Freeing Carter (22 page)

The shock still hasn
'
t worn off yet as she starts biting her fingernail like what she just said is completely normal.
"
Has anyone ever told you you
'
re crazy?
"

"
Umm
,
I
'
m pretty sure you did. I can
'
t remember. It
'
s getting kind of late though
...
what
'
s your question?
"

Taking my eyes off her
,
I lean my head against the wall.
"
Well
,
this might be a little too
bare
-your-soul or whatever
,
but I was just curious
...
About your mom. Or your guardian. Just
..."
I shrug
,
realizing that I may have thought so before
,
but now I know that I am
,
indeed an idiot. What possessed me to ask her this?

"
It
'
s okay
,
Carter. I don
'
t mind. You look like you
'
re about to take off running.
"
She crosses her legs and looks up at the stars
,
quiet. I can
'
t help but look up too
,
wanting to see what she sees.
A few minutes pass
before she speaks.

"
Lana used to work at a shelter in LA. She
did
the night shift. One night she heard a knock
,
and instead of a bum at the door
,
it
was me.
"
She laughs
,
but I
'
m not really sure what
'
s funny.
"
I know that sounds totally made up
,
but it
'
s true. Little baby all wrapped in a blanket on the porch. The only thing missing was a basket and I
didn't
have a lightning bolt scar on my forehead. Or wizard parents
,
but everything else is similar.
"

All sorts of thoughts pound down on me at once. First
,
I realize why I wanted to ask her this
,
besides just wanting to know more about her
,
but I think
I
wanted her to have screwed up parents
,
too. Yeah
,
totally makes me an ass
,
but
I need that connection with someone else
. That piece of our lives that set us apart from others. Makes us feel
...
alone?

At the same time
,
I can
'
t stop thinking about what she said. Her mom
...
or maybe it wasn
'
t her mom. Does she even know? But someone
abandoned
her. Left her.

Mom drinks. She falls down and hurts herself and doesn
'
t remember how.
She loses
whole nights sometimes. She slurs when she talks to me and hides bottles in her closest
,
but she
'
s here. She
'
s never left.

"
Damn
..."
I
'
m not sure what else to say to her.

"
Yeah
..."

Then
,
she drops her head on my shoulder. I freeze
,
not sure what to do
,
and then relax. There
'
s nothing
to
do.

"
They think I was a few weeks old
.
Maybe
a month. That
'
s why I said I didn
'
t know exactly how old I am. Not many people can say that. My kids will get a kick out of it one day.
"

"
There
'
s always that.
"
Even though I try
,
I
'
m not sure my voice is as light as hers. How does she do it? How does it not bother her? My mom had a few too many drinks tonight and I almost lost it.

"
Lana
'
s great though. We have fun together. She
'
s a softie
,
always bringing home stray kittens and stuff. Guess I should be thankful because it
'
s what made her bring me home too.
"

This time
,
I can
'
t find it in myself to say anything
,
so I don
'
t. I just let her lean on me
,
looking out at the court
,
up at the stars
,
anything to distract myself. A few minutes later
,
she speaks again.
"
You have skeletons
,
too
,
Carter Shaw. Don
'
t think I don
'
t know it. I think
...
I think people with secrets
,
or with a past
,
I guess I should say
,
I think we
'
re kindred spirits. Like maybe we see something in each other that no one else takes the time to see.
"

I want her to be right
,
want her to see me
,
something in me that no one else does because it sucks—the hiding. With Kira
,
I might not have to hide. Could I tell her? Let her know that I
'
m scared of what could happen? That I lie all the time
?
That I
'
m worried my lies could cause someone to get hurt? Cause Sara to get hurt
,
but at the same time
,
saying anything would be stabbing Mom in the back.

My arm itches to reach up and wrap around her. To pull her closer
,
but can we get closer? Right now she might be closer to me than anyone
'
s ever been.

"
Melanie? She didn
'
t seem like your type.
"
Her voice sounds from beside me.

"
No? I think
I wanted her to be. I
...
she made me feel normal. I needed that from her because I couldn
'
t get it anywhere else
,
I guess? That sounds fucking stupid
,
doesn
'
t it?
"

Kira
'
s head is suddenly off my shoulder and she
'
s looking at me. Close
...
so close.

To distract myself
,
I talk again.
"
That
'
s why I didn
'
t want to lose her
,
ya
know? She
'
s just
..."

I can
'
t keep going because I
'
m not thinking about Mel. I can
'
t. All I can focus on is Kira
'
s eyes. The organish-brown hair and how the street light kind of reflects off it. She
'
s gorgeous and suddenly there
'
s no one in the world except the two of us. I might regret it—well
,
not that I would
,
but I
'
m risking a slap to the face. I
'
m risking the moment and whatever it is we
'
ve been doing
,
but I can
'
t keep away from her. I need to know the way she feels because she
'
s right. I see something in her and even though it might not be the same things we
'
re seeing
,
I know she sees something different in me
,
too.

Even if I wanted to
,
I couldn
'
t keep my lips off hers.

Our mouths touch gently at first. I tease her lips with mine: one kiss
,
another
,
and another. When no smacks come
,
I let my tongue slip out to trace her lips. Heat sizzles my skin
,
boils the blood in my veins because she opens her mouth
,
tasting me.

I thread my hand through her hair
,
pulling her closer
,
trying to get as close to her as I can. Need taking me over
,
sucking me in like a vortex
.
She tastes so good. Even better than she smells and I want it all.

Closer
,
I lean closer again and then her mouth rips away from mine. She
'
s only a few inches away from me which must mean she wants to kiss me again
,
so I lean forward
,
ready to pick up where we left off.

Her hand on my chest stops me.

"
I have to say
...
you
'
re a good kisser
,
Coach
,
but next time you kiss me
,
do it because you want to. Not because you
'
re missing
the ex who just dumped you."

"
I
...
what?
"
I don
'
t know what to say. I wasn
'
t thinking of Mel. Hell
,
I can
'
t even remember what Mel looks
like right now.
I can
'
t make the words come out.

Kira doesn
'
t give me enough time anyway. She pushes to her feet
,
and walks back to the court
,
taking my basketball with her.

"
Hey!
"
I scramble to my feet and go after her.
"
I wasn
'
t. I didn
'
t. I want.
"
Why won
'
t any words come out?

Kira stops moving and puts her hand to my lips.
"
Shh. Don
'
t. Things said in the heat of the moment never count. You might regret it. I
'
ll think you only said it because you
'
re a guy and guys always want to kiss
.
Just don
'
t.
"

Dumbly
,
I nod.

"
Come on
,
Coach. It
'
s about time you took me home.
"

We ride to her house in silence
,
the only time either of us speak is to give or get direction
s
. It doesn
'
t take long to get to her
place
.

"
You heading home?
"
Her hand is on the handle.

"
Shit
.
I don
'
t know. I forgot I told Mom I
'
m staying at Travis
'
s.
"

Kira sighs.
"
Lana
'
s a nurse now. Works graveyard at the hospital. You have until 7:45 tomorrow morning before you have to be out.
"