Gay Bombay: Globalization, Love and (Be)longing in Contemporary India (45 page)

Bombay

As I have mentioned earlier,
Bombay Dost
magazine and the Humsafar Trust played an important part in the narratives of my interviewees. For several respondents who had previously only referenced Western material, discovering
Bombay Dost
was their first experience with ‘narratives in an Indian context’ (Karim). In fact, a lot of the older respondents and current Gay Bombay regulars like Pratham, Pulkit or Cholan, used to help publish or promote the magazine, conduct Humsafar’s intervention programs or simply attend the regular Friday meets; and I also observed several college going students like Om and Senthil who continued to volunteer at Humsafar while simultaneously attending Gay Bombay events and parties in the present day. I sensed complex feelings and deep divisions within them about how they wanted Gay Bombay to be perceived as and the direction in which it should head. There were heated debates at several of the Gay Bombay weekend meetings that I attended; I have observed regular flare ups about the key issues noted above on the Gay Bombay mailing list over the past few years and I am aware that the core group has been meeting regularly to discuss this topic.

Several of my interviewees reasoned that there were disagreements in every community (Murgesh—‘I do not think there is a united gay identity anywhere else in the world’) and in fact, in India, the divisions within the queer community were not as deep
as they were in some other countries. While some felt that the differences could not be resolved and were best left alone, others were of the opinion that a united front was possible and desirable (Om—‘[It] is what any minority does’) and the need of the hour was for the two organizations to work together.

GOPAL: DO WE HAVE TO BE LIKE THE REST OF SOCIETY? MAYBE NOT

UTOPIAN, BUT WE ARE THE ONES WHO ARE EXCLUDED ALL THE

TIME. MAYBE THE LEAST WE CAN DO IS NOT CREATE BARRIERS,

NOT BE EXCLUSIVE.

I found some indications of an emerging unity during my time in Bombay when I understood that the Gay Bombay and Humsafar organizers had mutually decided to hold their events every alternate Sunday, so that the Gay Bombay meets and Sunday Highs would not clash and cross attendance would be possible. I attended one such Sunday High meeting Straight Expectations
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at the Humsafar Trust premises that dealt with the rising problem of male hustlers in Bombay city and noticed the presence of several Gay Bombay regulars there. Likewise, there have been Humsafar volunteers present at the Gay Bombay picnics and film screenings and Humsafar head Ashok Row Kavi often posts his praise for Gay Bombay’s various achievements on different online forums.30 In fact Kavi presided over GB’s 8th anniversary party in 2006 as the chief guest and the two groups collaborated for the subsequent movie screening of the gay themed film
Quest
.

I also discerned that Gay Bombay members did attend political meetings in their individual capacities and Gay Bombay as a group, despite the objection of some of its members, but staying within the ambit of the social space that it was comfortable operating in, had already started to take small steps towards becoming less insular.

‘Without feeling that it will threaten its own system’, (Murgesh) the group had begun to structure some of its dance parties as fundraisers for projects organized by other LBGT groups such as the Larzish LBGT film festival in 2003 and the Calcutta Pride walk of 2005.

KARIM: THERE ARE PEOPLE WITHIN THE CORE GROUP WHO ARE

CLOSE TO OTHER GROUPS. SOME OF US ARE FRIENDLY WITH

HUMSAFAR, OTHERS WITH THE
KOTHI
COMMUNITIES OR

LESBIAN COMMUNITIES. THROUGH THE DIFFUSE NATURE OF

THE GROUP, WE MANAGE TO COMPACT OTHER GROUPS. WE

HAVE REALIZED THAT WE DO NEED TO DO THIS IN A FORMAL

WAY, WHICH IS WHY WE HAVE THE CONCEPT OF FUNDRAISERS.

IF SOMEONE APPROACHES US WITH SPECIFIC PROJECTS THAT

WE THINK WORTHWHILE, WE DO ORGANIZE FUNDRAISERS. WE

RECOGNIZE THAT THROUGH OUR PARTIES AND FILM FESTIVALS,

WE CAN ACCESS THIS LARGER QUEER COMMUNITY—SINCE WE

HAVE THIS ABILITY TO REACH OUT, WE SHOULD USE IT. THE ONE

THING THAT FRUSTRATES ME PERSONALLY ABOUT THE PARTIES

IS THAT WE GET ALL THESE GAY GUYS TOGETHER AND ITS

AMAZING, BUT MAYBE WE SHOULD DO A LITTLE BIT MORE

THAT MAKES THEM THINK OF THEMSELVES AS A COMMUNITY

AND ITS ARGUABLE THAT ITS NOT POSSIBLE TO DO THAT IN A

PARTY; BUT MAYBE WE SHOULD STILL TRY.

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Gay

Bombay

WEEKEND REVIEW

My weekends in Cambridge are so different from the ones I enjoy in Bombay.

In Bombay, the routine is set…wake up early, go to my regular New Paris
Hairdresser for a head massage (alternating between Parachute coconut
oil, Dabur
Brahmi Amla Kesh Tel
, Dabur Vatika and the Navratna
Thanda Thanda
Cool Cool red oil every week), buy all the weekend newspapers from
the regular newspaper
wallah
, go home for a snacky breakfast of
poha
, or
tomato omlet…shampoo and bathe at 1 p. m., lunch at grandparents soon
after. A play at the National Centre for the Performing Arts or some kind
of outing in the evening with friends, dinner outside, maybe a drive and
that’s another Sunday well spent.

In Cambridge, it’s a little different. I spread my movie, theatre and other cultural outings over the week unless it’s something spectacular like Shakespeare
in the park or a 4th of July concert that happens to fall on the weekend.

Junri and me usually catch up on our laundry and grocery shopping over the
weekend. Occassionally, we do meet up with friends—and in the past few
years, we’ve formed our own little network. Straight friends, gay friends,
singles, couples, with kids and without…. Mostly though, we just laze about
in bed. We try and do brunch at least once (Sunny’s, on Mass. Ave. is our
favourite—a little Italian diner, where the propreiter knows us well). We cook
at home—this is the only day of the week that we’re not totally exhausted
and we try and cook up a nice meal. Today’s was shrimp, garlic, spinach and
scallion pasta, with tofu and snow pea
miso
soup with whole-wheat olive
bread, layered with fig, almond and olive spread. Yummy!

I still catch up with all my Indian newspapers—but online and in between
the weekend work pile, instead of leisurely, while Junri plays the piano or
violin—mostly Bach but every now and then, he’ll surprise me with an energetic Bollywood rendition—the
Hum Tum
title tune is his current favourite.

Then naturally, I have to put my laptop away and do a little dance on the
bed, to accompany him.

I want to be married to Junri. We’ve discussed this endlessly. I’ve proposed to him on multiple occasions and he’s accepted each proposal, even
though he thinks it’s a bourgeois idea and is not at all convinced that it
will add anything more special to the bond we already share. We’ve had
our queer friends walk down to the Cambridge city hall and walk out with
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their marriage licences—its literally so easy. Maybe Junri would be happy
with something that simple, but not me. No, no, no, no, no, no. Too much
Bollywood in my blood, honey. I want cartloads of flowers. At least four or
five different parties. Thousands of guests. A procession on an elephant.

Turbans, palaces, dancing, scented candles and every damn cliché in the book.

Followed by a walk down the aisle, wearing matching tuxedos, while our families dab at tears (of happiness, naturally) on the sidelines. Or a Disneyland
fairy tale wedding, with seven roller coaster circles around a giant fireball
in the sky—the symbolic seven circles round the fire ritual from Hindu weddings, reinterpreted Parmesh style. Until we reach some kind of agreement,
he’s agreed to wear a silver quasi-engagement ring that I got for him from
a trip back to India. Good enough, for now. I can develop my big fat Indian
wedding plans at leisure.

THE IMAGINED FUTURE

How did the inhabitants of Gay Bombay imagine their own personal futures as well as the future of the group? Many respondents were confident that India would become more gay-friendly in the future.

NACHIKET: FRAGMENTATION OF THE FAMILY AS A UNIT; ECONOMIC

INDEPENDENCE WILL INCREASE AND START COMING AT AN

EARLIER AGE. THERE IS GOING TO BE A DISTINCTLY GREATER

SENSE OF EXPOSURE TO EUROPEAN AND AMERICAN

LIFESTYLES. ALL THESE WILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

Some were apprehensive that the divisions within the gay movement in the country ‘on the basis of class, gender and politically too’, (Vidvan) would hamper the cause. Murgesh and Cholan felt that although there was a lot of progress being made in terms of gay visibility, the real challenges lay ahead and the path would not be easy.

MURGESH: IT IS WONDERFUL THAT WE ARE A DEMOCRACY, BUT THERE

ARE VERY FRIGHTENING FRINGE GROUPS. THERE ARE ALSO A

LOT OF VERY INTELLIGENT, INTELLECTUAL PEOPLE WORKING

FOR THE COMMUNITY—FROM THE MEDICAL COMMUNITY

AND LEGAL COMMUNITY. THESE PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT

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Bombay

HUMAN RIGHTS, THE RIGHTS OF MINORITIES… THEY

HAVE BEEN HELPING US ON THEIR OWN, WORKING IN OUR

FAVOUR. HELPING US TO FIGHT AGAINST 377, WILL HELP US

FOR GAY MARRIAGES TOO… IT WILL TAKE VERY LONG… BUT

I AM CONFIDENT THAT [PROGRESS] WILL COME ABOUT.

CHOLAN: WHAT WE HAVEN’T DONE IS TALK TO THE BIGOTS. WE HAVE

BEEN CONFIDENCE BUILDING BETWEEN EACH OTHER AND

SAYING WE ARE OKAY AND WE HAVE THESE SUPPORT STRUC-

TURES. BUT LET US TAKE THIS TO THE BIGOTS NOW AND

REASON WITH THEM AND SAY ‘STOP ALL THIS BULLSHIT

ABOUT GAY MEN IN INDIA SPREADING HIV’. I MEAN—COME

ON—STRAIGHT MEN IN THIS COUNTRY ARE SPREADING HIV.

LETS NOT HAVE ALL THIS TALK ABOUT WESTERN CULTURE,

BECAUSE WE ARE THERE EVERYWHERE; LET’S BE MORE

VISIBLE ABOUT IT. THERE HAVE BEEN FEW SMALL LINKS

MADE WITH POLITICAL PARTIES. I THINK NOW WE CAN

PROBABLY CALL THE BIGOTS AND SAY ‘LETS HAVE A MATURE

DISCUSSION AND A DEBATE’, WHICH YOU COULDN’T FEW

YEARS AGO’. NONE OF THIS COMES WITHOUT A COST, OF

COURSE THERE WILL BE UPS AND DOWNS LIKE WITH ANY

OTHER MOVEMENT AND THERE WILL BE A COST FOR SOME

PEOPLE INVOLVED.

With regard to the future of Gay Bombay, many respondents were comfortable with it exactly as it existed. Some of the core group members wondered if it was not getting too ‘jaded…mechanical and streamlined’

(Murgesh). From the others, some pitched for an increased engagement with activism and inclusiveness of ‘not only of lower-income groups, but also queer women’ (Husain). Cholan and Asim suggested steps that Gay Bombay could take, even while staying true to its mandate of not being involved in political activism. Asim was keen that the group promote a vaccination drive for hepatitis B (something that was accomplished subsequently), while Cholan suggested using the group’s different channels to route out important information within the community, such as ‘health information, information about how to deal with hustlers, awareness on how to protect yourself, STIs [Sexually Transmitted Infections] and HIV, coming out…’.

CHOLAN: IT

SEEMS THAT THERE IS A YOUNGER GENERATION OF

PEOPLE THAT COME INTO GAY BOMBAY AND THEN MOVE

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OUT AFTER HAVING FOUND THEMSELVES QUICKLY AND

THEN JUST ATTENDING THE PARTIES. I THINK IT WOULD

BE GOOD TO HAVE A SENSE IN THE YOUNGER COMMUNITY

THAT THIS IS NOT JUST ABOUT ME; IT’S ALSO ABOUT A

WHOLE LOT OF PEOPLE WHO DON’T HAVE ALL THE SUPPORT

STRUCTURES
…
I THINK GAY BOMBAY DOES A GREAT SER-

VICE THROUGH PARENTS’ MEETS—BUT IT’S DIFFICULT TO

BROAD BASE THAT. I THINK IT WOULD BE NICE IF EVEN

30 PERCENT OF THE PARTY CROWD SITS AND THINKS

ABOUT THEIR RESPONSIBILITY BEYOND THE PARTY SCENE

TOWARDS THE LARGER COMMUNITY.

On a personal level, Mike wanted to become a ‘role model for the community’ and ‘start scholarships and increase awareness’. Rustom, who was located in Ahmedabad, expressed a desire to start a gay support group in the city, on the lines of Gay Bombay. (I was happy to note that he achieved this goal a few months subsequent to our interview). Several respondents who were single, imagined a life with a boyfriend, a life partner or a husband.

GUL:

I THINK THE COOLEST THINGS WOULD BE TO HOLD HANDS

AND WALK ON THE ROADS OF BOMBAY WITH MY LOVER.

THAT IS MY DREAM. BEING WITH SOMEONE, CANDLE LIGHT

DINNERS IF POSSIBLE, STAYING WITH THAT LOVER…

NIHAR:

I WANT A LOVER. IF NOT CHILDREN, AT LEAST A DOG OR A

CAT. I WANT A HOME. I AM AFRAID OF ENDING UP ALONE. MY

FRIENDS TELL ME THAT FOR 20, THAT’S STUPID THINKING.

BUT I AM AFRAID.

MOHNISH: MY DREAM LIFE WOULD BE TO LIVE WITH THAT PERSON

IN INDIA AS A COUPLE… I WOULD LOVE IF HE STAYS WITH

MY FAMILY AND ME, WITH MY MOM AND DAD. BUT THAT

IS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE.

ISAAC:

I WILL HAVE A GAY MARRIAGE. MY FAMILY WILL COME AND

DANCE. SING WEDDING SONGS. I JUST HAVE TO FIND A GUY.

I WANT A GUY FROM MY CASTE AND RELIGION. I THINK

THAT IF MY MOM AND GRANDFATHER ARE OKAY IF I AM

MARRYING A GUY, WHY CAN’T I GET SOMEONE THEY CAN BE

MORE COMFORTABLE WITH. TODAY… I DON’T EVEN KNOW

WHERE THIS GUY IS—BUT I KNOW I WILL GET MARRIED TO

HIM BECAUSE I HAVE VISUALIZED IT.

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Some who were already in relationships, imagined cementing their relationship and things like joint bank loans, common property and so on—once Section 377 was removed, or being able to finally declare the true nature of their relationship to neighbours and office colleagues.