Gentlewoman: Etiquette for a Lady, From a Gentleman (3 page)

We’ll face every issue head-on. The solutions will heal women. The solutions will heal relationships. The solutions will heal a nation.
Gentlewoman
is the solution. Life starts with a Lady. It starts with you. It starts here. It begins now. Society says there are two kinds of people in this world–well, you aren’t either of them. You set the standard. Everything and everyone must adjust to a woman. A gentlewoman.

This is a Ladies’ etiquette book from a gentleman’s perspective. It’s non-fiction. This story is inspired by real events. Whether traditional or contemporary, this story is for you. This story is for the saint and the sinner although the saint is a sinner. This story is for the Lady with style and grace and the Lady with no taste.
Gentlewoman
is for the gentle woman and the tomboy just looking for her place. It’s for the misfit and the mannerly. It’s for the experienced, just as it’s for the virgin. This story is for the sexy, the successful, the humble and the creative–this story is for you. This is for the rude, the ignorant, the misinformed and the shameless–this story is for you. This is for those indifferent and those who don’t give a damn. This story is a mirror reflecting society. It’s “sugar-free.” If you don’t like what you see, change it. This isn’t written in condemnation but compassion. Whatever your story, I crafted this book exclusively for you.

Women have questions.
Gentlewoman
has answers.

Gentlewoman
was developed with purpose and is for every woman who strives to live life on purpose. I want readers to find comfort in their individuality and aim to inspire the confidence and courage to be themselves. The greatest gift you can give this world is your authentic self with some manners. My hope is that you apply all that’s applicable, neglect what isn’t and progress further in humanity because of it. My desire is for you to be more aware of yourself and others. My wish is for you to fall perpetually in love with yourself again, again and again, and all over again.

Capture this book’s wisdom. Bask in its good word. Adhere to its value. Laugh at its sarcasm. Ignore its ignorance. Ugly-cry when it’s beautiful. Think deeply when it hurts. Reflect on its reason. Appreciate its intent. Think of its relevance. Promote its truth. Pass it on.

Enjoy with two glasses of white wine (of legal age), light a candle, draw a bath and relax.

Without further ado, I present to you,
Gentlewoman.

Introduction

Introduction:
The End

The End.

Society is a broken mirror, but it’s the only mirror she’s got.

Her beauty convinced her she’s ugly. Her mirror convinced her she’s not.

Masculinity consumes her, and power devours her.

Self-hate dates her and rapes her. Her womb is where the wounds were.

Scars worn by her successor.

Panties on the dresser.

Only pain can undress her.

Be careful how you address her.

Her decayed spirit is translucent.

There’s no soul, but there’s movement.

A corpse revived by lies. A mind destroyed by pollution.

She despises her body. She likes pies and lattes. She does Pilates. She doesn’t know what polite is.

Follows darkness like she doesn’t know where the light is.

She’s bright and knows what’s wrong, but went left like she doesn’t know what right is.

Her brain’s caged like it’s in the pen. She has no control like she’s in Depends.

Has she lost her mind?

Well, it depends since…

She’s confused rebelliousness with independence.

Clever.

A sad girl mad at the change in weather.

A good girl gone bad, but not gone forever.

It’s a bold, cold world–better grab a sweater.

Just know that after every storm, the weather gets better.

The tragic heroine destined for defeat.

What led to her demise? Did she retreat?

They say she’s alive, but her spirit’s deceased.

This is a book of war, but war always ends in peace.

The Beginning.

Spoiler Alert: You win

Lost Crown

Lost Crown:
Cold War

O
nce upon a time – yeah, yeah, blah, blah.

This isn’t your fairytale!

This is based on a true story…

Since the beginning of time, man has attempted to capture and convey the essence of a woman through works of art. Portions could be read in vivid descriptions of Eve. Da Vinci did his best. Shakespeare struggled to scribble it. Pablo Picasso prepared to paint it. Chuck Close came close. It’s almost audible in the songs of Sinatra. Even the vulnerability in John Legend’s vibrato exhausts every effort. Good try.

Well, I’ve thought of you for a long time–a long, long time. I’ve dreamed of your mind, your poise and your wit, your hair, your scent and your lips. Grammar wouldn’t allow me to describe you. I sought you out and then I fell in love with you. This happened for consecutive summers; summers turned into seasons; seasons into decades. After 7,300 sunrises and sunsets, it came like an unexpected kiss from a bold crush. I got it! I’m prepared to introduce you.

The cursor blinks, but I don’t. I’ve got red eyes on my red-eye. It’s my 14th flight in 29 days–an average of one plane ride every other day. I’ve had great wine and a great time, but I’d rather be with you. I’ve witnessed every time zone on my iPhone and traveled a world full of pretty girls, but in my mind, all I saw was you.

You don’t have a name anymore. Many reduce your humanity by calling you a female or a bitch, and far too many of you are answering the call. Fortunately many of you are interested in acting like a Lady, but have been told to think like a man. Thinking like a man is a waste of a woman, but you should understand how men think. Men are behaving like women; women are behaving like men, and Ladies are getting lost in the mix. Your crown is up for grabs.

Have you ever seen a Lady? Not a woman, but a Lady. There’s a difference. You’re a girl by birth, a woman by maturity and a Lady by choice. Do you remember how the sight of a Lady made you feel? Did she smile at you? Could you feel her warmth? Do you remember her scent of comfort and truth? Can you recall how difficult it was explaining what you witnessed when she walked by? The sounds of her footsteps permeated halls like symphonies. Her high heels were music; her walk was a song. Watching her commanded an Oscar – she was a full-length motion picture. Was her facial structure not a piece of gorgeous architecture? Was her hair not a spilling waterfall? Was not even her blink the sunset and sunrise? The warm air…a cool breeze…the sound of waves crashing at the shore – was her whisper not like an evening at the beach? Was the sound of her voice not audible art with a melody that made you move? Did her mere presence not influence a nation? Is there any experience like experiencing her for the first time? Do you remember the first time you saw a Lady?

Well, when was the last time you saw her? She’s a missing part of the conversation; an afterthought.

Like a torn condom, you’ve been left unprotected when needed most. You split because you felt neglected. Your Independence Day isn’t July 4
^th
, but every summer that passes, fireworks become less enjoyable in your absence. Trips to the beach are like walking past puddles because the ocean seems less significant in your absence. A sunset has been downgraded to a falling star without you. Beauty isn’t beautiful anymore. Your uprooting has left open soil for rotten seeds. Bad girls sprout each spring. You’ve been bootlegged. Young girls are deceived by your knock-off. You’re unreal. You’re the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny, except kids don’t even believe in you anymore. Your curtsy is gone. Your smile is vintage. There are remnants of your aura in classic films, while your ghost exists in love songs. Your name is an antique. Some say you can only be viewed in museums. Others say reality TV murdered you. Bad attitudes with skinny cigarettes have replaced you. People in costumes pretend to be you, but they’re see-through. You’re like black and white photography except you haven’t made a comeback.

Has anyone seen a Lady?

Her being is being belittled, but her presence remains a present. She’s gifted. The mere existence of a Lady controls attention, but too often the wrong attention. Most men give breast contact instead of eye contact when a Lady speaks. When women are placed on pedestals, some men will only look up to look up their skirts. Look up
“Lady”
in a thesaurus and you won’t notice an ample supply of favorable synonyms. Most of what you’ll see is simple or derogatory:
female; dame; broad; maid; damsel; wench
. Must I continue?

“
Women are the most underused resource
.”
-Hillary Rodham Clinton

Men in a group are commonly referred to as “gentlemen” regardless of their manners, but there’s no equivalent term for women. God made us equal. Man made us unequal. Historically, we have contributed greatly to your departure. The wars that were once waged over women are now being waged on women. Sometimes it’s blatant and other times it’s subtle. We want less competition in the workplace, so we’ve denied you equal pay. We’ve fired you for getting pregnant or demoted you when you returned from maternity leave. Many of us see you as second-class citizens. Deep down many of us hate you. We don’t respect you. We view you as the weaker sex, and therefore, the unequal sex. We spit at your femininity. We curse your being. We’ve disenfranchised you. Many of us refuse to hold open doors unless you hold open legs. We’ll toss you a twenty for a cab instead of driving you home and walking you up to your destination. We’ve blamed you for being victims of your own rape. We’ve blamed you for our infidelities. And now we are taking our blame on tour. Women have become a campaign issue. There’s truly something deep-rooted about the state of men and women today. Any group that deliberately demoralizes and alienates its women is destructive. Why would we fight the very thing we desire? The very thing we need?

I myself have been guilty of friendly fire casualties. In an effort to progress you, I’ve sometimes failed you with patriarchal messages that seem to demote you from a place of equality. I’m sorry. I’d be a fool to say I have women all figured out. Women don’t even have women figured out. But I’ve learned to rethink my approach and gain a deeper understanding of you. I’ve conducted thousands of tireless hours of research and go to battle in your favor. All I want to do is keep everyone alive. And contrary to patriarchal belief, the word “everyone” includes women.