ForsakingEternity (4 page)

Ren stiffened and pulled his wings closer to his body. He
didn’t want the familiarity of sitting wing-to-wing with one of Raphael’s host.
Not when he was taking this step into the unknown.

Ren’s stomach clenched and he squelched the urge to vanish
again, to appear half the world away, or in another realm of existence.

It would do no good. He would simply follow. The only way
Evangelos could have known where to find him was if he had been sent and one
could not avoid a guardian from the Most High.

“Greetings to you, Renatus.”

“And also to you, Evangelos. What brings you to me this
day?”

“A message from the Most High for His servant Renatus.”

The formality set his teeth on edge. His muscles tensed and
he pulled his wings in tight; a reminder to not take flight.

“You are a guardian, not a messenger.”

“I am
your
guardian, and as such I may bring you a
message.”

The absurdity of that statement left Ren staring in
disbelief. “Angels do not have guardians.”

“They usually do not need guardians.” Evan hesitated before
continuing, his words slow and precise, as if being carefully chosen to least
offend. “This is your moment of Truth and the Most High has sent me to help.”

His moment of Truth. The future suddenly sat before him like
a yawning chasm. One misstep and he could topple over the edge and be lost
forever.

The possibility was frightening.

“Speak, guardian, that I may know Truth.” He uttered the
official acceptance, but his heart did not want it. He stood on the precipice
of something which could very well tear his soul to shreds and yet he couldn’t
walk away.

Indulging this curiosity could be defined as a sin.

Adam would be a sin.

Outside he held himself still, stoic, but inside was a
keening cry, a sense of loss for what he’d never had to begin with.

“First, a warning. I cannot return to you until you request
my presence.”

Ren nodded his understanding, the knot is in throat too
tight to allow words to pass.

“
Truth of the Law is not always what one believes it to
be. Once it is written on the soul it becomes a part of a being and can never
be escaped. The Law of Men and Angels is near. It is your task to find the
scroll and proclaim the Law so all will know Truth and be subject once more.”

Ren shivered under the power behind the words, a resonance
of power which could only come from the Most High himself. He should have known
his floundering attempts, his interest in humans and male passion would not go
unnoted.

He nodded to Evangelos, an unnecessary acknowledgment.

“Before I leave you, I am permitted to share that the scroll
you seek is in this town.”

“I thank you for your assistance.”

Evan opened his mouth to speak again, but Ren held up a
hand, halting the words before they came.

“Please, leave me with some dignity. If ever you were a true
friend, give me this, at least.” He did not want to know how much this angel
knew of his venture into the human world, could not bear the shame of knowing
his folly was being bandied about Heaven.

“Ren…” Evan paused. His face filled with concern. Ren had
seen that worried look on too many seraphim and cherubim since he’d returned to
Heaven alone and wearing a black feather on one snowy wing. “Your actions here
are shielded from the angels. I knew nothing until I was sent to you and I will
say nothing when I return. But this cannot stay a secret forever, not if you
continue. Consider this, and choose wisely.”

“I must know, Evan. This part of me is crying out for
recognition and I must know what it means.”

“Even in light of the proclamation?”

“Until the scroll is found the Law isn’t defined.”

Evan’s disapproval hung heavy between them. The Heavens did
not acknowledge loopholes. There was only right and wrong with no shades of
gray to confuse or excuse.

“And what of the human?”

“What do you mean?”

“You are facing temptation, Ren. Humans have been out of
bounds for thousands of years. Are you going to pull Adam into sin with you?”

Icy apprehension slithered down Ren’s spine. He hadn’t
considered any danger to Adam. But Adam was exempt from judgment under the Law.

“The law of prohibition is an angelic law, not a human one,”
he said, mentally reviewing the information he’d studied before leaving Heaven.
“No, he does not know the Law. Only I am subject.” So long as he was unaware
Renatus was an angel, he could not be judged. Ren would make sure Adam remained
ignorant until it was time to leave him.

“And you are willing to face the consequences?”

“I may be punished, but I will not Fall. Whatever small time
I have here is worth any reprimand from on High.”

Evan gave him a long look, filled with questions that Ren
didn’t want to face.

“You are treading where no wise angel dares. I am frightened
for you, Ren.”

Not long ago Ren had uttered nearly the same thing and his
fears had been misplaced. As were Evan’s.

“I am aware of the risk.” A risk he had to take soon.

Tonight.

It might be his only opportunity to feel the touch of this
man, to explore what might be.

He would take advantage of the time he was granted and pray
he would not pay for it with damnation.

Chapter Three

Adam paused before crossing the street and took a moment to
study Ren as he stood waiting by the door of the café.

Beautiful. There was no other word to describe him. He drew admiring
looks from men and women alike but unlike most pretty men he seemed completely
unaware of his effect on others. There was no hint of smugness, no flirtatious
smiles or self-assured looks. He was modest, maybe even vulnerable.

The entry lighting for the shop caught the white points of
Ren’s collar, making them gleam in the dusky light of early evening. The
corduroy jacket he wore over it looked like something salvaged from the days of
grunge. The dull, chocolate-brown wide-wale fabric was worn in spots and the
faux sheep lining was ragged with age. The decrepit coat seemed out of sync
with the polished man he’d met at lunch, and it made Adam wonder what other
interesting quirks his date had.

Ren shuffled his feet, glancing around self-consciously and
looking like he’d prefer to be invisible. The action was oddly endearing.

Then Ren saw Adam, and vulnerability vanished, replaced by
simple happiness.

Adam waved in greeting and crossed the street. Reaching Ren,
he waved again, suddenly too nervous to speak. In that moment he was a teenager
once more, red-faced and tongue-tied when the quarterback of the football team
sat next to him in class. Only this time, the man standing before him wasn’t
interested in cheating on a test. Ren was there for him.

“Good evening, Adam.” Ren’s face flushed and his breath came
hard and a little too fast, sending puffs of steam into the chill of the night
air. The formal greeting was at odds with his body’s response. The contrast was
oddly satisfying.

“Hi, Ren. It’s good to see you again.” He nodded toward the
door of the coffeehouse. “Did you want to eat here tonight or find
somewhere…quieter?”

Ren glanced toward the doorway as a group of men inside
burst out in laughter. “Quieter sounds appealing.”

“I know a place not far from here. Some of the best Italian
food you will ever eat. It’s just a few blocks away. We can walk, or if you
want to take your car, we can meet there.” And, if he slipped the host a few
dollars they could get one of the booths that almost guaranteed privacy for
couples. He shouldn’t tell Ren that, though. He seemed to be nervous enough
without Adam making such a blatant move.

“Walking would suit me.”

Adam released a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding.
“Walking would suit me too.”

They walked silently down the sidewalk, their elbows
bumping. Each brief contact sent a spark of awareness through Adam. He wanted
to move closer, to turn that spark into something more and let it smolder.
Holding back was slow torture.

But he still wasn’t sure what Ren was ready to handle. Would
too much intimacy in public embarrass him? Probably. He seemed the reserved
type, and if he was just curious as Adam suspected, more than this incidental
contact might send him running.

He opened the door to the small restaurant and the warm
scents of garlic and bread drifted into the chilly night to surround them. The
owner greeted them in a flood of enthusiastic Italian and Ren answered with a
fluent greeting of his own.

The owner led them to a back corner, away from the prying
eyes of other diners. This town might claim to be liberal and open-minded, but
the sight of two men together still raised eyebrows. The staff’s willingness to
provide privacy and the discretion the small eatery afforded was as big a draw
for Adam as the food.

“So you speak Italian,” Adam said once the host had left
them alone with their menus. Ren’s accent didn’t sound Italian but perhaps he
was from somewhere near there. “Is that part of your job?”

“I suppose it is. I must speak many languages. It is helpful
when traveling. But you must know this. You are a language teacher, yes?” Ren
opened his menu and glanced over it. “What foods would you recommend tonight?
I’m not overly familiar with these choices.”

“I teach dead languages. Latin and ancient Greek. It’s not
the same. And I can recommend the vegetarian lasagna.”

Ren nodded to the server, indicating he would have the
lasagna, and an irritating burst of flattered pride sent a flush of heat to
Adam’s cheeks. He was too old to be preening like a teenager. He quickly placed
his order for the same and added two glasses of wine.

“You eat here often,” Ren observed as the server walked
away.

“Fairly. The kitchen isn’t kosher but the vegetarian options
meet my needs and are very good.”

“You follow the Law. You are a man of faith.”

The comment brought with it the uncomfortable realization
that Adam’s meal choices had little to do with faith and everything to do with
habit. He watched the law the way a compulsive dieter counted carbs.

“I follow it as much as is practical.”

“These languages you teach, if they are dead languages, what
is their value?”

“They might be dead, but they are the root of modern
language. Most of the western world has its base in Latin. If you know it, you
can decipher modern speech and writing.”

“But this is not why you love it.”

“How can you tell?”

Ren tipped his head to the side and studied him before
speaking. “Because I understand truth. It resonates. Many things people say are
half-truths, or they speak a truth that is not their own. Very few speak the
whole truth. This need to evade is curious.”

“You have me there. I have a simple love of language. I’m
fascinated with old texts. I have a modest collection of manuscripts written in
older languages or dialects. Finding them is a thrill. When I get something
new, I’ll read through it, do my own interpretations.”

Adam shifted forward, leaning over the table. “As you know,
the words often don’t have a direct translation into English, so many subtle
variances and nuances of the original language can be lost. Common translations
can completely miss the true meaning and purpose behind the words.”

Ren smiled, and Adam nearly forgot what they had been
talking about.

Ren was beautiful. How had Adam gotten so lucky as to be
sitting across the table from this man? Would tonight end with dinner or would
the meal give way to something more? Adam hoped so. He wanted to take Ren home
with him.

Would Ren know what to expect? Had he ever been down this
road before? Adam doubted it. Renatus was as timid as a virgin. Adam looked
forward to teaching him. He could hardly wait to kiss him, to lay him down,
explore him and teach him the pleasure men could find together.

“I can see language is a subject for which you have a
passion.”

Language, right. Right now Adam could barely remember
English. His body stirred and he leaned back, his face a bit warm. “I guess I’m
a bit enthusiastic. Sorry.”

“Why apologize? I think you are much like me. You seek
truth.”

How incredible. Someone who understood him. Even Adam’s best
friends thought his obsession with old manuscripts was odd. His quirk, they
would call it, trying to soften the blow of their teasing. Renatus not only
accepted it, he understood what drove Adam.

“I will admit to having the same habits with legal
documents.” Ren pushed at his wineglass, scooting it across the table before
toying with the silverware. “When the translation of a single word can alter
the legalities, it is vital to understand those subtleties.”

Their food arrived, and they spent the meal discussing translations
and language variations, the driest of subjects imaginable, but with Renatus,
the conversation was anything but boring. It was lively and amazing, another
language geek with the same eccentricities who actually wanted to hear more
about his dull collection of old texts.

Adam didn’t realize how much time had passed until the check
came. A glance around the restaurant told him most diners had long since
cleared out.

“I think we’ve outstayed our welcome,” he said, nodding
toward the nearly empty room and the handful of staff waiting for them to
finish.

“I’ve had a most enjoyable evening.”

“We don’t have to end it. The café is open until two. If you
like, we can go there.” As soon as the words left his mouth, Adam wished he
could pull them back. What was he doing? He was out on a date with a straight
man, one who would walk away.

Yet every fiber of his being waited, tense with
anticipation, to see how far Ren wanted to go.