Gaming for Love (12 page)

“But, you let me in
yesterday and I thought that after last night…I mean you said that
I was yours and you were mine…”

“I did and I meant it
but you can’t come over. I can come here again tonight. I’ll
bring dinner.” He engulfs me in his arms and places a kiss on my
head.

I want to sink into his
arms but his words hurt me. I knew that I wasn’t good enough, but
he made me believe that he felt differently. Now, I know. “You
should go. I’ll text you later to let you know if I’m free
tonight.”

“
If
you’re free? What the fuck do you mean by that?” His eyes are
flashing with anger as he looks at me like I grew a second head.

“I mean that I’m
not the type of girl who is fine with being treated like she isn’t
good enough.” I turn away because I can’t hold back the tears
anymore. “Just leave.”

“I can’t leave like
this. Turn around and talk to me.” I shudder with a sob and strong
hands grab my shoulders to turn me to him. “Are you crying? No,
Yas, no. Don’t cry. There are things you don’t know, reasons why
I’m the way I am. It has nothing to do with you how I feel about
you. I promise you that. I don’t want you to ever say or think that
you aren’t good enough. You are. You’re more than good enough. I
don’t deserve you, but I’m not willing to let you go.” I look
up into eyes filled with sincerity.

“You can tell me
anything. Can you tell me about those things? I-I care about you,
Scott. I now we haven’t known each other long, but I do care about
you.”

“I care about you,
too. But, I don’t know if I can tell you. It’s so hard for me to
think about, I don’t know if I can say the words out loud. I’m
sorry. Can you be patient with me while I try to work my shit out?”

“I can try. But I
don’t want to be dating you for a year and not be allowed in your
house.”

“A year. You can see
us a year from now?” He smiles at me.

“Yeah, I think I
can,” I reply honestly.

“Me too,” he tells
me. “Now, I better go or I am going to make sure neither of us
leaves the house today. He kisses me lightly and then scoops up his
clothes from the floor and dresses quickly. “So, tonight?”

“Yeah. I’ll see you
tonight.” As he leaves, I realize that he never said that he would
be letting me into his house a year from now. I can be patient but I
do
have my limits.

* * *

Scott

I pull up to my house
and get out of the car.

“Well look who made
it home,” Owen says, walking out the front door of the main house.
“Good to see you back in the saddle, bro.”

I flip him off and walk
around to the backyard and my place. I go inside and head up to take
a shower. While I’m soaping up, I think about Yas.

Not in a sexual way,
though. I think about her crying because I wouldn’t let her come
here. I did that to her. I know I’m normally a bastard to girls but
I don’t want to be like that to her. How can I tell her about
Amber, though? She won’t look at me the same. Even as I tell myself
that, a part of me shouts that that’s bullshit. I think she would
still like me—care about me if she knew what happened. My brothers
and my parents have said that I need to forgive myself because they
don’t blame me. I think that Yasmin could help me with that. She
comforts me just by her presence. I know that I have to tell her if I
want to save whatever this is that I have with her. I still don’t
think that I can say the words to her. Then it comes to me. I don’t
have to
say
the words
in order to tell her. I can write them.

I get out of the shower
and towel off then throw on a t-shirt and shorts. I go downstairs to
sit at my desk and start to write. It’s not easy, but it’s not as
hard as I thought it would be either. Once I’m done, I feel a
little lighter. I grab my keys and head out the door to set up the
next delivery to the bookstore.

* * *

Yasmin

I’m going to have to
make some hard decisions soon. The online business is helping the
store but I don’t know how much longer I can keep all three
employees on. It’s starting to wear on me and I don’t know what
to do. We have such loyal customers who shop as much as they can, but
new business isn’t coming in. I’ve called every publicist I know
and even some I don’t but as much as I begged, they couldn’t send
me a big author for an event. Some of them were apologetic, telling
me that they just couldn’t send someone big to a small store.
Others dismissed me when they heard me say “Las Vegas.” I wanted
to scream at them and say that Vegas is not all about The Strip and
showgirls. We have a thriving reading community here. I wish that
they would take a chance on me, but I understand. They have their
bottom line too.

“Hey Yasmin,” Sean
says to me as he walks into the store. “Is Erika around?”

“Yes, she is. Let me
call her for you,” I tell him with a smile and a wink.

I call Erika out from
the stockroom and a glowing smile takes over her face when she sees
Sean. “Hi.”

“Hi,” he says back
and then adds, “I was wondering if you were free for lunch.”

“Umm, I’m not sure
if I’m taking a lunch. We have a lot to do in the stockroom.” She
glances my way and I immediately step in.

“You’re taking a
lunch and I think sharing it with Sean would be a great idea.”

“But, we have the
online orders and you had to cancel Danny’s shift,” she protests.

“I can handle it for
an hour—or two. Go have lunch, Erika. Enjoy yourself. Besides, Alex
should be in soon to help out.”

“You’re sure?” I
nod and she turns to Sean. “I would love to have lunch with you,
Sean. Let me grab my purse.”

We both watch her head
to the back and then Sean turns to me to ask, “Are things not
better, even with the website?”

“They’re better,
but it’s not enough yet. I’m not sure if it ever will be.”

“Did Erika tell you
about the new book software that is being developed? From the latest
interview that I saw with the CEO of the company, they are looking to
sell to indies first before going to Amazon and Barnes and Noble.”

“She did tell me. She
gave me an article but I haven’t had time to read it. She didn’t
say anything about the indies, though. I would hope that they would
make it more affordable for us little guys. Maybe I
could
try for a loan and not have to sell my house to afford it when it
comes out.”

“You should
definitely look into it,” he tells me as Erika returns.

“Look into what?”
she asks.

“We were talking
about that software you told me about.”

“Did you read the
article yet?”

“No, but I have it in
my purse and if it stays slow, I’ll grab it to read up here by the
register. Now go enjoy your lunch!”

“We will.” They
both say it at the same time and I can’t help but smile.

It does stay slow. Ryan
drops off Alex and I put her to work shelving. I also ask her to
write some recommendation tags for YA. She’s doing a great job and
is smiling more and more every time I see her. I hope that I have
contributed to that in some way. I think I have.

I’m just getting
ready to grab that article when a delivery person comes in with a
huge basket of chocolate. “Are you Yasmin?”

“Yes, I am,” I tell
him, noticing the thick envelope among the candy bars.
Yas
is
written on it and my heart skips a beat.

“These are for you
and the tip is already taken care of. Enjoy,” he says, handing me
the basket.

“Thanks,” I tell
him, looking over the basket. It has everything from Hershey’s bars
to Lindt, Ghirardelli and Godiva. Hershey’s Kisses are sprinkled
liberally throughout the basket as well. Looking closer, I notice
some candy themed pens mixed in there. My heart flips thinking of him
buying me pens, keeping that up. As much as I love chocolate and
pens, it is the envelope that tempts me the most. I pluck it out and
realize that it must have several pages in it. I think that I’ll
have to wait for Erika to get back so that I can go to my office and
read it in private.

“Wow. Did someone
send you all of that candy?” Alex asks coming up to the register.

“Yep. Would you like
some?”

“Can I have the
Godiva, it’s my favorite?”

“Yes, you can. I have
simpler tastes,” I say, reaching for a Kiss.

It seems like hours
before Erika returns when it is really only about 15 minutes. I tell
her that I’m taking a break and to call me if she needs me. I go
into my office, then close and lock the door. I have a feeling that
whatever is in this envelope is going to change my life. I don’t
know if it will be for the better or the worse, but I need to find
out.

I open the envelope, take out the
papers and start to read.

Yas,

I know that I hurt you this morning and I need to apologize again.
I also know that I need to tell you why I can’t have you over to my
place and need to keep our relationship a secret from my family. I
know that I didn’t tell you that part this morning and you’re
probably not happy at the moment, but don’t stop reading. Last
night, we promised each other that all we had to do is ask for
something and we would do it for each other. I am asking you to read
this letter to the end before deciding that you can’t be with me. I
meant it when I said that I care about you and I really need you to
understand.

I told you about high school and how I was a nerd and never had a
date, much less a girlfriend. I also told you that when I was in
college, I did a bunch of experimenting and slept around. I am not
really proud of that, but it is what it is. I can’t go back and
change it. I can’t change anything, no matter how much I want to.

Senior year of college, I was walking across campus distracted by
a new programming code that I was trying to perfect. I bumped into
someone and nearly knocked them over. I looked up to apologize and
saw one of the most gorgeous girls I had ever seen smiling at me. She
told me that instead of an apology, she would love to share a cup of
coffee with me. Her name was Amber.

We laughed and joked while drinking our coffee and I couldn’t
believe that she was interested in almost everything I was. She even
played video games and loved Star Wars. She didn’t like Star Trek,
though, I need to tell you that. Anyway, I was beyond happy to meet a
gorgeous girl who was as much of a nerd as I was. I asked her if I
could see her again and she said yes.

Amber became my first girlfriend. She hung out with me while I
worked and came to Friday night barbeque at my parent’s house. My
family seemed to like her and she said that she loved me. I thought
that I loved her too, so I said it back. I was protective of my place
even back then. So, although I took her into my dorm room, I never
took her to my apartment in downtown Chicago or to my work space at
my parent’s house. We spent a bunch of time at her apartment,
though. I’m not going to lie to you. I was extremely happy and
thought that she was the “one.”

We were together for almost a year when I graduated. She said that
she was one class short of graduating but would do so over the
summer. I bought us tickets to Paris for when summer session was
scheduled to end. She told me that she always wanted to go there and
I couldn’t wait to be there with her.

My sister Erin was so proud of me for graduating Summa Cum Laude.
Even though she was 12 years older than me, we were very close. She
was my dad’s daughter from his first marriage but my mom had always
raised her as her own. My brothers and I never thought of her as our
“half” anything. She was our sister and even though she was
older, we all were protective of her. We used to interrogate her
dates when they came to the house. Can you imagine showing up to pick
up a girl and having four little kids interrogate you? The guys
usually thought that we were nuts, but she told us that she loved
having her little guys looking out for her.

Like I said, most guys thought we were crazy, but Dave was
different. The first time that she brought him home, he shook each of
our hands. He promised to respect and cherish our sister. He said if
he upset her in any way, he would lie down and let us all punch and
kick him as much as we wanted to. They became exclusive and he became
part of the family. He even came over to play video games with us and
spent time with us when Erin wasn’t home. I loved him as much as I
love my blood brothers.

Right after their high school graduation, Erin found out she was
pregnant. You’ve met my parents—they are open minded and
accepting. Dave’s parents weren’t. They had big plans for their
son to attend his father’s alma mater and one day take over their
business. They were upset that Dave’s trust fund was released and
he wanted to invest in our business—which was struggling back
then—and use the rest of his money to make a life with Erin and
their baby. Dave stood up to them, told them that we were more of a
family to him than they ever were and walked out of their lives. He
and Erin were married in my parent’s backyard in a family only
ceremony. Erin didn’t need a big ceremony. She said that the
marriage was more important than the party or the dress.

I was 8 when Alex was born and I loved her at first sight. I was
an uncle and I took my responsibility seriously. I knew that I would
protect that girl with my life, just like I had pledged to protect my
sister. She grew up and we all watched over her. We were happy, too
happy I guess.

Dave’s investment infused much needed capital into our business.
We were able to expand into computer software and I am proud to say
that the first program I designed—the one that is partly
represented by my tattoo—was a big success. Dad insisted on paying
Dave back his investment and along with other investments he had
made, Dave was worth over a billion dollars.