Ghost Time (37 page)

So we drove all afternoon, and it was strange, you know? Like those times when, suddenly, you feel so close to your parents again after so many months of not getting along, fighting, bickering, whatever, and then for some reason, you remember how much fun you can have with them, how much you love them? It’s just a flash, but there’s this moment when you see how badly you treat them sometimes, how much you take them for granted. Driving with Cam that day, that’s how I felt about Fort Marshall and all the other towns, and this whole part of the country. It’s so beautiful here, and I take so much for granted. All I could ever think about was getting the hell out of this place, and maybe that’s not the only direction, you know?

When we got back, it was about six, just getting dark. So we stopped at Silver Top, and when we walked in, Sharon smiled. We’d been there a few times by then, but she could tell it was different. When I walked in, sat down at our booth, I swear there was a halo around me, I was so happy. I ordered a grilled cheese and Cam had a burger, and we just sat there, talking. I don’t remember what we were talking about: I just remember the moment I looked up, and two hours had passed. And I had to pee so badly, having had two huge Diet Cokes, because my mouth kept getting dry. So for like an hour, I just crossed my legs and squeezed, because I didn’t want to break the spell.

But then, finally, I had to go; I was dying. Actually, Cam was the one who pushed himself off the table, squeezing out, saying,
I’ll be right back, heading for the men’s room. So then I waited, and we switched off. When I returned to the booth, he said, We should get you home, and I smiled, even though I so didn’t want to go home. Then I took out my purse to get money, and Cam said, I already paid, and he stepped back, waiting for me to go first out the door. That’s when I finally realized, like,
Wow, is this a date?
This sounds so dumb, but I swear even the old bell, over the door, was happy for me.

The whole way home, I couldn’t think of a thing to say, because I kept wondering if he was going to kiss me when we got to my house. And my stomach reminded me of an old neighbor of ours, back in Poughkeepsie, whose cat had a litter. I remember holding one, how this teeny tiny kitten kneaded its paws against my stomach, while I cradled it. I felt like I had that kitten with me, but on the inside, kneading me on the inside, in my intestines, all the way down to my butt. I’m sorry, but it’s true, everything kneading and gurgling and nervous.

When we got back to my place, he parked up front, and said, I’ll walk you in. You don’t need to, I said. No, I want to, he said, so we got out, and he followed me toward the stairs. My mom’s home, I said, seeing the lights on in our living room, before we reached the door. You want to sit down for a minute? he asked, nodding at the rail. Sure, I said, because I couldn’t invite him inside, with my mom there. So we sat on the second floor, with our legs dangling through the metal railing, watching the cars on the highway. And as ugly as it is, as much as I hate to look at it in the daytime, the highway and the strip mall on the other
side, I was thinking there’s something so beautiful about red and orange taillights at night. I smiled, so happy to be exactly where I was, and then Cam leaned over and kissed my cheek, smiling back at me. I looked at him, not sure what he was doing, or what I was supposed to do back, after he kissed my cheek, and then he laughed, seeing the look on my face. No rush, he said.

And then I kissed him. I leaned over, and I kissed him. Not, you know, intensely or anything, just… light. It wasn’t conscious or whatever, that’s just how it happened. I mean, I thought it’d last longer, you know. It was sweet, and his lips were so soft and warm and didn’t shake, like mine, tense and dry-mouthed. When I leaned back, my stomach gurgled, and it was so embarrassing, because he heard. But the best part of it was, actually, it was over. I kissed him; it was done, and I could quit worrying about it. Then my stomach growled again, even louder, and I crossed my arms over my stomach, Ohmygod, I said. When Cam stopped laughing at me, he ran his finger around my ear, pulling my hair back, then he reached his arm over his head, alley-oop, and pulled my head on his shoulder, holding it there. I took a deep breath, and the smell of his neck made me want to bite him, suck him, give him a hickey—just the most awful burning and fluttering in my stomach, my mouth, my head.

And sure enough, who pulls into the parking lot? Rain Man. Couldn’t believe it. I mean, the fact that Ray was there at all, which meant I’d have to deal with him on Sunday morning, and then, just to make matter worse, he’d expect me to introduce him to Cam. Which is the last thing I wanted to do. Gotta go, I said,
grabbing the rails with both hands, pulling myself up. Why? Cam said, standing up. My mother’s boyfriend is here, I said, and I can’t. I’m sorry, I said. No problem, he said. Call me tomorrow?

Sure, I said, smiling. All right, he said, and he leaned over and kissed me, and we were standing far enough back that Raymond couldn’t see, and then he touched the side of my face, and left. I stood there, waiting, and I leaned over the rail to see what would happen. Ray had gotten out of his car, and first thing he did was walk over, checking out Cam’s car, and then he balked, seeing Cam head for the car, taking out his keys, making it clear it was his car. The best part was when Cam gets to Raymond, and then he breezed by him, not a care in the world. Hey, Cam said, raising his hand, being cool, but looking at Raymond, like,
Dude, mind if I get in my car now?

Hey, Raymond said, stepping back and pressing the alarm on his car, standing there, waiting for this kid, who obviously wasn’t from around here, to acknowledge him. And Cam was perfectly nice, chill about the whole thing. Take it easy, Cam said, shutting the door, and I started laughing, knowing Raymond wanted to ask Cam who he was, but not being able to, because Cam wouldn’t give him the opening Raymond needed to ask about the car. Ohmygod, it was so funny, I leaned over the rail, my shoulders shaking. And I thought Cam would leave, drive off, but he didn’t. He just sat there, watching me laugh, waiting for Ray to walk upstairs.

Hey, Theadorie, Ray said, reaching the top stair, heading toward me, for our door. Ray, I said. Friend of yours? he asked,
looking over his shoulder at the parking lot. But I didn’t answer, didn’t turn around. I just smiled at Cam, watching him start his car. Bye, I said, mouthing the words, and he held up his hand, pressing it against the inside of the front window. I held up my right hand and spread my fingers wide apart. When I think about the first time we went out, the first time we kissed, what I remember most is watching my hand, steady in the dark.

(NINE WEEKS LATER)

7:14 AM

It was a Monday. For some reason, it was just me and the IV Babies, the Garner twins, standing at the bus stop. It’d been raining all night, and the sky was still gray, and there were all these worms on the road. The twins used to bother me a lot more, but then I thought they were kind of funny, because they’d always freaked Cam out. The first time we saw them we were at the store. Mom called and asked me to pick up some toilet paper on my way home, this list of things we needed, didn’t matter. I was with Cam, and as long as we got to spend more time together, I didn’t care what she needed me to do. So we were walking around, trying to find the paper products, and we turned the corner, and Cam almost screamed. Not like I scream, but like a guy screams, because the freaky twins were just standing there, in the middle of the aisle, like they’d been waiting for us. Lucy and Lucas, that’s their names. They didn’t
say anything, either. They just stared at us, and I pulled Cam away, turning back down the aisle.

Thee, he said: did you see that? Did you see those kids, the way they were just standing there? Yeah, they ride my bus, I said. Freaky, right? It’s that skin, they have that skim-milky-blue skin. They never talk, either. They just stare at you, I said, opening my eyes, staring at him like the twins stare. They remind me of those twins in
The Shining
, he said, shuddering. Remembering that, I couldn’t help smiling at them at the bus stop, standing shoulder to shoulder, staring at the worms on the road. When they heard me laugh, they turned and stared, just like always, except I couldn’t take it anymore.

Why do you always stare at me? I said, and I waited, but they didn’t say anything. Finally, I snapped, Speak! And in unison—in perfect unison, I swear, they go, We know. Their voices had this metallic sound, and I think it was the first time I ever heard their voices, and it was so weird, hearing them, it took me a minute before I understood what they’d just said. You know what? I said. And they go, Lots of things, and I go, Oh, yeah? What things? And they said, Things about that boy, and I knew they were talking about Cam, but I go, What boy? And they go, The boy who’s missing. Your friend, they said. We saw him. Right away, I go,
When?
When did you see him? I said, and my heart started pounding so loud, I swear they must have heard. They go, That day. The day he disappeared, they said in metallic unison, and I said, Tell me. What did you see?

They go, We saw him get in his car and drive away, and I
said, How do you know? And they go, We were playing outside. In our yard, they said, and if I hadn’t been so upset, I would’ve been totally freaked that these kids talk entirely in unison, like every word. Still, I go, Did you tell anyone? No, they said. I said, No one? No, they said. Not even your Mom? I said, and they repeated: No one. Good, I said, don’t. Ever. It’s not safe, you understand? Yes, they said in unison, staring me right in the eye. I said, Did he come back? They shook their heads, and I go, Are you
sure
? And they said, Yes, and I said, How can you be sure? And they go, Because we don’t like him. He drove off, and then the car came back, they said. Wait, you saw him drive back? I said, and they go, No, just the car, not the boy.

My stomach was in my throat, thinking maybe Cam came back to tell me something, like Foley said, or maybe he was coming to warn me. When? I said. When did the car come back? Later, they said, and I was like, An hour, two hours? No, in the night, they said, and I go, Don’t lie to me, and they both raised their voices: It’s true! We woke up, and we saw his car, and he got out of the car, but then another car came and that boy ran away, they said. I go, What time was it? And they go, Told you: it was late, and I go, What were you doing out of bed? And they go, We had to pee, and I didn’t even want to think about that. Okay, but the other car, was it like an SUV? I said, and they said, Yes. An SUV, they said, nodding in unison. Could you see in the windows? I said, and they shook their heads. No, the twins said. It was all black; the windows, too, they said, and then I about screamed, because Mason honked the horn,
behind us. I didn’t even notice he’d pulled up, right behind me, the whole bus was waiting.

Mason opened the bus’s sliding door, and said: Morning, kids! My hands were shaking when I got on the bus, and my hands were still shaking after school. I thought about them all day long, but then, just as I was getting on the bus, I heard a voice calling me, Hey, Thea! Thea! I turned around, and it was Ricky. He never takes the bus. He’s had to deal with so much bullying, his mom always drives him to school and picks him up after, but anyhow.

He was out of breath, running to catch me, and I said, Hey, what’s up? And right away, he goes, There’s something I didn’t tell you about my dream. I didn’t know what dream, and he said, My seizure, remember what I was telling you? It was a seizure, but it was like waking up in a dream. And in the dream, I was in this empty house somewhere. There was nothing in the house, no furniture, nothing, but all the walls were tagged, everywhere, he said. And as soon as he said that, I got the chills. Then he goes, I didn’t tell you that when I stepped back—when I was in that empty house, and I stepped back, looking at all the graffiti on the walls, it was like that art thing, what do you call it? Like when up close it’s just dots but you step away and you see what the picture really is? Impressionism, I said, and he said, Yeah, that. When I stepped back, looking at all the 1s and 0s, I could see what it said. It was a word, see, the entire wall was one big word, and I said, What word? Ricky furrowed his brow like it was the craziest thing, and he said, Forever. The wall said, FOREVER. My mouth fell wide open, and I
almost screamed when Mason yelled, Yo! Thea, let’s get a move on! Because everyone was waiting on me, the whole bus, and I couldn’t speak. I said, I, I… I’ve got to go, I’ll talk to you later, Ricky. Later, he said, turning, walking away.

By the time I sat down, I’d forgotten all about the IV Babies, what they said about seeing Cam. I just sat there, slumped in my seat, flipping back and forth, looking at all the pages of 1s and 0s he’d drawn, remembering what Cam told me it really said. At first I thought maybe if I took a picture of each page, I could print them all out, assemble them, like Ricky said, see if it was true, but I didn’t want to take a chance of piecing it together. I was just so stunned, you know, because all day long, I thought I was going to sit with the twins, ask them more questions on the way home, but they weren’t on the bus, after school, and I didn’t even think of it until I got off the bus.

When I got home, I walked over to their house, across the street, and they weren’t playing outside. Didn’t look like anyone was home, either. No lights on, no sound, no car in the driveway. So the next morning, I got up early and walked over, thinking I’d see them, at least. I don’t know why, but I just needed to see them, but no one was home. At seven thirty in the morning, too. They were gone. Finally, after school, I walked straight over to their house, instead of going home. They weren’t on the bus, and there was no one home. I walked right up to the door, listened. Then I walked around back, looked inside. No one there.

I couldn’t deal with going home, either, so I decided to walk to Silver Top, and I called Knox before going inside. What’s going on? he said. Will you call the elementary school for me? I said.
Why? It’s about the twins, Lucy and Lucas Garner. I haven’t seen them in a few days, and no one’s at their house, and I want to be sure they’re all right. Will you call now, before the office closes? All right, hang on, Knox said, reaching for a pen. Go on, what are their names? he asked. Lucy and Lucas Garner, I said, twins, and probably in the first grade. Call you back, he said, and I walked around the corner of Silver Top, trying to catch my breath while I waited for him.