ForsakingEternity (6 page)

“But the desire isn’t.”

“No. It isn’t.” Ren turned to him then, his eyes earnest.
“You ask what I want. I want to
know
. The question of what might be
tears at me. I want the questions to be gone. I want to know the answers.”

“You want to know if you’re gay.”

Ren’s pained expression said it all. Not knowing was eating
him up.

Adam reached up to push strands of golden hair back from
Renatus’ face. The other man’s eyes drifted closed and he shivered under Adam’s
fingertips. The reaction was so slight Adam wasn’t sure if he imagined the fine
tremor.

He stroked one finger over the edge of Ren’s ear. A second,
larger shudder rippled through Ren and he turned his face ever so slightly into
Adam’s palm.

In that moment, it was all the answer Adam needed.

Chapter Four

The kiss was featherlight, a tentative brush, a cautious
offer. Adam barely breathed, waiting for Ren to make his decision. More or less?
Stop or continue? The pounding of his heart measured time as he waited for a
reaction, any reaction.

Ren’s breath released in a rush, a hot wave whooshing across
Adam’s cheek. The lips under his moved, and Ren was kissing him. Sensation
flowed like warm honey, rich and golden, from Ren’s mouth into his. It
electrified every nerve in his body.

Warm and sensual need flooded Adam. He ran the tip of his
tongue over the curve of Ren’s lower lip. A teasing stroke, meant to entice,
but it made the man in his arms shudder and gasp. Ren’s mouth opened and Adam
took full advantage. The kiss deepened and Adam was helpless to pull back as
Ren melted.

He leaned in, pushing Ren down until they lay on the couch,
Ren stretched out under him. Adam shifted, putting his weight on his elbows. He
moved slowly, never breaking the kiss as he moved over Ren and let his weight
settle slowly over his would-be lover. He aligned their hips and let his groin
ease down.

Ren was hard.

His cock singed Adam through the thickness of two layers of
denim. It pressed against him until the zipper of his jeans bit into his
over-sensitized flesh.

Under him, Renatus arched, pushing their cocks together even
harder. Ren tore his mouth away from Adam’s with a harsh groan. Reluctant to
allow even that little bit of space, Adam buried his face in the curve of Ren’s
neck to taste the skin there. He tasted…

Divine.

There was no other word for it. His flavor was a mix of man
and something else, something beyond words.

Ren groaned again. The harsh cry rumbled through his chest
to Adam’s, where it spawned an answering vibration. Adam rocked against him,
unable to hold back anymore. He needed it, the drag of fabric, the pressure of
their cocks, the sweet friction of flesh against flesh.

Ren shifted under him and Adam experienced a moment of
panic.
No, not yet, don’t push me away yet.
But then Ren’s hands found
his hips, held them tight together as he began his own rocking motion.

The surrender was sweeter than anything Adam had ever
experienced. He found Ren’s mouth, taking it with another blazing kiss, this
one even hotter, more desperate than the one before. Their tongues met, tangled
and the movement of their bodies became frantic.

Then Ren stiffened.

Adam barely had time to register the withdrawal before finding
himself alone on the couch, his mind still so muddled with lust he couldn’t say
how or when Ren managed to get out from beneath him.

Squeezing his eyes shut tight, Adam pressed his head against
the soft leather of the couch and waited for the front door to slam shut. Long
moments passed and he heard nothing but his own harsh breathing.

Finally, he pushed himself upright. At first he thought he
was alone, but then a small sound caught his attention.

Ren sat in the entryway, his back pressed tight against the
wall. His face filled with guilt and looked like he was poised on the edge of
flight.

“I didn’t think you’d still be here,” Adam said carefully,
afraid the slightest misstep, a single poorly chosen word, could send Ren
running.

“I came back.”

So he had run. Pain and disappointment were a crushing
weight on Adam’s chest, forcing the breath from him.

“I’m sorry, Ren. I shouldn’t have pushed you. I promise I
won’t pressure you like that again.”

The words hung between them, stretched tight on a fine wire
of tension.

“I didn’t feel pressured.”

“But I pushed you too far.” The words clogged Adam’s throat.

“You went no further than I allowed. I pushed myself too
far.” Ren rose gracefully to his feet but made no move to close the distance
between them. “I don’t know that I’ll ever be prepared to give you what you
want. I’m being unfair to you. More unfair than you could ever realize.”

The crushing sadness on Ren’s face made Adam ache.

“You’re not being unfair. I understand what I’m getting into
here.”
Please don’t leave. Don’t take this chance away from me, from us.
Adam couldn’t voice the plea ripping through him. With how hesitant Ren was, it
would only make him run faster.

“If only that were true.” Ren took a deep breath and looked
around like a lost wanderer looking for the way back home. “I should leave you
now.”

“No!” Adam jumped forward in panic. Ren’s words sounded too
final, too absolute. “Stay, please.”

“I can’t give you what you want,” Ren said again, his eyes
begging Adam to understand.

“If you can’t stay, then promise me you’ll at least come
back. Please. Spend the day with me tomorrow. We can go to some of those flea
market sales, hang out in the park, see a movie. Whatever you want.”

Renatus hesitated, his eyes clouded over with something Adam
couldn’t identify.

“I cannot stay. Not tonight.”

Adam dropped his gaze to the floor and tried to nod. Had
disappointment ever hurt this much before tonight?

“Will I see you tomorrow?”

“Yes.” The answer came without hesitation. Reassuring.

“Good, then.” He could wait a night.

Adam opened his mouth to say more, but when he looked up,
the front door stood open and Ren was gone.

* * * * *

Ren set the tray on the small café table and tried to quell
the butterflies in his stomach.

Adam was coming.

He set out the two breakfasts he’d purchased, fussing over
turning the plates this way and that, until he sensed Adam turn the corner.
Looking up, he met Adam’s gaze and the butterflies’ gentle fluttering exploded
into a frenzy.

For a moment he wondered if he would be the first angel to
vomit.

Then the unhappy line of tension between Adam’s brows faded,
the corners of his eyes crinkled, and he smiled.

“We always seem to end up here, don’t we?” Adam asked as he
approached the table.

“It seemed the logical place to meet.” Ren ducked his head
and rearranged the food on the table again before taking a seat.

“What’s all this?” Adam asked, taking the seat across from
Ren. His morning-rough voice made Ren’s breath catch.

“Breakfast.”

Adam didn’t make a move toward eating and Ren began to
fidget. Had he done something wrong?

“If the food isn’t suitable—”

“No, I just didn’t expect it.” Adam pulled out his chair to
sit, and the pressure on Ren’s chest eased.

Adam placed his napkin in his lap before cutting into a
sugar-dusted waffle and taking a bite.

“Mm. This is good,” he moaned.

The sound was close to those he’d made the night before.
Close enough to remind Ren of their fevered kisses and the feel of Adam’s hard
cock rubbing against his.

He flushed at the memory of Adam’s mouth on his, of what it
felt like to experience passion with another male. It has harder, hotter than
anything he’d had with a female, human or angelic, and left him hungry for more
of Adam’s kisses.

Ren looked away and began fussing with his own food before
he was tempted to lick off the confectioner’s sugar which dusted Adam’s upper
lip.

“These are incredible. I had no idea their breakfast menu
was so good. I usually just get a coffee to go in the mornings,” Adam said,
taking another bite.

“I bought coffee as well.” An eagerness he couldn’t hide or
will away colored his words. Guilt reminded him of the Laws he couldn’t escape.
He was a seraph. He shouldn’t be so anxious to please. Adam was human and a
male. Double the sin, double the damnation.

And yet, Renatus was helpless to resist his lure. Worse
still, he had no desire to resist.

He wanted Adam.

If I am to succumb to this temptation, I must do it
before the Law is revealed. One time, and never again, or I’ll be banished to
Hell.

“You wanted to go shopping today?”

“Shopping? More like treasure hunting,” Adam said, wiping
the sugar from his face with a napkin. “Man, this stuff goes everywhere,
doesn’t it?”

“So it appears.” Ren couldn’t contain his laugh. “You’ve
missed some.”

“Where?” Adam brushed at his cheeks and chin.

“No, it is higher.” Ren pointed uselessly while Adam dabbed
around his mouth, completely missing the lingering powder. “No, not there.”

The twinkle in Adam’s eyes gave him away. He was flirting.

Ren stopped in wonder. There wasn’t a seraph or cherub in
all the Heavens who would think to play with him. Not even his best friend. Ren
was known for being stoic and serious, dedicated to legal and scholarly
matters. He simply wasn’t the type one would think to tease in such a manner.

And yet this human was doing just that. Flirting.

“Why don’t you help me?” Adam held out the napkin.

For a long moment, Ren just stared at it. An offer,
disguised as a simple paper napkin. He might be a bit obtuse when it came to
human interaction, but he couldn’t mistake Adam’s invitation.

The napkin bobbed, dipped, and Adam started to withdraw.

Ren reached out to take it.

The playful light in Adam’s eyes shifted into something
hotter, more intense. He put his elbows on the table and leaned close to Ren,
waiting. His face dared Ren to go ahead, his eyes begged him not to run away.

No. There would be no running today. Last night Ren had been
overwhelmed. Nothing in his existence had prepared him for the feel of male
against male, hardness met by hardness. He’d fled. The shock of reality had
barely registered through the pleasure and he’d removed himself to the
sanctuary of the Heavens.

He’d returned to Adam almost as quickly, shamed by the way
he’d abandoned his almost-lover. The manner in which Adam had simply accepted
his fears with no anger or frustration, simply a desire to be near, had humbled
Ren.

Ren brought the napkin up to Adam’s face. With a tenderness
he hadn’t used in thousands of years, he brushed the confectioner’s sugar from
Adam’s cheek. He stroked again, this time over Adam’s chin, ridding it of the
last vestiges of sugar before moving to the other cheek. There was no sugar
here, only warm skin, roughened by a night’s growth of whiskers. The napkin
rasped against them as he traced the contours of Adam’s face.

A quiet sigh escaped Adam. His eyes drifted closed and his
body relaxed, jaw dropping open.

Ren paused and his breath caught, caged tight in his chest.
Had he done that? Had he turned this man into the very picture of sensual
abandonment? If Adam were to brush his face, would he look the same?

He pushed the thought away and flicked the napkin over the
dusting of white which tipped Adam’s nose.

“Hey!” Adam protested, pulling back with a tight laugh. He
took the napkin back from Ren and finished brushing his nose clean.

The moment was broken and Ren could breathe once more.

* * * * *

Ren’s shoulders knotted with tension as he stepped into the
store. Stopping just inside the doorway, he looked around, confused. There was
no tingle of awareness signaling that something of divine nature might be
within these walls. Had something divine been in this building, its power would
have called to his and he would have sensed it.

The shop itself was somewhat repulsive, as well. The store
was filthy and smelled of Earthly decay, little more than a cheap collection of
worn garbage. Dull florescent lighting gave the store a flat, sickly-yellow
cast and the avocado-green tile floors had paths of gray grime worn by decades
of shoppers.

Ren wrinkled his nose in distaste. How could anything from
this place be worth purchasing?

“Where do you want to start?” Adam asked.

“I believe the books are in the back corner. Isn’t that what
you were interested in seeing?”

“Ah, yes. Are you coming back with me or do you want to
browse a bit?” Adam’s expression was casual, but Ren could feel a low buzz of
anticipation coming from him. Adam’s excitement for this treasure hunt was
surprisingly endearing.

“I’ll look around first. You go on to your books and I’ll
join you.”

Renatus strolled among the aisles, trying to sense if there
was anything Heavenly present. He doubted Meela would point them to this store
if there wasn’t, but he couldn’t feel anything of power nearby. He stopped
occasionally to examine an oddity but everything he found was of Earthly origin.

The scroll was not among these castoffs.

Why then had she sent them here?

He stopped in front of a display of Christmas angels, their
wings tattered, their once-white robes yellowed and stained with time and
neglect.

An angel damaged by fire caught his attention. Half of its
face was unblemished and golden hair hung in a tangled mass over the cheek. The
other side of the angel was a charred wreckage. The burned plastic was cracked
and scaled and the hair had melted into blackened ropes.

“What game are you playing, Meela?” he asked it in a
whisper.