Forgiveness (13 page)

A
MOTHER IS HER CHILDREN’S FIRST TEACHER. HER RELATIONSHIP WITH HER CHILDREN BEGINS WHEN THEY ARE IN THE WOMB
.

A mother is her children’s first teacher. Her relationship with her children begins when they are in the womb. How a woman thinks about, cares for, and nourishes her own being mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually sends powerful and important messages into the fabric of her children. What a mother thinks sends impulses into her children’s minds. What she says sends vibrational energy into her children’s hearts. What she does and how she does it creates the expectations her children will have for themselves, within themselves. The depth of a mother’s involvement with and her relationship to her children is unique and different because of the strong emotional and physical bonding that has occurred. How she bonds and whether or not she bonds teaches her children what they can expect from the most important relationships they will have in life.

I once read a fable that made it very clear to me that my purpose as a mother went way beyond provision and discipline:

One day in a busy marketplace, a mother bumped into a stranger as he tried to pass. “Oh! Please excuse me. I wasn’t paying attention and did not see you.” The stranger said, “Please excuse me, too, for I am as guilty as you for not paying attention.” Both the stranger and the mother were very polite and laughed lightly as they walked their separate ways.

Later that day the mother was at home preparing the evening meal for her family. Her son came into the kitchen unnoticed by his mother and stood beside her. When she turned around, she nearly tripped over him and knocked him to the floor. “Move out of the way,” she yelled at him. “I’m busy now. Leave me alone.” With his heart broken, the child walked away, going into his room, where he cried. The busy mother had not realized how harshly she had spoken to him. Nor did she recognize the gift that had been in his hand.

Later that night the mother lay awake in her bed reviewing in her mind the events of the day. When she closed her eyes to whisper her nightly prayer, a small voice whispered into her ears, “While dealing with a stranger, you were polite and courteous, yet when it came to the child you say you love, you chose harsh impatience. Go back into the kitchen. Look in the corner by the door. There you will find the flowers your son picked for you. He stood quietly in the kitchen waiting to surprise you. What you offered to the stranger is the very least of what you son deserves from you, his mother.” The mother shot upright in her bed. Untangling herself from her bedcovers, she did as directed. Sure enough, she found the flowers.

Now, she wept. She quietly went and knelt at the side of her son’s bed, not wanting to disturb him. There she prayed, “Dear God, please forgive me for the way I treated our son today. I confess that I yelled at him and caused him pain. I confess that I allowed what I had to do to be more important than being the mother You created me to be. Please God, forgive me and teach me to love my children the way You do.”

Children need a mother’s love, acceptance, and nurturing, particularly when they least deserve it. A mother must be aware that if she were to die tomorrow, the children she leaves behind will experience the loss of her presence for the rest of their lives. It is not uncommon for a mother to fall short of the importance of her role. Yet it is essential for her to recognize these shortcomings and be willing to make amends within herself, with God, and with her children. It also goes without saying that before a woman becomes a mother, she is a woman with patterns and pathologies to be healed, needs and desires to be fulfilled, lessons to learn, and a life’s purpose to fulfill. What I have learned about being a woman with a purpose and a mother by divine design is that the only way I will experience peace, joy, and fulfillment as a wife and mother is to create and maintain an intimate relationship with God. When that was not in place, I was left to my own devices. Just ask my children.

D
AILY
F
ORGIVENESS
P
ROCESS
R
EMINDERS

For a more detailed explanation
of the
Daily Forgiveness Process Guidelines
,

1. Find a quiet place where you will not be disturbed for at least 30 to 60 minutes.
   
2. Still your mind for at least 5 minutes or listen to the
   Stillness Meditation.
   
3. Read the Forgiveness Prayer once silently and once aloud.
   
4. Scan the
   Emotional Triggers
   List.
   
5. Write out the 12 Forgiveness Statements for each day’s topic on thinking, judging, and believing in your Forgiveness Journal (Days 1–18). Write your Forgiveness Letters (Days 19–21).
   
6. Perform your Pro EFT™ Forgiveness Tapping Sequences.
   
7. Process thoughts and feelings consciously through your Forgiveness Journal Reflections.
   
8. Listen to the
   Gratitude Meditation
   on the Forgiveness CD.
   
9. Complete the day’s practice in quiet reflection or with meditative music.
   
10. Be sure to do something good for yourself today!
    

I F
ORGIVE
M
YSELF FOR
J
UDGING
M
Y
M
OTHER

T
oday’s Forgiveness Practice is about forgiving the judgments, hurts, and wounds that may be buried in your consciousness and are engraved into your mother’s name. You will be forgiving all thoughts, beliefs, memories, and experiences you may have judged as wrong, unfair, unkind, or unloving. This does not mean that your experience of your mother is wrong or that her behavior was right or appropriate. The process of forgiveness is designed to neutralize what is going on within you in order to make space for another possibility to unfold. Regardless of how you hold her in consciousness, your mother represents the very beating of your heart, because her heartbeat was the first sound you heard. To forgive your mother opens and heals your heart.

Y
OUR MOTHER REPRESENTS THE VERY BEATING OF YOUR HEART
.

Be sure to reread
JUDGE NOT!
in order to gain clarity about how your thoughts and judgments can become the feelings you may have about your mother.

A P
RAYER OF
F
ORGIVENESS

Blessed Father God, Holy Mother God:

Today, I ask for and allow myself to receive and experience Your grace. Today, I claim my freedom as I declare my willingness and readiness to release my mother from all of my anger, hurt, woundedness, judgment, disappointment, and sorrow hidden anywhere in my consciousness or being. I surrender all memories, experiences, circumstances, and situations where I have held my mother with blame or fault. I ask to be lifted above any and all judgments, critiques, assessments, perceptions, beliefs, and habitual patterns of thought in which I see and hold my mother as anything less than Your perfect child. I ask that You fill me with Your compassion, Your truth, Your knowledge that allows me to see my mother as Your daughter whom You love and in whom You are well pleased. Lift me beyond my intellect and ego that I may behold my mother with all my heart as You do.

I rest in Thee
.

I let it be!

And so it is!

– I F
ORGIVE
M
Y
M
IND FOR
T
HINKING
–

EXAMPLE

I forgive my mind for thinking my mother was more loving to my sister/brother than she was toward me.

I forgive my mind for thinking my mother was

I forgive my mind for thinking my mother was not

I forgive my mind for thinking my mother should have

I forgive my mind for thinking my mother should not have

– I F
ORGIVE
M
YSELF FOR
J
UDGING
–

EXAMPLE

I forgive myself for judging my mother for divorcing my father.

I forgive myself for judging my mother for