Getting Lucky (37 page)

Hope knew her mother really had been happy. She really had enjoyed her lifestyle, she’d believed in the things she taught people, she’d always been open to learning or trying something new.

She hadn’t been unhappy.

But she had been restless.

Had Melody been so determined to be independent, and to make Hope independent, because that was easier than trusting and depending on other people? People who weren’t there for you when you called, scared, pregnant and alone? People who could break your heart?

Hope felt her eyes fill with tears. Her mother had found a home and had fallen in love. But she hadn’t realized it until it was too late.

This was so stupid. Coming to Sapphire Falls, trying to find Dan, had all been so, so stupid.

Hope didn’t want to know what could have been. She didn’t want to leave Sapphire Falls with her heart broken by Dan Wells. She hadn’t wanted to follow in
those
footsteps of Melody’s.

Hope wiped at her eyes. She wanted to remember her mom as a sweet, open soul who was
happy
, who was living her life fully and without regret.

“I’m not really comfortable with all of these relationships and this closeness you all have,” she said, forcing a steadiness into her voice that she didn’t feel. “I’m not used to thinking about other people. I do what I want, when and how I want to. The way you all have your lives all intertwined with one another’s is completely foreign to me.”

Kathy nodded, sympathy in her eyes. “I understand.”

“You do?”

“It can all be overwhelming for
us
sometimes, to have so many people who know everything about you, who care about everything that happens to you, who are always
there
.”

Hope got the impression Kathy meant that everyone was always physically there, actually present, along with being supportive. That was certainly what Hope had witnessed in her few days here.

“So I’m sure it would seem that way to someone who isn’t used to it.”

Hope nodded. “I don’t know how to function that way. I don’t usually have to think about how my actions and feelings and words affect other people.” She looked at Peyton again. “I might have messed things up for Peyton and Dan,” she admitted. “I told her she needed to be stronger, to stop making her happiness and unhappiness about her dad and mom.”

Kathy shook her head. “That sounds right on to me. Coming from you, she probably listened too.”

But that was the problem. Hope was giving relationship advice? To a daughter about her relationship with her father?

What the hell did Hope know about any of that?

She shouldn’t be messing with people in areas she didn’t really know. Especially in areas that the people she was talking to knew
better
than she did.

Like relationships.

Peyton was surrounded by people who knew about relationships of all kinds. And Hope was teaching her to be strong based on what she’d learned from her mother—the woman who had been using the quest for independence as a way to protect herself from further hurt, not because she really didn’t need anyone else.

This was all so confusing.

“I think I need to leave Peyton alone,” Hope said. She took a deep breath. “And TJ. He deserves someone who knows how…to do this.” She gestured toward the waiting room.

Kathy pressed her lips together. Then she said, “This maybe isn’t my place, but I think I would regret not saying it more than I might regret saying it.”

Hope hugged herself again. “Okay.”

“Dan chose Jo because Jo needed him to be happy. Melody might have missed him, she might have been happier
with
him, but she was able to be happy without him too. He knew that. So he let her go.”

But it wasn’t fair. Everyone deserved to be as happy as they could be. But Hope said nothing. She simply nodded.

“TJ won’t do that.”

Hope felt surprise rock through her.

“TJ wants to be happy. He knows that’s important. And now that he’s found you, he’s not going to let you go easily.”

Hope stared at Kathy. It had only been two days.

“Michelle treated TJ like crap. I’m glad I was able to show him that he deserves more than that,” Hope finally said with conviction. That much she did know. “TJ shouldn’t have to wait around for or chase after someone anymore. He needs to let people closer. And I really hope he’s realized that now.”

Kathy didn’t say anything to that. She simply stepped forward and pulled Hope into a hug. Hope hugged her back tightly before letting her go. Being hugged by a mom, even if she wasn’t yours, always made things feel better.

“Bye, Kathy,” Hope said softly.

Kathy cupped her face in one hand for a moment and smiled at her with sincere affection in her eyes. “’Til we meet again, Hope.”

Kathy turned and headed into the waiting area. Her foot hadn’t even hit the threshold of the room before TJ was up off the couch and coming for Hope.

“Are you okay?” he asked as he approached. He looked concerned.

Hope took a deep breath. “I’m not sure.”

“Did my mom upset you?” he asked with a frown.

“Of course not.” She paused. “Dan upset me.”

TJ’s frown intensified. “Yeah. Me too.”

“But I got my chance to meet him,” she said with a shrug. “Mission accomplished.”

TJ moved closer and peered down at her. “That’s it?”

“What else is there? I met him. I got his side of the story. And I didn’t even want that much,” she said. “I just wanted to be able to say I’d had a conversation with him.”

“And you met Peyton. Got close to her.”

Hope nodded. “Unfortunately.”

TJ frowned. “What’s that mean?”

“I should have left her alone. I should have said hi to her at the bakery and left it at that.”

TJ reached out, took her upper arm and pulled her closer. “Peyton needs a big sister, Hope. In one night, you have her feeling more confident and cared for than she has in…maybe ever. She needs you.”

Hope so wanted to bury her face into his chest and wrap her arms around him. Like at the farm, when everything was swirling around them and he’d anchored her, she felt as if he could make all of the emotions stop tumbling around inside of her.

But that wouldn’t fix anything. Ignoring them, trying to forget about them, wouldn’t make them less real.

She shrugged out of his hold. “Exactly. I don’t want that.”

“You don’t want
what
?” he asked.

“To have Peyton need me. To have some big heart-to-heart with Dan. To have your mom thanking me for bringing her first granddaughter into the world. To have everyone looking to me for answers and help.”

Hope was aware her voice had risen slightly and people in the waiting room were looking. Including Peyton.

TJ noticed too and again took Hope’s arm, this time turning her and steering her down the hall. It was impossible to shrug out of his grasp this time.

He didn’t stop until they were outside the hospital doors and around the corner in a more shadowed area.

He let go of her but stood close, towering over her, displeasure and concern on his face. “What is going on?” he asked.

“You told Dan and Peyton who I am!”

He grimaced. “I know. I’m sorry. It just came out. But it’s not bad. Dan would have realized it eventually. And Peyton is thrilled.”

“Because she thinks I’m going to fix all of her problems,” Hope said. “But there’s no oil or acupressure site that will fix her stuff.”

“Probably not,” TJ agreed. “So you’ll have to use something else.”

Hope threw her hands up. “I don’t have anything else, TJ. That’s what I’ve got. And even those are borderline bullshit.”

His frown was back. “Borderline bullshit?”

“Yes. The lavender bottle was empty!” she reminded him.

“Hope—”

“I’m a fraud,” she said. “I’ve been trying to live like my mom, follow her principles and beliefs. But…that’s not the real me. I do drink coffee. I’ve been trying to kick the habit but I
love
coffee, TJ. I also love Oreos. Like hardcore addiction—sugar, fat and preservatives—all of it. I wear underwear almost all the time. I do yoga, but almost never naked. And I only know the basics about essential oils. I use them but my mom always mixed them for me. I’m a nurse, but I travel because it’s easier than getting pulled into a community where you care for the people through
everything
they need for all their lives. That idea intimidates the hell out of me, frankly. And I have only been on the road in that camper living a simpler life for about five days and I already miss my internet connection, my big screen TV and my pillow-top mattress.”

Hope stood, slightly out of breath, staring up at TJ, praying she wouldn’t cry.

Wow, that had felt cathartic. But she feared the coldness she was about to see in his eyes when he realized that she’d been fooling him too.

He didn’t say anything.

So she said, “And I love bacon.”

With that, he slowly nodded. “Me too.”

Her eyes widened. “Are you listening to me? I’m not all of these things you think I am. You think I’m this wonderful healer and this sweet spirit that wants to reach out and help everyone, but I’m not. I don’t do relationships. I don’t know how. I don’t know what it’s like for people to need things from me that don’t have to do with herbs and plants and ibuprofen. All my life, I’ve had to solve my own problems, and it makes me crazy when people won’t help themselves. And that’s not what you all do here.”

“But you don’t eat bacon. Even though you love it.”

She frowned. “No. I don’t eat bacon.”

“Or Oreos.”

“No—” She hesitated and sighed. “Actually I do. Not often, but sometimes I just have to.”

“And you really have a big-screen TV?”

She nodded. “It’s gorgeous.”

“Well, that’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

She shook her head. “You’re not listening.”

“I am, actually. You’re not perfect or totally in touch with yourself and the universe. I heard you.”

“TJ—”

“I am wondering, though, how you feel about the no underwear and naked yoga now that you’ve tried them.”

She sighed. He was being difficult.

“I kind of like the no underwear and naked yoga,” she confessed. It was true.

“Good,” he said with a nod. “Because I’m a big fan. And, for the record, I have a pillow-top mattress.”

She shook her head, feeling the tears stinging again. She’d known it would be hard to say goodbye to him, and his mother had warned her that he wouldn’t make it easy. That was kind of nice, really. She wasn’t sure anyone had ever tried to hang on to her before.

“I don’t do the kind of relationships you all do. The kind you all want,” she said.

“Yes, you do,” he said simply.

“I’ve messed everything up for Peyton!” she exclaimed. “I’ve made Dan miserable. JoEllen doesn’t even know yet.”

“Dan and Peyton have been messed up for a while, Sunshine. That’s not on you.”

“I made it worse.”

“Do you believe the things you told her? About being strong and making her own happiness?”

“Yes. But what do I know? I’ve never had a father who worried about me.”

TJ’s expression softened at that. “But you know about being happy and at peace. Maybe more about it than anyone I know.”

“I learned it from my mom,” Hope said. “But that was all a lie too. She wasn’t really happy. She was running from memories, trying to fill gaps in her heart and in her life.”

TJ shook his head. “You don’t really believe that.”

But she was afraid maybe she did.

“I can’t stay. I came for something and got way more than I expected. I need to quit before it gets worse.”

He scowled. “Why do I feel like you’re working up to saying you’re leaving?”

She smiled sadly. “Because you’re very, very intuitive.”

“No,” he said firmly. “Not yet. You said you were spending the rest of the summer.”

“That was a sister running away from home, a dad who knew about me for twenty-six years but didn’t want me and a baby on the front lawn ago.”

Not to mention falling in love with his mother, getting a glimpse into what it would be like to have a group of girlfriends and seeing a glimmer of just how fun it would be to watch Travis Bennett raise his little girl. For starters. She wasn’t even going to go into all of the things the big, grumpy, sweet, loving farmer in front of her made her feel.

“
I
need you to stay.”

Hope stared up at TJ. She couldn’t believe that he’d just said that. “Your shoulder should keep doing well if you keep moving it.”

“Actually, after our trip to my bedroom, it hurts like a bitch again, but it was worth it. And that’s not what I’m talking about.”

She felt her cheeks—hell, her whole body—flush with heat with that simple reminder.

“Yeah,” he said, noticing her reaction. “Don’t tell me
that
isn’t worth sticking around for.”