Get It Done When You're Depressed (31 page)

Finding a therapist who understands your needs when you’re depressed is essential. If you want to go into your past and work on emotional issues, you can find a therapist who can help you do that. If you want to see a therapist for advice on how better to get moving with the things you want to do, it’s important that you ask around and interview a therapist before you make an appointment. The relationship between a therapist and a client can be very powerful. Taking the time to find one who works for you can be of significant value to you.

Seeing a therapist is
not
a weakness. When you want or need support and to make changes, you don’t have to do it all on your own. Seeking outside opinions and ideas from a professional who has worked with others like yourself can increase your ability to get things done much more quickly than if you have to discover everything for yourself.

Consider the following signs that therapy might be right for you:

It can be comforting to know that a therapist can help you with all this stuff. It’s a lot easier than trying to handle the problems all on your own.

I decided to go with a male therapist because I felt he would better understand what I go through as a father and as the person who goes to work every day. (My partner is home with our kids.) I don’t tell people at work about my depression; I tell my therapist. I talk to him about my worries that this illness will be passed on to my kids. I worry that I’m setting a bad example by having days when I actually have to call in sick to take care of myself. I talk to my therapist about my inability to move up in the company like I want to. I can’t take on as many clients as my co-workers do, and I see them get the promotions I want for myself. When I got my degree, I wanted to start my own business and have a lot of employees. But I have trouble doing what I do for my company; having my own company probably isn’t in my future.

When my therapist hears my worries, he always points out the fact that I do a good job at work and am always praised. I’ve never had financial troubles because of the depression. My kids are fine, and my partner is understanding. He then reminds me that these worries often go away when the depression is not around, which is good because I can’t see this on my own when I’m depressed. He is one of the most important people in my life because he listens without judging and then calmly points out what I can do to get through this.

I’ve been in therapy since age 19. Unfortunately, I’ve had many well-meaning therapists who wanted me to “explore my past” in detail to find out why staying in one job was so hard for me. They also wanted me to come up with a reason why I had trouble completing the projects I started with such enthusiasm. We looked at my family life, at my education, and at how I was raised to see what might have influenced my self-confidence.

There’s no question this work helped me get to know myself better, but it never helped my productivity. The severity of the depression was missed for years because my personality is so outgoing and rather excessive. When I started to look at my inability to work as a result of depression and not some personal failing, I found therapists who worked with me on getting around the depression in order to attack the real problem: my brain.

When I get really down on myself for not doing enough, Robin, my therapist of five years says, “Julie, you always asked me to remind you that this is a by-product of an illness. What can you do right now? Let’s focus on that.” She’s right, and it takes her talking to me quite strongly to get through to my depressed brain. I often don’t want to listen to her—rather, depression won’t let me listen to her—but what she says always gets to me later. There are certainly days when I cry over my “lack of ability” to get things done, and she just listens. That helps as well.

Therapists who understand how to treat depression successfully know the right questions to ask. They realize that responses such as “Snap out of it” or “It’ll be better soon” aren’t helpful. They appreciate the need to discuss some feelings and life events over and over again. They know about specific techniques and homework assignments that can help combat depression, and they know about adjunct treatments such as antidepressants and bright-light therapy. And finally, because they’re not your friends or family, they can maintain a more realistic perspective.

Seeing a therapist is a sign of strength when faced with depression.

Here are some other thoughts to consider:

Remember:
Most people take more time picking fruit in a grocery store than they do choosing a therapist. Find someone who works for
you.
The legwork you do up front will pay off down the road.

At one time or another, everyone with depression has dreams of what they could do
if only
they weren’t depressed. Facing the reality of what you can do might feel devastating if you’ve had a dream, possibly since childhood, of how you want to work or where you want to be by a certain point in your life. For many people, it’s the 30-year mark. You think,
I should have reached my goals by 30! Other people are a lot farther than I am by now!
This might be true, but it’s probably also true that they don’t deal with depression.