Girl in the White Dress: Sam's Story (17 page)

             
I was so ecstatic for Trinity and Derek. Part of me was sad that it was not my wedding and it of course made me think of Tim and Danny. I sank back into bed and screamed into my pillow.

              I had been casually hanging out with Jay just having fun. Finally, I decided I was in need of some tender loving care so I asked him, “Are you going to kiss me, or not?”

             
He looked startled. Given the circumstances, it was a completely valid question. It was not a new anything to us and I was getting quite impatient with his slowness.

             
Puzzled, Jay asked, “Are you sure you want to revisit this?”

             
I sighed in frustration. “Jay, I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t.” I paused to take a drink of my Sex on the Beach. “I have had far too many of these and have not gotten laid in months. Work with me,” I demanded.

             
I did realize that Jay and I never actually sealed the deal in high school but we might as well have and he was familiar and I needed familiar right now. I had not talked to Tim in months and it had done nothing to clear my head of him. Jay and I had been hanging out a lot since he had moved home and I just wanted to have some fun and release some of this frustration, sexual and mental. Emotionally, this meant nothing but I was a woman in need and Jay’s hot body would fill the physical void quite nicely. “Well?” I asked, still waiting for an answer.

             
He finally leaned in and kissed me. He clearly had practice because it was far better than it used to be.

             
I pulled back after a few minutes and smiled. “Not bad mister.”

             
He laughed. “Glad I could impress.” He threw down some money for the drinks and nodded towards the door. “You want to get out of here?”

             
I tried to give him my most seductive look. “Absolutely.” Ok, I thought, we were actually going to do this. I was glad I was drunk because I was not sure this was the best decision anymore. Nevertheless, it was Jay and I had needs and I knew he could fill those needs.

             
We ended up back at his apartment. Given the fact that I was hammered, it was still an enjoyable experience. One, however, I would most likely regret in the morning.

             
I managed to find all my clothes and sneak out before Jay could stop me. We had had a long night and he managed to fill my needs several times but now in the morning light, I realized this was a bad idea.

             
I called Rachel and told her to meet me at the diner for breakfast.

             
When we got there, I told her about my sordid evening. “Oh, no you did not!” was her reaction.

             
I covered my face. “Please don’t yell. I have an awful headache.”

             
“Ah, so you were drunk. That explains the poor decision making, doesn’t excuse it, but explains it.”

             
“Ok, I am really not up for this discussion right now. All I am going to say is, it happened, not sure if it should have, but it did and it’s done.” I grabbed a menu. “Now, what cures a hangover?”

             
“Eggs. And it unquestionably should not have happened.” I shot daggers her way. “Ok, fine. No more comments.”

             
After I devoured my egg white omelet, I went home. Thankfully, my mom was at her usual Saturday morning craft class. I had to shower and get ready for work. I was not looking forward to six hours of crappy movies with this headache. I made a mental note to stop at the drugstore for some Advil.

             
It ended up being a slow day. Hallelujah, the Gods were working in my favor today. Although, it did give me plenty of time to think about things. I still could not get my mind off Tim and now I was kicking myself for sleeping with Jay. (Moment of weakness or insanity, still undetermined.)

             
I tried to avoid Jay but being a small town, it was hard. He texted me daily, multiple times a day, making me very glad that I had added unlimited texting to my plan finally. I know I should have just told him it was a mistake but I was a chicken. When I had no other option, I had to tell him. Of course, fate intervened and forced me to have no other option. He had waited for me to get out of work one day. He looked pissed and hurt. I really wished I could stop causing people pain. “Sam.”

             
“Oh, hey, Jay. What’s up?” I went for nonchalant but I did not think it worked. Crap.

             
“Really? What’s up? We need to talk.” A group of people of course chose that moment to walk by and I did not want the whole town knowing our business.

             
“Can we go somewhere? My car?”

             
“Fine,” he said. I did not actually know what I was going to say to him. You would think I would have figured it out in the week I had avoided him, but no.

             
“Ok, what’s going on?”

             
I looked at him and he just looked confused. He did not deserve games, no matter how stupid he could be. We were both different people now. “I don’t know,” I said.

             
He looked at me quizzically.

             
“I don’t know what my issue is, honestly. I just don’t think we should have slept together.” There I said it.

             
“Need I remind you that you initiated the whole thing? I was behaving myself.”

             
“I know. In my defense, I was drunk at the time so my judgment was clearly fuzzy.”

             
“Ok,” he grabbed my arms. “Here’s the thing, Sam. I had time to think about many things these past four years and I fucked up. I know that. I had dated a few girls since we broke up and one was even somewhat serious but truthfully, no one was you. I know you moved on and that is ok but I would really like you to think about us starting over. We can forget the other night even happened, even though it was amazing. Just give it some thought?”

             
Ok, I really was not sure where to go with this. I was not expecting that reaction. I truly needed to get over Tim and Jay was always a good guy. “Can I think about it? I have a lot of things in my head right now and I need some time.” Honesty was the best policy, right?”

             
“Sure, but don’t take too long.” He smiled. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

             
After he left, I sat in my car for a while mulling over the situation. What the hell? I was not any closer to figuring things out as Bush was to ending the war in Iraq. Mother fucker.

             
“Girl, you really need to stop surprising me with things!”

             
“I know but this was a bit of a surprise to us, too. Think we can do it?”

             
“With my fabulous planning skills? Totally!” Quick catch up: Trinity was moving up the wedding to next month because she was pregnant.

             
“Great. I will see you this weekend then?”

             
“Yup.” I was glad I was coming off as calm because inside I was thinking how we were going to pull off a wedding in four weeks. I immediately called Rachel to tell her the news. She and Trinity had met a few times and really hit it off, which was great because that would suck if my two best friends hated each other.

             
“She’s what? Really?” Good, she was just as exasperated. “I’ll be over in five minutes so we can plan the Bachelorette party.”

             
Fortunately, for Trinity, Rachel and I were kick ass as party planners. Pregnant or not, she was going to have a blast at her Bachelorette party. It was a day full of festivities. First, we went to a spa and got mani-pedis and facials; followed by a tour of the local chocolate factory with a free taste testing afterward. Yummy! (Typically, we would have toured some sort of alcohol producing facility but we had to think of Trinity.) Of course, the night would not be complete without a surprise visit to Thunder from Down Under. Just because she was getting married did not mean we could not have some fun.

             
With the obvious exception of Trinity, we all were pretty hammered at the strip show. Rachel even got her first lap dance. She was certain that “Christian” had stuffed his G-string somehow. We were definitely glad we had rented a limo for the nighttime entertainment. No one was in their right mind to drive and it would not have been fair for the Bachelorette to be the designated driver.

             
Hung-over and still half-asleep, I crawled out of bed and jumped in the shower the next morning. I had a lunch “date” with Jay. I took my time thinking about things, which I was sure he did not love, but I had the upper hand and a clouded head. I needed to make sure I was going in the right direction for me.

             
Head pounding (yes, I realize it was my own fault), I made my way over to Jay’s apartment. Thankfully, we had decided to order pizza for two reasons: it was a good hangover food and I did not think my head could have withstood the noise of a diner.

             
I arrived at the same time the pizza guy. I did a silent yay in my head. I was suddenly ravenous. “Hey, you,” I said.

             
“Hey.” Ok, I had hoped this was not going to be awkward but no luck there.

             
“So…” I began.

             
“So…” he started. We both laughed.

             
“Pizza first?” I suggested.

             
“Sounds good.”

             
We ate and I filled him in on the Bachelorette party experience. “Sounds like it was a lot of fun. Pretty good considering you only had a week to plan it.”

             
“Yeah, Rachel and I decided we were event planners in a past life.”

             
“Maybe you guys should do that on the side. Start an event planning business. Although, I do not know how much luck you would have here. Maybe a birthday party here and there; no one really does much around here.”

             
I laughed. “Thanks but no thanks. That was too much stress for one week. Trinity and Rachel are still passed out at my house.” Trinity was just exhausted from being pregnant, it was a late night, and Rachel was passed out cold.

             
He almost choked on his pizza. “And your mom is cool with last night’s activities?”

             
In case I did not mention this, my mom was super strict when I was in high school. I was not allowed to do much and I was lucky she really liked Rachel and her parents because without her I think my mom would have had me become a nun. She liked Jay, too, until he left me for California. Then she took her hurt daughter’s side. I was almost certain she was going to follow me to Worcester to keep me in line. Although, between the phone and instant messenger, she tried. Word to the wise, if you are “buddies” with your mom, be careful what you post for away messages. They may be held against you someday.

             
“Mom loves Trinity and she also thought we just went to the casino.”

             
“Ah, that explains it. Does she still hate me?”

             
“She never hated you. She just loved me.”

             
“She’s not the only one.” Damn, I guess we were going to have that talk now.

             
“Ok, here’s the deal, Jay. I’ve enjoyed hanging out with you again but I’m not in a place for a relationship.”

             
“Ouch, why do I not like where this is headed? Please do not say, ‘It’s not you, it’s me’. It’s so cliché.”

             
I could help but laugh. “Ok, how about, ‘let’s be friends’?”

             
“Oh, that’s so much better.” He threw a pillow at me.

             
“Brat. I’m sorry but it’s the truth.”

             
“Ok, fine. Friends it is. But I can’t guarantee my irresistible charm won’t have an effect on you.”

             
I smiled. “I’ll take my chances and consider myself warned.”

             
We finished the pizza and I headed home. Rachel and Trinity were up when I got there.

             
“My savior!” Trinity grabbed the coffee I had stopped for on the drive home. We all know Trin and I have a caffeine problem. I bought a tea for Rachel; she was not a coffee drinker. Yes, I agree, she should be shot… or something. Coffee was wicked awesome.

             
“Yum!” she turned to me. “Now, where the hell were you? Your mom was grilling us about last night and you were nowhere to be found.”