Friends Like Us (34 page)

Erica. She looked like a 1990s supermodel.

‘So,' she said to Nora, ‘so, that's Erica?' She nodded across the room.

Nora looked over. ‘Impressive, isn't she?'

Melissa nodded, mutely.

‘She's actually really nice. Seriously scary, but only because she's so gorgeous. And confident. But,' continued Nora, ‘underneath all that she's really nice.'

Melissa made a non-committal noise.

‘I always thought you two would get it together, but, I suppose, if it doesn't happen straight away, it probably never will…'

Another strange noise emanated from Melissa. She didn't trust herself to speak. She might cry or start throwing things around. She had to behave herself. She had to do it for Cormac.

‘But, how come you haven't met her? I thought you would be the first person he would want to show her off to.'

Melissa shrugged. ‘I don't know…' And then she decided to come clean. ‘Cormac seems not very interested in me lately,' she said sadly. ‘For some reason. He's… kind of… moving on from me.' And looking at Erica, she understood. Of course, any man would move on from Melissa if Erica was the choice.

‘But friendships don't end like that, do they?' asked Nora, puzzled. ‘You don't just get tired of someone. Not after years and years, anyway.'

‘It seems you do,' said Melissa, sadly, looking over at Cormac and Erica. God, they really did look good together. ‘I knew I shouldn't have come.'

‘Jesus, Melissa, I had no idea.' Nora was looking at her curiously. ‘So, come on, level with me.'

‘What do you mean?'

‘This is not normal. For friends, for grown-ups to behave like this.'

‘Some would say that men and women can't ever be just friends…' As she said the words she realized that she had asked too much. She had asked for intimacy and closeness and time and effort, she had loved him and he had loved her but she would not countenance anything more. And that hadn't been fair on him. Or on her.

‘A-ha. Now, we're getting somewhere.'

Melissa didn't speak.

‘Go on,' urged Nora.

‘Nothing. It's just that…' Melissa trailed off. She loved him. And had loved him. She had cut off her feelings for him in an act of self-preservation but she had hurt him and herself in the process. How silly she had been.

‘It's just that Cormac has been in love with you for years,' said Nora. ‘Is that what you are trying to say? And now he's moved on and you miss him?'

‘I think he was, oh it sounds awful to say it, but yes he was, and I just couldn't go there. I was so scared. So petrified of everything. Of ruining things, of losing him. I don't know. I thought I might be able to keep him and love him this way, but obviously… obviously I can't,' said Melissa, looking anguished. ‘Not anymore. And now… I miss him, but I more than miss him.'

‘Holy Jesus, Mother of God.' Nora shook her head. ‘Who'd believe it?' Nora's eyes were wide open. ‘This is like a film.'

‘But it won't end well, like films do.' Melissa spoke as though she was facing the guillotine. ‘He looks happy, doesn't he?' she said.

They both glanced over at Cormac and Erica who had been joined by another couple. It looked so cosy, so right. Cormac did look happy, there was no denying it, and there was no spoiling it.

‘Nora, have you seen the other corkscrew?' It was Walter with a bottle of wine in each hand and a gang of hollow-eyed guests in his wake. ‘It's an emergency.'

‘I'll be back,' said Nora, as she went off to find it. Melissa was left standing on her own, lemon-like, not knowing what to do. She glanced over at Cormac and saw Erica whisper something in his ear, and walk away. Melissa made her move, heart thudding, she had to talk to him, even if it meant risking him turning on her and rejecting her. She couldn't just leave him, she had to let him know that they had her blessing, that there were no hard feelings.

‘Hi,' she said, shyly. ‘How's it going?'

‘Fine, you?' He looked surprised to see her.

‘Grand,' she said, smiling. ‘How's the bakery going?'

‘Nearly there. Just finalizing things with suppliers now. Writing menus, you know…'

‘Great. So exciting.' She sounded like a children's television presenter.

‘And you?' he managed. ‘Life and stuff?'

‘Work's the same. Liam's still crazy. Doesn't like my work anymore… the usual.'

‘That Liam,' he said, ‘is a total gombeen. Who does he think he is?'

‘I like him, actually,' she said. ‘Obviously I would never tell him, but he's not the worst.'

Cormac gave a stage-gasp.

‘He's got a tough job,' she explained, ‘trying to save a dying industry. Anyway, I'm thinking of moving to the Skelligs. Or Tullamore. Or become a nun…'

‘Or a priest… I hear they're very short of those, these days.'

‘I'd be a good priest. I like wearing black for one thing.'

‘You'd be no good at confession though… you wouldn't be able to keep a secret.'

‘I'd have reverse confession where they had to listen to my problems all day.'

‘Now
that
you'd be good at,' he said.

Melissa laughed again. God, she loved him. They had slipped so easily back into their old camaraderie. Melissa thought about just how much she had missed him, how much she longed for him. She had let him go and the knowledge was so painful but at this moment, them laughing together, sharing their private jokes, she was happy.

‘How's Rolo?' she asked. ‘Been biting any ankles, making general mayhem. You know, we never did teach him to do a high five. Or play dead.'

He smiled at her. ‘No,' he said. ‘We never did.'

‘I was watching this thing on YouTube,' she said, ‘on dog training and it said…'

And then Erica came back. Jesus, up close, she was even better looking. That skin, beautiful white American teeth, lovely dark wavy hair, slim, grey eyes.

She stuck out her hand confidently. ‘Hi, I'm Erica…'

‘Melissa. Good to meet you Erica. So…'

‘I've heard all about you,' said Erica.

‘Really?' said Melissa, a panicked smile plastered to her face. ‘I bet that didn't take long.' She tried to think of something to say. ‘Nora was telling me that you do yoga.' Melissa was never very good at small talk.

‘Practise,' said Erica.

‘Oh, I'm sure you're very good.'

‘No, you say practise… I
practise
yoga.'

‘That doesn't make it sound
so
much fun.' She smiled at Erica, hoping that she knew she was just being jokey.

‘Well…' Erica glanced away. ‘It's not meant to be fun… fun is not the point of it.'

‘I wish I could, you know,
practise
yoga,' Melissa said, trying to be friendly, and not daring to look at Cormac. ‘I'm just not bendy.'

‘Right…' said Erica. ‘Yoga's not for everyone, I guess. Some are able to tune in and others… others just aren't. It's a shame because it's about connection… with oneself, the earth, and the unseen energies. It's a profound thing, y'know.'

‘And not fun.'

‘No, not fun.' Erica looked at Cormac. ‘So, you two've known each other for years?'

‘Yup.' Melissa still couldn't look at Cormac, she could see out of the corner of her eye that he was standing there, not quite knowing what to say.

‘Sweet,' said Erica. ‘That's so sweet. God, Dublin is such a small town. Everyone knows everyone.'

‘Yes, it's crazy. You can't go anywhere without bumping into an old friend,' agreed Melissa.

‘Y'know, I wish I had a male friend like Cormac,' continued Erica. ‘You're lucky…'

‘But you do, he's right here.' She and Cormac finally made eye contact.

‘Yes but we're
sleeping
together, y'know,' she laughed, grabbing his bicep in her vice-like grip. ‘You're
not
.'

Was that a warning?

Cormac grimaced. I have to be pleased for him, she thought. I have to be pleased for him, less selfish, a nicer human being…

‘Y'know, for me, I can't just be friends with a guy,' Erica was saying, ‘It always ends in them falling in love. Y'know? You meet a guy and it's nice and fun and you think, this is great, I've just made a new friend and, before you know it, he's proposing or threatening to kill himself if you don't go out with him, or he turns up on your doorstep after leaving his life behind in San Francisco, or buying you a new car which he has filled with roses. Y'know what I am saying?'

‘Not really. I can honestly say no one has filled a car with flowers for me. Or done anything dramatic,' said Melissa laughing. She wondered if Cormac was prepared to throw himself off the Golden Gate Bridge for yoga or start practicing yoga.

‘Excuse me,' Erica said. ‘I'm just going to grab a bottle, replenish the glasses.'

She slipped away.

‘Wow,' said Melissa. ‘She's nice. F
antastisch
.' She put on a fake and terrible German accent, trying to make Cormac laugh. It didn't work. ‘So, it's going well, then, is it? You and Eric?' She thought he might laugh, but he had closed up again.

He shrugged. ‘It's in its early stages…' he paused. ‘But yes, it's going well. Very well, actually.'

‘That's nice,' she said. ‘I'm really glad for you.' If she kept saying it out loud, she thought, she really would be and, anyway, she would accept anything if it meant that she could have the tiniest bit of Cormac back again. Even Erica and her egregious ego.

‘Thank you,' he said.

‘Her name's Erica,' he said.

‘That's what I said.'

‘No you didn't.'

‘I did.'

‘You said Eric.'

‘If you makes you feel better, I will be more formal and call her Erica. Anyway, you used to call Alistair Basil.'

‘I did, didn't I?' he said.

‘We're obviously not very good at names, are we?' she said and just as they were smiling at each other, Erica returned.

‘Y'know,' said Erica, ‘I was just thinking. We should set you up with someone. Myself and Cormie…'

Cormie?
Cormie?

‘…will find you a nice guy. Y'know?'

‘No, there's no need…' Maybe she should, she was half thinking, move on from Cormac. Moving on was certainly working for him. But how could anyone be better than him? She had spent nearly four decades looking for someone and he'd been by her side the whole time.

‘No, there is. Because if there's one thing I know it's that women aren't meant to be alone. We are sociable creatures, we like people. We like men. Am I right? Women need men and men need women. And,' continued Erica, ‘I don't want to think of you on your own, watching TV, or comfort eating, or whatever you single gals do on a Saturday night. In America, people go on dates.'

‘But I'm not sociable,' said Melissa. ‘At all. I don't like people. I only like my cat. And watching
Murder She Wrote
. And eating ice cream from the tub.'

‘What d'you think, Cormie?'

‘Uh, I think Melissa is able to…' Cormac began to say.

‘No, leave it to me. I've got someone in mind. He works with me, in the bank. He's a great guy. Okay, not totally great, like Cormie, here, but kinda great. Listen, he could lose a few pounds and he's divorced and I think he might be depressed, but he just needs to get out more. Go on a date. Y'know, he's real nice. He's got what you Irish call “a good personality”.'

Melissa knew it was time to leave. She had shown Cormac that there were no hard feelings and that she was pleased he was moving on. She could only hope she had conveyed all of that.

‘So! I'd better go, another party…' Melissa said. ‘I'll see you guys round. Take care.'

She looked behind and saw Erica helping herself to the largest glass of wine she had ever seen. You'd need two hands to support that weight, thought Melissa. And she saw Cormac chatting away about something. He looked happy, didn't he? What straight man wouldn't with a supermodel by his side?

Anyway, none of that mattered. She walked straight out and stood in the cool of the night breathing deeply. Time to move on, she thought. He's someone else's now. It's time to move on.

Goodbye, Cormac, she thought. Goodbye.

He watched Melissa leave using only his peripheral vision, like a superhero, he thought, the kind who can see everything that is going on without having to turn their heads, or show any emotion And it had taken superhero strength of character not to run after her and go wherever she was going. God, he had missed her. He had seen the look in her eyes when she waved her cheery goodbye and his heart broke for her. And for him. His hands twitched as he longed to reach out and pull her to him and make everything all right.

But, he reminded himself, he was moving on. Remember? Back in the game and all that? And he had the fabulous Erica on his arm and what man wouldn't want someone like that? So he focussed on the beautiful face of Erica.

‘Y'know, being single in this country?' Erica was saying.

Was that a question? He didn't know.

‘It's a way of life. And even if you are in a relationship, you act like you're single. At an event, people who are married don't spend time together. Men socialize with each other men, women with their friends, y'know?'

‘Are you saying we're a nation of outcasts and losers?' he asked.

She laughed. ‘Kinda. I suppose. Not you, Cormie. You're a man who likes being with women, y'know? I mean, you and Melissa…'

‘Yeah,' he said. ‘We've been friends for years. But I do have other friends. Walter. My brothers. I hang out with them.' He managed to think of a few other names to bolster his list. ‘So, I would say I fit your category of outcast and loser. I like male company.' He felt it was necessary to distance himself from Melissa. He didn't want any awkward questions from Erica, but there was something Judas-like about his behaviour. Forgive me, Melissa, I know not what I do.