Funeral with a View (15 page)

“Rick, could you get me
the ginger, please?”

“You mean that redheaded
kid from the park? I thought we’d gotten past that.”

“Ha ha. Dick.”

Catherine was working up
some stir fry. Can’t have stir fry without ginger. I found the reclusive jar
hidden in the back of the pantry. “Here you go.”

“Thanks.” The aromatic
spice sizzled when it hit the steaming wok.

“So, I had an interesting
conversation with the new boss today,” I said, leaning against the kitchen
counter.

“Mmm? Care to share?”

I gave her a quick, yet
thorough, recap of my meeting with Sandy Colbert, placing special emphasis on
the phrase ‘more money’.

“And you got the job?”

“I got the job. Looks like
yours truly is movin’ on up.”

My wife all but squealed
in delight. The wok went forgotten and she wrapped her arms around my neck.

“That’s great news, Ricky!
I’m so happy for you.”

“Thank you much,” I said,
giving her a peck on the cheek. “The boss called me at the end of the day and
said it was mine if I wanted it. She’s been secretly interviewing candidates
for the last few weeks. Guess she liked me best. Now it’s mine to screw up.”

“You won’t screw it up.”

“This wasn’t how I
thought my day would go when I woke up this morning. I’m still a little shocked
that I was asked, much less offered the position.”

Cat went back to our
soon-to-be dinner, stirring in the freshly added ginger. “Why so surprised?”

“I haven’t been there
that long. You’d think someone else would be first in line.” I shrugged. “But
hey, I’m not going to turn down the chance at the supervisory experience and
extra money, especially since we’re trying to expand our little family here.
Speaking of,” I laced my fingers together over her stomach and nuzzled the back
of her neck, “Any news on that front?”

Catherine’s shoulders
slumped. “No, not yet. Aunt Flo from Red Bank paid me a visit this morning. But
that’s okay. It’ll happen.”

“True. Besides, the
trying is the best part.” I kissed the top of her head and started making the
salad.

“So, what’s this Sandy
Colbert like?”

“She’s interesting, no
doubt. Harvard Business grad.”

“Really?”

“Really really.”

“Wow. Impressive.”

“Yep. She’s intense but
seems fair. And it’s obvious she has an impeccable eye for talent.”

“That goes without
saying. Married? Kids?”

“Don’t think so. Didn’t
notice a ring on her finger. Come to think of it, there weren’t any personal
photos in her office either. Word’s been floating around that she just moved
back to Jersey not that long ago. From New Hampshire, or something like that.”

“Is she as hideous as you
imagined?”

“Why, Catherine Maddox
Franchitti. I would never assume the worst about someone like that.”

“Bullshit.”

“Busted.” Sandy’s looks
weren’t something I wanted to discuss, mostly because I found them so
appealing, not that I’d ever act on it. But while her appearance had no bearing
on anything, I knew Cat would meet her at some point. “What was the question
again?”

Catherine leaned against
the counter, crossed her arms, and gave me ‘the look.’ “I’m waiting.” I grabbed
a white kitchen towel and waved it in the air. “You surrendering?”

“No. Your ass is on
fire.”

“Huh?” She spun around to
a flaming wok, smoke rising toward the range hood. “Shit! It’s ruined.”

I chuckled and kneaded
her shoulders as she tried to rescue our meal. “Ruined? Nah. A little well done
maybe, but not ruined.”

“You’re just trying to
distract me so I won’t keep busting your balls about your boss.”

“Don’t be silly.”

“Well?”

“No, Sandy is not hideous.”

“She pretty?” She said it
in a sing-song voice, and I couldn’t help but smile.

“Yeah, she’s pretty.”

“Prettier than me?”

“Nobody’s prettier than
you. Except maybe Bill.”

“So … older, single,
attractive woman.” Cat shot me a wry grin over her shoulder. “You’d best keep
your hands to yourself, mister.”

“I said pretty, not
attractive. Big difference. Do I detect the sound of the ages-old Green Eyed
Monster in your tone, Mrs. Franchitti?”

“You wish. We Maddox
women don’t do jealousy. We do revenge.”

“Duly noted. But why
would I settle for anything less than perfection?”

“You’re such a smooth
talker.”

“Yet another reason why
you married me. None of this matters anyway. Rumor has it she’s a card carrying
lesbian.”

“What a relief,” Cat
laughed. “My husband is safe.”

~~~

“I’d like your opinion on
something, Rick,” Sandy said, leaning over with her palms resting on my desk.
“What do you think of Jack Resnick’s work on the Jersey Gym account?”

I pursed my lips and
thought it over.

“You can be honest with
me.”

“Okay,” I sighed. “Jack’s
a nice guy, and his work’s usually pretty good …”

“But?”

“But it’s too retro for
me. It’s not bad, but it’s not great either.”

She rolled her hand in
the air. “And?”

“And I think he’s a bad
fit for the client. I don’t know what’s up with him, but he’s like a blind man
in an orgy, just feeling his way through on this one.”

Jesus Christ, did I
just say that out loud?

Sandy’s blue eyes widened
in shock, then she burst out laughing.

“
The Naked Gun
,”
she said, snapping her fingers.

“You’re a fan?”

She made a face as if I’d
insulted her intelligence. “What? Bosses aren’t allowed to watch slapstick
eighties movies? We’re all business, all the time?”

“Um, well no. That’s not
what I meant.”

A deliberate wink.
“Gotcha.”

My heart rate slowed. “You
sure did. But I didn’t think that kind of movie would be up your alley.”

She shrugged. “We can’t
know everything about everyone.”

The room suddenly became
very quiet, and deciding to get the discussion back on track, I cleared my
throat and said, “I didn’t mean to throw Jack under the bus. He’s good at his
job.”

“No need to back peddle,
Rick. I asked you your opinion, and you were honest about it. None of what
we’ve discussed will get back to him, but I think your team would be better off
taking over the account from now on. Think you can handle it?”

“Absolutely.”

“It’ll probably involve
some extra hours since it’s a last minute changeover. Like I said,” she made a
‘what can you do’ gesture with open palms, “with great pay comes great
responsibility. And I apologize for dumping it on you at the last minute.”

“It’s okay. I bought my
ticket. I knew what I was getting into.”

Another snap of fingers.
“
Airplane!
”

“Yes,” I said, laughing.
“I’ll let my wife know not to file a missing persons report on me for the time
being.”

“Speaking of which,”
Sandy picked up a picture of my wife and me standing in front of a gazebo in
our wedding finery, and sat on the corner of my desk, “How’s married life
treating you?”

“Pretty well,” I said,
attempting to not look at the shapely leg she dangled before me. Her skirt had
ridden up, exposing a large patch of thigh. I plastered a benign smile on my
face. “Can’t complain.”

“Your wife—Catherine, is
it? She’s very lovely. And I love her dress. You’re a lucky man, Rick.”

“Don’t I know it. But she
didn’t too bad either, did she?”

“No she didn’t.” Sandy
placed the picture back in its rightful placed and regarded me, her expression
unreadable. It left me with a vague, uncomfortable feeling, as if everything,
no matter how innocuous on the surface, was a test. We’d been working well
together and got along better than I’d anticipated, but the sensation of
constantly being under a microscope clung to me like a wet shirt.

“So, how about you, Sandy?
Married? Kids?”
Card carrying lesbian?

Something clouded her
eyes for a blink, and when she laughed it was cynical and sounded forced. “God
no. I’m too focused on my career to settle down and start a family.”

“Nothing wrong with that.
It’s not for everyone.”

Sandy stood and straightened
her skirt. “Before I forget, I wanted to let you know I’m having a dinner party
this Saturday. Nothing extravagant, just a little something to get to know my
team leaders a bit better.” The offer took me by surprise, but it wasn’t the
most outrageous thing I’d ever heard. I’d been to several social gatherings
with Catherine’s boss outside of work; company picnics, fundraisers, etc. “And
I’m sorry for the late notice, Rick. I’ll understand if you have plans. Don’t
worry if you can’t make it. It won’t reflect in your performance review,” she
added with a wink.

“Mind if I bring Cat with
me?”

“Of course. Bring her
along.”

“Okay. Thanks for the
invitation. Sounds fun, Sandy. I’ll talk to Cat and let you know, okay?”

“Fantastic.”

Sandy put her hand on my
shoulder, then sashayed out of my office.

“Wow. Pretty swanky,”
Catherine observed. The homes in Sandy’s Belle Meade development gave the
Maddox compound a run for its money. “I guess it pays to be the boss’s
daughter.”

“No shit. There it is.
Number 14.” I made a right and pulled into the driveway.

“I wonder if she has a
Renfield or a Butterworth,” Catherine joked as I rang the doorbell.

“Hopefully no dire wolves
though.”

“You love Butch and you
know it.”

“I certainly do.”

“Rick,” Sandy said
affably, holding the door open. “So glad you could make it. Please come in.” Otherwise
spartan, stacks of boxes lined the walls of the cavernous house. “Sorry about
the state of the place. I haven’t had a chance to settle in yet.” Catherine
took my boss’s offered hand. “Catherine. Sandra Colbert, but please call me
Sandy.

“Nice to meet you, Sandy.
Great house. We love the development.”

Sandy rolled her eyes and
her cheeks flushed. “My father’s idea of a ‘little place’ to set me up in.
Personally, I think it’s overkill, but thank you. So, everyone’s out on the
deck taking advantage of the gorgeous weather. Right this way.” Long legs drove
her toward the back of the house.

Cat held me behind and poked
me in the ribs. “Not attractive? And did you see what she’s wearing?”

It was hard not to. Sandy
was dressed in dark blue jeans tight enough to look spray painted on, and a
pink halter top that couldn’t have been anything other than silk. It stopped an
inch above her navel and the V-neck showed off her eye-catching cleavage.

“Nope. Hadn’t noticed.”

“Uh huh. She smells like
she started the party early, too. Think she left any booze for us?” Catherine
whispered.

“Shh! Be nice. This is my
boss we’re talking about here. I hope she doesn’t have super hearing. Come on.
Let’s follow the leader.”

Sandy already had the
French doors open when we caught up to her. “Go ahead and make yourselves
comfy. Drinks?” I asked for beer, Catherine settled on wine. “I’ll be back in a
minute.”

I took the opportunity to
mingle and introduce Catherine to those of my coworkers she’d never met. Jack
Resnick was there, but if he was pissed about the recent loss of the Jersey Gym
contract, he didn’t let on. The sun continued to dip ever closer to the horizon
as we ate, drank, and laughed. Sandy played the gracious host, making sure
nobody was without something to eat or drink, flitting from guest to guest like
a trained professional. The overall atmosphere was a little stuffy at first,
something I attributed to employees being on their best behavior in front of
the new head cheese in her own home, but Sandy showed people a side of her most
of them had never seen before, and eventually people lightened up. That was clearly
part of Sandy’s plan. I watched as she evaluated them under the guise of
harmless social chit-chat. It was impressive in its simplicity.

By the time night had
settled in, only Catherine, Sandy, and I remained, the rest of the guests
having made staggered exits over the course of the party.

“Sorry I’ve had to keep
Rick at work so much lately, Catherine.” Flickering light from the torches cast
intermittent shadows on Sandy’s face, which broke into a conspiratorial grin.
“Between you and me, I’ve been going a little stir crazy. Work has been insane.
Nights, weekends … I almost had to cancel this party. Rick stepped up and
really helped me out, which was a godsend because I needed a chance to unwind
some.” Deep red lips touched her wine glass as she took a sip. “Okay, I needed
a chance to unwind
a lot
. You’ve seen the house. I haven’t even had a
chance to unpack.”

“We know what that’s
like,” Catherine said. “We moved not all that long ago ourselves. It seems like
some boxes’ll never be unpacked.”

“Exactly!” This was good.
The two of them were getting along, and I couldn’t ask for more than that.
“Ricky’s easily one of my best employees. If I had a whole army of people like
him I could corner the market. His promotion was well deserved.”

Cat wrapped an arm around
my shoulder. A persistent, chilly breeze swept through the yard. I welcomed her
body heat. “He’s definitely special, no doubt about that.”

“You’ll get no argument
from me.” Sandy paused. “You’re such an attractive couple. I can’t imagine how
adorable your kids will be.” I felt Cat stiffen beside me. “I’d better get
these dishes taken care of.”

“I can help you with
those,” I said, getting up out of my chair.

Sandy’s black hair bobbed
as she shook her head. “No way. You’re my guests. Guests in my home don’t lift
a finger. Sit, relax. I’ll be back in a bit.” Her tone left no room for
argument.

Cat pressed her lips to
my ear as soon as Sandy speed-walked into the house, plates in hand. “Did you
tell her we were trying to get pregnant?”

“Why would I tell her
something like that? I’ve never said a word. Can’t be anything more than
harmless conversation.”

Cat pursed her lips. “Rick,
maybe we should—”

“I’m back.” Sandy reappeared
and almost flopped into her seat. “Would either of you like a smoke?” She
pulled something out of a Ziploc bag and lit it with a Zippo, flame
illuminating her face in bright, fiery orange. She took a drag, held it, then
let out a lazy exhale.

“Um, no thanks,” I said.
“Cat and I don’t smoke cigarettes.”

A cloud wafted on the
breeze, and I caught the scent. She sure as hell wasn’t smoking a cigarette.

“Not exactly what I was
referring to, Rick.” Sandy took another strong drag. The bright tip of the
joint revealed that her contented smile was directed at me.

Cat giggle-snorted. “Weed?”

“It’s for my glaucoma,”
Sandy choked out. “Kidding. It’s to help me mellow out. Work has me so damned
stressed. It’s a constant fight to prove myself, like I have to justify my
existence. Most think I only got the job because I’m the Big Cheese’s daughter,
so I have to work twice as hard to prove that I really do know what I’m doing.
But, shhhhh,” a shadow fled her face for a moment and I could see how lopsided
her grin was, “this is strictly between us, right, Ricky? Can’t have the water
cooler contingent thinking I’m anything other than the cast iron bitch they
assume I am. No retreat, no surrender!”

“Mum’s the word,” I said
nervously. The night had just ventured into odd territory. My inner alarm bells
began screaming, and I judged it was time to get going while the getting was
good. I stood up. “Anyway, I think it’s about that time. Hate to be a party
pooper, but Cat and I should really get going.”

Another inhale revealed
Sandy’s exaggerated pout. “So soon? You can stay as long as you like. Want me
to fire up the hot tub?”

Cat stood and found my
hand in the near-total darkness. “We’d love to, Sandy, but
Ricky
and I
have an early day tomorrow.” That was a lie. “And we wouldn’t want to overstay
our welcome.”

My stoned boss wasn’t
ready to give up the fight. “Are you positive?” Another hit, another exhale of
pungent smoke. “I have plenty of booze. Plenty of everything. Could always call
a cab if you need to.”

Alright. Time to stop
this train.

“Thanks, Sandy,” I said,
“but Cat’s right. We don’t want to put you through any trouble. You’ve done
enough already. Dinner was fantastic. Thanks so much for having us over.”

Nodding, Sandy finished
her joint in silence as Cat and I stood waiting for her to show us to the door.

~~~

“I don’t like her,”
Catherine said tersely.

I glanced at my wife,
only able to see her face as we passed streetlamps on Rt. 206 South. In the
intermittent splashes of light, I noticed her tense posture and the defiant
tilt of her jaw. She stared straight ahead.

“Things did get a little
weird. I didn’t see that joint coming.”

“That’s got nothing to do
with it. You know me, Ricky. I’m no prude. I smoked my fair share of pot with
Jude and her friends when we were younger.”

“Then what’s the problem?
I thought you were having a good time.”

“She’s interested in you.”
Cat’s even tone cut through the car, sharp and frigid. No mistaking it; she was
pissed.

I tried laughing it off. “Interested
in me? She was being a good host, that’s all there is to it.”

“Bullshit. She was
practically eye raping you the whole night, even before she lit up. Are you
that naïve, or just acting like you didn’t notice it, too?” She crossed her
arms and glared at the roadside. “I’ll tell you one thing. She sure isn’t a
lesbian.”

“Honey, I think you’re
reading into this a little too much.”

“Ricky, please. I know
her type.”

“And what type is that?”

“The type who wishes you
weren’t married.”

“Alright, so she stares a
bit much, and maybe, just maybe, she was on the flirty end of the spectrum. I
chalk that up to a combination of wine and reefer. Really, Cat. You’re
overreacting. Besides, I’m off the market and completely uninterested.”

Cat turned in her seat,
her movements measured and slow. Vertical waves of light played off her face,
her hair. “One’s got nothing to do with the other. Just because you’re not
interested in her doesn’t mean she’s not interested in
you
.”

“Why do I feel like I’m
the one you’re pissed off at here? Didn’t I call it quits when things got too
uncomfortable?”

“I know,” she sighed, and
ran the back of her hand along my cheek. “I’m sorry. It’s not you I’m mad at.
But I think you should trust me on this one, Rick. She made her intentions loud
and clear tonight. You may not want to admit it, but I picked up on it without
even breaking a sweat. Be careful around her, that’s all I’m asking.”

I cradled her hand in
mine and gave it a gentle squeeze. “You have nothing to worry about. Remember,
I may be a dick, but I’m
your
dick.”

Catherine remained quiet,
and in the dark I couldn’t tell if she smiled or not.