From Ashes (15 page)

Halfway through the song he spoke again. “Cassidy.” I looked up into his eyes and he forced his gaze on something behind us, shaking his head slowly back and forth. “Look . . . I—”

I cut him off, not wanting to hear whatever regrets he was having from today. “Don’t, Gage.”

“No, I need to tell you this.”

He held me close as I quickly tried to back away from him. I shut my eyes so he wouldn’t see my hurt. “I get it. You don’t—”

“I’m in love with you,” he blurted out.

There was no way I had heard that correctly. My eyes popped open and I studied his face. “You— What?”

He blew out a long breath before looking at me again. His voice was so deep and full of emotion it caused a warm shiver to go up my spine. “I’m madly in love with you.”

My eyes grew even wider as I let that sink in.

“I’ve tried to keep my feelings to myself, and I know I’m no good at it, but I can’t keep doing it anymore. I don’t just view you as a friend, Cass. I never have. I thought you should know. I know you don’t feel the same but I’m tired of lying and hiding it from you.”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“When was I supposed to? You’ve been dating my cousin since we met.”

A lump formed in my throat as I realized all the time I’d wasted thinking Gage could only ever be my friend. “Gage, I’m so in love with you.”

“But Tyler . . . ?”

I shook my head and cleared my throat. “Wait, why did you think Tyler and I were together when we first met?”

“Because he told me you were.” His brow furrowed.

For obvious reasons, I wasn’t a fan of violence, but I instantly wanted to punch Tyler. “Tyler and I only dated for a few months. You didn’t want me and you left, and I was afraid of losing Tyler too, so I agreed to be his girlfriend a little while after you’d moved out.”

Gage stopped swaying us, his face full of disbelief. “What? No.” He shook his head. “You were the one who didn’t want me. You told me you weren’t okay with what I felt; you were with Tyler while we were at the ranch—he told me what you did for him the morning y’all left.”

“What I did for him? What do you mean? Tyler was my best friend and nothing more. Gage, you were the one who told me to leave at the ranch. I was going to ask if I could stay with you, I was going to tell you that I was in love with you, and you kicked us out; Tyler told me you moved out of the apartment because you couldn’t stand living with me. He’d been telling me that since the first day after we moved in with you.”

“You were going to tell me you loved me, that last morning at the ranch?” When I nodded, Gage looked up and hissed a curse. Cupping my face in his hands, he pulled me close. “Tyler lied.”

He crushed his mouth against mine and my knees buckled under the wave of emotions swarming through me, but Gage’s hands left my face and he tightened his arms around me to keep me standing. How had I ever been able to kiss Tyler after having these kisses from Gage? He slid his tongue between my lips and I softly moaned into his mouth. A chill went through his body when I pressed myself closer to him and gripped his messy hair; I smiled at the knowledge that I could do that to him. Gage moved his lips across my jaw toward my ear.

“Let me take you home,” he whispered huskily into my ear.

I’d let him take me anywhere.

We started making a beeline toward the cars but that was the same moment the bride and groom were going to take off, so we not-so-patiently stood in lines with everyone else and blew bubbles at them as they ran to their awaiting limo. Once their taillights had faded into the distance, Gage grabbed my hand, intertwined our fingers, and walked me to the passenger door of his truck. Planting one searing kiss on my lips, he gently lifted me up onto the seat, letting his fingers trail down from my waist to my knees. My heart about stopped.

He rounded the front and, after hopping in, pulled me across the seat and kissed me senseless. Not long after, with both of us struggling to catch our breath, he broke away, but I wasn’t ready for it to be over just yet. I turned to better face him and eagerly pressed my lips to his neck, alternating between soft kisses and little nips, giving him a taste of the torture he’d put me through earlier. His fingers gripped my hips and a low moan escaped from him as I lightly trailed my lips along his jaw. The sound warmed my body and I could feel my control slowly slipping away. One of his hands made a trail down my thigh and curled around my knee, pulling me over so I was now sitting on him. I gasped and brought his mouth back to mine. I needed him. All of him. I ran my fingers through his hair and arched my back so I could press my body more intimately into his.

“Cass.” He spoke around our kisses. “Cass, we should stop.”

I bit down on his lower lip and gently tugged in response.

The next noise coming from his throat could only be described as the sexiest growl I’ve ever heard from a man. He fiercely attacked my mouth again and soon the windows were completely fogged up. Gage slid his hands under my dress and traveled up toward my underwear. Thank God they were cute and lacy tonight. His fingers had just started curling around the sides to pull down when his hands and mouth froze.

“No, Cassidy, we need to stop.” His hands were now cupping my cheeks and holding my face a couple inches from his. “I’m not going to do this here with you.”

I shook my head and tried to kiss him again. “I don’t care, Gage.”

He stopped my advance and looked directly into my eyes. “No.”

A huff of air escaped my lungs and I lowered my head dejectedly. I tried to move away, but his hands kept me anchored to him. Pressing his forehead to mine, he held us there while our breathing returned to normal. What felt like an eternity of trying to hide my embarrassment later, he finally slid me back onto the seat and pulled out of the parking area. Neither of us said anything until we were five minutes from the house, then he took my hand and pressed it lightly to his lips.

“Don’t be upset, Cass . . . please.”

Easy for him to say. I shrugged and looked out the window. “I’m not.”

We pulled up to a red light and he took my chin in his hand, forcing me to look up at him. He knew I was lying. “I swear to you, it’s not that I don’t want to.” I suppressed an annoyed laugh; of course he would say that. “But I’m not about to take that from you, especially in my truck. You deserve better than that.” Someone honked behind us and he started driving again.

The distraction couldn’t have come at a more perfect time, because my eyes were huge and my cheeks were now bright red. I’d forgotten that during my rant to Gage, Adam, and Dana about why Tyler had brought that girl back to our place, I’d also disclosed the fact that I was still carrying my V-card.
Someone please kill me now.

As soon as the car slowed in the driveway, I left my heels in the truck, jumped out, and ran for the door, key already in hand.

“Cassidy, wait!” Gage yelled as he threw the truck in park.

I know it’s childish, but it’s what I’ve always done. Bad situation came up? Run away. Kind of hard to break that lovely habit. Only this time, I didn’t have Tyler or Gage to run to. I thought about calling Jackie and packing a bag, but first I needed to get the damn door open. After almost dropping the key, I finally got it in the lock and opened it as Gage called my name again. I slammed the door shut behind me and raced for the closet in my room, grabbed my duffel bag and threw it onto the bed. I’d thrown the contents of one drawer into the bag and was heading for another drawer when Gage reached me.

Grabbing my arms, he spun me around so I was facing him, and though his grip didn’t hurt, it effectively held me there. “Damn it, Cassidy, what are you doing?” He was searching my eyes, and I saw his were full of confusion and I watched as they filled with pain and fear when they flicked over to the bag on my bed. It could have been seconds, minutes, or hours. Time seemed to stop as my heart broke looking at this amazing man. Blowing out a breath, he stood up straighter and released my arms so he could push the hair away from my face. “Don’t run to him. Not from me.”

I let out a strangled sigh but couldn’t think of what to say.
Hey, Gage, I appreciate you trying to protect my virtue. But in case you didn’t notice, I just put myself out there and you freaking rejected me before bringing up the fact that I’m still an inexperienced virgin
. I wasn’t mad at him; I got it. Who would want to be with someone who has absolutely no idea what they’re doing?

“Please don’t go, Cass. I want you here, with me.”

I’d never had anyone ask me not to leave, and he’d just asked me twice. “I won’t.” It came out soft as a whisper. He raised an eyebrow and let out a humorless laugh. I quickly said, “I promise.”

Pressing a soft kiss to my forehead, he released my hair and stepped away. His eyes looked so hurt and it took every ounce of control I had not to throw myself into his arms. He was giving me my space even though he was so sure I was about to leave him. It was practically written all over his face with a bright red Sharpie that he didn’t think I would stay. With a final sigh he turned and left my room. When he hit the living room I heard his deep voice trailing behind him.

“I love you, Cassidy Jameson.”

Dear Lord, I was so in love with him. I didn’t think I could ever get enough of hearing those words coming from his lips. No matter how much my gut screamed at me to grab my stuff and leave before he had the chance to hurt me again, I forced myself to unpack the duffel bag and get ready for bed. Pulling on a pair of sleep shorts and an old concert tee, I went to the bathroom to wash my face and throw my hair into a messy bun. Hoping to assure him I wasn’t running from him, I walked out to the living room and went to his door, but it was locked and there wasn’t any light coming from under it. I sighed and reluctantly walked back to my room.

G
AGE

H
OW HAD
I
fucked up so bad last night? I couldn’t believe what I’d heard from Cassidy about Tyler, and God, did it make me want to punch him all over again. Realizing just how much he’d lied to both of us to keep us from each other pissed me off to no end. But having Cassidy tell me she loved me took all that away. Kissing her and having her kiss me back again had felt so right, and I hated how much time we’d wasted, but damn if I was ever going to let anything stand between us again. And then I’d gone and done the job myself.

I’d checked on her that morning before my run, so I knew she’d stayed, but I didn’t know if she was planning to, or if she was just waiting for today so she could move out. Thinking about her leaving punched a hole through my chest, but I wouldn’t force her to say. I wouldn’t force her to do anything; she’d had enough of that with Tyler. I would treat her like I always did and let her make the moves. It terrified me, not being in control of the situation, but I knew Cassidy needed to be the one to do this, so I’d sit back and wait. Praying to God that at the end of the day, she was still in my place and wanting to be with me.

The coffee had just finished brewing when she stumbled out of her room and once again I was stunned at how beautiful she was. Her hair was a disaster, she looked half-asleep, and that Sex Pistols shirt about swallowed her whole, but she was still the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. Her cheeks reddened when she saw me standing there and I held my breath until she staggered into my chest for our morning hug.
Thank you, God.

“Mornin’.”

She mumbled and I laughed.

“How are you?”

Those whiskey-colored eyes looked up at me and for a long while she didn’t say a thing, just continued to stare at me. I wanted to kiss those naturally pouty lips so bad but I forced myself to let her do this at her own speed. “I’m fine,” she finally said, her voice raspy from sleep, “you?”

“I’m good.”
Not anymore,
I thought when she stepped away and made her coffee. She drank two cups without saying a word, and after she put her mug in the dishwasher she turned and faced me for a minute.

“We didn’t get groceries yesterday, so we’re going today.”

She’s getting food; does that mean she’s staying?
“All right, I’ll take you.”

“Uh, no, I always go with Jackie. She’s going to pick me up soon, I’ll just go with her.”

Definitely leaving. Damn it.
“I’ll be here, Cassidy.”
Whenever you decide to come back.
Before I could make an ass out of myself and drop to my knees and beg her to stay, I forced myself into my room and went to take a shower.

C
ASSIDY

“
I
JUST DON’T
understand. I thought he’d be happy I stayed.” I looked up at Jackie to see her face full of disbelief. I’d just told her everything from the night before.

“Um, I’m sure he’s thrilled that you stayed, but did you really think he was just going to pick you up in his arms and kiss you to death this morning?”

“Well . . . yeah.”

Jackie snorted and picked up a packet of sliced fruit. “Cassidy, you ran from him last night and started packing a bag. Granted”—she cut me off with a hand when I started to speak—“you did stay. But he probably doesn’t know how to act around you now. From what you’re saying, he thought you
did
something with Tyler after the first time you kissed, and the second time, you run from him. What is he supposed to think?”

“Damn,” I whispered.

“If it were me, I’d go right up to that boy and kiss him.”

“Really? But what if I’m wrong about all of this? What if he was lying last night?”

“Do you think he was lying to you?” she retorted.

“No.”

“Well, then it’s settled. When you get back march that tiny ass of yours up to him and kiss him good. He’ll wrap you up in his arms, you’ll say, ‘Take me to bed or lose me forever,’ he’ll go all Maverick on you and take you to his bed to ravish you for hours.”

I rolled my eyes at her. “
Top Gun,
Jackie? Really?” I smiled at her and grabbed a grapefruit. “And your ass is smaller than mine.”

J
ACKIE GAVE A
wry “Good luck” as I hopped out of her car and made my way to the house. For some reason, I still half expected Gage to slam his mouth down on mine as soon as I saw him, but that didn’t happen. Actually, I’m not really sure
what
happened. I opened the door and found Gage sitting at the kitchen table with his head in his hands. As soon as I shut the door he looked up and his eyes got wide, his jaw dropped, and he just stared at me.