. He’d started using all sorts of drugs and bingeing on alcohol back then, and his mind had been a wreck, just like his heart. Cassie was lost to him, and he’d had no idea if or how he might ever get her back. He’d been ready to burn his entire empire to the ground because of his failings, but hurting or name-calling her had never been what he’d wanted, only what his pain had demanded in fucked-up retribution.

“No, Cassie. It’s not what it sounded like, I wasn’t saying it to you. I was saying it to…” The agony in his voice surprised him. He wanted so desperately to tell her the truth, but didn’t know where to begin, and his hesitation only seemed to make her angrier. It was Cassie’s turn to be cold now, and Leo knew he deserved it.

“I need a minute,” she replied, and her voice was just as pained. “Don’t follow me.” This time, Leo did as she asked.

He climbed back under the sheets and stared at the ceiling for hours, waiting for her to come back to bed, but she didn’t. Mrs. Jones had been right; he would lose her anyway if he kept on hiding the truths from both past and present. Things had to change, before it was too late.

***

Cassie lay on the sofa, staring up at the ceiling. Had the man she loved so much, and thought loved her in return, really just woken her up grabbing at their bed sheets while screaming that she was a whore? His nightmares had been plaguing them both ever since he’d come back, but never had she seen or heard that side of him come out from his subconscious. The venom in his voice when he’d said the words still haunted her.
“You’re a whore, Cassie. Look what you’ve done to me! Nothing but a fucking whore.”

Tears rolled down her face, landing in puddles by her ears. She’d stopped wiping at them now. There was just too much pouring out of her to bother cleaning them up, so she simply lay there and sobbed as quietly as she could. Pain was always hard to bear, but she was starting to realize just how many forms of pain there were for her to endure. Love really could do a number on you if it wanted to, and it seemed despite their incredible attraction, she and Leo still had more hard times ahead. They weren’t out from beneath their dark shadows yet, and Cassie could only hope that he might eventually let her in—before his iciness ruined them both.

The next morning, she woke with a stiff back and dry, sore eyes. At some point she must’ve stopped crying, but she knew she’d wept for hours before finally falling into an exhausted sleep. After a quick search of the apartment, Cassie realized Leo had gone out. There was no note and no text message telling her where he was or when he’d be back. He’d just gone.

“Here we go with the cold-shoulder routine,” she mumbled as she climbed into the shower. “Well, two can play at that game.”

Within the hour, she’d gone to her theater and buried her head in the proverbial sand. Siobhan plied her with coffee and seemed to know not to ask questions, while Roger watched with concern etched all over his face. By late afternoon, Cassie decided enough was enough, and swapped the coffee for something far stronger. “You two coming for a proper drink or what?” she demanded.

“Sure thing, boss,” Roger replied, and Siobhan grabbed her purse. Neither seemed interested in questioning her motives, and Cassie was glad they’d taken her not-so-subtle hints to keep the hell out of it.

“Where’re we headed?” Siobhan asked as she climbed into the back seat of a minicab with Cassie and Roger. Cassie answered her with nothing but a sly grin and a wink before quietly instructing the driver where to go.

They started with cocktails, quickly followed by wine, and then took a pit stop for junk food from an old-fashioned fish and chip shop. Roger tucked into a huge plate of battered cod and vinegar-soaked fries, but he drank nothing more than soda while Cassie and Siobhan ate their meals with another bottle of wine to share as an accompaniment. He played protector while the girls had more than his share of booze, and soon Cassie and Siobhan were swaying and hugging each other tightly while they stumbled along to the next bar.

“You’ve been the best friend I could’ve wanted here, Shiv. The best!” Cassie proclaimed. “You’re gonna be married soon, and leave me to go and have Spanish babies. But I don’t care, because if you’re happy—I’m happy.”

“No way, I’m not going anywhere.” Siobhan shook her head and the fast movement made her wobble. “José knows I’m not leaving my career behind, nope. Nor you. You’re my best friend too, I love you!” They squeezed one another tightly and shrieked, but didn’t care who was watching. Cassie adored having such a great friend by her side, and wouldn’t ever apologize for expressing how happy it made her having Siobhan in her life.

“Girls, how about we take a break and grab some coffee?” Roger tried, but his attempt to cut their conversation short only brought him into it.

“Roger!” Cassie screamed. She’d almost forgotten he was there, and grabbed him, flinging her arms around his shoulders. “You are my best boy friend. Not as in
boyfriend
, but—you know?” He nodded and tried to pry her arms from around his neck, but without success. “You’re so cute, you know? I wanted you and Shiv to get it on, but she’s got her Spanish heartthrob now, so we need to find you a lady friend. What do you like? Blonde? Brunette?”

“Boys?” Siobhan asked, and they both creased up laughing.

“None of the above,” he replied with a smile. “Redheads every time.” He then took one of each of their hands in his and led them toward an all-night coffee shop, but Cassie had other ideas. With a twist, she had her hand free, and she stormed straight inside an entryway she’d spotted a few doors down marked
Club Alpha
.

She paid the entrance fee and dived right in, and the others could do nothing but follow her inside. Cassie grinned at the sight that welcomed her. Male dancers were everywhere. Some were dressed up in costumes or ripped jeans, while others had on tiny thongs or what looked like socks covering their manhood. A select few were on a stage, and were completely naked. Their epic rods stood to attention while they gyrated and danced, and their adoring public screamed for more. Cassie blushed at the sight, but refused to walk away.

“Table for three, please,” she instructed the waitress, who spotted Siobhan and a very red-faced Roger trailing in behind her, and the young woman beckoned for them to follow her. They sat around a tall circular table, and Cassie immediately ordered cocktails. “Keep them coming,” she instructed, handing a wad of cash to the girl, who nodded. Within minutes, two of the strippers came over, each carrying a tray adorned with colorful drinks and bowls of seductive looking canapés. They soon began offering the women a taste, while Roger stared the men down, letting them know he wasn’t there for the show, or to be waited on.

A tall, blond Adonis gave Cassie his undivided attention for the entire duration of their drinking session. He was stunning, but she wasn’t interested in anything he had to offer except the fun and flirtation. The man was oiled and waxed to perfection, and while she appreciated the view, it wasn’t why she was there. She was teaching her own Adonis a lesson. Eyes were on her, and not just from the still disgruntled Roger sitting opposite, but from others who had been tailing them all afternoon. Cassie had known for a while that she’d been watched at all times, and in her anger had decided to give Leo’s cronies something to report about.

When Mario, or so he said his name was, offered to feed her a cherry on a cocktail stick, she accepted. When he held a glass to her lips and tipped it for the perfect mouthful, she didn’t object. He told her not to lift a finger, and she didn’t. “A girl could get used to being waited on hand and foot,” she told him after Mario wiped her lip clear of any remnants from her Screaming Orgasm with a napkin.

“I aim to please, madam.” His baby blues bore into hers as he leaned in closer. “There are many ways I could wait on you. Many of which are not on the menu. All you need to do is ask.”

Cassie gave Mario a coy smile, trying to act as demure as possible while her insides screamed in embarrassment. She had no need to trade sexual exploits with her almost naked bartender, but took the gesture as a compliment.

“I’ll just take another one of these for now, but thank you,” she replied, pointing to the empty glass.

“I’d like to give you more than just another Screaming Orgasm, but I guess it’ll do,” Mario teased before he stepped away to fulfill her order.

Cassie took a deep breath and looked across at her friends. Siobhan seemed to be in the same mood as she was—enjoying the attention while not really being all that interested—but Roger looked about ready to explode. Cassie ignored him. Instead, she watched the show going on near the back of the room as a dancer dressed as a cowboy took to the stage. He quickly started teasing the crowd, and she had to laugh at how the women were screaming giddily for him to take it all off. She wondered if, in another life, she too might’ve become one of those carefree, fun girls. The ones who had nothing to worry about. If she’d never moved to America with Jonah, she might just have been like them. The call of the theater had proven too enticing for them both in the end, though, and she knew there would always be a huge part of her that regretted taking off to the States with her star-bound husband.