Geronimo (A Songbird Novel) (12 page)

Chapter Twenty

Harry

In spite of the awkward start, I called our dinner with Justin and Sarah a success. Jane and I told them all about our trip. It was easy to go into detail, so many happy memories to recall. I then learned all about their wedding business, and I was even able to give Justin some tips on his website design.

It was nearly eleven o’clock.

Justin and I were sitting in front of my laptop looking at his website while Jane and Sarah giggled over dishes in the kitchen. “Counting Stars” was playing from Jane’s portable speaker, and the girls started singing it together.

I glanced over at them. Jane and I had sung a lot in Nan’s little Bambino, and the sound of her voice always made my insides warm.

I felt Justin’s tension beside me and glanced back at him.

He’d been guarded the whole night, and I couldn’t figure out why. I wasn’t dumb enough to miss the fact that certain things hadn’t been said. Throughout the meal, the three had shared frequent looks filled with meaning I didn’t understand. Justin seemed to not mind me but something held him back, and rather than trying to guess, I decided to be bold and outright ask him.

“I get the distinct impression that you don’t want to like me. Not that I’m here to impress you, but is there something I’m missing? Do I smell bad? Or is it my accent that puts you off?”

After a beat that felt way too long, he let out a breathy snicker and shook his head. “I-I’m sorry. It’s j-just gonna take me s-some time to adjust to you.”

“Right. And that’s because…”

Justin’s forehead wrinkled with confusion. “You don’t know?”

“I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be looking at you like this if I did.”

“H-how can you…” He shook his head. “It was s-such a big part of her life and she n-never said anything?”

I cleared my throat, his foreboding tone making my stomach coil. “Jane needed our trip to be nothing but fun, so we said no histories. I never expected to fall in love with her, and when I came over here, I didn’t know how things would unfold. I guess I was kind of hoping history wasn’t necessary to move forward.”

Justin scoffed, anger taking the edge off his stutter. “Right, so we just pretend like he never existed? Nice.”

His sharp, snappy tone made me flinch.

Never existed?

The inkling I’d been fighting surged forward. I glanced over my shoulder to stare at the guitar.

“Who was he?” I whispered.

Letting out a slow sigh, Justin waited until I was facing him before telling me everything I didn’t want to know. “He was my brother, B-Blake. He got together with Jane in college and they were p-perfect. Everything was perfect,” he murmured, and then his lips dipped into a sad frown. “Until he d-died…just before their wedding.”

I closed my eyes, feeling sick as Justin muttered something about an accident. He didn’t go into detail, and I didn’t want to ask. My ears were ringing, turning his explanation to fuzz.

Staring across the room at Jane, I felt her pain like it was my own.

She’d lost the love of her life…just like I had.

I couldn’t talk much after that. As soon as the dishes were done, Sarah was ready to leave, and it was an effort forming a smile as I said goodbye to the couple.

Pulling the tea towel off her shoulder, Jane hung it over the oven door and gave me a relieved smile. “That went better than I expected. Thank God! You were amazing and brilliant and…” Her voice petered off as she caught sight of my face. “What’s wrong?”

I couldn’t hide it from her.

I didn’t even want to.

“Justin told me about Blake.”

Jane blanched then spun to scowl at the door. “He had no right to do that.”

“I needed to know.”

“No!” She spun back to face me, anguish bunching her cheeks and making her eyes glassy. “We said no histories!”

“Yeah, when it was a two-week holiday and I never thought I’d fall in love with you.” I stepped toward her, my voice soft with sympathy. “Jane, that must have nearly killed you.”

“Yes. It did,” she clipped. “And I can’t think about it. I can’t bring him into this room with us.” Tears slid down her cheeks as she tapped her chest. “He’ll always own a piece of my soul, and I don’t know how to let you both in. I don’t know how to do this.” Her voice pitched high, fear whisking away her last few words.

Gently touching her shoulder, I ran my hand down to her elbow then guided her to my chest. She sucked in a ragged breath, resting her cheek against me. Her tears dribbled onto my shirt as I held the side of her head and brushed my lips across her forehead.

“I get it, Jane. I understand.”

“Do you?” She ripped out of my embrace, shoving me away from her. “Really? Do you know what it’s like to have your heart ripped out of your chest? To lose someone you thought you’d be with for the rest of your life?”

“Yes.” I could barely choke out the word.

She froze, her green eyes vibrant as she waited for an explanation I never wanted to give her.

Would she still want me to stay if she knew the truth?

Swallowing down the thick lump in my throat, I began in a husky voice that gave away how close to the surface my pain still was. “I lost my girlfriend. We had a fight. I wouldn’t do what she wanted me to. I told her maybe we needed a little space to figure it out, assuming that we’d both go blow off some steam then say sorry and talk…and kiss…and keep going.” My eyes began to burn, and I squeezed them shut. “She slammed out of the apartment and tore away in her car…and never made it back.” My voice began to tremble. “I switched off my phone because I didn’t want to argue anymore. I… It was hours, and then when I turned it back on it rang straightaway. The police had been trying to get in touch to tell me…” My voice cut off as I fought tears that threatened to demolish me. I managed to pull it together, sniffing loudly before snapping out a quick finish. “She died on impact, apparently.”

That was all I could say.

Our last words to each other had been in anger.

My sweet Tammy never made it back home because I was a stubborn asshole who refused to marry her.

Chapter Twenty-One

Jane

I couldn’t breathe.

I just stood there gaping at him while he shakily told me the truth. Tears continued to stream down my face, but they weren’t for me. I was crying for the desolate look on Harry’s face, the regret in his tear-drenched eyes.

“I’m sorry,” I eventually managed to whisper.

“I can’t remember the last thing I said to her, but she walked out of our place in tears, and I will regret that for the rest of my life.” He closed the space between us, gripping my shoulders and beseeching me with a look I couldn’t turn away from. “I had to come find you because I can’t live with regret anymore. I have to cherish every moment I can. And even though it sometimes terrifies me, I need to be here with you, Jane. I need to love you. I know you don’t know how to do this. I know you’re scared, but please…let me stay.”

A breathy sob punched out of me as I grabbed his face and leaned my forehead against his nose. Closing my eyes, I focused on the feel of his hands gently gliding down to my waist, his warm breath on my skin, the sound of his sniff as he fought his own anguish.

“I want you to stay,” I finally whispered. “I need you to stay.”

His lips hit mine the second the words were out of my mouth. Lifting me off the floor, he held me against him while I wrapped my legs around his waist. Our kisses were loud with fervor as he walked us to the bed.

I knew we were about to make love, but this time somehow felt different. It wasn’t fun and flirty, fueled by lust. When I pulled the shirt over his head and ran my fingers down his body, I wasn’t thinking about the pleasure it would bring me. I just wanted to be connected to him. I wanted him inside me so we could be one. I wanted to feel his pain, to fuse us together in a way we never had been before.

Straddling his legs, I played with his curls while he unbuttoned my dress all the way until it opened like a shirt. Slipping it off my shoulders, he then unhooked my bra. It dropped off the edge of the bed, and I watched it fall as his lips came around my nipple.

I felt like I was falling too.

Diving into something deeper than I had before.

I should have been whispering “Geronimo” with a smile, but I couldn’t do anything more than close my eyes and kiss the top of his head as he sucked and licked my sensitive skin.

His lips traveled to my shoulder and I kissed his neck, my tears drying as I focused on pleasuring him.

We worked slowly, our movements languid like we were swimming in a deep pool. When he entered me, I didn’t let out a loud cry; I just squeezed his shoulder and continued staring into his eyes as I rode him.

He sat against the pillows, holding my hips and showing me things he never had before. His eyes told me how much he’d suffered, and I let him in on a little of my own. As the tears built on my lashes, I leaned forward to kiss him, wanting our lovemaking to wash it all away.

Our mouths trembled against each other and he held my face, steadying me as we built to climax. My hips began to move at a faster pace, my body taking over as an orgasm tore through me. I moaned into his mouth, and he pulled me down on top of him. I could feel him trying to leave a part of himself behind, and I suddenly wished he wasn’t wearing a condom.

The thought made me still.

Did I wish it?

As my heart simmered down to its usual rhythm, I sat back and gazed into Harry’s face. His smile was gentle, his eyes filled with a depth of love I hadn’t seen from him before.

In spite of this, fear still niggled, trying to break the spell we were under. After losing Blake I never thought I’d give so much of myself away…and so easily too.

But Harry made everything easy.

“Do you think we’re going to make it?” I whispered.

Harry opened his mouth to respond, but the music did it for him. I hadn’t even been aware it was still playing, but as his lips rose into a smile and he turned to look at the speaker in the kitchen, I stopped to listen to the song.

“Odds Are” by Barenaked Ladies.

It had been Blake’s favorite band when we were in college, and they’d grown on me over the years we were together.

The chorus kicked in, and we both stilled to listen. Harry’s eyes continued to glisten with affection as he ran his fingers down my face and smiled at me.

I let out a breathy laugh, the song being everything I needed to hear…and giving me the courage to whisper words I never thought I’d say to another man again.

“I love you.”

Chapter Twenty-Two

Harry

Someone’s phone was ringing.

The buzz and ring breached my dreamlike daze, pulling me out of sleep. I groaned and rolled over, patting the nightstand and nearly dropping my phone on the floor. I slapped the hardware against the wood to stop it from falling and realized that it wasn’t my phone that was ringing.

I placed my phone back on the nightstand and rolled the other way.

Jane groaned softly, coming out of sleep herself as I reached over her and grabbed the offending phone. I wanted to switch the bloody thing off and throw it across the room, but I doubted Jane would appreciate it. 

My eyes were too blurry to read the screen, but I swiped to answer anyway.

“I have no bloody idea what time of the morning it is, but I can tell you—whoever you are—that it’s too bloody early!”

The thought that it might be her mother suddenly occurred to me and I winced. I’d only met the woman a couple of times, and I couldn’t afford to tarnish the good impression I’d been making.

“I know, I’m sorry. Is Jane there?” The man’s voice was deep, American.

Jerking up, I snapped into the phone. “Who is this?”

Jane flicked on the light and squinted at me before grabbing her watch and looking at the time. “Are you kidding me? Who is that?”

“It’s Troy,” the man spoke into my ear. Jane had mentioned the name before—a work colleague. My insides settled to a simmer, but I still felt on edge. Why was a work colleague calling her in the early hours of the morning? “You must be Harry. I’m really sorry to call you this late, but it’s urgent. It’s about one of Jane’s students.”

His tone was ominous, making my gut clench. I’d experienced an ominous phone call before and it nearly killed me. I glanced at Jane then lowered my voice. “Is everything all right?”

“Look, I’m not sure. I hope it’s gonna be.”

“I’m not passing the phone over until I know what’s going on. I’m sure you can understand why.”

Troy sighed. “One of her students is missing. She took off sometime in the night, and her parents are freaking out. I’m just calling to see if Jane can help.”

“Is it Brandy?” I flicked the covers off my legs and jumped out of bed.

“What are you doing?” Jane’s voice rose with panic. I glanced at her wide green eyes and realized how alarming my sudden movements probably were. “Who are you talking to?”

Switching the phone onto speaker, I dropped it on the bed and started getting dressed.

“Her dad went to check on her before he went to bed at eleven, and her room was empty.”

Jane gasped. “Brandy?”

“Yeah, hi, Jane.” Troy’s voice sounded heavy and tired. “Can you give me any ideas?”

She scrambled out of bed and pulled a pair of sweatpants over her pajamas.

“I’m not sure. She seemed fine when I spoke to her at the end of the day.”

“Yeah, well, her world got thrown sideways when she got home from school.”

“Why?” Jane’s head popped out from her sweater while I started lacing my shoes.

“Her mom won the case. Looks like she’ll be moving to Chile soon.”

“Oh no,” Jane whispered. “Where have you looked so far?”

“The police and a team of volunteers are scouring the neighborhood. It’s been hours and we’re getting kind of desperate. I’ve searched the twenty-four eateries within a five-mile radius.”

“Have you tried the school?” Jane grabbed the phone off the bed and ran for her keys.

“It’s locked up tight. How would she even get in?”

“I don’t know, but that’s where I’m starting.”

“Okay. I’ll finish my drive through this part of town then head over there to join you.”

“Call me if anything changes.”

“Will do.”

Jane slipped the phone into her pocket then, with her hand on the door, spun back to look at me. “You don’t have to come if you don’t want.”

“Jane,” I softly chided. “Of course I’m coming with you.”

As she led the way to the car, I couldn’t help being surprised at the fact she’d even questioned my company. It was a crisis. As if I’d let her go off and deal with it alone.

My gut twisted as I thought ahead to the following week. I was due to fly back to England, and I didn’t have a definite date of return. I was planning to make it as soon as bloody possible after Nan’s birthday celebrations, but it wouldn’t be soon enough.

I didn’t want to leave Jane.

The thought of her living in her little apartment without me, dealing with three a.m. phone calls on her own…it near killed me.

I wanted to be with Jane not just for a holiday…or an elongated stay…but for life.

In the past that thought would have terrified me. Nothing was certain. My parents were supposed to be married for life, and Dad abandoned us all for five years. It was complete shit and the very reason I shied away from making any kind of commitment that could potentially hurt someone. I wasn’t about false claims.

That’s why I’d refused Tammy.

But I didn’t want to make the same mistakes again.

I wanted to be there for Jane, from the mundane grocery shopping to the convertible cruises to Malibu…to the ulcer-inducing stress of searching for a confused twelve-year-old kid who was no doubt scared out of her wits.