Geronimo (A Songbird Novel) (14 page)

Chapter Twenty-Five

Jane

Breathing on the way back to my apartment was a struggle. I couldn’t move past Harry’s proposal.

Marriage.

It felt so big…and yet the idea of being with him was so incredibly natural.

I should have said yes on the spot, but…

Fear twisted through me, eating at my insides until I pulled my car into its parking spot and was swamped with a depressing wave of loneliness.

For the last six weeks, every time I walked up the steps and into my apartment Harry was either beside me or there when I opened the door.

The apartment would be so quiet without him. I wasn’t sure I’d ever get used to living alone. I’d moved out because living with my parents got to be too much after the funeral, but I never liked it.

“So why can’t you say yes, you big idiot!” Resting my forehead on the steering wheel, I let out a frustrated scream.

I needed logic to kick in and tell me every reason I shouldn’t marry a man I’d known for less than three months. It would be completely crazy. I hadn’t met any of his family yet. He’d met my parents a few times, but in spite of my mother’s subtle probing, I was still too afraid to admit how much I loved him. Sarah and Justin had been the only ones we let in, and although Justin remained slightly aloof, we’d had some great meals together.

Harry was pretty charming and hard to resist.

But…

Slamming out of my car, I stormed up the stairs and into my apartment. The door shook as I smacked it closed behind me. I kind of wanted that to feel better, but it didn’t. Spinning around, I faced my empty apartment and screamed.

Because it wasn’t empty.

Sarah’s smile was tender with understanding as she pushed the dining chair out beside her and pointed at it. “Sit down. Let’s drink tea.”

“I’d rather drink vodka shots,” I grumbled, dumping my bag on the corner of the table and slumping into my seat.

Sarah got up to retrieve the kettle and poured boiling water over my waiting teabag.

Placing the mug in front of me, she gave my shoulder a little rub. “You knew it was going to be a tough day. Saying goodbye always sucks, especially when you don’t have a return date to look forward to.”

I dunked my teabag up and down, focusing on the rhythmic motion while I worked up the courage to confess, “He asked me to marry him.”

“What!” Sarah’s blue eyes bulged as she banged her teacup back on the table. Liquid jumped out, splashing my legs and making me yelp. “Sorry! Sorry.” She rushed over to the sink, grabbing a cloth and quickly returning to clean up.

Patting my leg dry, she then wiped the table while verbally gushing. “Oh my gosh, that’s so amazing.”

“You’re happier about it than I am!”

Sarah looked at me with a bemused frown. “Why aren’t you happy?”

“Because it’s totally insane! He’s been in my life for like a second.”

“So?”

I gave her a pointed look. “Sarah, come on. You don’t rush into these things. I can’t just impulsively marry this man.”

“But you guys are so great together. You make it look so easy and natural, like you’ve known each other for years. Isn’t that what marriage is supposed to be like?”

“It’s not…” I shook my head, scrambling to argue with her. Her points were really good. Being with Harry was as easy as breathing.

Sarah’s eyes sparkled while she studied me. “I like him, Janey.”

“You like everybody,” I muttered.

She chuckled and placed her hand on my arm. “No, I really like
him
. And more importantly, I like you when you’re around him.”

I went still, slowly looking up to meet her gaze.

“He brings out the best in you.”

“You used to say that about Blake.”

Sarah shrugged and picked up her tea. “He did too. That doesn’t mean Harry can’t as well.”

My shoulders drooped and I slumped back into my chair. “I always thought Blake was my soul mate. How is it possible to fall in love with someone else? What would he think of all this?”

“Sweetie.” Sarah placed her mug down and leaned across the table, squeezing my hand. “I wish it didn’t have to be this way, but Blake’s not here. He may live on in our hearts, but he will never physically be here again.”

I closed my eyes, absorbing her words. They felt harsh in spite of the fact they were said with such compassion.

“Harry is here…and he wants you. He makes you happy. And I know you’ll always love Blake, but he doesn’t get to have an opinion on this one. You need to live for
you
now. Wasn’t that the whole point of going overseas, to figure out how to get by without him? Well, life figured it out for you.”

“I just…don’t know.” My last two words came out in a squeak, fear cutting off my air supply.

“Okay.” Sarah sat back, her eyes narrowing as she studied my face. “What’s making you hesitate?”

I shook my head, words failing me as I tried to answer the question. I opened my mouth then clenched my jaw. Squeezing my eyes shut, I took a breath before blurting, “What if something goes wrong? What if he starts to hate me or he starts to drive me insane! What if something comes between us?” I opened my eyes and let her see the root of my doubts. “What if he dies?”

Sarah’s eyes started to mist, matching my anguished look.

“When Blake and I were together, it didn’t even occur to me that something bad would happen. I was so full of hope, but now I know… I know what loss feels like, and I can’t go through it again.”

Swiping the tear off her face, Sarah sniffed and sat up straight. “I know it nearly killed you. It nearly killed Justin and me as well, but you have to listen to me. You cannot deprive yourself of joy for the rest of your life because you’re scared you might lose it. What if you don’t? What if you and Harry live to be one hundred and you die in a warm bed together?”

“The chances of that happening are so incredibly low.”

“So are the chances of you losing him on your wedding day.”

I looked away from Sarah’s conviction, not sure I was brave enough to believe it.

“What happened to you is awful and thankfully rare. Do you honestly think you’d have to live through it twice?”

“Good people have horrible things happen to them all the time.”

“Yes.” She nodded. “But they also have good things happen to them. Life will only beat you down if you let it. You had the love of your life ripped away from you, and you’d convinced yourself you’d never love again. And then Harry came along. He makes you so happy. You have laughed more with him than you’ve ever laughed with anybody…even Blake.”

My eyes snapped up to connect with hers. Anger sparked through me as I tried to deny it, but I couldn’t. Harry did make me laugh. He was funny and charming, and I loved being with him.

Wrapping my fingers around my mug, I took a quick sip. Logic had kicked in just the way I wanted it to, but it was telling me the most unexpected thing. It was filling my brain with all the reasons I should be saying yes. Shouting it from the rooftops even.

A smile tugged at the edge of Sarah’s mouth while she watched me. I flicked my eyes to hers, and she jumped out of her chair. “Yes! Yes! This is so exciting!”

I looked at my watch, breaths punching out of me as I tried to calculate what time Harry’s flight left and when I’d be able to call him.

“So, his flight is about ten hours, which means he’ll land…when? What time will it be if I call?”

With a jerk, Sarah stopped happy dancing and pointed at me. “Oh, you are so not saying yes over the phone.”

“Well, how else am I supposed to do it?”

With a glinting smile, she leaned down, resting her hand on the table and getting right in my face. “In person, of course.”

“I can’t get out of work.”

Sarah sighed, and pursed her lips. “Wait!” She snapped her fingers. “It’s Columbus Day next week. If you could get out of school early on Friday, I could drive you to the airport to catch an afternoon flight. You’ll arrive in London the next day, go to Rye, say yes, meet his family, make love all night, then he’ll take you back to London and you’ll be home in time for school on Tuesday.”

“You are a crazy person.” I gave her a pointed look.

Her tongue stuck out the side of her mouth, her smile all-knowing. “I thought crazy was your thing these days.”

It was her wriggling eyebrows that did it.

They forced a smile over my lips, and then a squeal popped out of my mouth. Before I knew it, I was happy dancing behind her back while she called the airline and arranged it all for me.

Crazy.

Totally crazy.

And I’d never been so happy and terrified in my entire life. 

Chapter Twenty-Six

Harry

“Would you smile? You’re making me want to slit my throat.” Renee threw her coaster at me. It pinged off my nose and dropped to the table.

I gave my sister a dark scowl and rubbed the sore spot.

“Don’t look at me like that. I finally get an afternoon off and I choose to spend that precious, kid-free time at the pub with my hilarious brother and you’ve yet to make one joke. Not even a funny quip when Travis Newhart walked past in leather pants.” She leaned over the table, her eyebrows raised. “
Leather
pants on a sixty-year-old.”

She stared at me expectantly, and I forced a half smile.

“Oh, you’re pathetic.”

“Sorry,” I groaned. “I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”

She let out a loud, cynical laugh, drawing a few eyes to our table. “A lot? No, you have one thing on your mind.”

“Why won’t she return my calls? It’s been nearly two days.”

“Harry, come on. Maybe something’s happened to her phone—dead battery, dropped it down the loo, I don’t know. But you can’t get this depressed again. I won’t have it.” Her eyes flickered with concern as she reached across and squeezed my arm. “You nearly destroyed yourself last time. I can’t see you go through it twice.”

I gave her a glum smile. “I never wanted to fall in love again, but with Jane it’s been the easiest thing I’ve ever done. I should never have asked her to marry me. I scared her off.” I huffed, picking up Renee’s coaster and fidgeting with the edge. “Ironic, isn’t it? I lost Tammy because I wouldn’t ask, and now I’m losing Jane because I did!”

“You’re not losing her.” Renee’s voice softened to the tone she used with her kids. “She just hasn’t returned your last call as quickly as you wanted her to.”

“She was distant the last time I spoke to her. Something was wrong. She was acting edgy.” I thumped the table. “This distance is going to kill me.”

“Well, you’re due to go back at the end of the month, aren’t you?”

I scrubbed a hand down my face. “Yeah, as soon as I get paid for the Pullman job I’ll have enough. Business was slower over the summer than I expected.”

“And you spent basically all your money tripping around France, Spain, and Portugal like a wealthy man.”

I gave her a dark look. “It was the trip of my life.”

“Good. Then stop complaining about the fact you can’t return to see your girl yet. Nan’s face when you showed up for her party was worth coming home for. You have to admit that.”

“Yeah, yeah, I do. I just wish…”

“I know. And I’m sorry you can’t have everything, and I’m sorry no one in the family can afford to pay your airfare outright.”

Leaning away from the table, Renee signaled for Devan to bring us another round.

“This one’s on me.” She winked and I loved her for it.

It was impossible to stay mad with my sister.

I was being a grumpy bastard, and yet she still sat with me. I guess I was just worried. Jane and I were so in love when we were together. Skype calls and texts weren’t the same.

I already felt like she was slipping away from me, and it hadn’t even been two weeks.

Picking up my phone, I checked the screen again. With a motherly tsk, Renee snatched it out of my hand and shoved it in her bag.

I went to reach for it but she pushed me away. “Just for an hour. Switch off, stop thinking, enjoy the band.”

Knowing she was right, I closed my eyes and ran a hand through my hair. Different indie bands had been showcasing their talents throughout the afternoon. Most people were playing covers. One singer got up with an original song that wasn’t bad. A band I didn’t know was on the stage strumming out a tune that sounded like that band Jane liked, Barenaked Ladies.

“I’m gonna walk. I won’t quit…”

The song of course made me think of Jane.

Had I really been contemplating giving up on her because of distance? I had to think of another way to reach her. I had to somehow convince her to marry me so we didn’t have to keep leaving each other.

But what if she wouldn’t?

What if she let fear win?

Renee cleared her throat. I ignored her, too absorbed by the questions thrumming through my brain.

“Harry.” She nudged my elbow.

Again, I ignored her, keeping an eye on the band and letting the song inspire me.

“Useless brother,” Renee sang. “I really think you should turn around and see who’s just walked in.”

“What?” I gave her a confused frown.

She tipped her head at the bar, and I turned in a daze until I saw a shock of red hair and snapped up straight.

“Jane!” I called across the pub.

Turning at my startled cry, she found me easily, her face lighting like a beacon as she moved toward me. I stumbled off my stool, bumping into someone and having to quickly apologize before I could reach her.

She laughed and teased, “It’s only four o’clock. Are you drunk already?”

“No,” I whispered, grabbing her face and kissing her to make sure she was real.

She held my wrists and laughed into my mouth when a man wolf-whistled to my right.

Pulling away, I gazed down at her face, still cupping her cheeks. “What are you doing here?”

“I have to tell you something.”

I held my breath, my heart drumming in my ears while her lips rose into the slowest, most triumphant smile I’d ever seen.

Removing my hands from her face, she rose to her tiptoes and whispered in my ear, “Yes.”

“Yes?” I repeated, sounding like a total plonker.

“Yes.”

I gasped and stepped back, holding her shoulders and looking into her eyes. “Yes.” My head bobbed. “You just said yes.”

“I did.”

“And you meant it.”

“Wouldn’t have flown all this way if I hadn’t.”

“Of course you wouldn’t have.” I picked her up, squeezing her against me and spinning around until she laughed in my ear.

She placed her hands on my shoulders and grinned down at me. “This is so crazy.”

“Which is so us.”

“Yeah.” She nodded and started laughing again.

I’d never seen her smile so bright, and I let out a whoop before I could stop myself. Placing her on the floor beside me, I shouted at the top of my voice, “I’m getting married!”

The entire pub paused for a shocked beat. Then Renee raised her beer in the air and yelled, “Go, Harry!”

Everyone joined her, raising their mugs and toasting us.

Jane’s cheeks fired bright red, and she buried her face in the crook of my neck. I slung my arm across her shoulders and walked her over to my sister.

I had no idea how long she could stay, but it didn’t even matter. Soon enough, we’d be connected for good, and oceans wouldn’t be parting us.

If I could’ve had my way, I’d have married her that very night.