Gasping - the Play (14 page)

CHIEF:
I’m extremely pleased to hear it.

PHILIP:
So I thought it would be better to
kill you.

CHIEF:
What!

PHILIP:
But then I thought, Come
on
Phil,
this is a brainstorming ideas session, let’s apply some Larry logic ... no
point in killing the Chief, I thought, that would be absurd ...

CHIEF:
Good, excellent thought.

PHILIP:
He’s just one of many ...

CHIEF:
Well quite.

PHILIP:
I should kill them all ...

CHIEF:
Now look Philip please, for goodness
sake...!

PHILIP:
No hang on Chief, let me
stage-by-stage you on this one ... Next I thought, this is just ridiculous, I
can’t possibly go and kill all the people who profit out of suffering ... it would
be impossible: in a way, we all do.

CHIEF:
Of course, of course, thank heavens
you’ve ...

PHILIP:
So I went back to the idea of just
killing you.

CHIEF
(after pause):
...
Yes, and what did you think then?

PHILIP:
Nothing, I stopped there, that’s it,
that’s my idea.

CHIEF:
But ... but ... you just said
yourself it would be pointless ...!

PHILIP:
I know, but I still think it’s a
good idea, even besides that.

CHIEF
(hits intercom):
Security! Emergency ...
(but the intercom is useless as in the
first scene)
Damn! look this is ...

(PHILIP
takes some heavy object, an award
for industry statuette and walks over to the gleaming high-tech Suck and Blow
with its beautiful balloon gently breathing
...)

CHIEF:
Philip no!!

(PHILIP
smashes it, dramatic flashes.)

CHIEF:
Philip that’s our oxygen you stupid
little bugger!

PHILIP:
It’s still there Chief, I’ve just
knocked out the blower ... Oh I forgot to say, I also went back to the idea of
killing myself ...

(CHIEF
is at desk desperately punching buttons
...)

PHILIP:
Come on Chief, you know the thing’s
on a timer. We’re going to suffocate, so forget it. Let’s think about something
else ...

CHIEF:
You bloody lunatic! !
(shouts)
Help!.
 Help!
(turning back to
PHILIP) What the hell’s wrong with making a
profit anyway ...?

PHILIP:
Well as I see it, there’s profits
and profits
(having to support himself bit gaspy)
I mean come
on
Chief,
surely you see, if you can’t make a profit without selling your soul then you
shouldn’t be in business ...

CHIEF
(staggering):
Of course you do realize you’re sacked don’t you, completely and
utterly sacked! You’re sacked, your people are sacked, your people’s people are
sacked !!

(He falls
over.)

PHILIP
(on knees):
Decision received and respected, Sir! ... I think you should memo
it, the screens won’t lift for at least five minutes and we’ll both be gone in
half that time ...

CHIEF:
No we bloody won’t!

(He crawls to
windows, tries to force them.)

PHILIP
(lying on back):
Senior waste of energy Chief ... Quite an interesting sensation
really, this is how most people feel all the time ...

CHIEF
(at desk, gasping):
I’m going to survive this Philip, and so are you, and when we do
you’re going to realize what a hugely detrimental career decision it is to try
and kill your employer ...

PHILIP
(lying on his back and gasping):
It wasn’t made lightly Chief, believe me, I was so unsure I nearly
rang my accountant.

CHIEF:
Got it
(takes gun from draw).
We’re
going to make it you little bastard and when I’ve finished with you, you won’t
find a restaurant in WC1 that’ll take your credit ...

(CHIEF
staggers to windows and shoots at
locks
...
‘bang’ ‘bang’
‘bang’
...
‘click’. And
with a ‘whhhirrrr’, the screens rise up again, revealing the flickering orange
and red of the flames. Again we hear the crump of explosions.)

PHILIP
(fading):
I’m drifting Chief ... I want you to know that although I have come
to despise both myself and you as men ... I think we bonded into a bloody
senior
corporate entity ...

CHIEF
(monumental effort, he has picked
up the smashed Suck and Blow machine
...
he lurches towards the window)
I’ll get
some bloody air in here if it kills me......!

PHILIP
(nearly gone):
Air Chief?

CHIEF
(gasping):
Just ... smash the bloody window ...

PHILIP:
Can’t help feeling you’re forgetting
something here ...

CHIEF
(huge effort raises machine above
head):
We’re going to live Philip!!! And when we
do!! you bleeding heart liberal pansy, I’m going to kill you!

PHILIP:
Chief it’s empty out there. There
isn’t anything left to bre ...

(CHIEF
hurls the machine through one of
the windows.)

CHIEF:
Done it!!
(a wind howls in, papers
blow etc., the noise of explosions suddenly huge)
Done it you bastard!

(CHIEF
stands, takes a huge gulp. Turns downstage to face the prostrate
PHILIP.
A triumphant smile which becomes
glassy and transfixed as he can fool his lungs no longer and dies of
suffocation.)

(The fierce
wind blows and the lights flicker.)

The End

‘Every part of the earth is sacred to my
people. Every shining pine needle, every sandy shore, every mist in the dark
woods, every clearing and every humming insect is holy in the memory and
experience of my people. We know that the white man doesn’t understand our
ways. One portion of land is the same to him as the next for he is a stranger
who comes in the night and takes from the land whatever he needs. The earth is
not his brother but his enemy. The sight of your cities pains the eyes of the
Red man. There is no quiet place, no place to hear the unfurling of the leaves
in the Spring or the rustle of the insects’ wings. The clatter of your cities
insults our ears, and what is there to life if a man cannot hear the lonely cry
of the whippoorwill or the arguments of the frogs around a pond at night? If we
sell you our land, you must keep it apart and sacred as a place where even the
white man can go to taste the wind that is sweetened by the meadows’ flowers.’

An extract from the reply that the
American Indian Chief known as Seattle sent in 1854 to the US Government on
receipt of their request to buy from him the land of his people.