Fortitude (Heart of Stone) (8 page)

“Yeah,” she laughed. “You know her alright.”

I wasn’t sure if I was angry or hurt. All I could picture
was Mason’s eyes, closed as his mouth devoured my friend, the lips that had
once worshipped me, that once only touched me, on hers and now giving her
pleasure as I knew his perfect kisses did.

I had sobered up pretty quickly since then, shock had a
strange way of doing that.

I pulled out the flour and eggs and cursed when the bag
of sugar split, trailing a line of white grains across the floor.

I stared at it and wondered if it was too late to get
high. I didn’t do it often, just the occasional line when I was down. I hated
myself for it. After everything Mason had put me through with the stuff, I now
had grown to rely on it for comfort – for the oblivion it provided.

I stared through the window and gripped the edge of my
vest, pulling it away from my chest when it itched my scars. The tree at the
far end of the garden swayed in the late night summer breeze. It suddenly
seemed to mesmerise me, the long branches reaching across the garden for the
delicate buds that had just bloomed on the edge of the garden as they appeared
to gobble them up.

My mind was too active and I grit my teeth before I ran
up the stairs and pulled out my knicker drawer, snatching the small plastic bag
that was taped to the underside of it.

Within seconds I had a white line shooting up my right
nostril through the thin tube and I sat back on my heels as I waited for the
calm to roll over me.

It didn’t take long and a deep sigh echoed around the
room when everything seemed lighter, less of a drag pulling at me and weighing
me down as tranquillity spread through my veins and then up into my brain.

I placed everything back, making sure to secure the bag
properly before I went back down, kicked up the tunes and started the formula
for apple danishes.

Within an hour, I was slurping hot coffee, nibbling on
warm pastry and singing along to
Theory of a Deadman’s, Hate my life
.

I stared at my phone when it rang again. Toby had been
ringing for the last thirty minutes but I had ignored each one. I couldn’t be
dealing with him yet, I wasn’t even sure how I felt about him now that I had
sobered. I couldn’t pass off the shame I felt at letting him take me to the
loo.

I was angry for once more relying on someone else to help
me. I hated it. I knew it was time to move out of Carrie’s now I was strong
enough. I needed the comfort of my cottage now.

It had been Carrie’s idea for me to move in with her
whilst she cared for me when I couldn’t rest with Mason’s attempts to contact
me. He had always had the knack of banging on my door when Carrie wasn’t there,
leaving me to call Nate time after time to come and fetch him from my doorstep
when I had refused to even open the door to him.

I placed my cup in the sink then closed my eyes when I
heard the front door open. I didn’t know how to look at her, knowing all I
would see was her face attached to my husband’s. I knew it wasn’t her fault,
she had no idea who he was, but it still hurt. The thought that Mason desired
my friend was the most painful thing ever, especially knowing that my body
would now repulse him. Something he had once idolised and revered would now sicken
and nauseate.

“Ava?” Carrie shouted.

I blew out a breath to steady myself before I turned.

The room swam and my heart crushed against my ribs when I
realised she’d brought Mason home to have sex.

Oh dear god.

I spun back round quickly, my fingers clawing at the
worktop as a pain ripped through my stomach and up into my chest.

I needed to hide from him.

I needed to run.

I moved across the kitchen quickly and yanked open the
back door. The warm night air hit my face when three little words froze every
single muscle in my body and battered my soul.

“Oh - dear - God,” Mason gasped in shock.

Everything crumbled around me when I caught the disgust
and shock in his voice. I covered my baldness with my hands and brought my
elbows in front of my chest.

“Get him out of here!” I cried, not daring to turn and
see the horror as well as hear it. “Please.”

“You fucking…” I heard Carrie sigh.

“Ava…”

I shook my head and ran.

***

I wrapped my arms around myself and shivered as I dropped
onto the park bench. My tears refused to stop.

‘Oh – dear – God’

‘Oh – dear – God’

I turned and hung over the arm rest of the bench and
vomited onto the floor.

“Got anything?” A male voice slurred and I turned to find
some pathetic random teenager staring at me threateningly. He chuckled when he
noticed my lack of hair. “Love the look, babe. You ill?”

“Not ill enough for you to try anything.”

He smirked at me, “Now see, little woman. I’ll ask once
more and then I won’t be so nice about it, you got anything?”

I sighed as the bubble popped in the pit of my stomach then
I smiled. I hadn’t felt it for so long, the rage, the fury and to be honest it
was exactly what I needed right then. I studied the scrote. He was around 5’ 8”,
scrawny and pale, obviously a junkie. He wasn’t anything I should worry about,
even in my weakened state.

I smiled at him. He didn’t smile back as he reached for
me. He definitely didn’t smile when he found his face pinned to the bench, his
arm snapped behind his back and my knee in the base of his spine immobilising
him. “Now I’ll ask you, you got anything?”

“Shit,” he hissed. “Get the fuck off me you mad bitch.”

I rummaged through his pockets with my spare hand and
found a small bag of snow. Perfect.

I threw him onto the floor and rammed my foot into his
face. It suddenly seemed so easy and I was on him within seconds, my wrath
taking over after so long dormant. My fists were furious on him, my bare feet
snapping each of his ribs and bruising internally as I let rip and drained the
heartache along with the hatred.

Arms circled me and dragged me off. “Shit!” A voice
hissed and I stilled.

“Steed?”

“What the fuck Ava?”

I blinked then looked at the teenager. He was
unconscious, blood pouring from him, his body broken and his face smashed. “Oh
my God. What have I done?”

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Steed soothed when I started to
panic. “Shush, shush, we’ll deal with it, but first I have to phone Mase, he
needs to know I’ve found you.”

I don’t want to see him.” I shook my head frantically at
Steed. “No, I can’t. I…”

“It’s okay,” he said gently as he palmed my face gently
with both of his hands. “Calm down. He just wants to know I’ve found you.
Everyone’s out looking for you.”

I nodded before I turned and stared at the boy. He was
barely eighteen.

Oh Jesus.

“I’ve found her.” Steed spoke into his phone. “No, she’s
fine but I need a clean-up.”

I winced at the words, reality at what I had done kicking
in. “No, no, she’s fine but some… young knob got the shock of his life by the
look of it. You’ll also need to get Kade onto the park CCTV.”

Nodding his head, he ended the call then took my arm and
steered me to the bench, turning my back on the boy so I wouldn’t have to look
at him. “Are you okay?” he asked as he studied my body. His eyes swept over me
and I frowned with surprise when I realised he’d seen my head and not even bat
an eyelash at it.

“I’m fine.” I told him.

He sighed and smiled sadly at me. “I take it you didn’t
like him?” he asked as he tilted his head to my
victim
.

“He… he…”

Steed took hold of both my hands, “Ava. It’s okay.” He
frowned then uncurled my fingers and looked down. I bit into my lower lip when
he discovered the bag of coke in my grip. I hadn’t even realised I still had
hold of it.

“Umm…”

“Ah Christ.”

He snatched it from me as heavy footsteps approached.
Greg and Sam stood smiling at me.

“Hey you,” Greg smiled widely and pulled me into his arms
immediately. He felt soft and reassuring and I realised just how much I had
missed them all. “I missed you,” he whispered into my ear.

“And you,” I told him.

He smiled as Sam took hold of me and embraced me, “I see
you’re still causing trouble, girl.” He winked and I sighed.

“I’m so sorry, I…” He shook his head and went to crouch
beside the boy, checking for any signs of life.

“He’s okay, pulse is strong.” He smiled at me then turned
to Steed. “Take her home while we sort this out.”

He nodded then led me back to the car. “I want to go to
the cottage.” I told him when he pulled off.

He narrowed his eyes on me, “I’m not sure that’s a good
idea.”

“I don’t care what you think, Steed. I want to go home. I
want my own bath, my own house and my own bed. I want to go home.”

“Okay,” he conceded with a heavy sigh. “But you can bet
your husband isn’t going to be best pleased.”

“He isn’t my damn husband anymore, he proved that
tonight.”

He turned to me with a perplexed expression, “Eh?”

“He was all over my friend. He has obviously moved on.”

He nodded slowly, his eyebrows twitching with my disclosure.
“And you?”

“Me?”

“Have you moved on?”

I paused before finding the courage I needed. “Yes.”

He sucked air through his teeth as he pulled up outside
my cottage. “See, I’m not sure you have.” He said when he flung the bag of coke
at me. “Not if you need to eradicate all thoughts with this shit.”

“Fuck you, you self-righteous bastard!” I spat as I
yanked open the car door and stormed up the path. I lifted the plant pot on the
porch and took the key from the underside and let myself in.

My back hit the wall, the air rushing from my lungs in a
single swoop as Steed’s mouth crushed mine. His lips dominated me, forcing me
to kiss him back with as much fury. His arms slid around my back, pulling me
into him as he hardened the kiss and dragged a moan from me. I hadn’t felt this
alive in months, arousal lit my body up and I shivered at the intensity of it
as my body ached with need.

“Fuck!” He hissed as he pulled back. He stared at me for
a moment, then left, slamming the front door shut behind him.

“What the hell,” I choked out as I touched my swollen
lips.

Everything was spiralling out of control again within
hours of Mason turning back up. I was ashamed for wanting Steed but I was also
relieved that someone still found me attractive, even with no hair and a flat
chest. He seemed to bring out a primal urge in me. An urge to fuck. I didn’t
want a relationship, as I knew he didn’t, there was something between us, a
spark of need, and an animalistic hunger to screw each other’s brains out,
hard, painfully and violently.

But we could never concede to it. By the looks of things,
Steed now worked for Mason and that in itself was trouble, never mind risking
everything just for the sake of pain and pleasure.

I needed to completely cut myself off. I needed to build
a life again and the best way to do that was to take control once more. I
needed a diversion from the waiting for my next test. The next one was in three
months and I knew the wait would be agonising, so I needed something to occupy
my days instead of my lonely thoughts.

I needed a job. And I knew just the man.

“Open the damn door Ava!” I shouted as I pounded on the
door.

“Mason…”

I spun round and narrowed my eyes on Steed. “What the
fuck are you doing here?”

He seemed nervous and I followed his study of our
surroundings as his eyes scanned the area furiously. Alarms blared in my head
when I noticed he kept his hand on his hidden piece the whole time. “We were
followed.”

“What do you mean you were followed?”

He stepped closer to me and lowered his voice as he kept
his back to me and faced out into the dark street, “2012, Black Ford Kuga. I’ve
forwarded the reg to Sam but just as I realised he was there, he clocked me and
left.”

“Anything since?”

“No, I’m gonna give it a few hours before I leave.”

I nodded to him, my eyes furiously scoping the area.
“Okay, I’m going in.”

He lifted his brow at me and smirked, “Are you sure
that’s wise?”

“No,” I shrugged as I scaled the side gate and dropped
over the other side. “You should know me by now. I don’t do wise.”

He shook his head and strolled back to his car as I
removed my keys from my pocket and flicked open the little tool, inserting it
into the lock. I sighed happily when the door clicked and I pushed it open,
memories of Ava’s kitchen assaulting me immediately.

I grinned at the old kitchen table. She’d pulled
everything out of storage, all the original furniture she had acquired over the
years.

Her hands gripped my shirt and yanked it open, pinging
buttons all over the kitchen floor as I grasped the neckline of her top and
tore it open.

We fumbled frantically with each other’s trousers,
yanking them and our underwear down each other’s legs. I spun her round to bend
her over the table then impaled her with a brutal thrust.

“Oh God! Yes Ava” I hissed as I plunged right to the
tip of her. I pulled back and speared her violently again. She screamed in a
mixture of pain and pleasure as I yanked her hair back so I could latch on to
her neck as I pounded into her relentlessly, ruthlessly and roughly.

“Fuck Mason, I’m coming” She yelled loudly as I thrust
once more and joined her in her ferocious orgasm, both of us crying out each
other’s name as our climax tore through us aggressively.