Forever Yours (20 page)

If it were anyone else, she might also add that she wasn’t going to rock the boat with Angel. When she’d mentioned Valerie’s invitation to Havasu to Angel, he didn’t say he’d mind her going, but he didn’t say he’d be fine with it either. She also knew Angel well enough. They all knew this would be a big college drunk-fest, and she’d been honest when she told Leo that kind of stuff wasn’t her thing, especially if Angel wasn’t with her. But if she said something like that to her cousin, it would feel like she’d be rubbing in the fact that Alex and Valerie didn’t have what she and Angel did. So she left it with the excuse of the paper she needed to write, which was not a lie.

After parting ways with Valerie, Sarah headed to the beach where she met Sofia for a run. They ran for a few miles then stopped at the end of one of the piers and drank some water, leaning over the side and catching their breath. She looked up and caught Sofie lost in thought, staring out into the distance.

Sarah glanced in the direction Sofia was looking and saw a giant naval ship. Earlier that summer, Sofia and Eric had broken up briefly after Sofia had allowed a former neighbor to kiss her—a handsome U.S. Marine who’d come home on leave. Even though she and Eric had gotten past it and worked things out since then, Sarah knew Sofia was still dealing with the overwhelming feelings of guilt. Sofia had confessed to Sarah, feeling confused at the time it happened because she’d never dreamed of hurting Eric yet she’d given into the temptation anyway. Sarah wondered if Sofia might be thinking about it now.

“Everything okay with you and Eric?” Sarah asked, taking another swig of her water.

Sofia snapped out of her stupor and glanced at Sarah with a nod. “Yeah,” she said, but it wasn’t very convincing. “We’re fine. It’s just that . . .” She took a deep breath and looked away.

“Just that what?” Sarah asked.

Sarah knew she was probably the only one with whom Sofia had shared the intimate details of what really happened with that kiss. She was pretty sure Sofia didn’t have anyone else to talk to about this.

“I just can’t shake the guilt,” Sofia said, breathing in deeply with a frown. “I keep asking myself why I did it. Why did I let him kiss me when I love Eric so much? Why would I chance hurting and possibly losing Eric like that? The only thing I can think of is I didn’t even realize it but I guess my body . . . my heart was curious or even excited about something
different
even if it was only one time.” She turned to Sarah with a solemn expression. “I’d never say anything to Angel. I promise. This would be completely between you and me, but have you ever felt like that? You and Angel have been together for years now, and he’s pretty much been your first love—first everything, right?”

Nodding, Sarah confirmed that Angel
was
her first everything. As far as she was concerned, the few kisses, or even few times she’d made out with anyone before him, were insignificant compared to what she had with Angel. She’d certainly never felt the kind of emotion only Angel was capable of making her feel.

“So you’ve never had another experience with other guys?”

“No, I have but nothing remotely close to what I’ve experienced with Angel.”

“Okay,” Sofia said. “I’m not trying to make myself feel better here or anything. I’m just trying to understand how I let it happen. Do you think you’d ever give into a moment of passion with anyone else? Even out of curiosity?” Sofia lifted her brows in an almost hopeful way. “Especially if the guy was extremely attractive and it was just a harmless kiss?”

Sarah gave her a knowing look. “First of all, you and I both know, no matter what the circumstances, my giving into another guy’s kiss would
never
be considered harmless to your brother.” She smiled to try and ease Sofie’s obvious guilt. “Things are different with Angel and me, Sof. You and Eric were pretty much in love from the time you were kids. Your heart never even got the chance to
consider
the possibility that someone else might excite you. Not only was it different for me and Angel but I screwed up from the very beginning and we started off on a sour note. I already know what it’s like to hurt him even if I never intended to. I saw the hurt and pain I put him through, and like you, Sof, I will
never
do that to him again. We’re human. We’re gonna make mistakes. My mom always says, ‘A life without mistakes is a life without experience.’ Without these experiences, Sof, maybe your curiosity would’ve manifested into something even bigger—something that would’ve been far more destructive to your relationship. Be glad it was just a
harmless
kiss that gave you a taste of what it would be like to lose him. Stop beating yourself up. As long as you learned from it and Eric’s forgiven you, let it go.”

Smiling, she patted Sofie on the shoulder. Sarah knew first hand all about the guilt. Even though she’d never meant to hurt Angel the way she had years ago, she still felt terrible. For a long time she was haunted by the pain in his eyes from that horrible night the truth about Sydney had come out in the worst way imaginable. Like Sofia, she too knew all too well the pain of nearly losing the guy she loved. It had only been for a few weeks, but they were a few of the hardest weeks she’d endured in her life.

By the time they were done talking, Sofia said she felt better. They finished their run, and Sarah headed home. Her phone rang just as she pulled into the parking space at her condo. She answered it with a smile. “Hey, Syd.”

“I was just thinking about you,” he said, crunching on something.

“Really, why?”

“I was flipping the channels and saw some of the highlights and hype about tomorrow’s college games. They mentioned the San Diego-Hawaii game. It made me think of those photos of Dana and Angel.” He was quiet for a moment. “I know you said it didn’t bother you, but c’mon, Sarah, this is me you’re talking to. You wouldn’t have even mentioned them if they didn’t. So I just wanted to see how you’re holding up. He’s gone, right?”

“Yeah, he left this morning,” Sarah said, walking up to her front door.

Her mom was on the floor doing her yoga in front of the TV. She didn’t even open her eyes, and Sarah knew she needed to be quiet when her mom was in
that
zone.

“Hold on,” she whispered and hurried into her bedroom. After explaining about her mom’s yoga, she addressed his comments. “It didn’t really bother me. I know I can trust Angel. It’s her I don’t trust, and then I can’t help but wonder if any of those other bitches on the cheer squad who still flirt with him shamelessly will be trying anything sneaky this weekend. I just don’t want to go back to that high school bullshit with all the hearsay.”

“So don’t listen to any of it. I mean, hell, how would you even know unless you went searching for it? Just don’t.”

“I don’t,” she explained. “But Valerie always seems to come across these things.”

She left out that she knew why. Valerie would search for things on Alex and would inadvertently run into things about Angel. Sarah knew it would be as easy as telling her cousin to not tell her about any of the stuff she read about stupid Dana and her photos, but deep inside, Sarah didn’t want to let her guard down. So while she herself wouldn’t be doing any digging, if Valerie found anything, she
did
want to know about it.

To her surprise, Sydney changed the subject abruptly. “So is that Leonardo guy who commented on so many of your photos on Facebook today Leo?”

“What?” Sarah asked, confused. Aside from her brother, she didn’t know or remember having any Facebook friends named Leonardo. “No, Leonardo doesn’t have a Facebook.”

“Ortiz, right?”

“Yeah, that’s him,” she said, sitting down and firing up the laptop. “He commented on my pictures? He told me he didn’t really do social media.”

“Well, his profile seems pretty new—just a handful of friends and almost no photos. I wasn’t sure if it was him because the photos he does have are of stuff like football team logos, cars, and some faraway lake photos, nothing of him up close, so I couldn’t be sure. Only reason I noticed is because he commented on a couple that I’m tagged in, so I got the notification.”

Sarah logged into her account. Sure enough, she had a bunch of notifications and a friend request from Leonardo Ortiz. She accepted it without giving it a thought then went on to check out all his comments. There were a lot. “Hmm, he must’ve just started it. I sort of teased him about being old school for not having one.”

Sydney was quiet for a moment as she continued to punch keys on her laptop. She got to the first of his comments just under a photo of her running through the finish line of a relay she ran last year and won from behind.

His comment was “Superstar! Love it! So proud!”

For many of her profile pictures of her alone or close ups he’d only commented with one word: “
Beautiful.”

Then there were the ones of her and Sydney from high school way back when she was still attending Flagstaff. In one of them, she and Sydney were standing on the sideline at one of their track meets and Syd had his arm around her. The caption read, “
Sydney. My Rock.”
Leo’s comment was “
Need to meet this guy
.”

He noticeably didn’t comment on any of the photos with her and Angel, including her profile photo where she was leaning her head on Angel’s chest and he was kissing her forehead. Photos of her and Angel constituted the majority of her Facebook photos, but she also had many of her and Valerie, her mom, and Angel’s family.

There was another photo of her and Sydney also from way back before she’d moved out to California. They were sitting on the limb of the giant oak tree in his backyard, waving down at Sydney’s mom, who took the photo from below. The caption read, “
My favorite brother
,” with a winky face after it. It was a photo Sarah had posted years ago along with the silly caption. The winky face was obviously because Sydney was the
only
person who came close to a brother to her. Leonardo’s comment on that photo was “
Um, no
.”

After clicking on a few more similar comments or hearts that he posted on her solo photos, she saw the one comment he did make on a photo of her and Angel. It was one taken over a year ago. They took a selfy lying on his parents’ sofa. She remembered Angel holding the phone up as she held the sheet to her chest, obviously not wearing much underneath. Neither was he, but it was tasteful, and they both looked so happy. It was a rare weekend they’d had the house to themselves, and the caption read, “Playing house on this beautiful rainy day.”

Leo’s comment was “
I’m with your mom on this one. I don’t think you should either.”

Confused, Sarah thought about that for a moment. Her mom? She clicked on the previous comments, and to her horror, she saw the comment her mom had made almost a year ago as well.

“
Sarah Lynn that better not be my sofa! I really don’t think you should be posting photos like this. I do hope you’re still on birth control.”

It had several likes including a few “LOL” comments. Valerie had even shared the post with her comment: “
Why parents shouldn’t be allowed to Facebook.”
Sarah felt her face flush. She couldn’t believe she’d missed that.

Sydney finally spoke up again. “Lynni?”

Even though she still held the phone to her ear, she’d almost forgotten Sydney was still on the other end.

“Yeah,” she said, shaking her still warm face and feeling silly not to mention rude. She’d gotten so caught up on Leonardo’s comments that she’d completely paid no mind to Sydney all that time. “I’m here. I’m sorry. I was just going through the comments on my Facebook.”

“Is that him?”

“Yes, it is,” she said without offering more.

“Kind of ballsy, no?”

“Mm,” she said. “Well, I made fun of him for not having a Facebook, so I think this is his way of trying to catch up quickly. Maybe socking it to me a little.”

She wasn’t sure why she was trying to justify Leonardo’s actions. It just felt so good after meeting him and telling Sydney about it that maybe this relationship with her brother would finally at least
begin
to feel normal. Even her mom seemed pleased with how Sarah told her things had gone. She didn’t want Leonardo’s lack of creativity or “ballsyness” when commenting on her photos ruining the momentum in trust both Angel and Sydney were beginning to show.

“Yeah, but—”

“Social media is new to him apparently,” Sarah said a little too haughtily, so she toned it down. “Obviously, he’s not up on the etiquette. Maybe he doesn’t even know that everyone else can see his comments or something.”

All right maybe that was a stretch, but it wouldn’t be unheard of. Her mother was a perfect example, and Valerie was right. God knows she regretted creating a Facebook page for her mom last year. Sarah would now be removing that comment, one she’d obviously missed when doing a clean sweep last year when she first let her mom run amuck on Facebook. The woman commented on every one of her photos. She even had something to say about the inside jokes Sarah posted to her status.