Get It Done When You're Depressed (32 page)

There’s nothing wrong with grand dreams and goals; they are an essential part of life. But when you’re depressed, you might have to evaluate your dreams and goals and change them if they’re not realistic for you now. Compare what you think you should and could do if you didn’t have depression with what you can realistically do when you’re depressed. This assessment naturally depends on the depth and length of your depression, but it’s necessary.

When you have a project due at work or an event to plan, there’s no point in constantly trying to do it in a way you’ve never been able to do in the past. Accepting that you have limits, and learning to work within those limits, improves your quality of work as well as your mood.

Are any of the following signs that it’s time for acceptance applicable to you?

It’s easy to
think
of what can’t be done. There’s no action in that, and the thinking can go on forever! Acting with an awareness of what you
can
do gets things done.

When I talk about my limitations to friends, they say, “Oh, John. You don’t know what it might be like in the future!” I want to say, “Well, I’m fifty-six years old. Unless there’s some amazing breakthrough I’ve not heard about, I think I’m pretty realistic about what I can and can’t do.” They then say, “But John! Don’t give up hope! You just don’t know how it will be ten years from now!”

I wish they could change places with me just for one week of depression. I know what they say is said out of kindness. It’s hard to be with someone who has a chronic illness, and they worry about me, especially when I have to go to the hospital. My friends want me to get better. I want to get better, too. But the reality is that management is all I can do. I
manage
depression. I no longer believe it’s magically going to end one day. I’ve looked at what I can and can’t do. I see reality. I don’t like it, but I have mostly accepted it. This doesn’t mean I don’t keep trying 100 percent to get better. I just don’t hold my breath that a miracle is coming.

The miracle is that since accepting things, my life is
so
much better. I don’t try to do what I can’t, and I focus on doing a really great job at what I can do. I feel a lot more comfortable in my life now.

A psychologist friend of mine once said to me, “You’re extremely attached to defending your inability.” At first I thought,
Wow, that’s a tough thing to say to someone who’s depressed and has been depressed for most of her life!
I wanted to say, “You don’t understand what I go through and what depression has taken from my life!” But within a few minutes, I saw that I was doing exactly what he said I was doing.

I’ve spent the past 20 years defining myself by what I can’t do. If only I didn’t have depression, I’d be running a huge company by now. I’d be able to sing professionally on Broadway! I could handle full-time work. I could be a star! I could write a book every three months! Maybe this would be the case if I didn’t have depression. But that’s never happened, has it? No. My friend is right. I never focus on what I can do. It’s never enough. I rarely say to myself,
Wow, Julie, look how much you get done despite the depression! Look, Julie, you wrote books, didn’t you? Yes, you started at age 39 and you missed all of those productive years, but look where you are now compared to just 10 years ago.
Even as I write this, I think of what could have been or could be if only this illness would go away forever. It’s true. I’m very, very attached to defending what I can’t do instead of accepting what I can do. I have severe limitations due to depression. I have a disability. Those are the facts. How long am I going to fight this and talk of what life could be like? If only, if only, if only …. That’s no way to live life, and I want to stop it.

What I do now
(or at least try hard to do now!):

I wouldn’t frame it as “giving up” but more in terms of acceptance. However, many depressive-fueled conclusions
are
distorted and unrealistic. It’s important to know that depression can make you feel that you have serious limitations, even though that’s false most of the time. Only access your limitations when you’re more stable. When you’re at that point, you have to recognize that because of experiences you can’t control, your nervous system isn’t good at regulating your moods, and being self-critical about this never helps. Knowing these brain-caused limitations helps you make decisions that can lead to successfully getting things done versus continually trying tasks that only frustrate and make you further depressed.

What do you say to yourself about your limitations? Can you accept them and then focus on what you
can
do? It may be that your depression is new and will end in a short period of time. The good news is that your limitations will probably end soon, too. Or you might have chronic depression and your limitations have been present for all your adult life. Whatever the case, assess where you are now. Then face it and move on.

Here are some other thoughts to consider:

Remember:
Depression might limit your ability to get things done the way you want to. Once you know what your limitations are, you can accept them and focus on what you
can
do.

It cannot be stressed enough that depression is often a serious physiological illness that can benefit greatly from the use of medications. Treating chronic depression without medications is possible, but statistically, those who use antidepressants, anxiety medications, and/or attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) medications to treat the illness can lead a more productive life.

As you may know, the depressed brain has chemical “issues.” When medications work effectively, they can help return those wayward chemicals to better working order. Just like an engine tune-up for your car, medications can help your brain work more smoothly. A smoothly operating brain operates as a catalyst to getting things done, as opposed to an ill brain that creates a barrier and makes your life so much more difficult.

Medications for depression can change lives. They’re not a crutch, and although for some people they only take care of part of the symptoms, they’re a huge foundation for treating depression so you can finish projects. If your depression is mild or you’re satisfied with the way you manage depression now, using the strategies in this book along with other changes might work fine for you. But if you’ve tried everything you can and your depression still negatively affects your life and your productivity, exploring medication is a very good and very smart idea.

Consider some of these signs that medications could help you:

Ask yourself,
Would medications help me right now? If so, what is my next step?

My family has always called me lazy, as well as a few other things. Here are some of my past labels: you … don’t want to work, are on drugs, are doomed to failure, are unmotivated. I look back on my life, and I see an unfinished college degree as well as jobs started with a lot of enthusiasm that quickly faded. No ability to finish a project. It’s like everything just sort of deflated after a few months. I had trouble making money. I can remember thinking that I didn’t want to live like this. I wanted to start my own graphic design business—I’m really good at it—but it just seemed impossible. I’d get the business license and then stop. I’d then get some enthusiasm and do some research and then stop. I felt absolutely miserable. I wanted this business, yet I was such a mess I couldn’t even do the simple stuff needed to get it started.

I finally listened to a friend and went to see a doctor about my depression. She put me on an antidepressant, but it didn’t work. We tried another and it started to work on my moods, but I still had trouble with my work life. Then we talked about an ADHD drug. I’ve never thought of myself as ADHD at all. I wasn’t like that as a kid, but as an adult, I had a lot of the signs of ADHD. When I started the ADHD drug along with the antidepressant, my life changed 100 percent. For the first time in my life I was able to think of a project, create a plan, and finish it. I’m 39 years old. Better late than never.