Freeing Carter (24 page)

Ignoring her
,
I keep walking.

***

For five minutes I linger outside Grandpa
'
s room. It shouldn
'
t be this hard to control your own body
,
but no matter how much I try
to
force it
,
my legs just won
'
t carry me
inside
. Which pisses me off.
Grow a pair
,
I tell myself before finally pushing into the room.

"
What the hell do you want?
"
he
grunts when he sees me walk in.

"
Hey
,
Gramps. Good to see you too.
"
I can
'
t help but be pretty proud that I don
'
t add something else to that sentence.

"
Ha! Good to see me? You
'
re just like her. Selfish
,
the lot of you. Guess she was too busy to come down herself
,
huh? We gave her everything and she can
'
t even be bothered with her own father. Ungrateful little
—
"

"
I
'
d stop right there if I were you.
"
The calm in my voice is gone. Rage pushes through my body
,
threatening to erupt. It
'
s his fault. I know it. My life
,
Mom
'
s problems. It all started with the angry asshole in front of me.

The asshole
that’s
room is decorated with Mom
'
s stuff
,
some of the knickknacks
,
a bookshelf she painted. She did it for him
,
I know it because there
'
s no way he
'
d care enough to do it. One of her paintings leans against the wall—not hanging though. My guess is it fell
,
but he didn
'
t put it back up. There are no pictures: not me
,
Sara
,
Mom or even Grandma.

His shirt is dirty
,
his huge stomach pushing it out. He doesn
'
t have a beard
,
but probably hasn
'
t shaved in days. His hair is all white now and it wasn
'
t the last time I saw him.

Grandpa throws his arms in the air.
"
It
'
s true! Always been like that! Always wanting everything from Mary and
me,
and nothing was ever good enough. I worked damn hard for my family
,
but neither Delilah or her mother saw that. Complain
,
complain
,
complain. And then the second she could
,
she ran. Just abandoned her family and now she
'
s stuffed me in this place to rot. What kind of daughter is she? She
'
s an ungrateful
,
little witch!
"

Mom
'
s going to kill me
,
but I don
'
t care. I
'
m quiet with her. Don
'
t talk too badly about Grandpa. Don
'
t tell her how angry she makes me
,
but him? I don
'
t owe him anything. All my anger at Mom
,
Mel
,
myself—it gains strength inside me
,
pushing me until nothing can hold me back from saying what I want to say.
"
Maybe she complained because you were a drunk.
"

His whole face turns red.
"
What did you say to me
,
boy?
"
His voice shakes and I
'
m pretty sure it
'
s because he
'
s never had someone talk back to him before. Mom or Grandma didn
'
t. The staff here only call Mom to deal with him. But this time—this time he has to deal with me.

"
I said you
'
re an asshole.
T
he whole time she was growing up
,
you
'
d drink until you passed out every night and until then
,
you treated them like crap.
Y
ou
'
re so miserable you had to make their lives miserable
,
too.
"

"
You little bastard. How dare you talk to me like that! Your mom and grandma were both spoiled women who drained everything out of me. Once I didn
'
t have anything else to give
,
your mom moved right onto your daddy. Drove him to an early grave
,
she did! What man
'
s heart gives out that damn young unless he
'
s got a woman pushing him too hard!
"

M
y whole body is on lockdown. I have no control over any of my limbs to move them. They
'
re hard
...
stone
,
itching to break free and let all my anger out on him. Show him what he
'
s done to all of us. How he started the cycle and now Mom
'
s trapped in it
,
too. That even though she
'
s not hateful like he is
,
she
'
s broken. That all her losses have stemmed from him. He
'
s the reason she struggles. The reason she didn
'
t know how to live without my Dad. The reason she ended up with Bill even though she didn
'
t love him. She needed someone and she couldn
'
t go to him. And my Dad was dead and now she
'
s lost Bill too and Sara could be next.

"
Nothing to say about that
,
do you?
"

Talk! Op
en your mouth and say something
,
Shaw!

"
You
'
re just like she is
,"
Grandpa continues.
"
Soft
,
selfish. Want
,
want
,
want but never strong enough to do anything for yourself.
"

Finally
,
my body is jerked into movement when the door creaks open.
"
Excuse me? It
'
s time for your meds. Would you like me to come back?
"
The nurse says from the door.

I don
'
t answer. Can
'
t because I don
'
t know what to say. There
'
s no reasoning with his screwed-up version of life. That even if I could
,
I wouldn
'
t want to because unlike her
,
I want nothing to do with him. I
'
m not going to give him any part of me
,
especially when I don
'
t have much to give anyway. Without a word
,
I push past the nurse
,
hating myself for being as soft as he accused me of being.

***

My hands shake the whole way to the store
. Of course it's
my responsibility to take care of
it
. I don
'
t turn on any of the lights.
I r
un into a stupid wrack of chimes
,
making them ding annoyingly. Leaving the front door locked
,
I head straight to the back
,
kicking a huge stack of empty boxes to the floor.

Why did I even go talk to him? Why does she still take care of him? He ruined her life and she still puts up with that crap from him.

And her. I picture her at home
,
the one-eyed look when she told me she was sick
,
and she definitely is
,
but not with the flu. Collapsing against the wall
,
I realize for the first time she really is sick.
T
he drinking is getting worse.

I don
'
t even know if that
'
s normal. If they usually get worse and worse like that. But then
...
Grandpa
'
s been on her mind lately. The assisted living place threatening to kick him out and all. And me. I don
'
t know where I
'
m going
,
but I
'
m definitely going to college somewhere so I can play ball. That has to be what it
'
s about. Not that she
'
s getting worse
,
but that she
'
s stressed. I
'
d be stressed too if I had to worry about everything. I
am
freaked out about it.

So it
'
ll get better. It always does. Just a phase. I have to find a way to deal with it until it
'
s over.

After stacking all the boxes again
,
I head out to the main part of the store and get it all ready to open. Seriously
,
there should be some law against kids having to work in places their parents own. I
'
m probably the only guy I know who has to work in a place like this
,
which doesn
'
t make my mood much better.

As the hours pass by and I realize she
'
s not coming in
,
I come close to heading to the back to get in another fight with a stack of boxes.

My backpack sits under the table
,
but even though we
'
re slow
,
I can
'
t bring myself to open the stupid thing. It would take me triple as long as it usually would to get anything done when really what I want to do is find a way to live another life for a few weeks. Because it
'
s three o
'
clock and she
'
s still not here. Yeah
,
she
'
ll come in later. Sure. Carter has nothing better to do than what everyone else wants.

The bell dings and I groan
,
not in the mood to play nice for old ladies looking for doilies or whatever they
'
re called. I can
'
t find it in myself to look up and greet them. It
'
s a small store and pretty self-explanatory if you ask me.

"
Hey there
,
Coach. You
'
re looking awfully grumpy over there
,
scowling at the register.
"

My head snaps up and my skin starts to feel warm.
"
Just another day—holy crap. You look
...
different.
"
Her hair is straight. Like so straight I wonder how it
'
s the same hair that had just been so curly before. Girls are weird like that. There must be hair magic that only girls know how
,
or care enough I guess
,
to learn.

There
'
s also a little sparkle on the side of her nose
,
and when she gets close enough to me
,
I realize it
'
s a tiny diamond.

"
Wow
,
you
'
re good with the compliments. I bet you get all the ladies.
"