Giving In: Surrender Trilogy (31 page)

“I feel guilt for being so damn happy,” Joss said mournfully.

Kylie reached over to squeeze her hand. “Don’t. You deserve to be happy. You’ve certainly had your share of hell.”

They drank another shot. And then another for the hell of it. Somewhere in the midst of finishing the first bottle, they ended up on the floor in front of the fireplace.

“Do you know your ceiling is spinning?” Chessy asked Joss.

“That’s not the ceiling. It’s your brain,” Kylie said sagely.

“What are we going to do about Jensen?” Joss said, pushing the topic back to Kylie’s situation.

Anger surged through Kylie. It was the first time she’d felt pissed. Really pissed. She’d experienced a lot of varying emotions the last week. Mostly sadness, grief, but not true anger.

It hit her like a freight train, clouding her mind until all she saw was red.

How dare he just give up on them? He was willing to put up with her issues and give her as long as it took to get over them. To work through them. Did he expect her to back off the minute his issues overrode hers?

“I’m pissed,” Kylie said, though it sounded like it came from someone else across the room.

“You should be,” Chessy said.

“I agree,” Joss said solemnly.

“Wait. What are we pissed about?” Chessy asked in a puzzled tone.

“Jensen,” Kylie supplied.

“Oh, that’s right,” Chessy said.

“What gives him the right to just give up on us like that?” Kylie demanded.

“That’s the spirit,” Joss encouraged.

“He was all willing to tie himself to the bed for me. To give me as long as it took to work past my issues. Does he expect me to tuck tail and run the minute his issues rear their head?”

Kylie sat straight up and promptly regretted it. The room spun crazily around her and she had to close her eyes so she wouldn’t throw up.

“That’s it!” she exclaimed when she got her bearings. “Oh my God. I’m such an idiot.”

“What’s it?” Joss and Chessy chorused.

Kylie smacked herself on the forehead and then sagged backward with a groan.

“Maybe you should be careful there,” Chessy said. “You may knock yourself out.”

“Care to share your epiphany with us?” Joss prompted.

“I’m going to tie his ass to the bed,” Kylie announced. “Wait. First I’m going to make him make love to me. Without the damn rope. But after? When we’re ready to go to sleep? That’s when I’ll tie him up,” she said triumphantly.

“I’m confused,” Chessy said. “But that could just be the alcohol talking. You’re going to have to explain, hon. I’m a little stupid when I’m drinking.”

Joss and Kylie both chuckled.

“He made this big deal out of me tying him to the bed when we make love. So I’d know he couldn’t hurt me. So I’d know I was safe. Okay, so the reason he dumped me, or at least the reason he gave me for dumping me, was because he was afraid of hurting me. So if I tie him to the bed while he’s asleep and he has a nightmare, voila! He can’t touch me,” she said smugly.

“You’re a fucking genius,” Chessy said in admiration.

“I’ll drink to that,” Joss said.

“Uh, maybe we should let up on the alcohol,” Chessy advised.

“Yeah, I have to sober up now,” Kylie said.

“How come?” Joss asked.

Kylie pushed herself upward again, holding herself up with one hand so she didn’t keel over onto Chessy.

“Because when I sober up, I’m going over to his house. If he thinks he can just dump me for my own good and make me miserable in the process, he’s got another think coming!”

“Uh, ladies? Not to interrupt what has to be scintillating conversation, but do you realize what time it is, that you’ve been drinking for the last several hours and that you’re all lying on the floor?”

Heads turned in the direction of Dash’s voice. Joss sent him a dazzling smile.

“Hello, darling,” she said in a dreamy voice. “Have you come to take me to bed?”

Dash chuckled. “Since I don’t imagine any of you are going to make it to bed unless I carry you, I think it’s safe to say I have come to take you to bed.”

Kylie scowled. “I can’t go to bed now. I have a seduction to plan. Hey, Dash. You’re a guy.”

“I hope to fuck so,” Dash said in amusement.

She pointed a finger at him. “So if a woman throws herself at you—naked—you’re not going to say no, right?”

Dash chuckled. “I think that depends on which woman throws herself at me.”

“Damn straight,” Joss said. “I’ll kick someone’s ass if they ever throw themselves at you!”

“Calm down, honey. It’s not going to happen. Now, are you girls done for the night? Kylie, perhaps you should get some rest so, uh, your seduction plan doesn’t go awry. You may also want to revisit the issue when you’re sober. You may decide that was the alcohol talking.”

Kylie made a face. “What a downer you are, Dash.”

“Sorry, sweetheart.”

Joss sighed. “Are y’all ready for bed? Chessy, you and Kylie can share the guest bed. It’s a queen so y’all will have plenty of room.”

Chessy said glumly, “I spend so many nights alone these days that having someone in bed with me will be a novelty. Even if it is just Kylie.”

Dash leaned over Kylie and slid his arms underneath her body. He hoisted her up, and her stomach lurched. Oh God, please, please don’t let her puke all over Dash. There was only so much humiliation she could take.

“I’ll get Kylie settled in. I think she’s a little more shitfaced than the two of you are,” he said to Joss. “I’ll be back to get the rest of you once I get Kylie to bed.”

Joss waved her hand in the air like she didn’t have a care in the world. And why would she? She had a wonderful husband who loved her to pieces.

If she didn’t love Joss so much it would be so easy to hate her.

Dash walked into the guest bedroom and deposited Kylie onto the bed. Then he went into the bathroom and returned with a plastic basin that he set on the floor beside the bed.

“If you need to puke, just lean over the bed,” he said gently. “You might have trouble getting to the bathroom in time.”

“You’re the best, Dash,” she murmured. “Joss is such a lucky bitch.”

Dash’s chuckle was the last thing she heard before it was lights-out and she was out cold.

KYLIE’S
head felt like someone had hit her with a sledgehammer. Her mouth was dry and the mere thought of alcohol made her want to vomit.

At the time it had seemed like a good idea. Now? Not so much.

Dash had let them all sleep in and when they got up and stumbled into the kitchen looking like death warmed over, Dash served them breakfast and some foul-tasting concoction he swore would cure a hangover.

He so lied.

She slowly got out of her car, glancing over again for the reassurance that Jensen was here because his car was. Lucky for her, she still had a key, so she didn’t have to worry about his doing what she had done and not answering the door.

It was Saturday. No work. And it was early enough that Jensen could still be in bed.

That thought considerably cheered her. It would certainly make her planned seduction easier to pull off.

She shook her head at that crazy thought. Her a seductress? Someone was probably laughing their ass off in heaven over that.

She paused at his front door and waffled on whether to use the key or knock.

The element of surprise was important, so the key it was.

She slid it into the lock, trying to make as little noise as possible. Then she eased the door open and peered inside.

So far so good.

When she got to the entrance to the living room, she froze, taking in the scene before her.

Jensen was sprawled on the couch, head back, either sound asleep or passed out. Judging by the bottles lying around, passed out was probably a good bet.

If it wasn’t such a familiar sight, Kylie might have mustered some outrage.

How pitiful they both were. Obviously miserable apart. It was a damn good thing one of them had sense. This crap was going to end right now.

“Jensen. Jensen!” she said louder. “Wake your ass up.”

She walked closer and then bent down to get in his face. “Wake up, Jensen!”

His eyelids fluttered sluggishly and then he seemed to realize who was standing over him in his living room.

“Dream,” he muttered. “Too much to drink. Fuck me.”

“I’m not a dream. More like a nightmare, but we’ll work on that,” Kylie said in amusement.

He blinked again and then rubbed an arm across his eyes. Then he frowned.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Nice. Good to see you too, Jensen. How’s life been treating you? Wait, don’t answer that. I’d say it’s pretty obvious judging by all the empty liquor bottles.”

She leaned in closer so she was right over his face and she scowled big.

“So help me God, if you aren’t able to get it up because you’re too hungover, I’ll kill you.”

His mouth fell open and she caught a whiff of his breath. Okay, she could work with his. It wasn’t too strong, so she imagined it had been hours since he drank. Possibly even last night and then he’d slept it off.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Jensen demanded. “You aren’t supposed to be here. We’re over, Kylie.”

“Keep talking,” she said with a sneer. “You might even convince yourself before it’s over. But I know it’s a lie and you damn well know it too.”

“What do you want from me?” he asked in bewilderment.

She touched his cheek and stared him directly in the eye so he’d see how serious she was.

“Do you trust me, Jensen?”

“Of course,” he said gruffly. “It’s not you I don’t trust. It’s me. Goddamn it, Kylie, why are you making this so fucking hard? Was it so you could see how miserable I am? Well, take a good look. This is me without you.”

Her heart melted on the spot. The aching vulnerability in his voice undid her.

“Prove it,” she challenged.

“Prove what?”

He was sounding more irritated by the minute and she had to act fast before he threw her out of his house. Again.

“That you trust me,” she said softly.

“There’s nothing to prove. I trust you more than anyone else on earth.”

“Then come into the bedroom with me,” she said.

He closed his eyes. “I can’t do this, Kylie. Please don’t ask me to.”

“I’m asking you to trust me, Jensen. You said you did. Now show me. Please,” she added, the word sounding strangled.

“Fine. We go into the bedroom. Then will you leave me the fuck alone?”

“Are you so desperate to get rid of me, Jensen? Does your version of love mean forgetting someone you love, or supposedly love, so quickly?”

He surged up from the couch, his eyes glittering dangerously. Before? Such an action would have her terrified and dissolving into a panic attack. But now? She was so relieved to have at least a part of the old Jensen back and not this pathetic, grieving man who’d drunk himself into oblivion.

She’d done the same. If she hadn’t had her head stuck so far up her ass she could have had her epiphany a hell of a lot sooner and neither one of them would have had to be miserable all damn week.

“Don’t ever question my love for you,” he seethed. “It’s because I love you that I want you as far away from me as possible.”

Ignoring that particular outburst, and happy to have him on his feet so she didn’t have to try and get him up by herself, she took his hand and led him toward the bedroom.

When they got there, she turned, placing her hands on his chest and looking him in the eye.

“Remember what you said. About trust.”

“I remember,” Jensen said in a tight voice.

She nodded and then turned back toward the bed and began stripping out of her clothes. She whispered a short prayer that this worked out the way she hoped.

“What the hell are you doing, Kylie? You—”

He broke off, his mouth falling open when she turned to him, fully nude.

He closed his eyes and let out a groan. “Why are you torturing me like this?”

She slid her fingers down his chest and down to the fly of his jeans. Then she leaned up and pressed her mouth to his.

At first, he didn’t respond. He held himself rigidly as she explored his mouth. Then his lips parted, a rush of air escaping. Slowly his arms crept around her, anchoring her in place.

She ripped her mouth away, gulping for breath. Then she kissed the lobe of his ear and whispered softly, “Make love to me, Jensen. Really make love to me. No rope. Just you and me.”

A groan escaped his mouth. The sound seemed to come from his very soul. It was a sound of agony—and need.

“You said you trusted me,” she said quietly. “Give me this, Jensen. Trust me. Make love to me.”

He walked her backward toward the bed, ripping at his own clothing until he was as naked as she was. He certainly wanted her. His body couldn’t lie about that. No matter what he said or thought, he was as desperate for her as she was for him.

The backs of her legs bumped into the bed and then she toppled back, landing on the mattress with him on top of her.

“Be sure this is what you want, baby,” he said breathlessly. “If you don’t want it at any time, say stop. I’ll stop, no matter how hard it is.”

She stroked a hand over his face, tracing the hard lines of his jaw.

“I don’t want you to stop, Jensen.”

He let out a groan and then dipped his head to kiss her. He kissed her hungrily, all of his need pouring out in a heated rush. His body was hard and heavy on top of her and she reveled in the feel.

His erection was lodged between her legs. She could feel him hard and pulsing against her clit. She shifted restlessly, wanting, needing. She didn’t want to wait. She wanted him inside her. She wanted to feel complete and whole for the first time in a week.

“Jensen,” she whispered. “Make love to me. Now, please.”

He ignored her demand and kissed a line down her body. He licked and tongued her nipples, coaxing them to aching, straining peaks. He took his time, tasting and sucking until she was out of her mind with need.

Then he continued down her body, stopping at her navel to tease and torment her with his tongue. Her fingers dug into his shoulders and she pushed him downward, hoping he’d get the point.