Fuzzy Logic (11 page)

With her hand pressed to her cheek, she walked over to the phone to call Jill. What kind of Neanderthals have a fight in a
library
? This was supposed to be her place of refuge. Quiet. Peaceful. But every time Michael appeared, something horrible happened. She hoped she never saw him again.

Jill arrived at the library and fussed over the bruise on Jan’s face. Although it was nice the older woman cared, Jan was ready to leave. “Jill, I’m fine. Michael said he’s coming back to get his change for the copies later and I don’t want to be here. Every time I see him, there’s some disaster. I have a note on the desk that says how much we owe him in change.”

“Okay, honey, I understand.” Jill hugged her with finality. “You go on home. I might give him a talking-to while I’m at it.”

“Please don’t. It wasn’t his fault. Steve is the one who accidentally hit me. But I think Michael is one of those people like my mother who just attracts drama wherever he goes. I don’t want to be near anything or anyone like that anymore. I just want to go home.”

Jill looked unconvinced, but bent down to give Rosa a farewell pat. “I think Rosa’s ready. Have a good evening.”

“Thanks Jill. I owe you one.”

Jan loaded Rosa into the car and drove out Forest Avenue to her house. Her little yellow cottage came into view and Steve’s car was parked out front. Jan took her foot off the accelerator and let her car coast to a stop next to the curb. She wasn’t ready to talk to him yet. Rosa poked her nose up from the backseat. The car was stopped, but they weren’t getting out. The dog stood up on the backseat and wagged her tail. Jan could see her in the rearview mirror staring out the window toward the house. “Hi Rosa. Sorry for the delay. I need to think for a second.” What was she going to say to him?

Rosa jumped down to the floor of the backseat and put her front paws up on the center console. She looked up at Jan and licked her hand. Jan stroked the dog’s head. “Thanks for the support, sweetie. I’m trying to get it together.” Talking to Steve right now was not what she’d had in mind. Normally in a situation like this, she’d try to escape somewhere. Probably to the library. But there was no way she was running away from her own house. She had to face him.

Jan straightened in her seat and put the car into gear. She was going to have to deal with Steve sooner or later. Apparently, he had found time in his busy schedule to drive up here, so she may as well get it over with now. After parking her car in the driveway, she got out, clipped the leash on Rosa, and walked to Steve’s car. He had told her at least 10,000 times that the IROC-Z was the best Camaro ever made. Jan had been allowed to drive the car exactly once, and she wasn’t impressed. The handling was sloppy on the winding road she’d driven it on. Of course, she hadn’t volunteered that information to Steve, since he loved that car more than life itself and had special-ordered it from the factory.

Steve was fiddling with the complicated controls on the radio in the car. He glanced up and when he saw Jan, he rolled down the window. “Hey babe. I just stopped by to say hi to Rosa and see if you’re okay.”

“I’m fine. So is Rosa. But she isn’t going to have to buy ten gallons of makeup to cover up the fact that her fiancé smacked her at her place of employment.”

Steve’s eyes widened and he moved to get out the car. “Hey, I didn’t do that on purpose. I was trying to belt the pretty boy. He said he saw you naked.”

As the anger welled up in her, Jan tried not to shout. “When I was EIGHT!”

“What?”

“I told you. Michael lived next door to me when I was little. He was trying to make you angry. He taunted you and you fell for it. Maybe we should talk about this inside. I’d really rather not have the entire neighborhood hear our business.”

Steve shrugged his shoulders and locked up his car. “You were eight?”

Jan walked to the house and opened the front door. Rosa rushed inside and flopped down on her dog bed, and Jan turned to face Steve. “Yes. I was eight. It was laundry day. But I’d really rather not go into it.”

“Whatever,” Steve said as he sat down on the sofa. “I thought you were cheating on me.” He patted the sofa next to him and said, “Hey Rosa, you wanna sit next to me?”

Rosa looked up from her dog bed and appeared to ponder the option, but stayed put.

“Hey, how come Rosa doesn’t like me anymore? Come on, Rosa. We always hang out on the sofa.”

Jan put her bag on the table. “Maybe because you
hit
me.”

“Oh come on. I told you that was an accident.”

“I believe you. But this isn’t the first time you’ve been angry and jealous. It’s been a problem for a long time. When we first met, you weren’t irritable all the time like you are now. You weren’t always this way. I don’t know what changed, but I can’t seem to get you to talk about it. And as far as I know, you’ve never done anything to deal with whatever is bothering you. I’ve been thinking about that and the fact that you were seen with a woman at the H12.”

“I told you about that too! She’s a client.”

Jan leaned back on the counter and faced the living room again. She took a deep breath to try to bolster her courage and collect her thoughts. “Here’s the problem. We either trust each other or we don’t. You’ve accused me of cheating before. And I never have. But you’re going to
think
I’ve done something wrong whether I have or not. So we end up with situations like today, when you’re trying to beat up some guy I barely know at the library.”

Steve clenched his fists. “But he deserved it. I thought he was messing around with you. I was defending your honor.”

“My honor was fine, which you would know if you had simply asked. I think you’re missing the point. The point is, you don’t trust me. And I realized yesterday that I don’t trust you, either. If you’d given me a ring, right now I’d give it back.”

Steve looked shocked for a second. “Are you still harping on the whole ring thing? You’re unbelievable.”

“I think we should stop seeing each other. I’m not sure either of us ever truly believed we’d get married anyway.”

Steve’s face clouded with anger. “You’re kidding, right? You’re breaking up with
me
? You’re the type of woman who wants to get married. And my mother thinks you walk on water. I know you want that whole white picket fence thing and all that. You’ll never get that now if you break up with me.”

“No. I’m not kidding.” Jan clasped her hands in front of her in an effort to retain her composure. But she could still feel them shaking. What if she was making a terrible mistake? She straightened her shoulders. “I’ll miss her, but your mother is going to have to get over it. I’m going to miss you, too. I thought I loved you for so long, I guess I didn’t notice that I don’t anymore until people started talking about seeing you with another woman. I was upset. Really upset. But after talking to some people, it occurred to me that I was mostly just confused and embarrassed. Not hurt like I would be if I were truly in love with you. After a lot of reflection, I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t trust you and I’d be happier if you were no longer a part of my life.” There. She said it. The words were out there. Maybe he’d argue. Try to change her mind and win her back.

Steve stood up from the couch, knocking some pillows onto the floor. He shook his finger at her. “You’ll regret losing me. I’m the best thing that has ever happened to you or that
will
ever happen to you.”

Jan bowed her head and looked down at her hands. His reaction made it clear she was definitely not making a mistake. She looked up at him again. “I’m willing to take that risk.”

“You’re not getting any younger or prettier, you know. You’re getting to the point that it’s gonna be more likely that you’ll get attacked by a terrorist than find a man and get married.”

Jan was tired of hearing that old statistic. Her heart was pounding in her chest as her sadness twisted back to anger again. “It was one article in
Newsweek
a decade ago. Get over it. And in case you haven’t noticed, I’m also not over 40. The study was flawed and even if it weren’t, I was not born in the mid-1950s. I’m willing to take my chances.”

Steve turned toward the door and then paused. “Hey Rosa, I have to go. Don’t you want to say goodbye?” He patted his knees to encourage her to come to him.

Rosa sat in her bed and didn’t move. She didn’t even wag her tail.

Steve stood up straight. “Fine. Be that way. You both can be old spinsters together.” He walked out and slammed the door behind him.

Jan walked over and bent down to pet Rosa’s glossy black fur. “Good girl. Even though it doesn’t feel that way right now, I think we’re better off without him.”

Rosa thumped her tail, stood up, and shook her body vigorously, rippling her fur from head to tail.

Although tears were streaming down her face, Jan smiled and ruffled Rosa’s ears. “Exactly!”

After such a long, traumatic day, some comfort food was in order. Jan ordered a pizza and she and Rosa shared an enjoyable junk-food extravaganza. Rosa sat with her head on Jan’s thigh, hoping for some pizza crusts to be directed her way. Jan obliged. She was such a soft touch. No wonder Rosa looked like a bowling ball.

“Okay Rosa, after this, I think we need to go on a health kick. With the over-indulgence at Kat’s place, and all the ice cream and pizza, I’m not going to fit into my clothes anymore. And you won’t be able to keep up with Kat’s dogs the next time you have to stay there. Maybe we can take up jogging.”

Rosa licked her chops, still focused on potential pizza crusts.

“I know. Who am I kidding? I hate jogging. But I promise I’ll buy more nutritious food the next time I go shopping.” A tear slid down her cheek and she reached down to wrap her arms around Rosa’s neck. “It’s been a long day, sweetie. How about if we go hang out on the couch and watch a total chick flick that Steve would hate? I’m thinking a little
Princess Bride
with Westley, Buttercup and ‘wuv, tru wuv’ is in order. What do you think?”

Detecting that mealtime was over, Rosa wagged her tail, ran over to the sofa, jumped up, and spun around a few times before settling into a corner.

Jan grabbed a comforter and smiled. “As you wish, Rosa.”

Later, Jan was startled from the travails of the fire swamp and rodents of unusual size by the sound of the phone ringing. She reached over Rosa to grab the receiver.

“Hello. Wait. Hold on a second.” She dug around the sofa, discovering the remote under Rosa’s ample hind end, and muted the sound on the movie.

“Sorry. This is Jan.”

“Hi Jan. It’s Michael. I’m just calling to see how you are doing.”

Jan closed her eyes. Not again. She
so
didn’t want to talk to Michael. Why didn’t she get an unlisted number? It was far too easy to find anyone in the one-eighth-inch-thick Alpine Grove phone book. Trying to keep the annoyance out of her voice, she said, “I’m fine. Rosa and I are just watching a movie. Actually, I’m watching. She’s sleeping.”

Michael laughed. “Sounds like another big night in Alpine Grove. Are you sure you’re okay? I feel bad about what happened. I hope your friend is taking care of you. You seemed pretty angry and upset.”

“Yes, you and Steve embarrassed me. But I don’t think there’s any permanent physical damage. I put some ice on my cheek and that helped. Rosa is my dog, by the way. And she’s been very supportive.”

“I’m glad you’re feeling better. I went back to the library to get the change from the copies and that other librarian said you’d gone home. She had some choice words for me, too. I don’t think she likes me.”

Jan smiled. “I’m pretty sure she doesn’t. If it helps, I asked her not to say anything. But sometimes Jill is a bit protective of me, I think. It’s really sweet, but I keep telling her it’s not necessary.”

Michael cleared his throat. “She suggested that I apologize to you. And she’s right. So, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let your boyfriend get to me. It’s probably a guy thing. But the way he was talking to you pissed me off.”

Jan didn’t know what to say. This was a surprising development. Steve certainly hadn’t apologized. “Well, ah, Steve isn’t my boyfriend anymore.”

“Really? That was fast.”