Getting Lucky (38 page)

“You’ve just been having the wrong kind of sex before me. If you let someone close, someone you really like, you’ll be fine.” And the idea of him being with another woman made her want to throw up.

“Now
that
is bullshit, and you know it,” he said. He stepped close and lifted his hand to her face.

She knew she should pull away. When he touched her, she felt that sense of contentment and that everything would be okay.

“I get it. I’m freaked out too,” he said softly.

“
You’re
freaked out?” she said. “I come here for a cup of coffee with my dad, and three days later, I’m immersed in all of…this. Your family and friends and everyone wants me involved in all of…everything. And I’m probably falling in love with you and just had the best sex of my life and I don’t know what to do.” She took a deep breath. “Why are
you
freaked out?”

“For all of those reasons.”

“Because I’m involved in everything?”

“Yes. And that I’m probably falling in love with you too.”

The look on his face and the tone in his voice when he said those words made everything in Hope clench with want.

But he went on. “When things went to hell before, it affected everyone in my life.”

She understood that. And now, knowing his close relationships with his family, she knew that was as important to him as his own broken heart. “And things with us will go to hell. Eventually. Right?”

“I’m not so sure, actually.”

“But eventually we’ll fight about…something,” she said.

“Yeah. But we’ll make up.”

“We will?”

“I’ll lean in and catch a whiff of that shampoo, which will make me think about how you always remind me of sunshine…and how can I stay mad then?”

Hope felt her determination melting.

“You stayed mad at Michelle.”

“She used me. Nothing was ever real. That’s not a problem here.”

“I told you I don’t drink coffee, but I do. I told you I knew all about oils, but I don’t.”

“Do you really think that’s what I’m talking about?” TJ asked. “I could remind you that you are
trying
not to drink coffee and that you know more about oils than anyone else here. But that’s not what I mean. This thing between us—it’s real.”

She took a deep breath. “You sound crazy, you know that?”

“Yeah.”

“
That
freaks me out.”

“Me too.”

They stood looking at each other, and Hope felt everything in her start to want—she wanted him, she wanted to know it would all be okay, she wanted to know that Peyton would be okay, she wanted to hear stories about her mom as a young woman from Dan and Kathy and Thomas. And she wanted to drink coffee. Lots of it. At Scott’s Sweets. Maybe every morning for the next ten years or so.

She pulled away from his touch. That was what was doing it to her. “I know what you’re doing.”

“Begging you to stay?”

Determined. She had to stay determined. Even when he was clearly getting better at showing her that soft layer he had underneath. “You’re
making
this into a circus. I told you I wasn’t dramatic, that I didn’t want all of that either. So you had to
make
drama with me by telling Dan and Peyton who I am. You say you don’t want it, but then you shake the monkey cages and let them all loose so you can go chasing around after them.”

“Why would I do that?” he asked with a frown.

“Because you feel like that’s the measure of true love. If things aren’t hard, they’re not real.”

“And you think things should never be hard,” he said.

Things had always been easy with her mom. They’d disagreed from time to time, but Hope had never worried about Melody. She’d never given Melody advice and then had to worry about it being wrong. If her mom would have taken off in the middle of the night with her camper like Peyton had, Hope might have wondered where she’d gone, but she wouldn’t have worried. Loving Melody had been easy. Melody was a happy, optimistic, curious, adventurous, independent woman. She’d been easy to be around and had never had a problem she couldn’t fix on her own. At least, as far as Hope had ever known.

Even her death had been undramatic. There had been no long, drawn-out illness or injury that needed caring for. Melody had simply gone—quickly and without fanfare.

Hope felt her throat tighten. She nodded, fighting the tears. “Why do you think I’m attracted to you, TJ?”

“Because I’m the one you’re supposed to be with forever.”

She sucked in a sharp breath. Holy crap. “This crazy stuff is contagious, I guess.”

He shrugged. “I was probably already borderline anyway.”

Hope laughed lightly. In the middle of it all, he still made her laugh. “I’m attracted to you because you can take care of yourself. You’re not needy. You don’t need me to advise you or build you up or help you through.”

“Don’t I?” He moved closer, pinning her in place with that intense stare. “When you got here, I was keeping everyone at arm’s length. I didn’t want people close. I didn’t want people taking care of me, because I didn’t know how to do that either. Michelle never took care of me. She just took what I gave. I didn’t know how to have a two-way relationship. Then you show up. Like a rainbow and a tornado all wrapped up into one, and you turned me all around. Now I want to be close to someone.”

“Someone who doesn’t know how to do that, TJ.”

“So we’ll figure it out together.”

“I just got here
yesterday
.”

“Technically two days ago.”

“It doesn’t happen that fast.”

“You haven’t been to Sapphire Falls before.”

She took a deep breath. He wasn’t saying he was in love with her, but he was saying he thought it could happen.

She knew exactly what he meant.

“I came to Sapphire Falls to have a memorable summer like my mom did and to see the world the way she saw it. I thought she had all the answers. That she was strong and independent and wise. But I think she got some of it wrong.”

“So she was human too.”

Hope pulled in a long breath and then nodded. “Yeah, I guess so. But I don’t know what she was right about and what she was wrong about.”

TJ studied her face for a long, long moment. Finally, he said, “And you need time to figure everything out.”

She nodded. “And you can’t wait around for me to call for help.”

Her heart was tearing in two, but she knew it was the right thing. TJ had spent too long waiting for Michelle to love him back, trying to make it work when she wasn’t trying at all. He couldn’t do that for Hope too.

“You won’t call me for help anyway,” he said gruffly. He looked resigned and a touch affectionate as he said it.

Everything in her ached. “It’s not you. I don’t call anyone for help.”

He nodded. “I know.” He dug in his front pocket, pulled his keys out and handed them to her. “But you can call for other reasons.”

Hope somehow managed to keep from sobbing until she was inside his truck and on the road back to Sapphire Falls.

And all the way back, she wondered if she loved him more because he hadn’t wanted her to go, or because he’d let her.

Chapter Thirteen

Three days later, Hope sat in a truck stop just east of the Nebraska state line.

From where she sat, she could see Colorado.

She’d been able to see Colorado for two days from the window in her motel room. She just hadn’t been able to make herself cross the state line. She wasn’t ready to leave Nebraska just yet. For some reason.

And, yes, she was staying in a motel. She’d wanted to live in her mother’s world for a while, but the truth was, the tiny camper was making her claustrophobic and she wasn’t really the sleep-under-the-stars kind of girl.

She picked up her cup of coffee and sighed. Caffeine was good.

“See you for dinner?” Paula, the waitress who had been taking Hope’s order for breakfast, lunch and dinner over the past two days, asked.

Hope looked out the window again. She should cross that line today. She should just do it and get it over with. She should leave Nebraska behind.

But she looked up at Paula and nodded. “Yep.”

“Okay.” Paula smiled and laid Hope’s lunch bill on the table. “Talk to you then.”

Hope knew it was pathetic that she couldn’t leave the state. For one thing, it wasn’t even a real line. The dirt on the Colorado side was the same dirt as on the Nebraska side.

But it seemed different.

TJ was in Nebraska. So was Peyton. So was Kathy and Lauren and Phoebe and…

Okay, so she’d been waiting to see if TJ would come after her.

He shouldn’t. If he did, she would be disappointed. He shouldn’t have to chase someone. Anyone who would leave him was a complete idiot and he deserved better.

But she’d still kind of wanted him to.

The tears that had been just beneath the surface since she’d left Sapphire Falls threatened again.

Her phone chimed with a text message and she almost didn’t look. The odds were about twenty to one that it was Jason Gilmore. Offering her a job. Again.

He’d not only been impressed with how she’d handled Lauren’s delivery, but Lauren and Travis had been pretty insistent that she needed to join the medical team in Sapphire Falls. The medical team that consisted of Jason. Just Jason. He wanted and needed the help.

Hope was flattered, but really? Talk about a job completely opposite from what she’d been doing. The traveling had been perfect because she hadn’t formed long-term attachments. That would not be the case in Sapphire Falls.

If she joined the clinic there, she would not have only delivered Whitney Bennett, but she’d give the girl her first stitches, set her first broken bone, do her kindergarten physical, give her a tetanus shot after she stepped on something on the farm, treat her for the flu and strep throat, be the one to confirm
her
pregnancy and deliver
her
baby. Hell, it was possible Hope would give Whitney’s daughter her first stitches too.

That was how healthcare worked in small towns.

That was a lot of pressure. That was a lot of being involved with someone.

It was also kind of tempting.

Hope would love to see Whitney dressed up for school on her first day of kindergarten.

The damned stinging in her eyes was becoming stronger.

She finally flipped her phone over and read the text message from Jason. But it wasn’t an offer of more money.

The mayor is determined to talk you into the job. You’ve been warned.

The mayor? Hailey was going to call her? Why?

“What can I get you?” Hope heard Paula ask someone.

“Coffee please,” a deep voice said from right next to Hope’s table.

She looked up. And froze.

Dan Wells stood there, studying the plate in front of her. “Is that Oreo pie?” he asked.

Hope glanced down and nodded numbly.

“I’ll have a piece of that too,” he told Paula as he slid into the booth across from Hope.

Hope just stared at him.

“I loved your mother with everything I had,” he said. “Not going with her when she left Sapphire Falls was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”

Dan Wells was here. Her
father
was here. He’d come after her.

No one had ever come after her before.

Her phone started to ring and Hope silenced it without even looking. She couldn’t deal with Hailey right now too.

“And when she wanted to come back?” Hope asked.

Paula set his coffee and pie down in front of him. He stirred in one cream and two sugars.

It was exactly how Hope drank her coffee.

She sat back and crossed her arms and waited.

“I told her the truth—I had proposed to JoEllen and we were getting married.”

“And that you wanted nothing to do with your baby,” Hope said, trying to sound detached from the whole thing. She had never missed having a father.

Until now as she was facing him over Oreo pie.

He nodded and Hope felt her chest ache.

“I was scared. I was scared of what Jo would do. I didn’t know how to possibly make it work over such a distance. I couldn’t leave Jo and if Melody had moved back closer…” He sighed. “I never stopped loving and wanting your mom, Hope. If she’d been close, it would have ruined my marriage.”

Hope bit her tongue against all of the things she wanted to say. How pathetic that all sounded, how wrong he’d been, how he’d hurt her mom. And her.

The thing was, she hadn’t been hurt until now. She hadn’t known that he’d turned his back. Her mom had protected her from that, had always made her feel like a gift and the best adventure of Melody’s life.

Hope didn’t know if her mom had done the right thing or if maybe Dan had even done some of it right. Or if they’d both done everything wrong. But none of it really mattered now. It was over and done.