Fuzzy Logic (28 page)

“Okay Swoosie, I have a plan. You need to help me go find a motel.” Swoosie flipped back over like a turtle righting itself and bounded off the couch, ready to go.

She leashed up the dog, but she didn’t have any keys to lock the door. After searching around the kitchen, she discovered a set of keys to the back door wedged in the back of a drawer. “Okay, let’s go!” Swoosie launched out ahead of her.

Jan walked down toward the beach with Swoosie and then stopped. She had to make a decision. North or south? No clue. She turned right to head north, since it seemed like Swoosie wanted to go that way. As the sun beat down on her back, warming her tense muscles, she finally started to relax. Walking through the residential neighborhoods made her think of Michael’s habit of people-watching. What would he say about those surfers loaded down with gear, headed for the beach? Or the older couple strolling slowly hand-in-hand?

A woman wearing a floppy red hat, carrying a big beach umbrella and dragging a little girl behind her, ran toward Jan and Swoosie. “Ooh, what a cute dog!” The little girl said, “Doggie! Pet doggie!” and reached out her free hand to point and wave at Swoosie.

Swoosie sat and looked ready to be accosted by the small girl, who kept pointing at her and shrieking, “Doggie! Doggie!”

The woman bent down to pet Swoosie. “Can Anna pet her?”

Jan nodded. “Swoosie is very friendly.”

Dropping the umbrella, the woman directed the little girl’s hand toward Swoosie’s head to pet her. “She’s so pretty! How do you keep that fur so white? Don’t you have to brush her all the time?”

Jan shook her head. “Ah, well, she’s not really my dog. But as I understand it, she stays pretty clean.”

The woman stood up and collected her umbrella again. “Thank you so much. What a sweet dog!”

“You’re welcome.” Jan paused and then added, “Do you know of any motels around here? I need a place to stay.”

The woman nodded. “We’re staying at the inn right up the street. Turn on 15th Street. You can’t miss it.”

“Thank you.”

Jan kept walking and found the motel. The large white building looked nice enough and the neon
Vacancy
sign was flashing. “Well Swoosie, I guess this is where we turn around. I’ll drop you back at home and then say goodbye.” Swoosie turned and wagged at the sound of her name and then started marching forward toward home.

At the house, Jan put Swoosie in her crate, collected her things, and threw her bag over her shoulder. She put the keys back in the drawer, locked the back door behind her, and walked around through the gate to the front yard. A young, thin, leggy woman with long, straight brown hair wearing a bright yellow t-shirt was walking up the sidewalk toward the house with a portly golden retriever in tow.

Jan nodded in acknowledgment. At least Swoosie the female attractant wasn’t with her. She just wanted to get out of here.

The woman stopped in front of her and told the big red dog to sit. “Who are you?”

“My name is Jan.”

“I’m Joan. Did you walk Swoosie?”

“Yes.” Who was this person? Were women stalking the house now? “I guess you know Michael?”

“Yes. How do you know him?”

“He’s...he’s my step-brother. I’m visiting for a family get together.”

Joan put her hand on her hip. “You don’t look related to him.”

“We’re not. He’s my
step
-brother.” Did nobody ever listen to that part? “His father married my mother.”

“Oh, I get it,” Joan said, snapping her gum. “Are you staying here? Because if I don’t have to walk Swoosie, it would be nice if someone told me, you know? He’s
supposed
to call me if Swoosie doesn’t need a walk, so I don’t come all the way over here for nothing.”

“You’re the dog walker?”

Joan looked irritated and pointed at the golden. “Yeah. Duh. Who did you think I was?”

“I don’t know.” Jan looked down the street in the direction of the motel. “Anyway, please do walk Swoosie. I’m just leaving. She could use more exercise.”

“All right. Whatever. I’m here, anyway.” She pulled the panting golden toward the door, “Come on, George. We gotta go get your girlfriend now.”

Jan readjusted her bag on her shoulder and scurried down the sidewalk away from the house. How embarrassing. It was time to get out of here.

After checking into the motel, Jan went for a long walk on the beach and stopped for dinner at a restaurant that faced the water. The ocean view was beautiful, but once she got the food, she realized she wasn’t particularly hungry. She picked at the meal and gazed out at the surf, wishing she didn’t feel the way she did. Missing Michael made her feel almost physically ill. Even worse was that she was going to have to see him tomorrow at her mother’s party.

After dinner, she walked along the beach back to the motel feeling sorry for herself, wishing things were different. All the walking and mental gymnastics had been exhausting, so it was a relief to get back to her generic little beachfront motel room, curl up with a book, and fall asleep.

A pounding noise startled Jan awake and she sat bolt upright in bed. She looked at the clock. It was 2:33 a.m. She pulled the covers up to her neck and waited. Maybe the people next door were having a good time. That would figure, since she was definitely not having that kind of fun all by herself here in her sad, lonely little room. The pounding repeated more loudly. The noise was actually coming from the door to her room. Was there a fire? She jumped up out of bed and peered out the peephole. Michael was standing outside with his fists clenched.

She hurriedly unhooked the security chain and opened the door. “What are you doing here?” she whispered.

“Can I come in?”

Jan opened the door wider and he stalked into the room. She closed the door and leaned back against it. “Why are you here? Do you know what time it is?”

“Yes. My dog-walker told me when I woke her up after I got home from work.”

“What? Why are you calling your...”

He dragged her to him and enveloped her in a hug. “I thought something had happened to you. You weren’t there.”

Jan pushed him away. “I know I wasn’t there. I was here. And I’m fine.”

“Why did you leave?”

“I told you. I can’t do this...whatever we’re doing...anymore. I shouldn’t have stayed with you last night. That was my mistake. And then you disappeared this morning. I assume you were at work, but I don’t know where that is. I don’t even know the name of the company. You never told me. And then it seemed like you actually
forgot
about me.” She raised her hand. “Wait a minute. How did your dog-walker know I was here?”

“She didn’t. But she said she saw you and that you said you were leaving. This is the closest motel. I bribed the guy at the front desk to tell me your room number. He was kind of drunk and I made up a story about how we were newlyweds and you were a runaway bride on our honeymoon. He bought it.”

Jan crossed her arms. “That was quite enterprising and creative of you. So why did you want to find me so badly in the first place? In the middle of the night.”

Michael shook his head. “I don’t know,” he said in a low voice. “Work was really bad today. I think the company is actually going to completely implode. Or my boss may go to jail. Or both. Anyway, I went in early and was there until one this morning dealing with it all. Then I got home, expecting to see you. When you weren’t there, I guess I kind of lost it.”

“I don’t see why. You obviously didn’t care that I was there this morning. I don’t understand you at all. How could you just leave me without saying anything?”

Michael took a deep breath and sat down on the bed. “I didn’t forget. But I couldn’t sleep last night and I didn’t want to wake you. I thought I could get some work in early, then come back home and see you. But I got wrapped up at work and I couldn’t get out of there.”

“You could have called. You do know your own phone number, don’t you?”

“I know.” He shook his head slowly. “I got dragged into meetings. Then calls with clients in Russia. I kept thinking it would be just one more call, and then before I knew it, it was one o’clock.”

“So you decided to come to my motel like some kind of stalker? This is kind of creepy, you know. Everything is creepy in the middle of the night. You couldn’t wait until morning?”

Leaning forward, he put his elbows on his knees and stared at the floor. “I haven’t told you about when mom died, have I?” He turned and glanced at her face. “Okay, I know I haven’t. I never talk to anybody about it.”

Jan sat down on the bed next to him. “What are you talking about?”

“It was the middle of the night. She had cancer. My dad wasn’t there. She...died. I was holding her hand. Have you ever actually watched someone you love die? And then I had to call the funeral home. And they took her away. Sometimes I still dream about it.”

“I’m sorry about that. But what does it have to do with me?”

He looked into her eyes. “It was the middle of the night and I thought you were gone. It’s not the same. I know that. But I wasn’t really thinking straight.”

Jan wanted more than anything to reach out and hug him again. But it was not going to happen. No. She stood up and stepped back, away from him. “I think I understand what happened tonight, and I am sorry. But I had a lot of time to think today after you left. I don’t think I should see you. We don’t want the same things. It’s not good for me and you seem to have some stuff you need to deal with at work. And it seems like you should talk to your father, as well. You should probably go home and get some rest, since we have to go to that party tomorrow. If we don’t show up, both of our parents will not be pleased.”

He looked up at her. “Are you sure?”

Jan waved toward the door and made an effort to adopt her business-like librarian tone. “Very. I’d appreciate it if you could pick me up and drive me to the party. I don’t have a car and I’d rather not pay for a cab all the way up to your dad’s place. This trip is already costing me a fortune.”

Michael stood up and walked toward the door slowly. He turned and said, “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

The door closed behind him and Jan took two steps toward the bed and flopped down on it, pressing her face into the pillow. As a tear slid down her cheek, she tried to will herself not to cry. Not anymore. Crying about this whole thing was senseless. Why did she have to fall in love with him? They’d never had a real relationship anyway. What was wrong with her? She should just get over it. Only one more day and then she’d never have to see Michael again.

Chapter 12

J
an spent most of the morning moping around her motel room, missing and thinking about Michael way too much. Frustrated with her roiling emotions, she went for another long beach walk to try to tire herself out. Michael was supposed to pick her up at five, so she stopped by the restaurant for lunch again.

After the walk, she had resolved again that she would stop seeing him for good. It was the only logical choice. Everything always seemed so tragic at two thirty in the morning. Her habit of running away from drama like her mother’s wedding had never been an issue before. How was she supposed to know it would trigger some horrible memory about Michael’s mother’s death? And yet it was still awful to see him so distraught.

Today in the bright light of day, returning to Alpine Grove and going back to her simple, peaceful life didn’t seem quite as depressing. All she had to do was get through the party. Then she was getting on a plane and leaving for good. She was sitting on a bench outside the motel lobby clutching her purse when Michael’s car drove up. She opened the passenger door and got inside.

Michael smiled at her and she noticed the dark circles under his eyes. He looked terrible again. Had he gotten any sleep at all? Putting the car into gear, he turned and said, “Are you ready to deal with our parents?”

“Yes. I guess so. My mother wasn’t terribly clear what all this was about. Just that we have to be there. She does like any excuse for a party.”

They drove up the freeway in silence. Michael seemed to be lost in thought. Jan looked out the window at the many condominiums that lined the hills like little armies of pink houses staging attacks along the canyons.