Four Summers (28 page)

But now she’s here, in my city, with him.

“Bet your dad loves that. I’m sure he’s cool with you leaving for school since you’re with his golden boy, right? Have a good visit.” I push to my feet, but she grabs my wrist before I can get too far.

“I’m not with Alec. I swear. I never have been. He’s my best friend and that’s all, Nate.”

“Then why can’t you tell me what happened that night? If you’re not with him tell me why, Charlotte. I deserve that much.” She flinches again, but doesn’t reply. “That’s what I thought.”

Her grip loosens and I start working my way through the tables and people. I don’t know how I know it, but she’s behind me. She always gave in when it came to her future, but that’s about the only thing.

“Nate,” she calls, but I keep going. “Nate!”

I turn a corner and I’m slowing down. Damn, I’m an idiot, because even though I’m pissed I can’t make myself just walk away from her.

“I’m sorry for hurting you,” she says. Her eyes are red and her face is wet.

“Damn it.” My hand pushes through my hair and I duck into the alley next to us, Charlotte right behind me. “It’s been since August, Charlie! You could have explained a million times. I’m not stupid. I knew when I said we should try to be together that the odds were against us. Who the hell can make it last in a normal relationship, but we had distance, too. But I was willing to try. If you didn’t want to, all you had to do was tell me. It would have sucked, but I would have been okay. I’ve never lied to you. Even when we weren’t together and I went out with other girls I always told you—”

“—I didn’t lie to you, either! I’ve never lied to you! Alec kissed me, but it wasn’t him I wanted. I was caught off guard and then you showed up and all hell broke loose.”

“And if that was all there was to it, you would have told me then.”

I lean against the wall. I don’t want to fight with her. I’ve never wanted to fight with her.

“I would tell you in a second if I could, Nate, and you know that. It’s not my story to tell. This whole year I’ve spent trying to figure out my life. How to be who I am without you and without Alec or my dad.”

“And you lump me in with them? I’m the only one who ever pushed you to go for what
you
wanted.”

She groans. “That’s not what I meant. You’re trying to fight with me, Nate. That’s not why I messaged. I just want…I just…”

“You just what, Charlie?” It’s the second time I’ve called her that today. It feels strange. She’s always been Charlotte to me.

“I want out friendship back. I miss you. And I know it’s crazy and doesn’t make sense because you’re probably going off somewhere to school. I know you didn’t want to stay close to home and I’m going to be here, but it doesn’t change the fact that after everything, I at least want my friend back.”

My defenses are weakening, softening up with each of her words and I try to turn, but she steps in front of me the way I’ve done with her.

“I want to tell you about my year and explain how I ended up in New York and hear you talk about baseball and I want to look at the stars here with you. I want my friend…”

Her words echo through me. I study her face I know so well. The curves of her body, her hands that I’ve held and that anger is still filling me, but there’s something there pushing it aside.

I miss her.

I want our friendship back, too.

I’ve always wanted her.

I grab her hand and it’s a little awkward, but she doesn’t pull away. She’s breathing hard and all I can think is she’s still wild and crazy as always.

With my other hand I touch her hair and push it behind her ear. “I hate it. No one wrecks me the way you do, but I can’t help it. I miss you, too…”

The whole way home I’m still not sure I did the right thing. I wasn’t lying when I said she wrecked me because she did, but she’s also here and I never really expected her to be. I’ve given her so many of her firsts and she’s had so many of mine that I want this. I want to be the one to show her New York and pretend it’s the world.

I want to be with her when she looks at the stars in the city and see if she thinks they look any different than they do at home.

And I really, really need to stop dwelling over this.

I get home after six. Dad is there like he is most of the time now. Usually the only time off he takes is when we went to The Village every summer, so it’s crazy to see him at home so much and the way he takes care of Mom.

“I ordered pizza,” he tells me as I walk into the living room.

“Nah, I’m good. I already ate. Is Brandon here?” When Brandon’s in town he’s never usually home. He’s off doing whatever with whomever.

“Yeah, he’s upstairs in his room," Mom answers.

“Thanks.” Turning, I run upstairs, my tennis shoes slapping on the tiled floors.

About three seconds after I knock on Brandon’s door, he tells me to come in. The first thing I do is blurt out, “Charlotte and Alec are here.” Wow…way to freak out.

“What? Here?” Brandon pushes to his feet, looking even more tripped out than I feel. What the hell is up with that?

“Not at our house, dumbass. In New York. Why do you look like you’re going to puke? Your football buddy is here. And, you know, the guy who kissed Charlotte when I was with her.”

“You weren’t really with her,” Brandon tosses back.

“How do you know? It’s not like I ever told you anything. We were though.” In a way I feel like I’ve always been with her. It doesn’t make sense because she’s gone out with other guys and me with other girls, but even back then, I knew she was the one for me.

Brandon rolls his eyes. “Yeah, until you got home and realized your girlfriend lived a thousand miles away.”

My brother’s words light a fuse under my barely controlled anger. “Fuck you, bro. It was different with her. Just because you’ve never had anything serious with anyone—”

“Fuck you, too. You don’t know anything about what I have and haven’t had.” Brandon falls back into the chair at his computer desk, still looking a little sick. “And what does that even mean? Just yesterday I asked you if you loved her and you made it sound like she didn’t really matter that much.” His leg is bouncing up and down like it’s on crack.

“Why are we even fighting about this?”

“I don’t know, man. You started it.” Brandon shakes his head. “So…what are they doing here? Did she say anything? I mean, about what happened with her and Alec.”

Opening my mouth, I almost tell him nothing, but then figure it can’t be that bad to talk to him about something. “Kind of. She said she’s not with him and that she never was. She says he just kissed her, which is all stuff she said before. I know there’s more to it than that. Otherwise, things wouldn’t have gone down the way they did.”

Brandon looks at me, really looks like he wants to figure me out. We’re cool, but we’ve never been all that close so I wonder what he sees. Wonder why we don’t really know each other better.

“I believe her,” he says.

I shake my head. “You don’t know her.” Not that there isn’t this part of me who doesn’t know he’s right. I think that’s why I gave in today. Why I told her I want to take her to The Met tomorrow. It’s impossible to really tell her no to anything. “Regardless, I hate Alec and always will. If I see him, I can pretty much promise you I’m taking him out again.”

“But… What if…what if it wasn’t his fault?” Brandon asks. He has his cell in his hand and he’s screwing with it and not looking at me.

“How can it not be his fault? He kissed her, man.”

At that Brandon pushes to his feet. “You have a lot of growing up to do. Things aren’t always as simple as you think they are.”

“I have a lot of growing up to do? Says the guy who doesn’t care about anything but football and getting laid.”

Jerking Brandon’s door open, I slam it before going into my room and falling onto the bed. His words keep playing in my head. He believes her. That things aren’t always cut and dry as I think they should be. Just like that night with Chrissy, I didn’t think of the consequences of telling. Yeah, it was the right thing and I wouldn’t change that, but I never really thought about how it would affect anyone.

This is Charlotte. I know her. I do. And it’s never really fit. If Alec kissed her and she didn’t want to be kissed back, then what was the big secret behind it? That whole night has always been this strange clusterfuck that I can’t piece together to make sense of it.

But I know her.

My brother might be right in at least some ways. Charlotte wouldn’t lie to me. I feel that in every part of me.

Still don’t get why though.

And I can’t help but think my brother got a hell of a lot smarter all of a sudden. I wonder what else there is about him that I don’t know.

We stand at the bottom of the stairs, Charlotte’s eyes practically as big as the building in front of us. People are all around like they always are, sitting on the steps, walking on the street, and taking pictures. I try to see it through her eyes, for the first time with the oversized pillars and the intricate artwork on the upper ledge of the building, but I can’t really do it. Instead I just want to watch her soak it all in. Watch her and wonder what’s happened since I saw her last and then I get a little annoyed at myself for caring.

“It’s so…big.” Charlotte smiles and I can’t help but laugh.

“Yeah, you can say that.” Then we’re quiet and she’s still soaking it in. “It’s one of my favorite buildings in the city,” I tell her.

Charlotte turns to face me. “It is?”

“Yep.”

“I didn’t know that. Though why would I? It’s not like I know everything about you.”

She knows more than anyone else. “I don’t know everything about you, either.”

“Yes, you do.” Her answer is quick. “As much as someone can know about someone else.” Her words spark all kinds of questions, confusion and a little bit of anger. As if she can sense it, Charlotte changes the subject. “What’s your favorite part about it?”

“The small details.” I point to the top. “It’s simple in a way, not over done like a lot of buildings are, but it has those little pieces to it, those little extras that make it special.”

“Buildings are like your stars. I knew, but I’ve never seen it before.” There’s awe in her voice and in her green eyes that I don’t see or hear from anyone else.

“Yeah… I guess you can say that.”

“Can we go in?” she asks and I suddenly can’t wait to show it to her.

“Come on.” Reflex makes me reach for her hand, but I jerk back before I touch her. If she notices, she doesn’t say anything.

We go inside and Charlotte looks even more amazed than she did standing at the bottom of the stairs. Pictures are on the walls and pieces displayed everywhere. Charlotte leads the way; excited in a way I don’t remember seeing when we were at The Village. It’s a different part of her here, one who is more unsure than she was at home, but eager and anxious to figure it all out.

You wouldn’t think so, but it’s kind of hot. It surprises me that as many times as I’ve seen her and everything we’ve experienced together that there is so much more out there to do.

“Don’t they do lectures and stuff like that too?” she asks.

“For sure. Wanna go to one?”

“Oh my God! Yes!” She moves like she’s going to hug me, but just like I did with her hand earlier, she pulls back.

I just want to put it out there. Ask what the fuck happened to us and how we can get it back.

“Are we going or what?” She smirks, breaking the ice.

To hell with it. Putting my arm around her shoulders, I say, “I don’t remember you being this pushy… Oh, wait. That’s a lie. I do.”

“Nate!” Charlotte tries to pull away, pretending she’s mad, but I hold onto her and keep her close.

“It’s a good thing to always tell the truth, right?” I tease again.

Charlotte crosses her arms. “I don’t remember you being so mean. Oh, wait. Yeah I do.”

We laugh as we keep walking and then we’re not laughing and her head’s on my shoulder and all I can think is it feels like it did at the beginning of every summer. Like it always has. Fuck, I missed this girl.