Fringe Benefits (21 page)

“It has
everything
to do with us,” she insisted. Hopping to her feet, she started pacing, a nervous habit she had no control over, especially when she was this upset. Nate wanted to be a father. Maybe not now, but in the future for sure. And if Dani held him to this relationship, she’d be denying that one thing she could never give him. “I don’t want children, Nate.”

Instead of saying anything, he sat there on the bed and watched her move back and forth across the open area of their bedroom.

“This wasn’t a decision I made capriciously,” she continued. “I thought about it long and hard. I’m not meant to be a mother. It’s not in my nature. You saw me with Emma. I love that little girl every bit as much as I love Jules and Connor’s boys, but taking care of them day in and day out would send me straight to the looney bin.”

“You were good with Emma,” Nate said.

“Just because I can care for kids doesn’t mean I want one for myself. I have plans for my future. I’m paying almost all my extra money on this house so I can get out of debt. Then I want to travel while I’m still young enough to enjoy it. I want to go to Europe and Alaska and Australia and—”

“I want to travel, too, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have children.”

“I’m not dragging bottles and diapers and car seats everywhere. I’m not worrying about how my kid behaves in fancy restaurants. I’m not leaving places I want to explore early because it’s boring to a child.” Dani tried to bite back the millions of words that now wanted to crowd in her mouth and spill out in her well-thought-out argument for why she would never be a mother. She wasn’t successful. The words tumbled right out anyway. “Call me selfish, but I only have one life. I’m damn well going to live it my way. And I shouldn’t have to justify it to anyone. It’s my choice. But then there was you. No matter how much I love you, I won’t change my mind. I won’t.”

Standing, Nate went to her and stopped her pacing by gripping her shoulders. “Stop trying to convince me. Remember that the future is always changing, sweetheart. Who knows how you’ll feel in ten years? Maybe we could travel now and then later we could—”

She put her fingertips against his lips. “The future might be changing, but my mind won’t. Ever. This isn’t negotiable.” Her hand fell away from his face. “If you want to move back to the basement now, I understand.”

This was the most confusing, frustrating discussion Nate had ever had. He knit his brows and frowned at Dani. “Whoa there. How did we go from talking about whether we’ll have kids to you wanting me to move out?”

“I don’t
want
you to go… but once you realize what I’m saying, once it really settles in, you’ll go. I just know it.”

“Dani…”

“Everyone will understand,” she continued. “It’s no big deal.”

“It sure as hell is to me!” He had to resist shaking her in frustration.

She stared up at him, her blue eyes brimming with tears. “I’m not changing my mind, and you deserve a woman who will give you the children you want.”

“I can live without having kids.”

After giving him one of her you-are-so-full-of-shit expressions, she shook her head.

“I can. Kids might be nice, but you’re more important to me. If that means it’s always just the two of us for the rest of our lives, fine. I love you.”

“I won’t let you make that kind of sacrifice.”

“It isn’t a sacrifice, sweetheart. Loving you is all I care about.”

When she shook her head again, he grabbed her chin, forcing her to look him in the eye. “If you don’t want kids, I understand. And I accept that choice. It doesn’t mean we don’t belong together.”

“Nate…”

He wrapped his arms around her and held her close, rubbing his chin against her temple. “We’ll travel together. With two salaries, we can pay the house off quicker and start our summer excursions that much sooner. There are tons of places I’d like to see, too. Rome. Tokyo. Australia.”

“You don’t know what you’re saying. You’ve got to take some time to think about what I said.”

“I don’t need time,” Nate said.

“Yes, you do,” Dani insisted. “You’re so damn young and—”

Letting out a heavy sigh, he shook his head. “I can’t believe we’re back to that. You’re not that much older.”

“There’s a huge difference between twenty-four and thirty-two. At your age, you don’t have enough life experience to even know what you want. I do. Ten years changes the way a person looks at the world.”

“Not even nine.”

“Jim Reinhardt warned me about being with you since I’m your boss.”

That little announcement came out of left field and blindsided him.
“What?”

“After the dance, some busybody parent called him and told him she saw us slow dancing.”

“And he told you we couldn’t date?”

She shrugged. “Not in so many words…”

Typical Dani. Hearing exactly what she wanted to hear. “Then what exactly did he say?”

“To keep our focus on the kids during school events.”

“Which isn’t even in the same universe as ‘don’t date each other.’ Dani, I love you. I don’t care if you’re my boss or how old you are or whether you want kids. I want you. Only you.”

She simply shook her stubborn head.

Instead of keeping the frustrating discussion going, especially since Dani was far too obstinate to ever give in, Nate kissed her. Through that kiss, he tried to show her the depth of his feelings as well as his fear of living a life without her. She responded by trying to turn her head. He growled, cupped her head, and held her right where he wanted her.

She didn’t resist, slowly giving in and melting against him. Only when he’d gotten her cooperation did he gentle the kiss, nibbling on her lips before easing back. “I love you, Dani. That’s all that matters.”

Even though she looked skeptical, she replied in kind. “I love you, too.”

“Will you be mad if I head out for a bit tonight? Robert invited me to have a beer with him, Ben, and Connor.”

“That’s fine. I wanted to relax and read anyway.”

The party he was planning had taken on new meaning, and he hoped the guys had some good ideas about how to use the gathering of their friends and family to get Dani past this speed bump. “I won’t be gone long. Besides, we can spend the rest of the afternoon together.”

“It’s fine.” She sounded so damned defeated, but he wasn’t sure there was anything he could do to revive her spirits. She’d made up her mind that she knew what was best for him, and until he could convince her otherwise, she’d probably be worried he was going to just… leave.

There was no way in hell he’d walk out on Dani. Yes, he was younger and technically she was his boss. Yes, their relationship had moved along pretty quick. And, yes, her decision not to have children had taken him totally by surprise.

None of that mattered. Nate loved her, and he had no intention of ever letting her get away.

*   *   *

“Hey, Nate!” Robert stood and waved his arm. “Over here!”

The place was crowded, and Nate had been having a hard time finding his friends. He waved back, relieved to see the men had grabbed a table near the back of the bar where they’d have a little bit of privacy.

Friends
. Something new that he suddenly understood meant the world to him. Just another way that Dani had changed his life for the better.

If he lost her, would he also lose Robert, Ben, and Connor?

He took the empty chair, nodding at the guys. A waitress came over and took his order—a beer and some fish and chips. It felt like forever since he’d eaten.

“How was the trip?” Robert’s tone bordered on amused.

“I take it Beth told you everything.”

“You mean that your ex went along for the trip?” Robert laughed. “Oh yeah. The Ladies are on the warpath. If your Kat—”

“She’s not
my
Kat,” Nate grumbled as he took the silverware the waitress was passing to him. “I hope the Ladies get their pretty little hands on her. Then she won’t be a problem anymore.”

“Thought we were supposed to be talking about a party,” Connor said.

“Absolutely,” Nate replied.

“I got the hall booked.” Robert passed Nate a piece of paper. “The church’s rec area is ours for the Saturday before Thanksgiving.”

“Thanks for booking it. Did you need a deposit?”

“Nah. We’re all set.”

Ben chimed in. “Do you think it’s really a good idea to drop all this on her like that? I mean, Dani is a bit… um…”

Connor filled in the description Ben was searching for. “Control freak?”

With a nod, Ben said, “Yeah. A control freak. But in a good way.”

Letting out a snort, Nate couldn’t help but grin. “You don’t have to be diplomatic. I know exactly how much she needs to be in charge. And damn if I don’t love her for it. The woman keeps me on my toes.”

He might be grabbing the reins for this, but it was for her own good. Grandpa Delgado was right—Dani needed a big gesture, proof that Nate loved her enough to make a lifelong commitment. After they were married, she could go back to being her type A self with Nate’s blessings.

Their shared laughter spoke volumes of how his friends felt about their own wives.

“It’s not like we don’t all have our share of flaws,” Ben said. “We should count ourselves damn lucky that the Ladies still put up with us.”

With camaraderie running high, Nate shifted the topic, needing some friendly advice and hoping to draw on their varied life experiences. Only after he’d left Dani did her words finally hit him.

She didn’t want children. Despite what he’d told her, he simply didn’t know if he would be happy if he never had kids of his own.

Connor was a father—of twins. Robert had adopted Beth’s niece and was preparing to welcome his own child into the world. And Ben had a daughter from a first marriage but no children with Mallory. Their plethora of family dynamics could surely make them the right people to give Nate some sound counsel.

He jumped right in. “Dani told me she doesn’t want to have kids.”

“I suppose that’s my fault,” Robert said, a chuckle in his voice. “We left you two with Emma too long. She can be a handful.”

Nate shook his head. “It’s not that. She loves Emma. She just has tons of plans for her life that don’t include kids.” The waitress was back with his beer. After she left, he took a bracing swig so he could spit the rest out. “I always thought I’d have children of my own. I’m not sure how I feel about her shutting the door on that.”

Silence settled between the men as the noise coming from the bar patrons swirled around them. The tension was enough to make Nate wish he’d kept his mouth shut. Clearly he’d overstepped some kind of informal boundary for what friends could talk about.

He was just about to apologize when Ben spoke. “Mallory can’t have kids, not since the chemotherapy. Even if her ovaries still worked, she couldn’t handle the hormonal changes of pregnancy.”

Moments passed, and Nate was ready to ask him to explain when Ben added, “I would’ve loved to have a kid with Mallory, but it wasn’t in the cards. I always thought I’d have another. A son, maybe. But when I married her, I had to let that go.” He shrugged. “Having Amber made it easier. I already got to be a dad. You’ll never have that chance.”

“You know, it doesn’t have to be a done deal,” Robert added. “You and Dani are both so young…”

Nate snorted. “She can’t seem to get past my age, either. Eight years younger. So what?”

“What I meant was that there are years and years ahead to change your minds.”

It’s not
my
mind that needs changing
. “I don’t want to lose her. Not over something like this.”

“I don’t know,” Connor said. “It’s a pretty big issue, and you’re gonna ask her to marry you. If you two can’t find a compromise…”

“What compromise is there?” Nate asked. “I might want to have a kid or two, but she’s adamant that she’ll never be a mom. Where could we possibly meet in the middle?” The more he thought about the impossible situation, the more upset he got.

Ben picked up his nearly empty glass and signaled to the waitress. “The way I see it, either you get her to change her mind…”

“Like
that
would ever happen with Dani,” Robert teased.

“Or you change yours.”

“Great. Just great.” Nate nursed his beer until the waitress brought his food and Ben’s refill. Although the fries were hot enough to burn his tongue, he ate as a way to keep from talking as the doubts that had been bubbling and brewing below the surface came to a rolling boil.

Despite the assurances he’d given Dani, he wasn’t sure if he had been totally honest. To think that by being with the woman he loved might mean he would never have children—never even have the chance to try for a child—made his emotions churn.

There was anger. Although he loved her, he couldn’t help but think it was selfish of her to make that choice with no thought at all for his wants or needs. The decision to have kids should be something a couple made together, not one either partner should slam the door on so the other person had no say at all.

There was disappointment, the same disappointment he’d felt when Kat had lost their baby. To think he’d never see his own features on a tiny face or hear his son’s first laugh or watch his daughter’s first steps made his heart ache.

And there was fear—the fear that all these things that he
might
want in his own future could cost him any future with Dani.

“Are you still getting married in Indiana?” Connor asked.

“Yep. Already got things worked out with the judge,” Nate replied. “Thank heavens we have a whole week off for the holiday. The inn I booked wasn’t nearly as expensive as I thought it would be.”

“Well, then”—Robert cuffed him on the shoulder—“you won’t have to get too pissed if she turns you down.”

“Hell, Robert,” Ben said. “That’s why we’re organizing this whole surprise party. Dani’s not going to say no in front of everyone, especially Nate’s family. She might feel like he’s twisting her arm, but she’ll agree to marry him. I know she will.”

Robert thought it over for a moment. “You might be right… but is that what you want, Nate? To have her promise to marry you because she doesn’t want to embarrass you?”

“No,” he admitted. That wasn’t what he wanted at all, a marriage born of obligation.

“If you’re gonna pull the plug on this,” Connor said, “now’s the time.”

“No, I want this. I do.”
At least I think I do…

Chomping on some more of his fish and chips, Nate decided he would follow through with the surprise party—and the marriage.

Dani was wrong. People changed their minds about important things all the time. And although she was stubborn, she was also compassionate. If he really wanted a child of his own, he would have to trust that she loved him enough that she wouldn’t deny him something so important.

“Let’s get our plans finalized. It’s time for Dani and me to make it official.”