Gay Bombay: Globalization, Love and (Be)longing in Contemporary India (41 page)

TOLD ABOUT. SO WHAT I WISH IS NOT A PATH TO DOOM

AS PEOPLE CLAIM. BUT RATHER IT CAN BE SOMETHING

ENRICHING, SOMETHING THAT I LOOK FORWARD TO.

YUDHISTHIR: THROUGH THE NET, WE INTERACT WITH GAY PEOPLE IN SO

MANY DIFFERENT CITIES. WE COME TO KNOW THAT IT’S

NOT SUCH A BAD THING BEING GAY… I MYSELF AM NOT

A PARTICULARLY POSITIVE GAY GUY. I’M A MELANCHOLIC

GUY, KIND OF PESSIMISTIC. I HAVE DISCOVERED THAT YOU

DON’T HAVE TO BE GAY AND BE DEPRESSED; YOU CAN BE

GAY AND CHEERFUL.

PULKIT:

IT HAS BROUGHT A FEELING OF SAFETY,
WHICH WASN’T

THERE INITIALLY. BROUGHT ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF

PROTECTING YOURSELF WHILE TRYING TO CONNECT TO

OTHERS.

However, respondents like Gopal, Vidvan, Randhir, Queen Rekha and Jasjit also implicated the Internet and globalization at large for further
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dividing the rifts between those who identified as gay and those who identified as
hijra
or
kothi
or MSM—largely on class lines.

VIDVAN: BECAUSE OF THE ANONYMITY IT OFFERS, [THE INTERNET]

IS PREFERRED AS A MEANS OF INTERACTION, BY THOSE

WHO CAN AFFORD IT OR UNDERSTAND HOW TO USE IT. UN-

FORTUNATELY, THIS USUALLY INCLUDES ONLY THOSE WITH

SOME DEGREE OF A WESTERN ENGLISH EDUCATION AND

THOSE FROM THE UPPER OR UPPER MIDDLE CLASSES. MANY

OTHER QUEER MEN HAVE TO CHOOSE THE TRADITIONAL

MEANS OF INTERACTION, ESPECIALLY SEEKING RECOURSE

TO CRUISING AREAS. THIS RESULTS IN A CLASS-BASED (AND

OFTEN CASTE-BASED) MEANS OF INTERACTION.

GOPAL:

FUNNILY, I AM TOLD THAT IN THE PHILIPPINES, BECAUSE OF

THE INTERNET, IT HAS ENCOURAGED AN EXPLOSION OF OUT

GAY CULTURES, STORES, RESTAURANTS AND HANGOUTS. IN

PLACES LIKE INDIA, IT HAS JUST HELPED PEOPLE TO FIND

FUCKS, REMAIN IN THE CLOSET, GET MARRIED AND GET ON

WITH THEIR LIVES.

RANDHIR: ‘GAY’ PEOPLE NOW HAVE A BETTER AND MORE VARIED

CHOICE OF BARS, PUBS AND DISCOS, SO THEY CAN BE ‘JUST

LIKE THEM’ MORE EASILY. IT’S NEVER BEEN BETTER FOR

THEM SINCE GLOBALIZATION. NOW THEY CAN SAVE MUCH

MORE BY GOING ON FEWER FOREIGN TRIPS THAT THEY WERE

COMPELLED TO GO TO EARLIER ‘JUST TO BE GAY’. FOR THE

NON-GAY IDENTIFIED, THINGS HAVE ALSO CHANGED. NOW

WORK IS HARDER TO FIND, THINGS ARE MORE EXPENSIVE

AND THERE ARE THAT MANY MORE GIZMOS ON THE SHELVES

TO ASPIRE FOR. SO MANY MORE ARE GETTING INTO SEX

WORK, GETTING INFECTED BY HIV AND SO ON.

Pratham was concerned that globalization had resulted in a change of aesthetics for Indian gay men—‘We all want our men to look like Western role models. There was a time when all our men would have mustaches, now nobody wants them. I wonder how people…can train their mind to like only a certain kind of person?’ Gul, who was very conscious of his weight, echoed Pratham’s views—‘Look at me. Nobody wants to be with a fat guy sexually. Even in parties, they see me dancing and move away.

I have thought you only needed to have a hot body to find people’.

The best term to summarize the relationship between globalization and Gay Bombay would be ‘glocal’ (Robertson 1995).15 Due to its usage Straight Expectations
239

of the Internet as its major conduit, Gay Bombay is ‘simultaneously more global and local, as worldwide connectivity and domestic matters intersect’ (Welman and Gulia, 1998).16 Karim contended—‘To a large extend you could say that it is a global gay identity. We have in Gay Bombay taken many images, stereotypes, inspirations, whatever, from the gay movement worldwide…’. But at the same time, he noted, as did Vidvan and Husain, that the group’s tradition of respecting Indian culture and family ethics gave it a strong Indian flavour. This included sometimes, subversion as well. ‘Gay Bombay has often taken uniquely Indian festivals such as
Holi, Raksha Bandhan
and the
Iftaar
17 and subverted them’ (Vidvan).

For Pulkit, the Indianness of Gay Bombay was not a response to or a subversion of ‘Western notions of being gay’; rather it was more an appropriation of ‘Indian notions of what it means to be straight’, while for Rustom, it was not as much an issue of subversion as of synthesis.

RUSTOM: WE ALL ARE IN THIS MICRO STRATA OF SOCIETY. WE’VE GROWN

UP WATCHING AMERICAN TV SHOWS, AMERICAN MUSIC,

AMERICAN MOVIES. BUT I WILL NEVER ACCEPT IF SOMEONE

TELLS ME THAT BECAUSE ENGLISH IS YOUR FIRST LANGUAGE,

YOU ARE NOT INDIAN. I THINK THAT IDEAS OF FAMILY, NOTIONS

OF SACRIFICE, STORIES MOVIES BOOKS AND SO ON… ARE

ALL THINGS THAT YOU SUBTLY IMBIBE AS YOU GROW UP. SO

DOES GAY BOMBAY HAVE SOMETHING DISTINCTLY INDIAN

ABOUT IT? YES OF COURSE, THERE IS SOMETHING DISTINCTLY

INDIAN ABOUT THOSE WHO TAKE PART—BECAUSE THEY ARE

INDIAN. THERE HAS TO BE. I DON’T THINK THEY DISSOCIATE

THEIR GAY IDENTITY WITH NOT BEING INDIAN—I DON’T

THINK THERE IS AN ASSOCIATION OF BEING GAY WITH BEING

WESTERN. AS A PROUD HOMOSEXUAL AND ALSO A PROUD

INDIAN, HOW CAN YOU DISSOCIATE THE TWO?

Many respondents agreed that Gay Bombay could be considered to be a part of a larger global gay community.

BHUVAN: I SEE THAT A PERSON SITTING IN ATLANTA WHO HAS NEVER

BEEN TO BOMBAY IS STILL A PART OF THE COMMUNITY.

A PERSON WHO… COMES TO BOMBAY AND WANTS TO SEE IF

THERE IS A GAY SCENE HERE, GOES TO THE WEB AND DOES

A SEARCH AND COMES TO KNOW.

PRATHAM: THE GAY BOMBAY LIST EXPOSES THE SUBSCRIBER TO A WIDER

WORLD, INFORMS YOU OF THE FRESH DEVELOPMENTS IN

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THE LIBERATED PARTS OF THE WORLD AND AT THE SAME

TIME ALLOWS EACH MEMBER TO GROW AND EVOLVE AT HIS

OWN PACE.

For Nachiket, Gay Bombay was ‘a part of the global movement in terms of a broad search for identity’, but he asserted that the variables in India were different from the variables in other developed or even developing countries. ‘At the broad macro level there are similar issues, but the specific issues are completely different’. Jasjit pointed out that ‘most

“gay communities” would see each other as a part of a “global” political agenda and Gay Bombay being bereft of any such, would not qualify on those terms’, while Vidvan questioned the very notion of a ‘global gay community’.

IDENTITY AND NEGOTIATION OF SELF

For some respondents (Kabir, Mike, Nihar and Yudhisthir), being gay was the most important marker of their identity. For, Yudhisthir it was a ‘big stressor’ that consumed a large part of his life. Kabir felt that it had ‘affected and impacted every area’ of decision-making…. ‘My family, friends, lifestyle, work…my planning, financial sorting, insurance, the way I live my life, the way I spend my money, the lifestyle I have…

I live alone, I know I will not have kids to save for their education….’.

The majority of my respondents though described being gay as just one part of their overall identity—and not the major part at that.

Thus, Murgesh described his identity as the intersection of his family positioning, caste and artistic affiliations. For Bhuvan it was a composite of his physical location and his sexual preference—‘I associate with the city on a personal level. Wherever I will be, I will be a gay Bombayite’. Nachiket revealed an obsession with corporate success to be the most striking component of his identity. ‘The focus of my life is my career. I like to lead. My aim in childhood was to be on the cover of a magazine’. Isaac expressed similar views. ‘ “Gay” should be my second identity, an important part, but not the major part. I would be happy if I was identified more with being a business tycoon first and then gay’. Pulkit chose to define himself politically, as ‘a left centrist’

Straight Expectations
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and Asim highlighted his membership within his religious community as something that he derived his identity from and also something that he felt he needed to keep separate from his gay identity—

I DO A WHOLE LOT OF WORK WITHIN THE COMMUNITY, WHICH HAS

NO CONNECTIONS WITH THE FACT THAT I AM GAY, BUT WHICH WOULD

PROBABLY CREATE PROBLEMS FOR ME WERE I TO COME OUT. I WORK

WITH A WHOLE LOT OF KIDS. A LOT OF PARENTS MAY HAVE A PROBLEM

WITH THE FACT THAT I AM GAY. BUT IT’S SOMETHING I WANT TO DO

FOR THE COMMUNITY AND AS LONG AS I KNOW THAT I AM GOING TO

BE FAITHFUL TO THE TRUST THEY HAVE PUT IN ME. I DON’T SEE WHY

IT’S RELEVANT TO KNOW ABOUT MY SEXUALITY… I WANT TO DO MY

BIT FOR THE COMMUNITY AND I AM.

Queen Rekha said the only construct that she was comfortable with identifying was her religion—

I USED TO IDENTIFY AS A QUEER BLACK CATHOLIC (OR A CATHOLIC

ZENANA
KOTHI
). HOWEVER, SINCE I’VE BEGUN TO REJECT THE QUEER

OR STRAIGHT AND BLACK OR WHITE DICHOTOMIES AS ARTIFICIAL

CONSTRUCTS, I HAVE BEGUN TO FEEL EXTREMELY UNCOMFORTABLE

DESCRIBING MYSELF AS ANYTHING MORE OR LESS THAN ROMAN

CATHOLIC
…
I MEAN I INCREASINGLY SEE GENDER AND RACE AS

INCIDENTAL, OVERLAPPING AND IRRELEVANT (SHADES OF A CON-

TINUUM)
…
AND I’LL BE DAMNED IF I CAN EXPLAIN THAT IN A LUCID

OR COHERENT FASHION
…

Many respondents reported the existence of gay friendships as an important component of their gay identity. Murgesh drew comfort from the fact that he had an increasing circle of gay friends as the years went by.

MOHNISH: MAYBE, PART OF MY GAY IDENTITY IS HAVING MORE GAY

FRIENDS. BEFORE, I USED TO HANG OUT WITH STRAIGHT

FRIEND MORE, NOW I HANG OUT WITH GAY FRIENDS MORE.

SEX IS NO LONGER THE ONLY THING. WHEN I AM MEET-

ING A GAY GUY FOR WHATEVER REASON, SEX IS NOT THE

MAIN CRITERIA ALL THE TIME. EVEN ON CHAT, THESE DAYS

I PREFER MEETING GUYS ALONG WITH MY FRIENDS. I SAY,

OK, THERE ARE SOME OF US FRIENDS HERE, WOULD YOU

LIKE TO JOIN US FOR COFFEE? BEFORE IT WAS A SEX ACT

OR A CHAIN OF ACTS, NOW IT IS AN IDENTITY.

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Cholan, who identified as queer, confessed feeling strangely disconnected from the ‘gay world’ as most of his friends were straight and most of his interests were not ‘conventionally gay’. ‘I am a big sports fan, I love cricket. I prefer rock and roll, Bruce Springsteen to Kylie Minogue’.

With regard to gay identity theory in particular, there have been two main schools of thought. The first comprising linear stage models, such as those provided by Cass (1979) and Sophie (1986) typically construct gay identity as something that is acquired at the end of several stages, starting with apprehension and questioning and ending with a full and complete acceptance and pride.18 Within this model, the essence of an individual’s identity would be, to borrow a phrase from Giddens, ‘the capacity to keep a particular narrative going’.

The individual’s biography, if she is to maintain regular interaction with others in the day-to-day world, cannot be wholly fictive. It must continually integrate events, which occur in the external world and sort them into the ongoing ‘story’ about the self. (Giddens, 1991)19

Several of my interviewees (Mike, Pratham, Karim, Rustom, Mohnish, Murgesh, Senthil, Yudhisthir) structured such a linear story of their selves and narrated a step-by-step discovery and acceptance tale of their gay identity to me.

The second school of thought is derived from Butler’s conceptualization of identity as a performance that can be played with, within constraints.20 I found the Gay Bombay newsgroup to be an excellent site to observe the performative aspects of my respondents’ identities. Many of them used their own names while accessing the newsgroup. This would not be typical of the list per se, but has to be contextualized by the fact that my interviewees included the organizers, list moderator and other regular posters who were comfortable with their real names being known. But I was surprised to note that some individuals who considered themselves pretty closeted in the offline world, also posted using their real names! For example, Nachiket, who was married, with two kids, but identified as gay, posted using a combination of his first name and surname. (‘I could have chosen any other name. But I have chosen this. It is simple; I am not cheating on anyone or hiding anything. What would happen?’) When the respondents did chose nicknames, they did so primarily to ‘preserve anonymity’ (Harbhajan); however, as Donath Straight Expectations
243

points out, ‘it is important to distinguish between pseudonymity and pure anonymity’.

In the virtual world, many degrees of identification are possible. Full anonymity is one extreme of the continuum that runs from the totally anonymous to the thoroughly named. A pseudonym, though it may be untraceable to a real-world person, may have a well-established reputation in the virtual domain; a pseudonymous message may come with a wealth of contextual message about the sender…. (Donath,1998)21

Donath further suggests that each part of the message (the account name, the voice, the language, the signature) provide a great deal of information about the sender’s identity. I could verify this from observing the interviewees that I connected with, both online and in physical Bombay. Gopal ranted about the ‘gay’ centred-ness of the group and parties consistently, online as well as in his face-to-face interview to me. Randhir was as serious and queer activism focused in person, when I met him in Bangalore, as he was over email—on the newsgroup too, he constantly posts about the various human rights organizations he is in daily contact with regarding abuses against homosexuals in different parts of the world. The Gay Bombay administrators Pratham and Karim were authoritative in their comments to me over email and in person, staunchly defending their vision of Gay Bombay. Ormus’ newbie status within the group was obvious in his online interview as well as at the Gay Bombay meets I observed him at—his language was earnest and he tried hard to be proper—and his posts to the newsgroup did not have the casual familiarity that regulars like Queen Rekha, Karim or Randhir had managed to cultivate, even as they disagreed with each other on several points.