Girl in the White Dress: Sam's Story (21 page)

             
“Ok,” he said. “Well, tomorrow then?”

             
“Definitely.” We hung up and I went into panic mode. What was I doing?

             
I had not expected Tim to call. Yes, I wanted him to call. I wanted him to call badly. I had not expected in a million years to reconnect with Matt. I also did not know why Tim is here and I knew why Matt was. Matt was right about one thing, though, we were good together until the incident. Tim and I do not really have anything solid to hold on to. We had different histories.

             
I pulled up to the pool hall about five of eight. I guess for once in my life I would be a little early. I was practically hyperventilating by the time I walked to the door. Tim saw me coming and unlocked the door. “Hey.”

             
“Hey”, he said. I have absolutely no idea what direction this was going to go and it terrified me.             

             
“So….” I shifted my feet.

             
“Come sit with me, Sam. We need to talk.” Apparently, everyone wanted to have talks with me lately.

             
“Ok.”

             
He took a deep breath. “I don’t know where to start.”

             
“Anywhere is good.”

             
“Danny told me he saw you at the wedding.” He paused. “He said you were there with Matt.”

I was not
sure he was owed an explanation, but I supplied one anyway. “Yes and no.” I told him what happened when I met up with Danny at the wedding. “So, Matt was just trying to save my dignity.”

Tim looked like he was pondering the information. “Interesting. Well, I suppose that was nice of him.”

“Yeah, it was.” Ok, what was going on? “Why are you here, Tim?”

He looked a little taken aback. “I came to see you. I miss you.”

How long had I waited to talk to him? It seemed like forever. With Matt in the picture, I was so confused. I sighed. “I miss you, too.” I did.

“Look, I know we’ve had something really complicated, but it was also something good. I miss you. I miss us. Most of all, I miss us being friends.” He grabbed my hand. “I need you in my life, Sam, even if it is only as a friend.”

Oh, how I have missed talking to him. “I need you, too, Tim.” He smiled. “But I think, right now, it needs to be as a friend.” There went the smile. “I need to get everything straight with my life right now and I’m afraid starting something with you would complicate it.”

“Ok, I understand. I do. Something is better than
nothing. You are my best friend and I have missed that.”

“Me, too.”

“So, what’s been going on with you, Samantha Rayne?”

We talked about
school, work, and all the little things in between. What I was not sure of was if I should fill him in on was Matt. I figured telling him would be the nicer option, but definitely not the easiest. “There’s just one more thing…. I did start dating Matt again.” I waited for his reaction.              

He blinked. Was
he mad? Annoyed? Happy? I could not read his expression. Finally, he spoke. “Ok. If that is what makes you happy.” Really??? I had hoped for some sort of reaction. Jealousy, maybe?

I wanted to scream at him that HE was the one who made me happy. That he was the one I wanted.
But I could not do it. “Yeah, I’m happy,” was all I could muster.

“Good.”

I fiddled with my purse. “I should go. Promise me we will stay in touch?”

“Yes”

“Promise me.”

“Sam, we will stay in touch. I meant what I said; I’ve missed being your friend.”

“Ok. I will talk to you soon, I hope.” I was not sure if he would keep his promise after the Matt bombshell. Nevertheless, I hoped he would.

              It was still early when I got home and I debated calling Matt. I was not sure if seeing him would help or confuse me anymore. I truly did not want to complicate my life anymore and I think adding Tim into the mix, romantically, would screw me up. (And I was aware I was pretty screwed up already.) Against my better judgment, I called Matt and asked if I could come over. Of course, he said yes.

             
“Hey, is everything ok? I thought you were meeting up with a friend?”

             
“I did, but it was quick and I wanted to see you,” I smiled. It was true. I did want to see Matt. Maybe that would clear my head.

             
It was his turn to smile. “I’m glad you called. I was just doing some drawings for class.”

             
“I want to see!” He really was talented. I was glad he went back for art classes.

             
Matt led me to his spare room where I saw many drawings laid out. “Matt, these are great!” I picked one up off his drawing board. “Is this what I think it is?”

             
He blushed a little. “Yes, it’s our spot.”

             
“It’s gorgeous.”

             
“Take it. I want you to have it.”

             
“Really? I can’t.”

             
“Yes, you can. Do you still have the first picture I drew?”

             
“Yes, I do,” I said. “I love that picture.”

             
“Good. That makes me happy.” He looked at the time. “Do you want to stay?”

             
“As in sleep over? I said no sex, Matt, and I meant it.”

             
“I know, I literally mean sleep over. It’s getting late and I don’t have class until noon.”

             
I silently debated his offer. It was getting late and I really did not feel like driving home. Eh, why not? “Ok, but no funny business, mister!”

             
“Deal.” He looked rather pleased with himself.

The next few days with Matt were great. I had not heard from Tim yet, but that was ok. Honestly, I had started to think that separating myself from Tim was a good thing. I was not so blah all the time. I had actually allowed myself to be happy the last couple of days, and if I was truly being honest with myself, Matt was a big part of that happiness. This was so not where I saw myself at this point in my life. I was heading back to Pennsylvania in a couple days and I still was not quite sure where this Matt thing was going.

I finished my assignments and puttered around Trinity’s apartment for a while. (I had
kind of made a big of a mess that I did not think she would appreciate coming home to.) I heard a knock on the door. It was Matt. “Hey, sexy. What are you up to today?” he asked.

“Honestly, nothing.”

“Good. Grab a jacket. I’m taking you out.”

“To where?”
             

“It’s a surprise.” At what point does a person have enough surprises? I must be a sucker because I heard myself say ok.

I was glad I had gone out with Matt. It was the by far the best day I had in a long time. We went out for lunch, played mini golf (I won), went for a walk in the park, and ended the day with take out from Blue Bird and a movie at Matt’s apartment. Of course, we missed half the movie because we were making out on the couch, but that was beside the point.

“Sam,” he said once he managed to pull away. “As much as I love this, what are we doing?”
             

“I’m pretty sure we’re making out on the couch.”

“Well thank you, captain obvious. But I meant, where is this going?”

“I could think of a good place,” I winked.

“I’m serious, Sam.”

“I know.” So much for avoiding the inevitable. I thought for a moment before I answered him. Tim had texted me that morning asking how I was doing; I had not replied yet. As much as I wanted to be friends with Tim and have him in my life, it did not feel right anymore. Maybe some people
are meant to come into your life for a reason and when that reason was done, they left. I did love him but the entire time he was in my life everything was so damned complicated. I was sick and tired of complicated.

“I’m just going to put it out there, Sam. I love you. I’ve always loved you, and I do not think I’ll ever stop loving you.” I started to interrupt and he put his hand up. “Let me finish, please.” I nodded.

“I don’t want to rehash this over and over so I’m just going to say it once. I screwed up, I know that. It was stupid and I probably ruined what was the best thing in my life. I am not the same man I was and I hope you see that. I want to be in your life and I want you to want to be in mine. It would break my heart to know that after this week, it is over. Can we really try again?”

He looked at me waiting for my response. It was now or never. This seemed to be t
he turning point in my life. Did I choose the safe route or the unknown? After seeing Tim the other day, I had my doubts. It was awkward and I was not sure why. After seeing Matt again, it was almost as if nothing had changed. Except me. I was not angry or confused (as confused, anyway). I was not drinking (that much). I did not mope around and wallow in self-pity. I was happy. Matt made me happy. It was as if a light bulb went off. Matt made me happy. It was as simple as that. He did not make me doubt myself or keep me wondering. He made me feel special and loved. Wow, ok. I have had an epiphany.

“Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes. We can try again. I want to try again. I want to be us again.”

He actually looked surprised. “Are you serious?”

“
I am one hundred percent serious.” He picked me up and spun me around the room. I was not quite expecting that response.

“Wait,” he said.

“What?”

“You live in Pennsylvania.”

“I live in Pennsylvania.” Somehow, that had slipped my mind. Did I want to move back to Worcester because of Matt?

“
Yeah…”

I thought for a minute. “Wait, this is going to sound crazy more than likely, but I’m done with school
soon and there are plenty of elementary schools in Worcester County…”             

“You would do that? You would come back here for me?”

“I would come back here for us,” I said. “I think we can make this work that is if you really want it to.”

“Sam, there is nothing that I want more.”
With that, he kissed me. I could not believe it took me so long to make up my damn mind but I finally did. (Just in case you were wondering, the no sex thing was called off that night. Hey, no judging. It was not as if it was our first time.)

The next morning
, I texted Tim. I told him that I did miss him being my friend, but I was afraid that with him in my life it could only complicate things. I told him that Matt and I were starting over and that I believed he had really changed. I also told him that I could not really hold Matt as accountable for cheating on me when I had done the same thing to Danny. While I believed what we had was real, it was supposed to be easy and our “thing” was anything but easy. I told him he would always have a special place in my heart. I wished him a happy life and that we would always be friends.

It probably was not what he was looking for, but I was finally happy and I had to do what was best for me and stop worrying about everyone else.

The next couple of months went by somewhat quickly. My parents got married again. That was an interesting affair. My parents were crazy. I had accepted that fact.

They had
grown to love Matt. My mom knew something happened before but I had never told her what. No point in rocking the boat now. She and my dad were just glad that I was happy again.

I finished school and moved back to Worcester. Trinity and Derek allowed me to crash with them for a little while but with the baby on her way (I was going to be an Auntie!), I was anxious to find my own place. That search did not last long
, though. I was always at Matt’s apartment anyway, it seemed logical I just move into his apartment. It really made no sense for me to pay rent somewhere else. (No, we did not move too fast, if that was what you were thinking. We had history.)  I had gotten a position at Foster School where I had interned and would start in the fall. The pessimist in me was waiting for something to crash.

On the contrary, I had come home one night to rose petals on the floor and music playing. My first thought was,
“what the hell?” Then Matt came out looking all sexy in a tie and button down shirt. (This was not a usual look for him.) I gave him a quizzical look.

“Just come with me,” he said. He led me into the spare room that he draws in. Drawn out on the easel was the two of us sitting in our
spot. The caption on the picture read, “Where two found love and became one. Mr. and Mrs. Matthew Anderson.”