Gentlewoman: Etiquette for a Lady, From a Gentleman (16 page)

Having testicles doesn’t automatically make us leaders. When our words match our efforts and our results, then we deserve your trust. You’ll respect our leadership when you trust our leadership. The key is being with the right man to submit to.

It’s not about dictatorship, control and obeying him simply because he’s a man–it’s about respecting your home. That doesn’t mean a woman has no rights in the home, or is unable to make decisions. It’s about taking turns guiding your relationship.

I know not a powerful man who wasn’t influenced, inspired or empowered by a wonderful woman? A wise man always seeks his Lady’s counsel. A president’s greatest advisor is his wife because
alongside
any great man stands a powerful Lady. Who can we depend on to always be there? Who do we call for encouragement? A woman with an opinion is the relief of ice on a back on a scorching summer night. Women have had our backs since the beginning--it’s about time to return the favor.

Never forget: After God, there’s you. Long Live the King!

Wear your crown.

Victoria’s Secret

Victoria’s Secret:
Essence of Elegance

There’s just something about Victoria. Her majesty’s ascension to the throne began in 1837, lasting for 63 years and 216 days. Her reign as queen is the longest in British history. The regal four-wheeled horse-drawn carriage with a collapsible hood was named after her. The capitals of Seychelles and British Columbia both bare her moniker. Her name flows through the largest lake in Africa, drops from a waterfall in Zimbabwe and hangs from a mountain peak in Hong Kong. In Canada, she maintains a national holiday in her glory celebrated every May 24
^th
. There have been several queens pre-Victoria and post-Victoria, but her name carries a legacy that remains present.

What is it about this Victoria?

Victoria’s secret is much more than lingerie.

Her name has become an adjective that boasts an era of elegance. The Victorian Era was a period of values characterized by an intense conviction for morals and etiquette. Additionally, architecture, decorative arts and fashion became synonymous with the times. The age was culturally aware. It was interested in literature, theater, the opera and music. Gentlemen attended dining clubs similar to today. Industrial communication links even improved through the advancement of technology and engineering. If only the queen’s prowess could have linked the man vs. woman communication gap in the process. But don’t let the sophisticated nature of the era fool you. Classicism diminished as the culture created communal and inclusive social values. Though elegant charm and refinement were ever-present, the beauty of all cultures weren’t just tolerated – they were embraced. What beauty, this Victorian era! The queen’s elegance alone influenced an entire society to prosper. In the abridged philosophical words, “No one woman should have all that power.” Oh, but she does. All women do.

Victoria’s secret was about elegance while
Victoria’s Secret
is about euphemistic eroticism. In the late 19
^th
century, these two worlds couldn’t co-exist. Feminine sexuality was looked down upon as a threat that could undermine you. Most people wouldn’t take you seriously, and you’d have to work that much harder to prove yourself. But today’s gentlewoman can be both sexy and elegant without compromising her integrity, her values or herself. The gentlewoman may have some traditional values, but she’s indeed a modern Lady. We’ve grown from that era. Despite what society suggests, a Lady has freedom to be exactly who she is. She has a keen awareness and control over her sensuality. Sex doesn’t define her – it’s a part of culture and part of life. Don’t be afraid to be sexy. A gentlewoman always knows when not to be so gentle.

People are drawn to a Lady’s ability to diversify her interests. There’s something sexy about a Lady who can digest
Reader’s Digest
while maintaining a subscription to
Maxim
. Or can go from
The New Yorker
to
ESSENCE
Magazine without a whimper. She has mass taste. We appreciate a Lady who engages in intellectual banter while sipping a cold beer – a dichotomy for the ages. One ankle gracefully crosses the other preventing her soul from being exposed. Everything about her says class, but past the undetectable eye rests permanent ink above her spine, hidden by hair that spills down her neck like excess champagne. Only the perfect suitor can see past the obvious. He fully understands that there’s nothing sexier than realizing beneath her business acumen and poise stands a Lady with very little inhibition.

What a beautiful juxtaposition: A Lady in the streets, but someone entirely less graceful in the bedroom with her husband. Some consider it to be the best of both worlds, like having wine while watching the sunset – you’re intoxicated by the taste of the juices, yet sobered by nature’s beauty. The more important message the mantra suggests is to be you without apology, but have discernment and exercise safety. We gush about a Lady who looks like a model, but doesn’t act like a stereotypical one. We adore a gentlewoman who takes control in the corporate world, but relinquishes it on the weekends with her
husband. That balance is beautiful.

Laurel Thatcher Ulrich once said, “
Well-behaved women rarely make history
.” For far too long, women have been persecuted for having the same desires as men. Women possess clever contrasts just like we do, and it’s about time they freely express them however they desire without persecution. It’s time to cancel our subscription to contradictions. The classiest Lady might still want her hair pulled…please pardon my French.

While it’s true that many men prefer a Lady with an edge, we don’t want her falling off the ledge. Life is a balancing act. We want to be able to bring you home to mom, marry you and turn you into a mom. Be authentically you and still make history.

Of course plenty of people enjoy the predictability of a classy Lady who knows all the right things to say and do. But what’s more attractive is when you display the unpredictable you. Never underestimate the Lady bold enough to be her.

A man must charm, convince and sometimes deceive his way into power. A woman can influence a nation in silence. Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis was photographed in cropped pants on the Italian isle of Capri. Those pants came to be known as capris. Whether covered up or hardly covered at all, your essence of elegance will forever shine through.

Legacies aren’t limited to royalty. It’s important to lead a life that says, “I was here, and I did it my way.”

The Victorian way.

The gentlewoman way.

Here’s your crown.

Interlude
Cease and Desist

Cease and Desist:
Quit

Certified Mail

To Whom It May Concern:

I am writing on behalf of everyone to notify you of your illegal behavior. It has come to our attention that you began to use the name “Gentlewoman.” We interpret this action as an effort by you to confuse who you are with the contents of this book of the same name.

The use of the “Gentlewoman” name is unauthorized and is likely to cause confusion, mistake or to deceive the public and may be a violation of the federally protected rights. Your use of “Gentlewoman” falsely creates the impression that the contents of this book are associated or affiliated with your behavior.

We demand that you immediately:

Quit saying, “All men are the same,” and start saying, “I date the same type of men.” Quit showing up with a full face of makeup just to fake sweat at the gym. Quit posting photos from the neck up pretending to be slim. The cut and paste isn’t a workout and Photoshop isn’t a gym. Quit bleaching your beautiful face attempting to pass as light-skinned. Quit fronting with a lace-front and just let your natural hair win. Quit focusing on all that’s shallow and ignoring your beauty within. Fake hair, fake breasts, fake nails, injected lips, but you only demand real men?

We demand that you immediately inform men:

Quit acting like you’re interested. You chase me until I give in. Then after the unprotected sex, you say you just want to be friends. Quit calling me crazy. You weren’t saying all that back when. You said I was cool; you said I was the one; you caused me to change within. Quit acting like this baby isn’t yours. Quit saying I’ve been with other men. Quit blaming this all on your father – you’re an adult, he left when you were ten. Quit saying you’re a grown ass man, yet you neglect the responsibilities of grown ass men. Quit blaming this all on karma. Karma’s only a bitch if you are, my friend.

We demand that everyone immediately:

Quit all these contradictions. Quit giving up on each other on a whim. We’re at war acting like we don’t need each other, when women are what we need in this life of sin. Let’s quit the Venus versus Mars talk. Let’s quit thinking there’s always something to defend. Let’s take greater strides; let’s swallow our pride. Man needs woman, and she needs him.

Progression comes with time and awareness. If you’re old enough to read these words, you’re old enough to change. Don’t take each word literally. Take the message and omit the messenger’s wit. Although you’re starting fresh and beginning again, some of you just need to quit.

If you don’t comply with these cease and desist demands, please be advised that legal action will be pursued. Before taking these steps, however, I wish to give you the opportunity to discontinue your conduct. Please sign below and proceed with the reading.

Sincerely,
Everyone

X
_______________________
(your signature)

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