Gnome On The Range (24 page)

Dex had been knocked out, most likely killed. I’d been saved by an artificial vagina. Wouldn’t Goldie think that was a hoot?

Chapter Seventeen

I stared at Dex’s prostrate body, watching, making sure he wasn’t getting back up. Deep down I knew that was going to happen right before pigs started to fly.

The panicked horse seemed to sense a change in the air, as if the danger was now gone. He calmed, although he snorted a few times and his nostrils still flared. I didn’t blame him. The large room smelled awful, like manure, throw up and blood. I approached the horse with extreme caution, keeping the phantom mare between me and the horse’s hooves. Carefully, carefully I undid his lead and backed away.

I walked on unsteady feet over to the big doors, giving a wide berth to the horse and threw them open. “Here, horsie, horsie. Come on. You’re a good boy. You did a good job, now run free. Go!”

A horse is much smarter than I ever thought. He saw that opening and went for it, leisurely walking out the doors and into the sunshine.

I looked around, found a phone mounted on the wall and, with shaking fingers, dialed 911. “I…I need help. A man horse tranquilized me and tried to make me his brood mare, which I really don’t want to be, so I hit him on the head with an artificial vagina before he was stomped on by a horse.”

I stayed on the line with the operator, most likely so he could confirm I wasn’t a complete nut job making it all up for attention. “On top of that, he had someone start a fire somewhere in the national forest to kill my boyfriend! He’s dead, I know he’s dead!”

Ten agonizingly long minutes later the first cop car rolled up. I don’t know if he was the sheriff, police, SWAT or with the Royal Mounties. He came in a car with a light bar on top and had a gun strapped to his hip. Worked for me. The rest of the cavalry followed right behind and rescued me. But the horse saved the day.

***

I was beside myself in the back of the ambulance. Dread and sheer panic over the possibility of Ty actually being dead made me a terrible patient. The paramedic probably had a less diplomatic word in mind to describe my demeanor. In fact, they threatened me with sedation if I didn’t calm down.

By the time I got to the ER, I was seriously considering another sedative. The hurt and sadness overwhelming me would quickly be dulled by a little something in the IV now sticking out of my arm. I lay on a gurney, my clothes swapped for a lovely pale blue hospital gown. A flimsy blanket was pulled up to my waist. The air conditioning was set to tundra, the smell of antiseptic and rubbing alcohol permeated the air. Better than the scent of vomit. My mouth felt as if I hadn’t brushed my teeth in a week, but at least my stomach was calm. No nausea, thank goodness. Wires attached to sticky electrodes stuck out every which way from me and into a machine that beeped quietly. What wasn’t so quiet was the shouting coming from outside my closed curtain.

“I don’t care if she’s a hibernating bear. I’m going in there.”

Ty
. He was alive! His voice, all gruff with anger, sounded wonderful. Papers rustled, a grunt, the curtain ripped aside, practically pulled from the metal rod at the ceiling. Ty moved like a bull through Pamplona.

His green pants and yellow fire shirt were covered in dirt and black soot. Skin darkened by fire and sun. Eyes wild with…fear, anxiety.  He stopped dead, still three feet away, his eyes searching my body, more intimately than the doctor’s examination.

“Jesus, Jane.” He ran a hand over his face, smearing the blackness that covered it.

Tentatively, he approached the gurney and placed a hand on the blanket, squeezing my foot gently as if afraid to touch me.

I sat upright and held my arms out, words stuck behind the big glob of tears lodged in the back of my throat. He let out a deep breath and sat carefully on the gurney, pulling me to him as far as the tubing and wiring would allow. Once his arms were around me, I started crying. I couldn’t stop for God knows how long, finally hiccupping to an unattractive finish while Ty held me, rubbing my back.

“I thought you were dead,” he murmured, my head tucked under his chin. His smoky, sooty shirt smelled like a week long barbeque and sweat, but I didn’t care.

“I thought
you
were dead,” I sniffled.

The curtain was yanked back once again. Goldie barreled in and over to the opposite side of the bed from Ty, all fluttering hands, teased hair and bad words. Her high heeled mules click-clacked on the linoleum floor. She finally pulled herself together enough to speak. “I thought you were
both
dead. I can’t believe it. I’ve been in Billings all day, talking to the…oh, for heaven’s sake. Who would have thought that man…Are you sure you’re…I mean really.”

I’d never seen Goldie so flustered she couldn’t complete a full sentence. So discombobulated she didn’t have on any lipstick, her ponytail askew. She stroked a hand over my hair in a motherly way and plopped down on the bed next to me.

She took a restorative breath. “I’m sure you’re sick to death of answering questions, but will you
please
go over it again for me?” Obviously she was desperate for details, but I could tell she didn’t want to upset me.

Ty stood up and moved to sit in the utilitarian chair next to the bed. They didn’t aim for comfort in the ER. I was cold without his body heat and I shivered. He looked much more relaxed now. Calmer, not happier. In fact, he looked downright angry. Wariness crept in. Angry at me?

“I haven’t given much of a statement yet.” I tucked my hair behind my ear, realized it was snarled and tangled. Good thing there wasn’t a mirror around. I could only imagine what I looked like.

“A sheriff’s been waiting for you to get settled to give a report. I’ll just get him. Be right back.” She dashed out, probably happy to have something to do.

I looked at Ty. He looked at me. We said nothing, but I felt a lot. He reached over and took my hand and held it until Goldie came clickety-clacking back with the sheriff. A middle aged man with salt and pepper hair, crisp gray and blue uniform and a serious demeanor. He held a small pad and pen.

“Ma’am. Whenever you’re ready.”

Goldie returned to her spot at my side. No way was she going to miss out on the juicy, and morbid, details. I took a deep breath and recapped all that happened. When we came to Ty’s text, he straightened in his chair.

“I didn’t send you a text! How the hell could I do that when I was out fighting a fire? Besides, I lost my phone.”

“You lost your phone when…” I darted my eyes to Goldie, and then to the sheriff. I tried not to blush but I could feel my cheeks heat. “When we were in my kitchen the other night. It fell out of your pocket and beneath the
kitchen table
.”

Goldie cleared her throat. She was no dummy, but was polite enough not to embarrass me, at least not in front of the sheriff.

“What?” Ty was a little slower to catch on. When he did, he hid his own embarrassment well under a whole lot of anger. He clenched his jaw as tight as his fists.

I went back to my story, glad to move past the sex-on-the-table portion. It wasn’t really even part of what happened today anyway so I was glad to get back on track. Away from my love life. Ty, Goldie and the sheriff remained quiet until I got to the part where Dex got his melon crushed.

“Good. Served the fucker right.”

My mouth fell open. “Goldie!” I’d never heard her swear before. Sure, she’d said some colorful things, but never good old-fashioned bad words.

“I can’t think of anything better,” she replied.

“Asshole,” added Ty angrily.

Goldie pointed a French manicured finger at Ty. “That’s a good one, too.”

“I could add a few but it wouldn’t be professional,” the sheriff added. A smile cracked his lips. “With the details you’ve provided, we should be able to close a whole slew of open and cold cases.”

“Glad I could help,” I said, although I didn’t really mean it.

“What about that sweet horse?” Goldie asked, concerned. “Bless his heart.”

That sweet horse had crushed his owner’s skull but obviously all of us could overlook that small point.

“He’s officially my new best friend. He even tops Kelly, but I figure under the circumstances she’ll understand.”

“Speaking of, did you call her?” Goldie asked.

I shook my head. “Can you do it for me? I don’t want her to worry, but I don’t think I can go through it all again right now.”

Goldie looked between me and Ty. “Sure, sweetie. I’ll walk the sheriff out.”

Ty stood and faced me. Because of his height and my position on the gurney, I had to tilt my head up to look at him. He seemed even more furious than ever. “I can’t believe you went off half cocked to that man’s ranch!”

Ty stood and paced the small space, slid the curtain closed for some privacy. Although if he kept shouting, nothing would be private.

My mouth fell open in surprise. “I…I.” Words clogged in my throat. Was I hearing him correctly or was ear damage a side effect of Ketamine? What gave him the right to yell at me?

“Why, Jane? Why the hell did you go there?”

I pointed my finger at him, livid. “Because you sent me a text.”

“Right, the dropped phone. How did he know—”

He paused. I swear I saw a light bulb go off over his head. “Fuck, he watched us?” Ty placed his hands on his hips, stance wide. I had no doubt if Dex was there right now Ty would have killed him.

I nodded but changed the subject. This was one topic neither of us wanted to dwell on. “What about you? He told me you were dead. He set that fire to kill you!”

Ty laughed sarcastically. “For such an asshole, he was pretty stupid. There were over fifty firefighters there. He clearly underestimated my abilities, and the people I work with. Besides, the guy he sent walked around with a can of gasoline and some matches. Once the wind kicked up and the fire got out of control, he practically crapped his pants. He all but climbed into the police car to escape the fire. Your criminal
friend
Dex should have stuck with meth.”

I gritted my teeth. “Dex was not my friend.”

“He was the guy at the restaurant.”

Ty didn’t make it a question, so I didn’t respond. What could I say? I did have dinner with Dex. Reminding Ty I came home from that and had sex with him didn’t seem like a good idea. Leaving one man to have sex with another didn’t speak highly of me—out of context.  Being with Dex that night made me realize I only wanted Ty. There was nothing I could say that would make him understand. Except one thing. “Ty, I lo—”

His words cut me off. “Goldie’s here to take you home, right?”

Obviously his mind wasn’t in the same place as mine. I saved the L word to share later. If there was a later.

“I thought….”

“What?” His voice was gravelly.

“I…never mind.” I thought Ty would be the one to take me home, but I was wrong. I had a new feeling in my stomach and it wasn’t nausea. And maybe the feeling was a little above my stomach, more in line with my heart. It felt like it was breaking. Tears I thought were over threatened.

“Just go,” I whispered. I was impressed my voice didn’t break.

He gave me a once over, from the top of my head to my feet beneath the blanket, then left. This time, when he yanked the curtain back, it ripped from the bar to hang down lopsided. Ty practically stomped off past the nurses’ station. He talked briefly to Goldie, and then was gone. My heart went with him.

***

Two hours later, with no long-term effects from the Ketamine, I’d been cleared by the ER doctors as well as by Paul, at the hospital for a woman in labor. When I described the projectile vomiting incident, they were reassured most of the drug had left my system. I felt foggy and had a few short dizzy spells here and there. Otherwise, I was back to normal.

If only I knew what normal was any more. Ty had seemingly breezed in and out of my life faster than I could change my sheets. I needed a good cry, but I wanted to hold off until I was alone, in bed with the covers over my head.

Instead, I sat on my couch with Goldie and Kelly. Wet hair from the shower, comfy sweats, hot tea with extra sugar in hand. I had no intention of drinking it, but its warmth felt good. I was dizzy from the drug, dazed from the insanity of the day. Numb from Ty’s rejection.

Kelly was at the far end of the sofa, settled in for the long haul. Goldie sat on the coffee table, the two gnomes next to her, their beady little eyes and smiling faces practically shouting, “Ha ha!”

Both women were super upbeat and perky like cheerleaders, trying to pep me out of my funk. It wasn’t working and they knew it. They were in funks of their own, upset about what could have happened. We were all out-of-sorts, circling around all the mine fields of conversation.

“I can’t believe you want these things around,” Goldie said as she picked up George, turned him around, waiting for more evil to pop out and do me harm. “All this nonsense because of a garden gnome.” She shook her head.

“I made the sheriff get them from Dex’s house before I went to the hospital. I don’t have much interest in seeing them again, but I know the boys will when they get home.”

She thunked George back down on the table. “You’re right. They’d be devastated.”

At first the police wanted the gnomes for evidence. But they had Ty’s cell phone which proved Dex had broken into my house. They couldn’t press charges against a dead man, so they let me take the gnomes home. Besides, they had enough other felonies tied to Dex and didn’t need a few garden gnomes as evidence.

Goldie glanced at her watch. “Oh, crap. I didn’t realize how late it was.”

“What exciting plans do you have tonight?” I asked.

“Baby shower. I feel badly leaving you right now after all that’s happened.”

“You should go. I’m fine.” I fake smiled.  

She gave me the eye. “You’re sure?”

I nodded.

“I’ll stay with her,” Kelly said, offering Goldie what looked like a reassuring smile.

She glanced at Kelly, considering. “Well, all right then.” Standing, she leaned down to give me a kiss on my cheek. “I’m off, but I’ll be back later. And sweetie, don’t worry about Ty. He’s just all confused right now.”