Ghostly (Darkly Devoted Book 1) (18 page)

It felt like he was a million miles away, under water somewhere.

“Where’s Dillon?” my father demanded.

“He’s in his room. She saved him.” Cade gripped me tighter and ran his fingers through my hair.

The room grew quiet as I heard my father’s footsteps running down the hall in the direction of my brother’s room.

As long as he was okay.

As long as he was alive.

That’s what mattered most.

“Briar!” Cade exclaimed. Tears soaked my hair as he rocked me back and forth. The sound of sirens echoed in the distance.              “The ambulance is here, please hold on. You can’t be stuck here. What if you don’t stay? What if you disappear?”

As the world spun again and started to fade to black, I knew there was one last thing I needed to say in case I didn’t make it. He needed to know and I’d never told him.

“Cade, I love—” I tapped my fingers against his back, wanting it to be more of a grab, but failing as I dropped my hands down to the side. I lost control of my body; his voice continued to sound further and further away.

“I know, I know, just rest please. Save your strength,” Cade begged.

I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer.

“No! Briar! No! Wake up! Breathe!”

I heard the door slam open as I drifted off, closing my eyes and taking one final deep breath, the scent of Cade filling my nostrils as he called out, “She’s over here. Help, please!”

He wouldn’t let me go. They fought him to get me, insisting that they could help, but he refused to let me go until I went limp in his arms. I could picture him in my head—fear on his face and tears streaming down his cheeks as he tried to help me fight. But I was so tired.

Tired of fighting.

Tired of holding on.

Just so sleepy…

Chapter Twenty-Eight

My eyes shot open to take in the darkness around me. Air rushed into my mouth as I tried to breathe. Cold air hastened painfully into my throat and burned my insides. It wasn’t right.

I sat straight up and screamed. I couldn’t remember how I’d gotten there. My mind was foggy. My eyes had trouble focusing as I looked around. I could barely make out the hard, stone walls of the room.

I was in the basement of the house, dark and damp. Fear gripped me as voices whispered to me in the darkness. They surrounded me.

“Briar?” one of the voices whispered as a shadow appeared in the corner.

I blinked several times and tried to make my eyes adjust to the dark.

The figure approached me slowly. “Oh my God, Briar.”

His dark eyes focused on me as he continued to step forward. Pink rimmed his eyes showed that he’d been crying furiously. He wore a gray shirt with a large dark stain on the front of it and jeans. He shoved his hands in his pockets as he stepped towards me, slowly, cautiously.

Goosebumps took over my skin and I backed up, hitting the cold wall. 

“It’s okay.” His hands went up in a defense. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

“What—what’s going on?”

“You, uh, we um…damn it!” He ran both of his hands through his hair and knelt in front of me. When he looked back at me, tears filled up his eyes and spilled down his face. “I never wanted this to end this way, I’m so sorry, Briar. I’m just glad you’re here. I was so afraid I’d lost you.”

I rubbed my eyes and tried to focus. “Cade.”

“Yes.” He moved closer to me and straddled my waist. He ran his finger down my face, warm and soft against my skin. “Everything’s going to be okay. I love you.”

I closed my eyes and let my body remember. The scent of him filled my nostrils and brought a thousand memories tumbling into my mind— everything from moving into the house to getting ready for movie night with my brother. I screamed as they took my breath away. The screams echoed against the confines of the basement. My hands gripped his arms as they continued to erupt from me. He pushed back against me and held on to me.

“It’s okay, Briar. It’s okay.”

My mind fought to sort through the thoughts. I tried to make my eyes focus on him, but he was blurry even though he was just a few inches away from me. “How’d I get down here?”

Cade gripped my face in his hands and forced me to look at him. “I dunno. I found you down here.”

My trembling hands ran over the fabric of his shirt where a dark circle resided. “Is that…mine…”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left you. I should have been there. This is all my fault.”

“What are you talking about? Why are you so warm? I don’t understand.”

He shook his head. “Because we—we’re the same temperature. I was really hoping you’d make it to the hospital and they could…”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” I interrupted. “You—you’re dead. And I—I’m alive. I’m warmer, I’ve always been. I’m…oh God.” I froze as the worst case scenario hit me.

Part of my memory was missing. There was a big gaping hole from the time I walked through the living room door, popcorn in hand, and when I woke up on the floor in the basement. The tears rose in my chest as I threw my hand over my mouth. 

That was my bloodied mess on his shirt.

Cade’s jaw tightened, worry coming over his face as he looked at me. “You’re safe now. No one can hurt you.”

He pulled me to him and I buried myself in his shirt, letting the tears flow down my face as I tried to come to terms with what had happened. I didn’t know if my family was safe. If I was…then there was a chance that they were…and I couldn’t stand it if something happened to them.

I couldn’t move for the intense sobs jerking me in his arms, my breath coming in short quick bursts as I cried and screamed. I’d never heard such agonizing sounds coming from myself before.

“Please, Cade, tell me I’m alive. Tell me this is a dream. Please. I will wake up at any minute.”

Cade didn’t answer me. He just kissed the top of my head. “Don’t worry; I’ll take care of you. I won’t let the darkness have you.”

“How long have I been out?” I asked.

“Seven days. I was terrified that you wouldn’t show up.”

“Since when does time matter to you?”

“Since you left me…I knew you’d want to know when…ya know.”

I nodded. It all felt so surreal. I ran my hands down his clothing and underneath it, placing my hand onto the skin. He was so warm, the same temperature as me. I moved my hands to his back to encompass him in my arms. Closing my eyes, I tried to force myself to wake up.

“I’m sorry for forcing you away.”

“It’s okay. I’m way over it. What I did was shitty, Briar. But I promise you, no more lies.”

“Thank you.”

“I love you,” he said.

I wasn’t sure why he was looking at me like that with a need in his eyes to hear me say it. He’d always been okay with me taking my time to say it. I never had.

“Cade…I…”

He lowered his eyebrows and shook his head as if trying to clear something from his mind. “It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.”

Cade pulled back and stood up. He reached a hand down to me and I took it, allowing him to pull me up. I stumbled against him at first, my feet unsure as they tried to balance on the floor. He steadied me until I was able to stand on my own. 

“Are you okay?” Cade asked.

“I think so.”

I pulled my hand from his and wrapped my arms around my body, desperately wanting my hand to still have that trace of coldness after his touch left me like it used to. The chill in my hands being the only proof that he’d been there with me at times before. I rocked back and forth on the balls of my feet. I wasn’t ready. I was too young. I had my whole life ahead of me. Now it was gone and trapped inside of the house.

I didn’t believe it. I had to have proof and I knew just how to get it. Tearing away from him, I ran through the back door of the basement. I ran out into the sun and threw my hand up to hide its brightness from my eyes. My body whirled in circles, trying to focus on something around me, anything to ground me in reality. I ran forward toward the edge of the grass. If I could just make it past that I would be free.

Suddenly I hit a barrier, something invisible that wouldn’t let me pass into the road and away from the property. I screamed and fell to the ground. Tears filled my eyes and the reality of the situation hit me full force. I was gone. There was no use in denying it any longer.

Warm hands took a hold of me and pulled me to my feet. I didn’t have to look to know who it was. I recognized the feel and smell of him.

“I’m smothering, Cade. I can’t get out. I can’t escape. I need to be free. Why is this happening to me?”

“You’re a ghost now, tied to the property. You can never leave, I’m so sorry.”

“Did you do this?” I didn’t want to ask it, but I couldn’t keep the thought away. 

He pulled back from me to look at me, hands on my arms. “No! I would never hurt you.”

“Then what happened? I can’t remember.”

Cade shook his head and rubbed his tired eyes. “I don’t think we should talk about this right now.”

“I don’t care what you
think
, Cade. I want to know the truth about what happened.”

“Okay, but you can’t go freaking out on me. You don’t want them to see you. It’d tear them apart.”

“Who?”

“Your family.”

Dad. Dillon.
“They’re alive?”

“Yes.”

“Then how…why am I…”

“There was an intruder in the house. A ghost possessed him and went after you. I just left you for a minute, Briar. Just a minute to get you some flowers and return your necklace. I wanted to apologize for the way I acted. Just a minute for that asshole to get you and…”

My body shook in his arms. I didn’t want to hear the rest. He looked at me with so much pain on his face, and I knew he didn’t want to tell me. He didn’t want to terrorize me even more.

“You don’t remember?”

I shook my head. “Cade, I need to know what happened.”

“He shot you, Briar. He shot you, and I was too late. I tried to save you. I put pressure on the wound, but you bled through. There was so much blood. I didn’t want you to be trapped here. I wanted you to live. Your dad came home; the ambulance came. But it was too late.”

“And Dillon?”

“He left before…before you were hurt. He didn’t see anything.”

Relief filled my body. “Oh, thank goodness.”

“He’s been crying. A lot.”

“Can I see him?”

Cade shook his head. “Briar, I don’t know. It can be hard to keep from revealing yourself to someone that you really want to see you. Maybe you should wait.”

“But I want to see him. I have to know he’s okay.”

“It’s harder to hide from kids. They have this weird kind of ability to tune into us.”

“I need to see him!” I screamed and pushed Cade away from me.

He caught my wrist in his hand and yanked me towards him. He kissed me, hard on the lips, not daring to deepen it, waiting to see how I was going to react. His hand held my wrist, the only thing other than our lips touching. I wanted to give into him. I wanted to lose myself in him as I’d done so many times before, but he was warm against my lips, hot against my skin, and it scared me.

I jerked away from him. “I can’t. I’m sorry. It’s too much.”

And I disappeared. 

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Darkness swallowed me up. Every time I closed my eyes, I remembered the way blood pooled on the skin of my wrist and ran down my hand onto the floor months ago. Once, each red drop released the pain. Watching the crimson used to make me feel alive, but now I couldn’t even get myself to do it. The steel was cool in between my fingers, but I couldn’t slide it across my skin.

I wanted to see my family. I even wanted to see the small group I’d been hanging out with. Being dead made me realize what a treasure Meredith, Ryder, and even Celeste had been.

What I would do with the rest of my time in the house? Would my father clear out my room? Would they move out? If they did, I’d never see them again. Would a new family move in? If so, would Cade find someone else to love, someone else who intrigued him?

Surely I was no fun anymore. I was dead. Just like him. I wasn’t special anymore.

But Cade had come to see me several times since I’d died. Sometimes we would just sit in silence, but sometimes I couldn’t even stand to do that. When he touched me with that foreign warm feeling, I would lose it all over again and end up somewhere else in the house. Alone.

The floorboards creaked, and I knew that
he
was there. My sweet Cade. My secret dark angel. I didn’t feel that familiar chill down my spine, the one that encouraged my hairs to stand on end when I was alive. The one that told me he was there even if I didn’t see him, but I still felt him in the room.

“You don’t have to hide, Cade.”

He stepped out of the shadows and came to stand at the edge of the bed. He looked awful, like he’d not slept in days, not that the dead slept anyway.

“Hey,” he said as he took a slow, cautious seat on the edge of the bed.

“Hey.”

“Are you mad at me?”

“No.”

“I don’t understand what you want, Briar. I don’t know what to do to fix this.”

I crawled over to where he was and perched beside him on the end of the bed. He was so close to me. All I had to do was reach out and touch him, but I didn’t want to feel the warmth. “I just…I can’t stand this. Is it going to be like this always?”

“Like what?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know…weird?”

“Being dead is weird at first, but you will get used to it.”

“I don’t even know how long I’ve been dead.”

“Over a month.”

I nodded, my random calculations had been right. “Every time you touch me, it feels so alien.”

Cade moved closer until he was only inches away. “I wish there was something I could do to help. I miss you, Briar. I miss us.”

“I know, I’m sorry. It’s forever now, ya know? Neither of us can take it back. We won’t get married, we won’t have children…we won’t grow old.” I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I was obsessed with it. Nothing good could come to mind. It was hard to even decipher who I was anymore, or even convince myself that it mattered. It was eternal night.

“None of that would have happened anyway because I was already dead. You forget that. You just want to be miserable. We will be young forever, Briar. Strong and resilient, together. That’s all that matters to me.”

“But I feel so lost…and…so depressed.”

“I know.” He reached out a shaky hand and skimmed the back of it down my face softly.

I closed my eyes and savored the feel of him. It’s what it would have felt like if I’d met him when he was alive. Warm. Normal. He was my Cade. He felt different, but he was the same person I’d fallen in love with.

As he lowered his lips to mine slowly, I fought the urge to pull away.

“Please don’t leave me again,” he begged and moved his hands to tangle in my hair. He connected his lips with mine, still careful and easy. I could feel him holding back, wanting so much more out of the kiss but not wanting to push me past what I was comfortable with.

I didn’t want to leave him. I didn’t even know how I’d left him before. My body just disappeared when I got too scared or too overwhelmed. With him there, I felt at home again. I sighed against his mouth and tried to make myself relax in his hands, the ones that pulled me closer to him. My hands curved around his neck as I kissed him back.

It felt so good. So much more intense than it had when I was alive. I needed him to be there with me and make me feel alive again. I was lost, and he was my one way out of the maze I’d found myself in.

My body remembered how to work again as I trembled in his arms. My memories took me back to a simpler time. Back to a time when I clung to the light inside me for dear life. I had been so naïve. Life had been good. I had friends and family that loved me. I had a chance at love with a real boy. I gave it all up by immersing myself in the house with a dead one.

Cade still clung to that part of me that saved him. For once, he had hope when I had none. He was the one to revive me that time.

His teeth grazed along my shoulder, sending chills up my spine. I grasped for him and pulled myself closer. I pushed his shirt out of the way and ran my hands along his body; my nails grazed along him.

“Do you trust me?” he whispered.

My heart rate sped up at the look he was giving me. I knew, without a doubt, that he wouldn’t hurt me. I’d always felt safe when he was in the room. Just knowing that he was there made me feel like there was nothing in the world that could hurt me.

Finally I forced the word out, “Yes.”

He slammed his lips back on mine and made me lose my breath. His hands entangled in the hair at the base of my head as he groaned into my mouth. With a slow pull on my hair, he forced my head backwards and made his way down my neck. His kisses shot excitement through my body, and I forgot about my past. I forgot about my death.

Instead, I focused on the hands that undressed me. I focused on the way Cade pressed himself against my body and made my skin buzz with need. I allowed myself to get lost in him and let him make me feel alive again.

“Cade, please.” My words were muttered and quiet.

He smiled wickedly and pushed me back onto the bed. Forcing my legs apart with his knees, his kiss was hard and desperate. In that moment, it was just Cade and me alone in the darkness that threatened to swallow us both up.

“We can still stop if you want.”

“No.” I buried my face in his neck, letting the familiar scent of us take me to another place. 

I wrapped my limbs around him as our bodies lifted off the sheets and into the air, an unreal and unnatural feeling. It was supernatural. Nothing else could explain it. The room grew smoldering hot. Passion ignited a fire within me and it was unlike anything I’d ever felt before.

“Shit, Cade, do you feel that?”

He nodded, unable to form words, but he kissed me again and I knew he felt it too. He consumed me, burned through my body, painful, sweet, and satisfying. I cried out and let myself go. I came undone and relished in the pleasure that poured over me. Cade moaned one last time as we lowered to the bed, and he collapsed on top of me.

“Oh my God, Cade, what was that?”

“Unfuckingbelievable, that’s what.” He rose up enough to look down at me. He licked his lips and moved a hand up to wipe the sweat off his brow and push his damp hair out of the way.

God
, he was so sexy.

I grabbed for his hair and pulled him down for another kiss. I wasn’t done yet. I needed to lose myself in him, instead of the blade, until we were both absolutely spent.

Cade pulled back from me. “Give me a second, Briar; I need a minute to—”

Without letting him finish the sentence, I kissed him again and rolled over on top of him. I smiled down at him. “You really going to tell me no?”

“No, never. This is all I’ve ever wanted. I will always be here.”

From the moment I’d walked into the house, he’d been there. No matter what past either one of us had, we made some sort of sense together. We could heal together, be better together.

“Cade, thank you.”

With a wicked smile he grumbled, “Stop talking.” Then he pulled me down to meet his lips.