Girl In The Woods (10 page)

He stares at me,
in deep thoughts. I wish I knew what he is thinking.

“You know there
is a reason for everything I do, right? You don’t know the reason yet, but you
understand I don’t do all this just for my pleasure.”

“Yes, my Lord.”

“I am guiding
you to where you need to go. Without my help, my orders and my punishments,
would you have submitted to me? Would you have accepted what your body and soul
desires?”

“No. Of course
not.”

“Then, trust me.
If I am being harsh with you, it’s because it is what I have to do. It doesn’t
mean I am angry or that you have done something wrong.”

He caresses my
cheek with affection, making me melt.

“Don’t be sad,
my bitch. You are doing really well. Probably better than all the girls I had
in the past. Your desire to obey me is so strong, even though I know you wish
to rebel. But you surrendered, my bitch. You surrendered totally, so many times.
This is who you are. Don’t let your fears cover your true self. You can’t see
her yet, but I do and I know she is worth coming to the surface. The more you
surrender, the easier it will be for her to feel safe and reveal herself.”

I am weeping again. How does he do this? How do his words touch me
so deeply?

In the evening,
after swimming in the lake, I take him in my mouth again and this time he comes
on my lips. I’m rather getting used to it. To tell the truth I rather enjoy it.
Perhaps a little more than I should.

My test this
night is to tie me as he had tied me yesterday, hands on the bed and legs
bended on my chest. This time he blindfolds me and covers my mouth with a piece
of fabric. I can’t move, see or speak. I can only feel and listen. He takes me
roughly, crying that I belong to him and that he can do whatever he wishes to
me. I let go in his hands and I feel like I am flying. He is only pointing out
what is real. I truly belong to him. I am grateful he has prevented me from
talking. Because in the ferocity of my emotions I am sure I would scream that I
am his. And I may not scream it with my voice, but I scream it with all the
power of my heart.

“Today you will
come with me,” he says the next morning when he wakes me up.

“Hunting?”

“Yes. Wear only
your panties and nothing more.”

“Yes, my Lord.”

He turns into a
wolf and we walk together in the forest. We haven’t walked side by side with
him as a wolf, ever since the evening I met him in the woods. It’s so different
now. Back then, he was only a wolf. A treacherous escape from my predictable
life. But now he is the man I love. How can I love a man who shifts into a
wolf? I should know better than that. 

I can’t help
admiring his elegant body and his sleek fur that glistens under the sun.

“Can you crawl
with me?” he asks.

“Yes, my Lord,”
I reply. If I was told a few days ago that I would find pleasure in calling a
wolf ‘my Lord’, I would have never believed it. I am spellbound by him,
consumed by his presence in whichever form. Allowing me to call him ‘my Lord’
is a rare privilege.

I stand on hands
and knees and follow him. I am practically naked, apart from the light blue,
satin panties I am wearing. I don’t think I can crawl for too long, as the
ground is rough with scattered pebbles that hurt my unaccustomed skin.

Suddenly, he
halts and orders me to sit beside him immobile. His eyes stare intently at a
bush not far from us. He smells the air and then I see it. A rabbit lurking
behind the bush.

“Stay here,” he
whispers.

Having located his
prey, he heads towards it slowly. He aims to approach it unnoticed. Then, as he
closes in, his pace quickens. The rabbit senses him and flees away from the
bush, but he pursues it. He jumps and captures it with his paws. Before it has
a chance to escape, he bites it hard on the neck and kills it. I press my eyes
shut and turn my head away. This is too brutal for me.

Calista, how
can you love this man? He is an animal. A beast. He just hunted down an
innocent rabbit and ruthlessly killed it.

It shouldn’t
shock me, since every day he comes back from hunting with a dead animal in his
mouth. It’s another thing imagining him chasing his prey and something
absolutely different to actually witness the pursue.

When I open my
eyes, he is standing in front of me, his prey hanging from his bloodstained
teeth. There is sorrow in his eyes. He gently lets the animal on the ground.

“Go back
walking. Just obey,” he says.

I don’t
understand why he doesn’t want us to go back together, but I obey willingly.

In human form now,
he doesn’t talk to me at all while I am cooking and when I ask him if I can eat
on the table, he simply nods.

We take a nap in
the early afternoon, all the while holding me close to him. Unnaturally close
to him. I feel like he is in agony for some reason. Something has changed.
Could it be because I averted my look when he killed the rabbit? Could he feel
ashamed? But in order to care about how I felt, he should...
No, Calista,
don’t even think about it. He is just someone who guides you and nothing more.

And all those
times that he has called me his bitch or that I belong to him, don’t mean
anything?

“
It’s all
part of your education
,” a voice inside me points out. I have to learn how
to surrender to a man and he just says these words to help me achieve this
goal. Yes, nothing more.

Sweet bliss
fills me in his arms and I want to stay in them forever. I pray he has some
feelings for me. That I am not just another girl.

For the rest of
the day, he is distant and silent. Before we sleep, I ask him if there will be
any oral training tonight.

“No, bitch. No
training, tonight. I am really tired. Let’s just go to sleep. You are allowed
to sleep with me.”

There is a hollow in my heart. I feel like the end is near. He is
bored by me and soon it will all be over. I dig my head between his shoulder
and neck and savor his intoxicating smell. He moans my name. My real name. He
tightens his embrace more, making sure I will not be able to move at all. He
sees me in his dreams? Perhaps there is still hope for him and me.

The pain wakes
me up. It’s a sharp pain originating from my belly. I rub it, trying to soothe
it. I look around searching for Conor. He is not in the hut. He must have gone
hunting without waking me up. I coil to avoid the pain. What is wrong? This is
a familiar sensation. Oh, no...It can’t be...I had totally forgotten about
that. I take a glimpse between my legs, lifting my nightgown. My panties are
blemished red.

I get up
immediately. There is a broad blood stain on the bed. Could this be more embarrassing?
Without further thinking, I take off my nightgown and I am left with my
panties. I have to change as quickly as possible. But what is the point even if
I change panties? In a few minutes they will be soaking with blood again. I
have to do something, before he comes. I am still holding my nightgown in my
hands trying to figure out what to do.

His growl
interrupts my thoughts. He stands at the door as a wolf, having left his dead
prey on the floor. He looks at me in the way he was staring at the rabbit
yesterday and he smells the air. I look down and I see a thin trace of blood
flowing down my inner thigh. I realize that he sniffs the blood.

“Conor,” I
mutter impulsively.

He approaches
me, showing his teeth. He is not Conor anymore. He is only a wolf. The smell of
the blood has deprived him of any humanity. I take two steps back. The blood
has now trickled to my knee and I wipe it off with my nightgown.

“Conor, please
turn into a man. You scare me,” I say with a trembling voice.

His growl echoes
louder and deeper through the small space of the hut. He jumps on me and throws
me on the floor, before I have any chance to react. He smells voraciously at
the blood on my panties.

“Conor,
don’t...”

His angry roar
stops me. His eyes are made of dark fire, obliging me to cease any form of
resistance. He bows his head and licks the blood that has been streaming down
my inner thigh. My heartbeat accelerates its rhythm. I am terrified. He can do
anything to me. Now he is a wild animal that has nothing to do with the man I
love and trust. And I know how blood drives animals insane.

“Conor,” I shout
in a last, desperate attempt to bring him back to me.

Once more he
shows me his teeth enraged and turns into a man. I don’t have a chance to be
content about it, as he violently rips off my panties and opens my legs. He
pierces me viciously. He may be in his human form, but he is still an animal.
His thrusts are quick and harsh, provoking pain to me. But what really pushes
me to the edge are his hands over my neck, trying to choke me. As he is taking
me ferociously, he looks at me like a rabid dog and his hands prevent me from
breathing. He has never been so harsh. I am beyond terrified and since I can’t
speak, I beg him with watery eyes to stop.

But he doesn’t.
He goes on, tearing me apart. His release is so passionate that I feel him
pulsating in me. He arches his head back and lets out a howl. Only then he lets
go of my neck and lets me breathe regularly.

I hide my face
in my hands, as my body quivers from the force of my sobs. He pulls out of me
and removes my hands off my face. He is back and desperation has clouded his
eyes. He raises my upper body and wraps me in his arms. We stay like that, me
crying on his shoulder, my fingernails stuck on the skin of his back and him
caressing my hair.

“What have I done?” he whispers with anguish in his voice.

I’m holding on
to him like a lifesaver, powerless to shift position. At some point, I cease
weeping, but I am still panting, while he strokes my hair and my back. He
gently pulls my head back so as to look at him. There is profound pain drawn in
his eyes. A pain that stabs my heart.

“I am so sorry,
Calista.”

I have never
seen him like that. So vulnerable and not in control of his emotions.

“Please, go wash
yourself,” he says. “There are pieces of cloth in the bottom drawer, that you
can use them to absorb your blood. I will be gone for the next few days. I will
only bring you food and prepare it for you to cook it. Nevertheless, I will be
sleeping here at night in order to protect you from wild animals.”

I can’t hide my
disappointment.

“Why, my Lord?”

He sighs closing
his eyes for an instant.

“Just obey,
Calista.”

But I just can’t
let him go without an answer.

“Is it because
of what happened? It wasn’t your fault, my Lord. It was the blood. I
understand.”

“I don’t want to
discuss this,” he states sternly and picks me up. “While I am gone your duties
remain the same. Keep yourself and the hut clean. The rest of the time you are
allowed to do what you want.”

“How many days
will you be gone, my Lord?”

“For as long as
I have to.”

“But I…”

“Just accept
what your Lord says. Stop trying to convince me otherwise. Do you trust me, my
bitch?”

“Yes, my Lord.”

“Then, trust me
on this one, too. I won’t abandon you. I will still be here. There is no reason
for you to be displeased.”

“Yes, my Lord,” I reply lowering my eyes in order to conceal my true
feelings. This is one order I can’t obey. There is no way I can control my
emotions.

The next days
slip by at an extraordinary slow pace. Every morning, I anticipate the
slightest sound that will indicate he comes back from hunting. More than
readily, I rush to kneel in front of him to show him my respect and my
gratitude for his presence. He remains distant and inexpressive. After he does
his duty, helping me to prepare the food, he leaves. He doesn’t return to have
lunch or dinner with me.

The rest of the
days, I am swimming in the lake or lying beside it under a tree thinking of my
life. How it used to be, what my parents must be feeling, but most of all I
think of him. His absence is consuming me. Even though he is not around I carry
him with me. Sometimes, I even pretend I talk to him. I must be going insane.
Instead of worrying about my poor parents and how anxious they must be with me
missing, I am being egoistic. I wish I could think clearly, but I can’t. There
is only him in my mind, my heart and soul.

Calista, how
could you let yourself go? Look at you now. You are pathetic. Begging for a
man’s attention.

I spend a lot of
time staring towards the way that leads to my house. If only I had the courage
to leave. To be sane and not be driven by my desire to be close to him and
please him. Have I become like all my girlfriends? No. They don’t want a man
like Conor. They can’t give themselves to a man. They opt for a man who will
satisfy their every need and make them feel like a queen. Who will be rich and
will provide them with everything they have ever dreamt of. Why couldn’t I be
like them? All those candidates wanted to fulfill my every desire, no matter
how crazy it would be. Their willingness to please me, without really knowing
me, brought me disgust. I know I wouldn’t be happy with any of them. No one
could treat me like Conor has. They would put me in a golden cage like a
precious, fragile bird. Conor didn’t mind breaking me into a thousand pieces.
Only to reveal what was hidden beneath them. A girl able to love more than she
could ever expect. And he knew it all along. I am sure he knew that my greatest
wish and strength laid in loving without any boundaries.