Gentlewoman: Etiquette for a Lady, From a Gentleman (5 page)

DON’T BE INTIMIDATED BY HER – SHE IS YOU

In the meantime, we live in a time where just about anything is acceptable as long as you’re keeping it real. You’ve got to be so slow if you think your ideas of being so real are keeping your soul real. When you compromise your integrity, morals and core values for the attention, admiration and false respect of others, it classifies you as phony. My heart bleeds, and my soul aches for folks that do whatever it takes to keep it real when their soul is fake.

Sadly, on our quest to being a more open and accepting community, we’ve forgotten that society still has rules and not everything is acceptable. Not every action is OK, and not every word in your head needs to be said. As our language has become coarsened, so has our behavior. In a lawless land, we must rebrand, re-establish and reintroduce the beautiful art of etiquette.

We start with each other. The problem isn’t just that men don’t like to court; it’s that expectations have caused standards to drop. And most men I surveyed don’t even know what courting is, let alone how to do it. Nowadays, showing a Lady interest means buying her a drink. And that drink might get us exactly what we want. That’s the problem. The respect is gone, and though you demand it, you don’t always command it. Most men will do what you allow. When a substitute teacher enters the classroom, the students size her/him up. If the substitute doesn’t state intentions and expectations immediately, some students may intentionally misbehave. But if the substitute teacher commands that respect immediately, that’s precisely what she/he gets. And if not, there are consequences. Therefore, the conclusion has been reached:

Society can’t function without the presence of a Lady

You’ve come too far to turn back now. If you don’t fit the description, don’t turn the page.

The end of this page is the beginning of your return...

Pick up your crown.

“
Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter
.” –
Isaiah 5:20

Interlude
Ten Commandments

Ten Commandments

• Thou shalt not judge others by which thou do not possess thyself. If your only means of transportation are your Nikes, be ye not concerned with the model or make of a man’s vehicle. Be not shallow if you don’t have a pool.
  
• If you decide to be with a bad boy, you have no right to complain when he does bad boy things to you. Therefore, I say if a man is not macho enough for you, date a terrorist and let us know how that works out.
  
• Thou shalt cultivate diverse valuable friendships. For, if you are the smartest person in the room, you are indeed in the wrong room.
  
• Thou shalt manage expectations. If you wouldn’t put a dollar bill into a broken vending machine, why would you give your all to a man who never gives you anything in return? Art thou not worth more than one dollar and some Doritos? Possessing intellect serves no purpose if it is abandoned in moments that matter most. Why would thou throw away logic in relationships when thou value it in every other area of thy life? Common sense is thy heart’s condom. Don’t go unprotected.
  
• Thou shalt not offer the least and expect the most. I declare it is illegal to demand a man be six feet, make six figures and have a six-pack if you have bad feet, no figure and drink six packs. For I say unto you until you meet your own checklist, please put the pen and paper down post-haste.
  
• Thou shalt not pretend to be a single man’s wife. Thy boyfriend is not thy husband. Giving marriage privileges to a boyfriend is like giving an intern the CEO’s salary. Thou art paying full price for partial service.
  
• Thou shalt not chase. When you chase a man, he is running from you. Eat that truth and swallow the reality. If thirsty, help thyself to a glass of dignity. Bon appétit.
  
• Thou shalt not say all men are the same – thou shalt say thou date the same type of men. To suggest all men are the same is to suggest God lacks creativity.
  
• Thou shalt pay attention. Intellect is free, but ignorance will cost you.
  
• Thou shalt not search elsewhere for what already exists within. The first greatest love thou will find is God. The second greatest love thou will find is in the mirror. Enjoy the view.
  

Pleasantries

Pleasantries:
Gentlewoman’s Law

Rules, rules, rules! Haven’t you had enough? Can’t you just be left alone and live the life you want to live? Of course, but keep my mantra in mind:

Disobeying life’s
little
rule can result in
big
consequences.

“Only God can judge me” is no longer an excuse for bad behavior

They say only rebels reject rules, but many old rules need to be broken. Unfortunately, society is pushing the limit with how many rules it can shatter. Fortunately, not all broken laws warrant arrest.

Self-expression is a beautiful freedom and shouldn’t be regulated as long as it’s not invading another’s personal space. But don’t
overdose
on freedom. Not every action is OK. Sometimes you affect others negatively, and freedom won’t justify your behavior. Yes, you’re free to walk around with offensive breath, but you shouldn’t. Mints are free in glass bowls at every front desk in a restaurant near you. Look next to the toothpicks.

While we have established the need for gentlewomen in our culture, the practices of the well-mannered Lady are firmly rooted in comfortable and natural behavior. At any time if it doesn’t feel right, you’re just not doing it right. Open up this book, turn to this section and try again.

In this chapter, we will examine codes of conduct for your consideration and most of all, for you to apply and repeat with confidence and ease. These rules aren’t put in place to blindly obey. Think about each rule and how it applies to your life or the lives of others. Use these tools to rebuild what’s broken and build upon what’s already beautiful. The unwritten laws of the society of gentlewomen are as follows:

Rule n
°
1
A woman who knows her worth is a damn powerful woman
.
Figure it out.

Rule n
°
3
Kindness
: It can turn a frown upside-down, an attempted suicide to life and a hater to a lover. Plus, it’s free! It might cost you your ego, but you should’ve thrown that away when you picked up this book. Being friendly, generous and considerate is underrated. Regardless of your position in life, your accolades or your wealth, how you treat people is what they’ll remember. Joseph Joubert said, “Part of kindness consists in loving people more than they deserve.” There will be countless opportunities for you to be rude, but instead be kind. This deed shows you’re in control of your emotions.

BE KIND TO PEOPLE. YOU NEVER KNOW WHOM YOU’RE TALKING TO.

There have been many times I’ve treated strangers kindly and didn’t have to. It just so happens that I’ve run into many of those same strangers later in life, and the tables were turned. They were now in the position to help me out. That’s how life works! Be warmhearted, show compassion and gentleness, but don’t let your kindness be taken for weakness. Stand up for any injustice. Just don’t treat others with that same injustice. Be kind to all, even those ugly on the inside. They’re likely going through pain that has nothing to do with you.

ACTING NICE IS DECEPTIVE. BEING NICE IS BEAUTIFUL. BE BEAUTIFUL.

Random Acts of Kindness:
Have you ever reached for your purse to pay a bridge toll, only for the toll collector to tell you the debt has already been paid? No? OK, have you waited in line at a Starbucks to get your typical morning tall, half skinny/half one percent, extra hot, two shots decaf /two shots regular latte with extra whip, but the stranger ahead ordered it for you already? And paid? Not likely. It doesn’t seem to cross the average mind to look out for a neighbor. If we don’t know them, we don’t owe them.

It seems most people don’t
genuinely
care about anyone outside of their immediate family and friends. If it’s a good day, you might toss a persistent panhandler with a creative cardboard some crumpled cash, but that’s about it. Selfishness is an interesting concept because the way we treat others is, in fact, the way we are treating ourselves. How? Well, everything comes back full circle and what we put out eventually comes back to us–all of it. Yes, even that very thing you just thought up that you thought you were in the clear for. Hopefully, this prompts you to do better for people than you would like them to do for you. You’re doing for you when you do for them after all!

GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO DO WELL.

Giving gets bad PR. People cling onto their possessions and ideas. Death is a friendly reminder that we don’t truly own anything. Don’t you know you can’t have good relationships unless you’re giving? You can’t properly raise children unless you’re giving. You can’t work a job unless you’re giving. The world operates on the basis of giving. You get what you give. Selflessness doesn’t sound so bad after all, does it? What costs you the least usually produces the greatest benefit. A small compliment can save a life. A short prayer can save a soul. Random acts of kindness are tragically uncommon. Buying someone a drink should come without expectations.

“Remember there’s no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.”
–Scott Adams

Let’s have some fun. I challenge you to pay it forward. Do something greater than you for someone other than you. It’s not everyone’s job to stay out of your way; it’s your job to react in love. It took me three years to deliver this book to you. The least you can do is pay for the complicated latte of the next person in line at Starbucks. Extra whip, please!

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”
-1 Peter 4:8